DU Must Think Their Readers are Idiots!

Okay, now that Democratic Underground is publishing articles again, I can go back to fisking them. I try to ignore their message boards, but the articles they feature are written by real people. That's scary. For example, the one I'm about to cover, entitled They Must Think Americans Are Idiots, was written by someone whose "...writing has appeared in Newsweek, Time, New York Magazine, the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette and the Tribune Review as well as several online Op Ed sites."

My family subscribes to the frickin' Pittsburgh Post-Gazette. I actually read it today. These people write things that people in the real world can see. I feel it's my duty to point out their idiocy, so let's begin:

You know, I'm really starting to think that our current president and his cronies must not have gotten in very much trouble when they were kids. I'm thinking that maybe they had permissive parents who were oblivious and let them get away with everything because they don't seem to have the skills they need to be successful liars.

Obviously, since they seem to tell the truth a great deal of the time. It's almost a fault, when you get into that "I have my own idea of how Saddam Hussein should be treated" stuff. If anything, they should be less honest.

You know, the tools that experienced liars use, like covering your tracks and getting your stories straight. The fact that I can tell when they're lying makes me think that nobody's even listening anymore - especially Congress and the press.

The fact that you can tell they're lying is pretty solid proof that they're not.

Or maybe it's the same syndrome that happens to children who are allowed to watch tons of movie and TV violence - they become desensitized.

The question really is, though, why does our president, our vice-president, our defense secretary and our national security advisor think that they can lie over and over to our faces and get away with it?

I'd criticize the grammar there if it wasn't for "is our children learning," but aside from that, this is yet another example of that pesky liberal trait known as cognitive dissonance. If the public doesn't agree with you, they must've been lied to by the evil neocons.

I'm guessing that it's because they think Americans are really stupid.

You're thinking of Michael Moore and Johnny Depp.

In the days leading up to the war, when they were talking about the WMDs, even I knew that they were lying.

You just knew, right? You didn't have any proof, but you knew. After all, if they were honest, they wouldn't be Republicans, right? Isn't that the way it works?

Bush said several times, "Time after time we have asked Mr. Hussein to let the inspectors in and time after time he has refused."

Now that's just bad lying. Even as he spoke, Hans Blix was in Iraq saying that Iraq was being very cooperative and that they hadn't found anything so far in their months of inspections.

First of all, Hans Blix probably knows something we don't, but I'm not one to make accusations like that without proof. On the other hand, Hussein didn't let inspectors into places where there could be weapons, and the inspectors were basically being led like sheep into any diversions the Iraqis could create.

After that, Bush started calling them the "so-called inspectors." I am not a rocket scientist and I am not a politician, but I knew he was lying. I knew why they wanted to get into Iraq and I knew what was going to happen if they succeeded in getting into Iraq. The members of Congress and the press who heard him saying these things must have had that heard-so-many-lies-I'm-just-completely-oblivious-to-them syndrome.

Is this really the only explanation they have left? That's truly pathetic. Of course, they always have to back it up with this "I KNEW they were lying" business. Hey, guess what? I can say something like, "I KNOW that I'm Elvis," and it doesn't make the statement true.

Then we have the famous forged document. In order to convince the American and British citizens that Iraq had purchased uranium from Niger, someone forged a document.

Which is why nobody ever claimed that he had purchased uranium, nitwit.

Now let me tell you something. I, like many Americans, have forged documents myself, in my younger days.

Ah, yes, the heroic liberal moralizer admits to lying in the past. Beautiful.

There's the ever-favorite fake ID. What college kid didn't do that?

Uhhh...I didn't.

And in my generation there was the phony draft card. So even I know that if you're going to forge the signature of a government employee on a document with a date on it, you'd better make sure that guy worked in that position on that date. Because it's really not going to be very effective if it's signed by J. Edgar Hoover and dated 1996. Bush's document was so phony, only someone who thinks that they're untouchable and everybody else is an idiot would even dream of using it.

More of that good ol' hyperbole. First of all, have you even SEEN the document in question, because it seems to me that you have to see it up close and inspect it carefully to be able to make claims like that. By the way, reading about it on Indymedia doesn't count.

And for the record, Bush didn't use it.

It hasn't yet, but this comment from our national security advisor is what I think is going to finally bring these guys down: "How were we supposed to know someone would hijack an airliner and crash it into a building?" Well, here's how - because Bill Clinton's national security advisor, Senator Hart, Senator Rudman, and terrorism expert Richard Clarke started trying to warn you about it before Clinton left office in Jan. 2001.

If that's true, why didn't Clinton do something about it if he was still in office? He did have about 8 years after the first attack.

Did she honestly think that all of these men were going to keep quiet about how much effort they put into warning her and her boss about the impending terrorism threat? Did they underestimate how bad they would look when the public was told that, in spite of the ever-increasing level of alarm being expressed by these men, President Bush took a month long vacation that ended on Sept. 4th ? Mark my words, this is the one that's going to come back and bite them in the ass.

