Douche for America!

That's a slogan, by the way, not a command. Get your heads out of the gutter, people.

...Yeah. Anyway, thanks to the magical combination of Advil and Monty Python DVDs, I feel well enough to blog again, and I thought I would continue the douche bashing, as long as it's an issue.

First of all, I've gotten multiple Google hits today from people searching for "Howard Dean idiot" or "Howard Dean is an idiot." That's why I started the Idiot Google bomb. If people are searching for it, we might as well try to direct them to a page that has proof. Seriously. People searching for douche aren't going to be looking for information on Howard Dean.

All right, this is getting weird. I'm going to continue in the extended entry for the sake of The Children™.

Are they gone now? Good. Now, as I was saying, I want to continue exposing the fact that Howard Dean is an idiot, and I actually found a couple interesting pages on his website, particularly the douche link. I'm in the mood for a bit of fisking, so let's try that route. Check out the intro page (WARNING- If you happen to be pro-choice, you may want to skip this part):

Thank you for visiting my website and for your interest in learning more about my vision for a better future for our nation.

"Nobody's going to stop me! Not even the Soviet Union!"

As a medical doctor...

*cough* ABORTION *cough*

...I support access to quality health care for everyone.

After all, look how well it's worked for countries like Canada and England!

During my term as Governor, we provided access to health insurance for virtually all Vermont children...

"And that's not even counting all the ones that were aborted!"

...and over 90% of all Vermonters. Because I believe that the development and protection of our children is critical to the future strength of our country, during my term as Governor we took action that reduced child abuse in Vermont by nearly half.

"Less children=less child abuse! It's simple math!"

I have serious concerns about the increasingly unilateralist approach to foreign policy we have seen from the current Administration...

"Vive le France! Hagel Deutschland!"

...particularly in the President's posture toward Iraq. Any President must be prepared to use force in defense of our nation's interests. Had I been in Congress, however, I would have voted against the resolution providing the President sweeping authority to wage war against Iraq, because I did not believe the President made the case that war was justified.

"I do not believe he made the case..." Well, you also seem to believe that Bush may have known about 9/11 and that socialized healthcare isn't a huge mistake, so I wouldn't put too much stock in that statement.

I am also concerned about the President's foreign policy priorities. The war on terror -- against an enemy that has killed over three thousand innocents on our soil -- is far from over, yet the President's decision to lead us into war in Iraq has distracted us from pursuing the known threat of Al Qaeda.

"But if we do happen to catch bin Laden, he should get a fair trial. Innocent until proven guilty, right? RIGHT?"

Meanwhile, serious emerging threats -- like North Korea's quest to become a nuclear power -- remain unaddressed.

Have you been living under a frickin' rock, Dr. Douche? It looks like we're making progress with North Korea. However, you of all people should know how tough it is to negotiate with crazy leaders. Takes one to know one, right?

Our nation desperately needs a long-term, visionary approach to our current challenges. But any solutions to our challenges can and must exist without the massive deficit spending that has become the hallmark of the current administration. Fiscal responsibility would be a hallmark of a Dean presidency, as it has been a guiding principle in my tenure as Governor. As Governor, I was able to cut the income tax twice, remove the sales tax on most clothing, reduce the state's long-term debt, and still maintain a balanced budget.

"...So even though I've repeatedly proven that tax cuts work, I will repeal the Bush tax cuts. Why? Because if Bush did it, it can't be good!"

The Democratic Party must be the party of fiscal responsibility.

They should be the Republican Party?

I believe I have a proven track record of doing the right thing -- fighting the good fight, standing for what's right, even when it means standing alone.

Hmmm...maybe you've been standing alone because people are afraid of you.

As I travel the country, I am more and more convinced that voters are ready for a change. I hope you will join with me in my campaign for a brighter future for our kids.

And boy, do they seem happy about it.

It took a long time to find those photos, dang it. I wanted to use the old Drudge ones, but they were gone.

All right, I'll be back with more later if I don't feel any worse.

Posted by CD on January 6, 2004 07:50 PM
Category: