May 07, 2004

DU Parody

You know...I haven't written about Democratic Underground for a while, but now I have a chance. You see, the morons decided to respond to this great story about President Bush comforting a girl who lost her mother on 9/11 with their usual irrational hatred:

It *was* Bush's decisions that lead to her mom's death.
I read that sbout Saddam too He always embraced others by drawing their faces into his arm pits...I am not making this up, old Saddam was kind of a crazy guy. (Need I say more George?)
This was a caring thing to do... rendered completely useless by *'s obvious determination to make sure the camera caught every last compassionate grimace on his face.
This guy is just plain evil. How can someone who is so responsible for what happened on 9/11, who's done all in his power to block any investigation of those events, do this in good conscience? Thay could not.

I pity that poor girl for being used like a stage prop by the Bush campaign.

There's a lot more where that came from, but I'll spare you the nauseating experience of reading it all here. In any case, this got me thinking...

They're always saying that Dubya should go to military funerals, right? They think that he has some kind of obligation to pay his respects to every single person who dies in his evilhalliburtonracistoilwar. But based on the response to this, do you really think they would suddenly give him credit if he did go to funerals?

I think I know exactly what it would be like, and I'll use my special "parallel universe" technique to glimpse into a DU post about President Bush going to a military funeral. Hey, if Frnak can do a Universal Democratic Underground Thread, I can do this, although I'm making an effort to be more realistic than funny.

WARNING: As soon as you click the extended entry, you will enter the world of parody and satire. You will not emerge until you return to the main page. You have been warned.

(original message)

Bushequalschimp (1000+ posts)

Bush* Smirks at War Dead

"While on vacation at his ranch in Crawford, Texas this week, President George W. Bush took the time to attend a nearby funeral for a United States Marine who was killed in Iraq."


"The president met the man's family at the funeral home and accompanied them to the burial service, where he gave a brief speech honoring the bravery of the U.S. armed forces.

'I am proud of the sacrifice that our brave men and women in uniform are making to defend the United States against terror around the world,' said Bush.


"'It was such an honor to have the president here,' said a family member who asked to remain anonymous. 'We know that he cares about the military, and we trust him to make the right decisions.'

Mr. Bush said that he will most likely be attending more funerals in the future."


PresidentGore (1000+ posts)

1. If it wasnt for Chimpya...
That man would still be alive. I don't know how he can show his face in public, the sick f**k.


2. Nothing but a photo-op
Why couldn't * just stand there and watch? He just had to give a speech for the corprate media whores, didn't he? He feels nothing for our military, and everyone knows it.

ImpeachtheThiefInChief (1000+posts)

3. Smile for the camera, Chimpy!
Look at him. He's having a good time watching kids die for his oil war. Why did he wait until he was on one of his milion "vacations" to go to a funeral? That proves that he doesn't care. We cannot let this lieing smirking prick steal the White House again.


4. It's not real
It's obvoius the whole thing was staged. Did you see the TV coverege? Nobody could lift a coffin that easily unless it was empty. He really does think 'Murkins are idjits. What a heartless bastard.


5. I agree with RepugKiller
The relatives of a real Marine would kick him in the groin as soon as they got the chance. Clearly, Rove paid a few people to pose as mourners while they wasted taxpayer money on a fictitious funeral. That coffin was as real as the Weapons of Mass Distraction.

PinkoForPeace (1000+ posts)

6. Not only that, OutandProud...
But that "interview" was a joke! They couldn't even make up a fake name like they did with "Ashley Pearson" in the SOTU! No real relatives of war dead would say they were honored to have a facist murderer at there funeral, but the media tools swallowed it, just like all his other lies.


7. I think I'm going to vomit
He thinks he can send minorities to war just because their not the same colur as him, and then gloat at their funerals about "honor" and "sacrifice?" He has NO RESPECT for any of them, and he should not be aloud anywere near them.

KucinichIsKing (1000+ posts)

8. He'll do anything
To get re-selected. This is just another way to fool the gollable American voters.

AbortionsForAll (1000+ posts)

9. Exactly, KucinichIsKing
"Howdy, partner. Did you know that your son died in a meaningless war so I could play president for another four years like my daddy?"



10. How could he be at a military funeral...
When he wasn't even in the military? Shouldn't he have been smoking crack and knocking up his girlfriend like the last time he was supposed to be doing his duty?


11. NoMoreBushit is right
The AWOL Chickenhawk-in-Chief thinks he can pretend to be a real 'Murkin Soljuurr, just like he did during Vietnam. Im suprised he didn't where the flight suit.

"Mission acomplished! Another one's dead!"

FlagburningPatriot (1000+ posts)

12. You know
Hitler was big on honoring "fallen warriors." All the good Germans celebrated their imperialism. Dumbya is just another bloodthirsty Nazi facist.

AbortBush (1000+ posts)

13. I wish
That Bush was in that coffin. He doesn't deserve to live after all hes done to this country. But he's too much of a coward to actually fight in his racist anti-muslim holocost. Filthy chickenhawks.


14. Does anyone else think...
That it doesn't really look like Bushnazi in that photo? They probably sent one of his dubbles to do his dirty work. Saddam did the same thing. Just another way Pretzelboy is worse then a dicktater.

