I could write about something political right now, but I've decided to stay away from that stuff until school is over. After that, it's back to rants and fisking.
Until then, I'll follow up on what I've been saying and post my script. Remember, I'm studying to be a writer/director. This kind of thing is what I want to spend most of my life doing, so I'm taking it pretty seriously. You can go to this post from yesterday for some background info (read the essay I linked; it'll help you understand the plot of my story), and I'll fill in the rest here with a quick introduction:
This script is meant to be used for a short film, approximately 10 minutes in length (and it is only a script; I'm not taking production classes yet). It takes place 5 years after the events in "The Stucco House" by Ellen Gilchrist, and is based largely on that story. Because of this, all the characterization and allusions may not make sense to you, but I want to see if the story works on its own as well. In any case, here's some character info:
-Eric: Middle-aged photographer who married Rhoda after she divorced the father of her children. He has trouble dealing with her drinking problems and artistic failures, but has stayed with her because of Teddy.
-Rhoda: Middle-aged poet/painter. She is very talented, but can't get any of her work published. She had 3 children with another husband before marrying Eric, and she is a borderline alcoholic. She doesn't think she has ever really loved Eric, but they've tried to keep their marriage intact.
-Teddy: 7 years old in the original story, 12 years old in the script. He and Eric used to be very close, and their relationship was all that held the family together, but he's recently entered the adolescent "question all authority" phase, and it's causing serious problems.
The film takes place in present day New Orleans. I think that's about all you need to know for it to make sense. Finally, here's a key to reading the script:
CAPITALIZED WORDS= Extended actor directions/visual descriptions
(words in parentheses)= Directions within a line of dialogue
CAPITALIZED NAME
With normal words beneath it= Character name and his/her dialogue.
I think that's enough insulting your intelligence for right now. On to the script! My professor (who still looks like John Kerry) said that you can get some of your best suggestions from friends reading your script and telling you how they, as potential audience members, feel about it. I consider you all to be my friends, so feel free to offer any criticism, suggestions, or other pieces of information. In particular, I'm looking for ways to improve the dialogue in the last scene and the story right before the ending.
Or you could ignore it. Your decision.
Anyway...Readers of SIT, I now present the first ever full-length script by CD...
(click extended entry now)
THE DARKROOM
Scene #1
EXT. THE STUCCO HOUSE. EARLY MORNING. THE SUN RISES BEHIND THE HOUSE.
ERIC
Teddy! Teddy?! (sound of Eric knocking on the door)
CLOSE ON AN UPSTAIRS WINDOW.
ERIC
Teddy! Are you up yet?
INT. TEDDY’S BEDROOM. TEDDY, AGE 12, IS LYING IN BED COVERING HIS HEAD WITH A PILLOW.
ERIC
Teddy! (knocks again) Come on, pal, it’s almost 7:30. You’re gonna be late for school!
NO RESPONSE. ERIC WAITS SEVERAL SECONDS, THEN OPENS THE DOOR AND WALKS OVER TO TEDDY’S BED.
ERIC
Teddy! (tries to shake him awake) Are you getting up or not?
TEDDY
(removes the pillow) Go away! (puts the pillow back)
ERIC
Come on, don’t do this again. You’ll have to get out of bed eventually.
TEDDY
(removes the pillow again) Fine. Just give me 5 minutes. (starts to get out of bed)
ERIC
All right, but don’t blame me if you miss your first class. (walks out of the room)
INT. THE UPSTAIRS HALLWAY. ERIC STANDS OUTSIDE TEDDY’S DOOR.
ERIC
(looks at his watch) Are you ready in there? It’s been more than 5 minutes.
TEDDY OPENS THE DOOR, WALKS PAST ERIC, AND STARTS DOWN THE STAIRS. ERIC FOLLOWS CLOSELY.
ERIC
Now, before you leave, are you sure you have everything? (waits for a response) Answer me, Teddy.
THEY REACH THE BOTTOM OF THE STAIRS. TEDDY SUDDENLY TURNS AND WALKS TOWARD THE DARKROOM AT THE END OF THE HALL.
ERIC
Hey! The door’s over here! What are you doing?
TEDDY CONTINUES, ENTERS THE DARKROOM, SLAMS THE DOOR, AND LOCKS IT. ERIC RUNS TO THE DOOR.
