Fisking Another DU Moron

Once again, I realize that the tinfoil hatted fools at Democratic Underground are extremely easy targets and shouldn't be paid too much attention, but some of the stuff they write over there is so funny that I can't let it go to waste. The article I'm about to tear apart (metaphorically, of course) is a good example, and it once again proves my theory that the liberal definition of "patriotic" is "dissent." Here comes the lunacy:

America: Land of the Free, Home of the Chickenhawks
November 25, 2003
By John Cobarruvias

We recently celebrated another Veteran's Day. It was good to see Americans, as always, honoring our Veterans by attending parades, flying our flag, and taking time to reflect on their sacrifice. Our Veterans have sacrificed to give us the freedom we now enjoy and especially the freedom to question our government. But to continue to honor our Veterans...

Okay, why did he capitalize the word "veterans?"

...Americans must now have the courage to ask questions and demand answers from our elected leaders instead of silently hiding behind the red, white and blue.

Here's the first indication that this particular individual has some sort of brain problem. He goes from praising the veterans and those who honor them to criticizing people for being scared. Somehow, that doesn't surprise me. By the way, stuff like this indicates that people are asking questions, but will also indicate that many of those questions are totally asinine and a complete waste of valuable time.

Our men and women of the armed forces have been sent into battle based on false pretenses, yet many Americans are hiding behind their flags, lapel pins, and bumper stickers without once asking why are soldiers are dying.

Actually, many people did ask why the soldiers are dying. It's not like this was an arbitrary decision. Do you think President Bush was just sitting in the Oval Office twiddling his thumbs, and all of a sudden he thought, "hey, why don't I start a war with some a-rabs!" Yet again, this person proves that some liberals can't grasp the concept of people disagreeing with them.

Silently waving a flag or displaying a "We support our Troops" sign is no longer a sign of patriotism. It is a sign of cowardice.

REALLY? So, unless you're against the war, you're a coward? That's the most entertaining logical leap I've heard in quite a while. If we "chickenhawks" are afraid of anything, it's the thought of a Democratic president taking office, appeasing and/or ignoring the deranged, soulless murderers we're trying to wipe out, and inviting another attack on our country. If supporting national security makes me a coward, I don't want to be brave.

After 9/11 the entire world rallied behind America. We sent our troops into Afghanistan to bring justice to Osama bin Laden and his terrorist network who were responsible for the attack on the United States. Few, if any, Americans questioned the administration. We were united as a country and we supported our soldiers.

I should point out that this is the ONLY passage in the article I agree with. I just thought I would be "fair and balanced."

But with a job unfinished in Afghanistan, attention was directed towards Iraq. Over the next few months Americans were led to believe Iraq had nuclear, biological, and chemical weapons and the means to distribute their devastation on American soil.

"Led to believe?" I'm sorry if your selective thinking mechanism is in overdrive, but Hussein did, in fact, have weapons of mass destruction. Look at this. If that isn't mass destruction, I don't know what is. Oh, wait, I forgot that if Americans aren't dying, it doesn't count. 5000 Kurds are less valuable that 1 soldier. Silly me.

Americans were scared with stories of "smoking guns" in the form of mushroom clouds.

I have no idea what the F this means, so I have to assume that, if it is based on reality, it had nothing to do with my personal reasons for supporting the war. Sorry to burst your bubble there, chief.

The Secretary of State, Colin Powell, waved pictures in front of the United Nations of mobile biological weapons labs.

Yes, he WAVED them. He didn't present them. He leapt off the podium and shoved it in their faces. OOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Scary, you guys!

We were told Iraq was purchasing uranium from Niger...

NO. WE. WEREN'T. YOU were TOLD that that's what WE were told. In actuality, we were told that Iraq SOUGHT to purchase uranium from AFRICA. Get your facts straight, arsehat.

...and aluminum tubes used to enrich uranium were recently discovered. We were convinced Iraq was an imminent threat to America, our security, and to our Allies. Therefore our troops were needed to wage a war on Iraq.

Repeating...of...previously...refuted...misconceptions...hurting...brain! This is friggin' great. We were not "convinced" that Iraq was an imminent threat. In fact, Dubya specifically said that we had to act BEFORE it became in imminent threat. Fascinating what a reality check can do to your argument, isn't it?

And they did. Thousands of Iraqi women and children were killed or horribly injured.

I have yet to see a conclusive report of this, but I will concede that it's at least 3000. However, you have to remember three things. Pay close attention. #1: It's war. People die in war. There's no way around it. #2) Many of the civilians were killed by Saddam loyalists attacking American forces. It's not like there are U.S. troops randomly executing Iraqis. #3) When Hussein was in power, however, his party DID randomly execute people. Hundreds of thousands of 'em. I've seen estimates up to 500,000, and that's just the ones they know about. Would you rather have kept that going? Oh yeah, I forgot another piece of liberal logic: when civilian deaths do count, it's only because Americans were involved. If Iraqis are killed by their "president," it's part of their culture and we shouldn't try and change it. Hooray for humanitarianism.

The cost to American taxpayers is over $150 billion. And over 400 American soldiers have lost their lives serving our country.

