Who's Ready for Satire?

Well, I called the grocery store, and wouldn't you know it? THE MANAGER WASN'T THERE. Figures. I'll have to try again tomorrow between 7 and 4, according to the guy I talked to. Dang it, I hate telephones.

Anyway, I want to shift gears a little from the kind of posting I've been doing. Thanks to recent news items, such as this and this, I've been inspired to write a satire piece I've actually wanted to do for quite a while. I'll spare you the introductions and just get right to it in the extended entry. Enjoy.

ACLU Threatens Suit Against NASA
By CD

WASHINGTON, DC.- The American Civil Liberties Union is threatening to sue the National Aeronautics and Space Administration over their use of terms from Roman mythology to describe objects in the Solar System.

Members say that the use of names like "Jupiter" and "Mars" violates the First Amendment, as these were originally part of ancient Roman religion.

"NASA is a government organization, and we cannot allow them to continue this unconstitutional endorsement of one particular belief system," said ACLU spokesperson Lee Beral.

"The planets and their satellites were named for Roman gods. For example, Venus is the goddess of love, Mars is the god of war, and Neptune is the god of the sea," Beral explained. "By identifying objects with religious terms first used by the Romans, NASA is clearly ignoring the Constitution, which mandates separation of church and state."

Another ACLU spokesperson, Ana S. Shat, suggested a few alternatives.

"We think that the names should be a celebration of diversity, not an endorsement of the imperial, warmongering culture practiced by the ancient Romans," said Shat. "For example, we can celebrate Arab culture by calling Mars "Mecca" or Jupiter "Jihad." This will help repair the damage done by the war in the Middle East and let them know that we still respect their heritage."

Shat later said that Earth should also have a different name, as the word "Earth" has European origins and may offend non-whites.