ERIC
Teddy! (tries the knob) Don’t do this! You have to go to school!
TEDDY
(from the darkroom) Leave me alone!
ERIC
Teddy!!! (pounds on the door, waits a few seconds) Okay, suit yourself. It’s your education. I have to go talk to your mother.
TEDDY
I don’t care!
ERIC WALKS AWAY. CLOSE ON THE DARKROOM DOOR.
Scene #2
EXT. A MOTEL NEXT TO A HIGHWAY. MORNING. A CAR PULLS INTO THE PARKING LOT, AND ERIC GETS OUT. HE WALKS TOWARD THE BUILDING. CLOSE ON A SINGLE DOOR AS ERIC APPROACHES.
ERIC
(knocking) Rhoda? (knocks again) Are you in there? (knocks once more)
ERIC TRIES THE DOOR. IT’S UNLOCKED. HE OPENS IT SLOWLY AND TAKES A QUICK LOOK IN THE ROOM. RHODA IS INSIDE LYING ON A BED. SHE IS AWAKE, BUT DROWSY.
ERIC
Why wasn’t the door locked?
RHODA
I forgot. Now close it. You’re letting in too much light.
ERIC CLOSES THE DOOR, WALKS IN, AND SITS DOWN ON THE OTHER BED
ERIC
Rhoda, you’ve been here for almost a week. Are you ready to talk to me yet?
RHODA
What’s there to talk about, Eric? I can’t handle this marriage anymore. I haven’t been able to handle it for five years. You know that, don’t you?
ERIC
But I need to know what you want to do. You can’t just walk out on me. And on Teddy. Are you going to spend the rest of your life in this motel? Give me some answers.
RHODA
I told you, I can’t handle it. I don’t know what else to say. (covers her face with her hands, lies back down) Do you have any aspirin?
ERIC
Wait, have you been drinking again? (looks on the table, sees two empty bottles) You have. I see. Maybe this isn’t the best time to talk. Do you want me to come back later?
RHODA
I don’t know. I don’t even know if I want to see you again. Just go.
ERIC
We have to make a decision sometime, Rhoda. I’ll see you later.
ERIC GETS UP, OPENS THE DOOR, AND STEPS OUTSIDE. END ON INT. SHOT OF THE DOOR CLOSING.
Scene #3
BACKYARD OF THE STUCCO HOUSE. AFTERNOON. BRIGHT SUNLIGHT FILLS THE SCENE. TEDDY IS WALKING THROUGH THE YARD WITH A CAMERA. EVERY FEW SECONDS, HE STOPS TO TAKE A PHOTOGRAPH. AFTER DOING THIS A FEW TIMES, HE LOWERS THE CAMERA AND STARES OFF INTO SPACE, FACING AWAY FROM THE HOUSE. THIS IS FOLLOWED BY THE SOUND OF A CAR ENTERING THE DRIVEWAY.
EXT. SHOT OF THE HOUSE AS ERIC’S CAR PULLS IN. HE GETS OUT AND LOOKS AROUND.
SHOT OF TEDDY STILL STANDING IN THE YARD. SOUND OF CAR DOOR SLAMMING. TEDDY SEES ERIC IN THE DRIVEWAY AND RUNS BACK TOWARD THE HOUSE.
ERIC
Teddy, wait a second! I have to talk to you! (runs after him)
INT. THE DOWNSTAIRS HALLWAY. THE BACK DOOR OPENS, AND TEDDY RUNS INSIDE, FOLLOWED BY ERIC. TEDDY REACHES THE DARKROOM AND LOCKS HIMSELF INSIDE.
ERIC
Why are you doing this again? (pounds on the door) We really need to talk!
NO ANSWER. ERIC SLOWLY WALKS AWAY.
Scene #4
INT. THE KITCHEN OF THE STUCCO HOUSE. EARLY EVENING. ERIC SITS AT THE TABLE LOOKING THROUGH A PILE OF PHOTOGRAPHS. CLOSE ON THE CURRENT PHOTO, DEPICTING A YOUNGER TEDDY PADDLING A CANOE. ANOTHER PHOTO SHOWS TEDDY SKIING, AND ANOTHER SHOWS HIM WASHING A DOG. ONE MORE PHOTO SHOWS TEDDY AT AGE 7, READING “THE BIG GREEN BOOK.” ERIC LOOKS AT THIS ONE FOR SEVERAL SECONDS BEFORE PUTTING IT ON THE TABLE.
