September 22, 2004

Close Encounters of the Fraud Kind: Part 2

Here's the most important thing you need to know: Michael Moore has a gigantic head.

Now, a little backstory. Marching band practice was held completely outside. As we played, a few people who were waiting to get in and see Moore stopped by to watch us. There were a couple of local TV reporters, too. This was a big event.

When practice ended, we found out that we weren't going to be allowed to put our instruments back in the equipment room on the second floor. Instead, we were putting them in the locker room on the ground level. That saved me from having to deal with the people taking their seats inside.


To get back inside, we had to go through a huge door in the back of the Dome, in an area known as "stadium control." Picture a really, really, really big automatic garage door, and you'll get the idea. So, we were getting ready to go in, but the security guards wouldn't let us inside, because Michael Moore was due to arrive any second. Allow me to toot my own horn for a second and tell you what I said when I heard that:

"This is probably the only door he'll fit through."

Thank you, thank you. I'll be here all week. Nobody laughed, but I don't think they heard me. Their loss.

Anyway, we stood there waiting for a few minutes, then a black van (if I'm remembering correctly) drove up. The passenger-side window was rolled down. And inside was...Michael Moore.

Yeah. So I got to see him from about 10 feet away. This brings us back to the "gigantic head" thing. I know you may have seen him in pictures, on TV, etc., but until you have seen this man in person, you cannot understand how unbelievably large his head is. And the beard...the disgustingly unkempt beard...and he had the baseball cap...*shudder* I feel dirty just from having looked at him.

After his van went inside, a stretch limo drove up. We thought it was a decoy or something, but they started unloading boxes from the back. I swear...I FREAKING SWEAR that one box said "Chicken McNuggets" on the side. Which is weird, because when I saw the limo, I said "That's probably his food supply."

Again, nobody laughed. I don't understand.

Anyway, once they were done with that, we finally got to take our stuff in, and as I was walking home, I noticed that there were still people in line waiting to get in. And the line was incredibly long. In fact, I'm going to stop and make a diagram to show how long it was:

Click to see the diagram

That red line represents the line to get in. It was unbelievable. As I was walking by, I had a brief conversation with a girl going the same way:

GIRL: Half these people are probably just here because liking Michael Moore is the cool thing to do.

CD: Heh. Right. "Bush bad! Kerry...not so bad!"

Anyway, that's about the end of the story. Once again, if there's one thing you'll learn on SIT tonight that you will not learn anywhere else, it's that Michael Moore has a gargantuan cranium.

Thank you.

Posted by CD on September 22, 2004 08:35 PM
Semi-Intelligent Comments

hey hey.. sounds like that girl may not have been a crazy liberal... ::nudge:: shoulda talked a little longer ;) don't miss opportunities like i do.

Posted by: Katherine at September 22, 2004 09:08 PM

CRAP! You're right!

Oh, well. I must have been too overcome by Moore-induced disgust to think clearly at the time.

Posted by: CD at September 22, 2004 09:13 PM

Oh, and on another note...

You have opportunities? That puts you one step ahead of me most days.

Posted by: CD at September 22, 2004 09:30 PM

I kinda sorta had a potential opportunity.. but I didn't realize it until I was informed after-the-fact (hey, i'm not used to that), and I didn't get a first name or phone number.. only another event to attend.
But, of course, Ivan rained it out.

I did get a nice pen though.

Posted by: Katherine at September 22, 2004 11:26 PM

Would you two shut up and start dating???

Posted by: Army NCO Guy at September 26, 2004 04:34 PM
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