That paragraph got really confusing. In any case, do you think President Bush just takes a vacation and leaves Cheney in charge? He does still meet with advisors and things, you know. After all, he is the president. Or would you disagree with that as well?

Here's the problem, though. I really think that Congress and the press are so desensitized to Bush's lies that he could get away with standing in front of them and saying, "Look, we lied about the reasons for going to war. We really just want their oil.

If we wanted their oil, we could've asked for it. Or we could've gotten it from Saudi Arabia. Or Kuwait. Or any number of other countries. Nobody ever thinks about the fact that war actually REQUIRES oil. Think about it. Planes, tanks, guns, APCs...that takes a lot of resources. Why would we go to all that trouble? Just so "President Cowboy" can be a hero?

And we wanted to help our cronies make a shitload of money by overcharging the American taxpayer for rebuilding the country after we destroyed it.

Just because they may profit from it, that doesn't mean we went to war for that reason. We weren't going to give reconstruction contracts to France, after all. Friends help each other out.

And we really don't give damn how many Iraqi men, women and children or American kids have died or been maimed by what we've done.

Yeah, we're just indiscriminately killing innocent Iraqis to show them for'ners who's boss! Perhaps you've heard of plastic shredders?

Not only that, we ignored repeated warnings about a terrorist attack on our country and then, at the very least, we were completely inept on the morning of that predicted attack...

"Bush knew! Bush knew!"

...because I sat in a school room reading a book about goats to children while 3,000 of our citizens were being murdered...

What did you want him to do, scare the sh*t out of a room full of kids? Heck, my dad teaches middle school, and he wasn't even allowed to tell his students anything until both towers had gone down.

...by weapons of mass destruction...

Planes? Arabs? What weapons of mass destruction?

...and the greatest military in the history of humankind stood by and never fired a shot.

What were they supposed to fire at? They had a whole 10 seconds after the planes were spotted to do something about it. Oh, wait, I forgot that Bush knew. Silly me, trusting the president.

It was the very the next day, after we flew the Bin Laden family out of the country on a private jet...

Don't read Snopes much, do ya?

...that we started blaming Saddam and using fear as a political tool to convince you that we needed to alienate all of our allies and go to war with Iraq.

The very next day? That would be a lie, because Saddam was never blamed for 9-11, and Bush didn't start talking about going into Iraq until the next year. You must think the readers are idiots!

And furthermore, we don't give a damn that the country is spiraling into a devastating economic collapse because me and my friends are getting richer and richer every day.

BWAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

...Sorry. Anyone capable of free thought knows that the economy is improving.

And as for the environment, what do we care whether we drill for oil in our national parks or sell pieces of old growth forest to logging companies who, in turn, give us campaign contributions? We're not going to be here when the polar ice caps melt."

You act as if he's purposely destroying the environment. By the way, we need oil. If you can think of a better way to get oil, I'd like to hear it.

In any case, the statement was that Bush could get away with the previous statements in front of Congress and the press. I think that's true. They'd love for him to do that, because they've been claiming all these things all along. I'm surprised the Q word didn't come up.

But while Congress and the press may be desensitized to this stuff, the American public is not. And neither are we stupid.

I think this article proves that some are.

If you're not paying attention or you're just relying on the press for your information, you need to know that our administration has committed grave crimes against its own people, particularly our troops, and against the Iraqis.

If you're listening to the friggin' press, you've heard that already, actually. But let's look at the claims.

1) Crimes against the American people. You mean like improving the economy, defending our freedoms, and creating opportunities for employment? HOW GHASTLY!

2) Crimes against our troops. Sending them to do the job they volunteered for is a crime now?

3) Crimes against the Iraqis. I guess they WANT to be tortured and murdered. That's kind of a backwards culture.

We need to fight them with everything we've got if we're to have any hope of rescuing our broken and beleaguered country.

From what? Economic prosperity? Security? Give us the details!

So we should make it our mission for 2004 to make sure that these people - who believe that it should be a government of the rich, by the rich, and for the rich...

Which is why they're giving tax cuts to the lower classes and legalizing illegal aliens who make minimum wage...

...these people who claim to be men of God while blithely causing the deaths of tens of thousands of innocent people...

Tens of thousands of innocent people? Where are they? Are you saying that everyone we attack is innocent by default? You've been listening to Howard Dean for too long.

...- lose, and lose big.

Allow me to insert some Monty Python lyrics:

"How sweet to be an idiot
And dip my brain in joy
Children laughing at my back
With no fear of attack
As much retaliation as a toy
How sweet to be an idiot.
How sweet..."

---

That wasn't my best fisking, but I do have a frickin' cold. Still, they didn't give me that much original material to work with, either. I just think it's funny how these people pretend that they have the magical ability to "see Bush's lies" while the poor, uneducated masses are being strung along like cattle to the slaughter.

Posted by CD on January 9, 2004 09:02 PM
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