BEHIND ERIC, THE DOOR TO THE DARKROOM OPENS, AND TEDDY TRIES TO SNEAK OUT. ERIC TURNS TO FACE HIM.
ERIC
Wait a second, Teddy. Can we talk now?
TEDDY STARES AT THE FLOOR, THEN STARTS TO WALK AWAY.
ERIC
Where are you going? Come on, this is important. It’ll only take a couple minutes.
TEDDY STARTS WALKING TOWARD THE KITCHEN.
TEDDY
Fine. Can I get a Coke first?
ERIC
May I get a Coke.
TEDDY
(sighs) May I get a Coke?
ERIC
Yes, you may. Just don’t run off again.
TEDDY WALKS TO THE REFRIGERATOR AND TAKES OUT A BOTTLE OF COKE. HE OPENS IT AND STARTS TO DRINK.
ERIC
Are you going to sit down?
TEDDY SLOWLY MOVES OVER TO THE TABLE AND SITS DOWN ACROSS FROM ERIC. HE KEEPS DRINKING THE COKE WITHOUT SAYING ANYTHING.
ERIC
Now, Teddy...
TEDDY
I’m 12 years old. You can stop calling me Teddy.
ERIC
Okay...Ted...why didn’t you go to school today? Are you having problems? You told me you would study every night.
TEDDY
Yeah...I did...but I changed my mind. I don’t need to study.
ERIC
Yes, you do. Remember when you were in 2nd grade, and the tutor taught you to read? You loved reading. You were learning. Why is it so much different now?
TEDDY
It’s just...not important. It doesn’t matter.
ERIC
Teddy...Ted...it does matter. I know you love to read. That can’t be the problem. Is there something else I should know?
TEDDY
Well...the other guys at school make fun of me. Because I’m so small. They do it every day. I hate going there.
ERIC
Don’t listen to them. You know you’re better than that. Anyway, look at your brothers. You’ll end up big and strong like them someday. Is that really what’s been bothering you?
TEDDY LOOKS DOWN AT THE FLOOR, SHIFTS IN HIS CHAIR.
ERIC
What else is on your mind? You can talk to me. We’re friends, remember?
TEDDY
(stops moving, looks up at Eric) I remember. But now...(silence)
ERIC
Is this about your mother and I? Is that what’s been bothering you?
TEDDY LOOKS BACK DOWN.
ERIC
Look...your mom just needed some time to herself. You know how hard she works on her paintings. I bet she’ll be fine in a couple more days.
TEDDY
(still looking down) You talked to her today. And she didn’t come back.
ERIC
I told you, she...well, no. You’re right. She didn’t come back. And I don’t know when she is coming back...but we can work this out. You have to trust us. Can you do that, Ted?
TEDDY
I don’t know. Are you going to...will you...(looks up)
ERIC
I think I understand what you’re asking. And yes, there is a chance that...you know.
TEDDY CONTINUES LOOKING AT ERIC
ERIC
Would you be okay if...there was...(softer)...a divorce?
WHEN ERIC SAYS “DIVORCE,” TEDDY’S EYES OPEN WIDE, AND HE STANDS UP.
ERIC
Teddy? Are you all right?
TEDDY SLOWLY BACKS AWAY FROM THE TABLE AND CONTINUES WALKING BACKWARDS UNTIL HE REACHES THE DARKROOM. HE LOCKS HIMSELF INSIDE AGAIN. A FEW SECONDS LATER, ERIC PICKS UP THE PHONE AND DIALS A NUMBER.
ERIC
Hi. How do you feel? (pause) Yes, right now. (pause) Okay, I’ll see you in a few minutes.
HE HANGS UP THE PHONE.
Scene #5
EXT. THE FRONT OF THE STUCCO HOUSE. NIGHT. A CAR PULLS INTO THE DRIVEWAY. RHODA GETS OUT AND WALKS TOWARD THE FRONT DOOR.
INT. THE KITCHEN. RHODA OPENS THE DOOR AND ENTERS TO FIND ERIC SITTING AT THE TABLE.
ERIC
Glad you made it. Sit down. We need to work this out right now.
RHODA SITS DOWN ACROSS FROM ERIC.
