Another DU Fisking: Part 4 

All right, I'm back once again. It's Saturday afternoon, and I just got about 9 and a half hours of sleep, so I'm set to Fisk another section of a hilarious Democratic Underground article. Last time, I covered the section entitled "The Democrats." Most of my responses were meant to be more humorous than convincing, so I really didn't do that much, but this next section is such an easy target, I almost feel guilty exposing it. Anyway, here it is:

A WINNING CAMPAIGN
The focus now should be on getting a Democrat of principle nominated as a result of the primaries, one who can win the general election next November.

Captain Obvious saves the day once again.

That's why the current debates are so helpful, in laying out the policies and personalities of the various contenders - as long as those debates don't degenerate into political bloodletting instead of focusing on the opposition to Bush and his reckless policies.

Too late.

There are, I believe, three keys to a winning campaign:
1. All abstractions must be tied to the real lives of American citizens. You can't just say the U.S. is less secure as a result of Bush policy, you have to show how our lives are less secure, with examples.

Something that you and your candidates have completely failed to do so far, I might add.

You can't just talk in generalizations about job-losses and fears of job-losses, you have to demonstrate how and why those jobs disappeared, and which new ones are likely to disappear unless we have a shift in economic policy.

In other words, you have to lie and invent statistics.

You can't just say the wealthy got huge tax breaks and the middle-class got next to nothing, you have to provide the figures and explain what those figures mean.

The middle class got plenty. Stop whining.

You can't just bash Bush for turning pollution-control over to the polluting corporations, you have to show how that capitulation will raise disease and death rates in various communities. Etc.

THE EVIL CORPORATIONS ARE COMING TO KILL US ALL WITH TINY INSIGNIFICANT QUANTITIES OF ARSENIC! THEY WANT TO EAT YOUR CHILDREN (I seem to have gotten carried away again)!

2. Democrats can't let the Republicans seem to have a patent on security issues in this campaign.

They're doing a pretty good job so far.

Americans, with good reason, are fearful and want to feel more secure for themselves and their children. The Democrats have to have specific plans for enhancing the security of the U.S. - including full funding for states and localities to put into place their emergency haz-mat systems, with all the supplies they need...

I thought there was no threat from chemical weapons! Wasn't it all a lie from the Shrubya administration? Make up your tiny minds!

...without having to resort to shredding the Constitutional due-process guarantees that make our governmental system so admired around the world.

Didn't you say earlier that most of the world hates our government? You lefties just don't care when contradictions come up, do you? I'm surprised you support Kucinich and not Dean or Clark.

3. The Democrats need to have a plan to defuse the two most dangerous military hot spots on the globe: Iraq and Israel/Palestine. If the U.S., under a new administration, can go back to the U.N. and assert its willingness to share power in the Iraq reconstruction phase...

"We can get back to letting Saddam Hussein slaughter innocent people as quickly as possible! Uh-oh...did I say that out loud?"

...it might actually be able to repair the damage done by the Bush Administration's unilateralist tendency to insult and humiliate others.

Using the U.N. to avoid humiliation? That's ironic.

Many nations might be more willing to donate peacekeeping troops and money to the cause, and, under an international banner, many Iraqis might be more willing to acknowledge the legitimacy of the world effort rather than to see the U.S. for the arrogant occupation force that it is.

The only people that see the U.S. as an arrogant occupation force are Saddam loyalists and radical Democrats! When will you realize that? Seriously, Dubya is trying to hand over Iraq, but we have to kill the people who are blowing up buildings every other day first. It's called war, genius.

And if the U.S. can move forcefully to help implement a fair peace settlement in the Middle East - security for the Israelis, a viable contiguous state for the Palestinians, end of the Occupation and abandoning the Israeli settlements on Arab land, an internationalized Jerusalem, etc. - much of the tension would recede in that incendiary area of the world, and better relations would ensue with Islamic countries.

Wow, I didn't realize it was that simple! All we have to do in order to end thousands of years worth of fighting is be nice to them! I feel all warm and fuzzy inside! This is stupid. Israelis and Palestinians want each other dead. You have to keep them away from each other (insert "Come Out and Play" by The Offspring) or there's going to be violence. You can't have an internationalized anything that mixes Jews and Muslims...except for the U.S., which you seem to hate so much.

Only one more section to go! Are you excited? Probably not. Anyway, the final sections are called "Dirty Tricks and Computer Voting" and "Defeat is Unacceptable," respectively. Those should be fun. I'll have the Fisk-a-thon completed by the end of the day, so keep checking back for more.

Posted by CD on November 15, 2003 02:18 PM
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