SOTU Commentary

Okay, I'm watching the SOTU right now, and I'm going to be commenting on it as it goes. Exciting, isn't it? This is only the 2nd or 3rd SOTU I've ever watched, so it should be interesting. (NOTE: I'm watching it on MSNBC, as if that makes a difference. Chris Matthews is fun to listen to.) Because this is going to be kind of long, I'll put it in the extended entry.

(Stream of consciousness commentary ahead. Continue at your own risk.)

Dubya's shaking hands with people right now. He's at the podium. They're still clapping. Wow. (Trust me, it'll get more interesting than this. Stream of consciousness is easier than trying to remember everything Bush says).

HOLY CRAP, THE GAVEL!

...They're clapping again. DU is probably going crazy already about his smirk. Heh. You know, the speech would probably be about a minute long if they didn't clap so much. And they stand up every time they do it. Really.

Ah, crap, he's not pronouncing things well. You can tell he's trying hard not to screw it up. Now he mentioned Medicare.

Good. Now he's saying that we have to continue on the current path instead of going backwards. Sounds almost "progressive." Wait...

The state of our union is confident and strong. Good to know.

YEAH! Remind 'em of the other attacks. That's why we're at war, ya friggin' hippies! But it will be defeated! Apparently Congress agrees.

Here comes the Patriot Act. This should be good. They're showing Ashcroft on TV while he says it. That's a bit sublimnable. Okay, he wants to renew the Patriot Act. We're trackin' Al Qaeda around the world. He didn't say "we will bring these terrorists to justice" very well. Sounded like Algore.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!! HE SAID NUCULAR!!!! STOP SAYING NUCULAR!!!! DO YOU WANT MY VOTE OR NOT, DUBYA?!!!

Apparently, things are going well in Afghanistan. And Iraq. They really like the Iraq one. I'm hearing some whistles. Cheney looks like he's about to have a stroke.

Dubya's serious about Hussein. He looks like he's getting a bit emotional. 45 Iraqi officials have been killed or captured. They're thugs, just like Saddam Hussein. Now he used the word "evil." The relativists won't like that.

Man, now I'm getting emotional. He's actually doing a good job. Ya hear that? The killers will fail!

They've got the president of the Iraqi governing council. I did not know that. He looks like a combination of Jacques Chirac and Ted Kennedy with sunburn. That can't be a good sign. Cheney still looks like he's having a stroke.

D'oh! He messed up the word "destruction," and he said nucular again! Why, Dubya, why?

"Weapons of mass murder." That's new.

Now he's giving America more credibility than the U.N. Nice. Now he said nucular again. Why doesn't someone frickin' tell him?

Holy crap, Cheney's going to pass out any...wait! He's standing up! It's a miracle!!!

He's going after the anti-war people now. Let's see if he calls them unpatriotic...Hmmm...Kay Report...programs and equipment...Hillary Clinton applauded the "better and safer place" line. Good to see them putting partisanship aside.

Britain, Australia, Japan, Philippines, Spain, Poland, Denmark, Hungary, Bulgaria, Ukraine, The Netherlands...Look how unilateral the coalition is! That rocks. Norway, El Salvador, and 17 other countries. Take that, Howie!

"America will never seek a permission slip to defend the security of our country." Brilliant.

Now he's talking about God...but he has to mention that Islam is valid as well. He wants to double the budget of the National Endowment for Democracy...or something.

"No ambitions of empire," you paranoid idiots. We just want to "lead the cause of freedom." Can't wait to see how the liberals twist that around.

Now he's talking about the economy. The growing economy is due to tax cuts. Exactly. Lower taxes for EVERY American who pays income taxes. Also exactly.

Home ownership, manufacturing, low interest, more exports, productivity, and jobs. Sounds good to me. The Congresspeople on the left aren't clapping.

Now he's talking about "No Child Left Behind." Or, as my dad (who is a teacher) calls it, "Test 'em 'til they're dead." Sounds about right, since Dubya's talking about regular testing. At least he wants to teach them reading and math instead of multiculturalism and tolerance.

"Jobs for the 21st Century." That's new. AP programs, math and science professionals teaching part time, better high school courses (the AP classes I took were pretty tough. What more do we need?) Community colleges (apparently Congress likes that one), industry training, etc. Once again, Dubya realizes that jobs help the economy, not government handouts. Good.

The tax cuts are expiring. The Dems probably like that. Dubya says they should be permanent. Again, only one side is clapping. I'm assuming that's the Republican side.

No more frivolous lawsuits. I like that idea. "Oh, I slipped on ice outside your store! Gimme gimme gimme!!!"

Modernize the electricity system, make America less dependent on foreign sources of energy...Wait! How can we go to war for oil if we don't depend on foreign energy sources???

Crap. He's talking about social security. I don't know about that. I can barely remember my number. I think there's a 3 in there somewhere...

Spending at less than 4%. Good. Less government spending is good. Maybe you are still a Republican, Dubya.

Here comes immigration. Temporary worker program...ugh. Why don't you find Americans who want the jobs instead of giving them to illegal aliens? At least he supposedly opposes amnesty. Still, they're illegal. Don't make them legal just because Americans don't want to take the jobs that are available. Nothing new here. It'll never pass.

Here comes health care. Control the costs, extend the benefits...he'd better not be talking about socialized medicine. Now he's smirking again. Expect Photoshopped monkey pictures to appear on several liberal websites within the hour.

He's reading too fast. Not good. You've gotta interpret the commas on the teleprompter!

He said he might veto something. Hasn't happened yet, I don't think.

Association health plans...once again, only one side clapping. Did they do this to Clinton?

Eliminate wasteful and frivolous medical lawsuits...holy crap, Hillary needs to brush her teeth. That's disgusting.

Tax deductions on health premiums...I have no idea what that means.

"A GOVERNMENT RUN HEALTHCARE SYSTEM IS THE WRONG PRESCRIPTION." YES! STICK IT TO THE SOCIALISTS, DUBYA! WOOHOO!!!

Now he's talking about kids and drugs. Drug use in high school has declined by 11% over the last 2 years. Less people are using illegal drugs. As a college student, I have to say that I haven't noticed. Trust me on this.

$23 million for school drug testing? That's a bit much. Why is there a kid in the audience?

"Get rid of steroids now." I didn't see that coming either.

Here comes the STD talk. This should be good. All right! Abstinence education funding! Another point for the conservatives! I think he should start by eliminating "putting condoms on bananas" activities, but that's just me.

Marriage. Here we go. Defense of Marriage mentioned. Activist judges are taking over. This is good. Dubya says that we should let the people decide the fate of marriage. Once again, I share that view. Now they're showing Santorum. I'm sure nobody planned that in advance.

Now he's coming to religion. He has to pretend that Islam is oppressed as much as other religions. He screwed up the phrase "against them again." He sounds a bit more angry than usual. Uh-oh.

"Prisoner re-entry initiative?" Oooooo....kay. I guess all of Congress likes that one.

Now he's telling personal stories...He said 2 instead of 10. That'll get replayed 10 times an hour. Apparently, Ashley Pearson believes in the troops. "Listen to your mom OR dad?" Um...why not both?

He's going to take heat for saying that God is on our side. I see Pat Robertson comparisons on the horizon.

I guess he's done. That was actually better than I expected. Dubya knows what's up. I just hope he's turning more conservative, because it sounds like he at least wants to.

Sorry for subjecting you all to this. You may now return to the interesting parts of your lives.

Posted by CD on January 20, 2004 10:10 PM
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