RHODA
What do you want to do? We’ve tried everything. I keep telling you, I can’t handle the marriage anymore.
ERIC
Well, you can’t keep living in that motel, either. Why were you hung over this morning?
RHODA
Eric...the gallery didn’t want my paintings. They turned them down last week. All of them. So I’ve been drinking. It’s all I can do.
ERIC
What? I thought they already paid you. Is that why you left the house?
RHODA
No...that’s not why. I knew they wouldn’t want my paintings. Nobody wanted my poems either. I’m used to failing.
ERIC
Then why did you leave? You still haven’t told me. I’ve got my hands full with Teddy, and I don’t even know what to say to him.
RHODA
That’s just it...remember 5 years ago, when you brought Teddy back from Mandeville, and we told him that we were going to stay together?
ERIC
I remember. He was so happy when he heard that.
INT. THE DARKROOM. TEDDY CRACKS THE DOOR OPEN AND WATCHES THE CONVERSATION IN THE KITCHEN. NEXT LINES ARE FROM HIS POINT OF VIEW.
RHODA
He was happy because he didn’t want you to leave. He always looked up to you. That’s why I agreed not to divorce you, Eric. I knew that I would have to take care of Teddy even if he wanted to stay with you. But I can’t pretend anymore.
ERIC
You have to try. If not for me, then for Teddy. I’m having my own problems with him right now. I need you here, Rhoda.
TEDDY IS SHOWN WRITING SOMETHING, BUT ONLY THE PENCIL IS VISIBLE. CAMERA RETURNS TO THE KITCHEN.
RHODA
What else can I do? I need to move on. I’ve kept up this act for five years, and I’m ready for a change.
ERIC
(long pause) Well...I guess there’s nothing else I can say. Can you take care of Teddy?
RHODA
I don’t think so. I can’t raise another son. But I can’t stay here, either.
ERIC
Well, he’s still your son. He can’t live with me. What do you want to do?
RHODA
I don’t know. Maybe he could go live with my parents.
ERIC
You know he hates it there. Are you sure you want a divorce? Don’t leave unless you’re sure.
IN THE BACKGROUND, TEDDY OPENS THE DOOR OF THE DARKROOM AND QUIETLY WALKS AWAY. ERIC GLANCES TOWARD THE OPEN DOOR.
ERIC
He spent the whole day in that darkroom instead of going to school. He’s barely spoken to me since you left. Do you understand now? He needs both of us.
ERIC GETS UP AND WALKS TOWARD THE DARKROOM. RHODA FOLLOWS HIM.
INT. THE DARKROOM. ERIC WALKS IN TO FIND DOZENS OF PHOTOS SCATTERED THROUGHOUT THE ROOM. SOME ARE PICTURES OF HE AND TEDDY DOING THINGS TOGETHER, OTHERS WERE TAKEN IN THE BACKYARD THAT AFTERNOON. A FEW ARE FACE-DOWN, AND HANDWRITING IS CLEARLY VISIBLE ON THEM.
RHODA
What happened in here? Did you tell him to do this?
ERIC
No. I haven’t been in here all day. (picks up a few pictures) I recognize these. They’re from our skiing trip.
RHODA
(picks up one photo) Do you recognize this handwriting?
ERIC
Yeah. It’s Teddy’s. (looks it over) It looks like he’s been writing stories on the pictures. (reading) “A long time ago, two kingdoms went to war...” (looks up) Sounds like an adventure story. He always loved adventures. (reading) “There was a village between the kingdoms, and they fought over it every day...the villagers were always afraid...” (reads more silently, then looks up) He really describes the battles well. I told him all that reading would pay off. Hmmm... (reading) “One day, a villager found a book of magic spells...” (looks up) This sounds familiar. (reading) “He tried using his magic to stop the war, but the kingdoms kept fighting...so he cast one more spell that took the entire village to a brand new kingdom...In this kingdom, there was no more fighting. You just had to go on and do what they told you, and pretty soon, life got better.”
ERIC LOOKS UP AT RHODA. THEY STARE AT EACH OTHER FOR A FEW SECONDS. ERIC PUTS THE PICTURE DOWN, AND THEY BOTH LOOK DOWN AT IT WITHOUT SPEAKING. CLOSE ON THE WRITING AND THE PHRASE “LIFE GOT BETTER.” FADE OUT.
END