February 19, 2004

Super Lucky Happy Fun Waste of Time

Okay, now that I'm a comedy writer (see previous post), I figure I should work on my laugh inducing abilities. Luckily, Frnak provided the perfect opportunity with his new permalink contest, in which he challenges contestants to come up with a hilarious top ten list.

I'm not actually participating, but the topic was too good to ignore, so I made a list of my own just for the heck of it. So, here's my totally meaningless list, based on the prompt in the contest:

Top Ten Ways the Loony Moonbat Left Will Make Themselves Look Even MORE Hopelessly Ridiculous in 2004

10- After President Bush and his family have their annual Christmas picture taken, the media will call it a cheap photo-op. The suit and tie the president is wearing will be used as proof.

9- Political correctness fanatics will demand the removal of the American flag from all government buildings, because they feel that it is just as offensive to Arabs as the Confederate flag is to blacks. Suggested replacement flags will include France and the U.N.

8- Terry McAuliffe will state that, although President Bush claims to be a Christian, nobody has seen any evidence. He will then request that the Bush administration prove, as dictated by the Bible, that Bush's name is written in the Book of Life. When God cannot be reached for comment, McAuliffe will call Bush a heretic.

7- The ACLU will claim that public churches are an unconstitutional violation of "separation of church and state" because they're churches and they're in a state.

6- In his new film, "Fahrenheit 911," Michael Moore will claim that George W. Bush and Osama bin Laden are actually the same person, since both are very religious and they've never been seen together.

5- California will begin issuing drivers' licenses to children in an attempt to combat "ageism."

4- The 9th Circuit Court of Appeals will decide, after a lengthy process, that the Second Amendment actually guarantees the right to wear sleeveless shirts. The previous interpretation will be blamed on a spelling error.

3- Hillary Clinton will introduce a quote from Martin Luther King, Jr. by saying that "He ran a KFC up in Detroit." The media will not notice.

2- Al Franken, in an attempt to write exciting fiction, will pen a novel about undercover cops who pose as monks in a bakery to solve a string of mysterious murders. The book will be called "Pies and the Spying Friars Who Sell Them."

1- Howard Dean will sever all ties with the insect community after the members of his personal ant farm refuse to dig a new tunnel.

So, what do you think? Funny? Not funny? Don't care?

Feel free to add any of your own in the comments.

Posted by CD on February 19, 2004 11:16 PM
Semi-Intelligent Comments

Well, #7 made me laugh out loud...

Posted by: Susie at February 20, 2004 05:30 AM

They will force us to remove all things mentioning "God" including money in circulation

Posted by: jaws at February 20, 2004 11:07 AM

Good one, Jaws!

Posted by: CD at February 20, 2004 02:03 PM

Thank you.

Here's some other (lamer) attempts:

They will propose a new constitutional ammendment to outlaw "hate speech" (think University speech codes).

When Terry McAuliffe's term is up, they'll nominate: Sharpton, Kucinich or Dean to head the DNC.

Ted Kennedy will sponsor a bill calling for mandatory swimming lessons in the public schools.

Posted by: jaws at February 20, 2004 04:15 PM
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