Apparently, our alarmist friend here doesn't realize how amazing it is that we were able to oust a dictator and liberate a country that had been oppressed for 30 years with less than 500 casualties. Compare that with WWII and Vietnam. It's incredible. Again, people die in wars. Get over it. It's not like I don't feel for the soldiers and their families, but they volunteered, they knew what to expect, and they did their jobs.

Yet months after the end of major combat operations not one single allegation used to justify the war has been found to be true.

Heh...heh...HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA...sorry. That was the only appropriate response.

Iraq had no nuclear, biological, or chemical weapons, or any weapons programs in development.

I'm glad you're able to assert that so confidently, despite the fact that you only think it's true because you believe it.

The so-called mobile biological labs were for helium production for balloons.

That's news to me. Balloons? Maybe they were having a party because Hussein was such a swell fella.

The uranium purchase from Niger was based upon forged documents, detectable by a novice, but apparently not by the CIA.

There was no mention of a uranium purchase. In fact, from what I understand, Hussein did try to buy uranium from other African countries, and the British government stands by its intelligence, so it's inconclusive at worst.

The aluminum tubes were for artillery shells, not uranium enriching centrifuges.

Uh, yeah...read this. I'm sure that was just to see how fast balloons can spin (I'm aware that the centrifuge was buried in '91, but it shows that Hussein wanted nukes. I don't think he had a Grinch-like change of heart between then and now).

There were no mushroom clouds. No smoking guns. Iraq's imminent threat to our country and our Allies simply did not exist.

STOP...SAYING...IMMINENT...THREAT! What Bush actually said was: "Some have said, we must not act until the threat is imminent. Since when have terrorists and tyrants announced their intentions, politely putting us on notice before they strike?" (from CNN.com) There was no imminent threat. There never will be any imminent threat. Do you know why there will never be an imminent threat? BECAUSE WE GOT RID OF HUSSEIN! Now kindly shut up and crawl back into the dank pit from whence you spawned.

The justification for war against Iraq, on every single allegation, was a complete, 100% failure of the United States intelligence community...

Uh, that's a negatory there, good buddy (I don't know where that lingo came from).

...and yet there is still unimaginable silence.

With the exception of singers, actors, directors, news reporters, professors, protestors, authors, webmasters...you get the idea. It's not dissent until 100% of America jumps on the bandwagon.

We have silence from our elected officials...

It took me less than a minute to find this by searching for "anti-war elected officials" on Google.

...our media...

You've gotta be kidding me. Please tell me you're being sarcastic.

and from those who waved a flag, wore a lapel pin, and shipped our soldiers out to battle with a salute and a cheer of "Bring 'em on!"

CAN YOU NOT FATHOM THE IDEA OF PEOPLE HAVING DIFFERENT OPINIONS FROM YOUR OWN? THEY AGREE WITH THE WAR BECAUSE THEY ASKED INTELLIGENT QUESTIONS INSTEAD OF RELYING ON CONFRICKINSPIRACY THEORIES AND LIES!

There is silence from too many citizens hiding behind the flag claiming to be a patriotic, instead of asking hard, unpopular questions of our elected officials.

All right, I've had enough of that statement. Here's a fact that may cause a bit of "shock and awe" for people like you: I was against the war when it started. I thought the economy was going to be affected, and I didn't know how important it was to get rid of Hussein. However, instead of grabbing a "No war for Nazi oil" sign and running out onto the street, I did some research, and I found out how disgusting and depraved Hussein was. That's why I'm pro-war now. Letting him continue his reign of terror would be almost as bad as helping him carry out his mass executions. I support the war because I figured that out, not because of some knee-jerk right wing reaction. Want to go another round, jackass?

Why did we attack Iraq?

I already explained that.

Why are our soldiers dying?

So others won't have to.

Why are we not handing control of Iraq over to the United Nations?

Because the United Nations is a bunch of pansies who would surrender at the first sign of trouble and personally reinstate Hussein to avoid offending Muslims, that's why.

Why have we not gained the cooperation, money, and troops from our allies?

WHAT?

Who in the intelligence community is responsible for the complete, total intelligence failure leading to the war?

IT WAS THE LEPRECHAUNS! THE LEPRECHAUNS, I TELLS YA! IT'S ALL THEIR FAULT! No, wait, it was nobody, because the intelligence was good. Ha.

Who is responsible for the deaths of our soldiers?

I'll take "Iraqi insurgents" for 6,000, Alex.

And why are these questions not being asked by our elected leaders of this country?

Are you saying that the Democratic presidential candidates have never held elected offices?

Over 400 men and women of the Armed Forces have been killed in Iraq.

To take a line from Happy Gilmore: "Oh, you can count."

They served their country with honor, not questioning their duties as soldiers. These questions are left to those at home who have the courage to ask questions and demand answers while proudly flying the flag. For the rest of America, it is time to come out from behind the flag and start raising your voices.

Translation: until every single, man, woman, "transgender," and child in America is against the war, I will continue to believe that there is no dissent, because I'm a liberal, and reality does not apply to me.

(insert sarcastic applause here)

All right, that took me over an hour, so I think I'm about done for now. My drums are calling me again. Later.

Posted by CD on November 28, 2003 07:10 PM
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