Tag Team Fisking

Okay, Mike the Marine got the ball rolling, and now it's my turn to pick up where he left off. The article in question is this: 51 Reasons Why Americans Should Elect Howard Dean. It's my job to fisk numbers 11-20, which I will do...now!

11) There is nothing in Dean's proposals that would weaken our military or intelligence forces.

That's because he hasn't made any proposals other than doing the opposite of what the current administration is doing.

He supports a strong and vigilant military.

Unless a Republican is in charge of it, and/or it actually has to be deployed at some point.

12) Dean had a bad back and provided that evidence to the draft board assessing his fitness for duty. Though he continued to participate in physical activities afterward, like skiing, the draft board felt his physical infirmaties disqualified him from service and granted him a medical deferment. He broke no laws, he did not fake the records and he did not defect to escape service.

Ooookay...wouldn't it have made more sense to REST if he had a bad back instead of frickin' SKIING? Just because he didn't break the law doesn't mean he didn't deceive anyone, but I guess "Dr. Dean" knows best, right?

His critics suggest he acted dishonorably...

Why ever could that be?

...while neglecting to mention that evidence exists that Bush failed to report to duty after a military transfer and spent the last of his time in service working on another man's campaign for office, while technically AWOL. One got a legit deferment. One skipped out in violation of the law, during a time of war.

Actually, this "evidence" you speak of is nothing more than a myth that has been debunked multiple times, like here, for example. Are you familiar with these things called "facts?" Get used to 'em.

13) Dean was raised with a privileged family background, as was Bush. No evidence exists to suggest that Dean's parents intervened when he got into police trouble, while evidence suggests Bush's father did that for him. In Bush's business endeavors and government service, it appears that political supporters of his father provided him a great number of favors or direct financial assistance. That does not indicate anything unethical occurred but it contrasts with Dean's record of self-sufficiency in his medical and political careers.

And your proof of these claims is...where? Are you criticizing President Bush for having connections? I'm a communications major, and they teach us that connections are a good thing! Have I been lied to, just like the horrible neocons lied to America? OH NO! I feel so victimized! Sarcasm aside, I don't see how this proves the superiority of one candidate over the other, especially since there's no evidence presented. Have you people heard of hyperlinks?

14) Despite Dean's privileged background, he well recognizes that part of the American Dream requires access to opportunity.

Unless you're rich already, in which case you're an un-American thief and should immediately surrender your hard-earned cash to the government so they can redistribute it among the proletariat lower classes.

And that a critical key to opportunity comes from the access to broad educational opportunities. Due to the rising costs of college education, he recognizes that college is becoming less affordable and that opportunity has been threatened or lost to many. And he'd like to correct that.

REALLY? I thought he wanted to make it worse! Thank you for once again stating the obvious without actually explaining why Howie would do a better job. By the way, aren't a lot of universities private? How exactly is he going to control the funds of private organizations? Hmmm...

15) Dean also recognizes that in preparation for secondary education that a solid primary education is needed.

Yet another valuable bit of knowledge. I thought effective primary education consisted of hitting kids in the head with bricks and feeding them ground up gym mats (shameless Simpsons ripoff).

Yet he feels, correctly, that there are fundamental flaws in the No Child Left Behind Act which have proven to be an ineffective reponse to the problems. Rather than imposing a "top down" prescription to correct the problems some schools have, Dean would turn to educators and parents to seek workable solutions likely to yield greater successes.

Such as...? My understanding of Democratic educational policy is as follows: "If the students aren't learning math, teach them about diversity. If they're not learning English, teach them about tolerance. If they're not learning science, teach them about multiculturalism."

Just to be fair, my parents are teachers (and Republicans, incidentally), and they don't like the No Child Left Behind policies either, but give us an alternate solution instead of just saying that Dean would do it differently.

16) Howard Dean is not some 'tax-and-spend liberal...'

This is called redundancy, children.

...as his opponents keep trying to claim. He has an exemplary record of balancing budgets as the longtime Governor of Vermont. He is fiscally thrifty; he returns from the campaign trail and does his own laundry when he can clearly afford to have it sent out. There's an admirable quality to that sort of self-disciplined behaviur...

Way to check your spelling. Must be that liberal edumacashun.

...that come to him reflexively. And while he recognizes that a President has to advance the best interests of the nation and that sometimes requires deficit spending, he's watched this President turn the country's largest surplus in history into its largest deficit in just three years. He thinks that's wrong, as I do.

Well, you know what? I think you're wrong, as they do:
Stocks End Up, Aided by United Tech, Coke
Factory Growth Fastest in 20 Years
US manufacturers hit 20-year record pace
2004 Will Be the U.S.'S Best Year Economically in Last 20 Years...
Oh, and don't forget about the Dow Jones going above 10,000. "Tax increases for Amerikkka!"

17) He's spoken in favor of repealling the tax cuts Bush provided, because they've contributed to that deficit at the wrong time, while the benefits have largely gone to the wealthy who need it least.

There are so many problems in that sentence that correcting them all would give me a fatal aneurysm.

Rescinding a poorly timed tax cut may be spun as a tax increase, but it's more correctly called the rescinding of a bad choice.

"THAT MONEY IS MINE! NOT YOURS, MINE! GIMME GIMME GIMME! BUSH LIED!"

'Paying-as-you-go' is a responsible fiscal practice that requires the capacity to raise taxes and lower taxes at different times, according to need.

Can you say "socialism," boys and girls?

Dean's record of fiscal responsibility, including two income tax cuts and a sales tax cut, clearly earns my trust over the biggest deficit-spender in our history.

Wait, now tax cuts are good and spending is bad? Would you like some syrup with that waffle?

It doesn't take a math genius to figure out, either.

Obviously.

A simple review of the records of Bush and Dean would demonstrate this to anyone who spends a couple of hours researching them.

Well, so much for your argument. Good luck dealing with the nonexistent economic quagmire.

18) From the time Bush began the buildup to the Iraq war, oil and gas prices have soared.

Examples? Sources? Anything? I haven't even heard this one yet.

For most Americans the small amount gained from the tax cuts has been spent entirely on increased fuel costs.

Uh, yeah...my family spent the tax cuts (or "refunds," as they used to be called) on furniture. I don't remember us ever having a gas budget.

Dean knows this and knows that without the war and without the tax cut, most would still have the same amount of available income.

WITHOUT the tax cut, they would have MORE money? Dean must know something most of us don't. It must be nice living in your own little world.

19) Dean does crossword puzzles. So does my Mom. I like that in both of them.

Hey, Dean's also a douchebag. So was Bill Clinton. Neither of them is president. I like that in both of them.

20) Dean doesn't come across as an authoritarian issuing stern pronouncements from on high. He comes across like a normal guy, displaying emotions like anger and sadness and hopefulness and happiness like regular folks do when discussing things important to them.

THIS IS NORMAL?

Many politicians are more measured and cautious, sometimes erudite and pontificating, sometimes arrogant and threatening. Dean comes across like a passionate Joe Everybody.

Joe Everybody? That sounds a lot like a reality show. Actually, when you think about it, Dean is like a reality show. He gets your attention, draws a large audience, and then does whatever he has to in order to keep them, even if it means pandering to the lowest common denominator or fabricating stories. And, just like a reality show, most intelligent people tire of him sooner or later as they realize that he's nothing more than a novelty and move on to things that really matter.

This is fun.

Posted by CD on December 12, 2003 08:01 PM
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