Name removed

15. Deleted message
Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.


16. Get out of here FReeper!
Go and wave your chickenhawk flag in your own brainded fourum, moran! Your Nazi pResdient wants you and your family to starve, and he only cares about his corporate Helliburtin partners. You must enjoy living in a facist country.

AbstinenceKills (1000+ posts)

17. I can't believe
That we haven't inpeeched this murderer yet. He's a racist facist oil loving AWOL chickenhawk woman-hating biggit who wants to sell our souls to Haliburton and buy fickshinal WMD's from the Middleast. He's only going to the funerals so he can laugh at everyone who was dumb enough to join his evil imperial army and kill brown people who weren't an imanent threat.

...That's the end of that thread. I'm sure there would be a lot more, but if I keep writing, my head is going to implode from the lack of thought necessary to write on their level.

Trust me, if Dubya ever goes to a funeral, this is what's going to happen.

Posted by CD on May 7, 2004 08:00 PM
Semi-Intelligent Comments

I can just imagine a DU member browsing the net, clicking on an item reading "Bush comforts 9/11 family member," and becoming incensed with rage, rushing back to the DU lair to post:

"This guy is just plain evil."

Posted by: Jim at May 7, 2004 09:03 PM

I think they've been posting there so long that they're conditioned to respond to any article containing the word "Bush" with a rant about how evil he is.

It could be something like "Bush resigns, says Gore really did win," and they would still say the same thing.

Posted by: CD at May 7, 2004 09:17 PM

Hey there were a couple of very scary things there.

Scary thing #1: You were very careful to let people know that this is parody and satire, but unfortunately, I think you were pretty much right on. Word for word, down to eech ijiotic speling mistayk. Your made-up comments were, frighteningly, exactly the way these people think.

Scary thing #2: I'm very new to the 'sphere so this is probably common knowledge to you all. But yikes. The link for mesage 15 takes you to DU's little rulebook for who can write comments on DU and who can't. And I quote:

"We ban conservative disruptors who are opposed to the broad goals of this website. If you think overall that George W. Bush is doing a swell job, or if you wish to see Republicans win, or if you are generally supportive of conservative ideals, please do not register to post, as you will likely be banned."

...oookay... message received... guess I won't write to you guys... and I quote, some more...

"Unambiguous expressions of bigotry will be deleted, and will often result in the immediate banning of the individual responsible.

If it is not clear whether a comment is bigoted, we will generally give the benefit of the doubt and assume the least-bigoted interpretation. However, individuals who repeatedly post borderline-bigoted comments will be considered bigots and will be removed."

But... but... but... aren't they bigoted against conservatives? Um... ... uhh... ... well... I mean, I THOUGHT that's what I read, from their own rulebook... um...

Maybe I'm just dumb. I mean, I AM a conservative. Hmm.

Thought I'd throw this in. In the last few years, the Army has started warning its soldiers of the dangers of depleted uranium, usually found in empty shell casings where we've previously annihilated somebody. (Seeing as, to my knowledge, we're still the only nation that uses depleted uranium rounds.) The training we get on DU (depleted uranium) goes something like this:

If you see DU, avoid it at all costs. Don't get close to it, or it can kill you. Run away from DU. Give DU a wide berth. DU bad. Bad bad bad bad DU. for thought.

-another happy member of the VRWC

Posted by: Army NCO Guy at May 7, 2004 10:37 PM

that physically hurts me that there are people this angry in the world. I mean, i don't read Misha anymore because this is where he was going, but this goes far above and beyond the pale.

Posted by: tommy at May 7, 2004 10:49 PM

I would just like to write about what I think of the President going to military funerals. I am an Army wife and I would NOT want the President at my husband's funeral. If he even tried to show up, I would get very angry. That day is for me and my family, not for him. If he did show up, it would end up being all about him, not my husband, not me or my kids. The media would focus only on him. Now, how could I begin to say goodbye with that circus around. I just wish someone in the media would ask ME or any other wife I know what we think about this.

Posted by: Lani at May 9, 2004 11:15 AM

That's exactly why he doesn't go, but the DU morons think it's because he doesn't care that people are dying in his war. I'm still pretty sure that this is how they'd react if he did go to one.

Incidentally, in this scenario, the family gave him permission. But DU still thought it was an evil thing to do.

Posted by: CD at May 9, 2004 02:29 PM

Good point Lani, my wife would probably say the same.

Posted by: Army NCO Guy at May 11, 2004 07:04 PM

This is why I like to mock both liberals and conservatives: the immediate knee-jerk reaction in any argument is to scream bloody murder at each other about how evil /stupid/brain-washed the other is. One level above that is to provide loads of hypothetical argument to the scenario (both sides) and defeat each other with straw men.

The reality? Take a step back and you realize that neither embraces fact or reason over emotion.

What's your response to people who think: 1) Bush is a tool who doesn't use his mind to evaluate options before going off half-cocked; 2) Kerry is a horrible leader who can't make up his mind on anything?

Posted by: Stephen VanDyke at May 12, 2004 10:53 PM

I'm not mocking liberals. I'm mocking Democratic Underground. If you've spent any time reading that cesspool of attempted thought, you know that they really would react like this.

Posted by: CD at May 12, 2004 10:56 PM

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