It's Crap Weasel's Turn!

Now that I've made fun of Idiot a few times, it's time to move on to other candidates.

Dennis Kucinich, better known as Crap Weasel, has already proven himself to be both crazy and totally devoid of any respect for our armed forces. However, he obviously has his own opinions about actual issues, and his website gives us a list, entitled Dennis Kucinich: The Progressive Vision.

It gives a list of his views on 10 key issues, as well as explanations of why he holds them. I'm not going to cover all of them, since I know nothing about things like NAFTA and other free trade agreements, but I'll go over a few of them to show why he is a Crap Weasel.

Click the extended entry to continue. Goooooood monkey....

[1] Universal Health Care with a Single Payer Plan
Over 40 million Americans have no health care and 30 million more have only minimal coverage. Those with coverage often pay exorbitant amounts. The current profit-driven system, dominated by private insurance firms and their bureaucracies, has failed.

It's failed? That's news to me. Here's a news flash for you quasi-socialist morons: PROFIT DRIVEN SYSTEMS ARE EFFECTIVE BECAUSE PEOPLE DON'T GET PAID IF THEY F**K UP AT THEIR JOBS!

This is a capitalist country. Services like health care should be private, because competition=performance. If people can't afford it, that's their dang problem. Work on giving them jobs, not handouts.

A Kucinich administration would establish streamlined national health insurance, Enhanced Medicare for All. It would be publicly-financed health care, privately delivered. It would provide affordable prescription drugs, thanks to bulk purchasing. The General Accounting Office of Congress has concluded:

"If the U.S. were to shift to a system of universal coverage and a single payer, as in Canada, the savings in administrative costs would be more than enough to offset the cost."

"Sure, it would be a really crappy system, and people would be on waiting lists for years, but it would save money, and nobody would be left out! Now, let's all hold hands around the campfire and sing...well, everyone whose hands haven't been amputated because a government financed hospital accidentally infected them with flesh-eating bacteria. Boy, was that a mistake!"

[4] Repeal of the "Patriot Act"
The "Patriot Act" is not what American patriots have fought and died for.

"In fact, I'll make a campaign commercial with their names and faces in it to prove that they would've agreed with me!"

To allow our Bill of Rights to be nullified without judicial supervision invites tyranny. The Attorney General has been handed unfettered power to wiretap, search, jail, and invade our most sacred right to privacy.

"Our?" Have you been talking to Al Qaeda operatives lately, because those are the people we're after. Pathetic little conspiracy weasels like you don't have to worry. Ashcroft knows you're too dumb to do anything.

Oh, and one more thing: What right to privacy? I believe a terrorist's right to privacy should be compromised if it infringes on an American's right to NOT. BE. BLOWN. UP.

The government must not be allowed, without probable cause or warrant, to snoop on our communications, medical records, library records, and student records.

If you can find an example of them doing this without "probable cause," I might agree with you. Again, what have you been doing in your private life that makes you so worried about this?

[5] Right-to-Choose, Privacy, and Civil Rights
In a Kucinich administration, a woman’s right-to-choose will be protected as essential to personal privacy and gender equality.

This is wrong in so many ways. Those of you who come here on any regular basis know how I feel about abortion. Excuse me while I go vomit in disgust at the manipulation going on here.

Only those who agree to uphold Roe v. Wade will be nominated for the Supreme Court.

Excuse me again. I still feel a bit queasy...

Civil rights (and voting rights) enforcement will be intensified.

Who's being denied voting rights, other than the soldiers you seem to value so much?

Lesbians and gays will be afforded complete equality throughout society.

I think MTV is already working on that part. You can stay out of it.

Affirmative action will be maintained as a tool for racial and gender equality.

"...Unless it's the Caucasian race or the male gender. Stop the Evil White Patriarchy™!!!!!"

Drug policy will emphasize treatment over criminalization, and not a rampaging war that erodes Constitutional freedoms, privacy, and law enforcement resources.

"We can't tell them that they're wrong! It might hurt their feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeelings!"

An end to capital punishment will be sought.

"Death for unwanted children, and mercy for convicted criminals!" Welcome to Bizarro World.

[6] Balance Between Workers and Corporations
American workers are working longer and harder for less pay than 20 years ago. What’s needed is a resurgence of organized labor, and a Kucinich administration will tenaciously defend the rights of workers to organize and bargain collectively.

Again, I'm not a labor expert, but I'm pretty sure they can do this already.

Since the purchasing power of the minimum wage has dropped 21% in two decades, it’s time for living wages, not minimum wages.

If people EARN living wages, they'll GET living wages, you moron.

And it’s time to reverse tax cuts that benefit the already well-to-do, and retain an estate tax.

I'll let that statement speak for itself, because I don't want to mutilate a dead, severely beaten horse.

Investing $500 billion to rebuild schools, roads, bridges, ports, and sewage, water and environmental systems will do more to stimulate our economy than tax breaks for the wealthy.

Uh...what? You want to spend government money that doesn't reach consumers, while demanding that those same consumers give their extra money to the government? Are you insane?

[8] A Renewed Commitment to Peace and Diplomacy
America will return to its role as the most admired—not hated—nation.

When has America been the most admired nation? From the American Revolution to the present day, people all over the world have hated us, and I think that's a good thing. If everyone likes you, that means you're trying too hard to appease them without thinking about your own needs.

Remember high school? Most of the popular people ended up being losers and criminals, and the unpopular people ended up being...well, Bill Gates, in one case.

...Oh yeah, I forgot that you hate capitalism.

The doctrine of "pre-emption" will be retired, as will an aggressive, unilateralist foreign policy that makes our homeland less secure, not more.

Hey, I recognize you now! You're one of those crazy people who post on Democratic Underground! I thought your loony ideas sounded familiar!

Our security will be enhanced by working with other nations and the U.N. instead of acting like an Empire, arrogantly undermining international agreements...

"...But when people like Saddam Hussein undermine U.N. resolutions and international agreements, I will personally clean their palaces using only my tongue and a bottle of Windex. I will then apologize for intimidating them and give them all our country's SUVs as penance."

...such as the Anti-Ballistic Missile Treaty, the Biological and Chemical Weapons Conventions, the Small Arms Treaty, the International Criminal Court, and the Kyoto Climate Treaty.

Let's just bomb ourselves and save terrorists a lot of time. Weasel.

As President, Kucinich will work to implement two measures he sponsored in Congress: the Space Preservation Treaty, which bans space-based weapons...

"Mind-reading moon lasers are unconstitutional!"

...and a cabinet-level Department of Peace, to establish non-violence as an organizing principle in both domestic and international affairs.

Department of Peace. What a joke. Let's just put a couple monkeys in a basement and give them a desk and some pencils. They'll basically accomplish as much as a DoP would.

A Kucinich administration will cut bloated and unneeded weaponry from a military budget that now almost equals the military spending of all other countries combined.

I think having more military might than the entire planet is a good thing, but that might be my inner imperialist talking.

The Kucinich peace dividend will be invested in education, health care, environmental clean-up, urban infrastructure, Social Security, veterans’ benefits...

"...Like starring in campaign ads!"

...and other pressing domestic needs.

"...Except security, of course, because keeping people safe violates their right to privacy. If you want to build a dirty bomb, that's your business, not mine."

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Hey, I said I was going to make fun of him, not refute him. Anyway, those are just some of the hilarious Crap Weasel positions. If anyone wants to take on the less exciting ones, feel free to do so. Just send a trackback or something.

Posted by CD on January 7, 2004 08:31 PM
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