"Mommy, Those Evil Republicans Said Nasty Things About Me!"

Holy crap, that was a long day. I need to unwind with some semi-fisking. Our lucky victim contestant today is none other than Senator John F**k-Up Kerry. Come on down, John!

Kerry appeals for end to election advertising war

Democratic presidential challenger John Kerry appealed for an end to the TV advertising war that has marked his election battle against President George W. Bush.

What happened to "bring it on?" How do you expect to be president if you can't even handle legitimate criticism of your beliefs (or lack thereof)? This guy's skin is thinner than the frickin' Olsen twins.

Kerry said the avalanche of negative television spots and attacks being shown on US screens was scaring off voters.

"Americans need a real conversation over our future," Kerry said in a speech at a school in Spring Green, Wisconsin.

What a blatantly hypocritical statement. This is the guy who spent most of the campaign running on the fact that he fought in a war 30+ years ago, and now he wants a conversation over our future? Maybe he should've thought of that before he reported for duty.

"What they don't need is all these trumped up advertisements, they just make people curl up and walk away," added the Massachusetts senator.

If by "people," you mean "John Kerry," you're probably right. You seem fairly unprepared to answer questions about...well, anything other than Vietnam.

"I'm calling them 'misleadisments,'" Kerry said of the adverts.

At this point, I'm convinced that Bush is much more intelligent than Kerry. I mean..."misleadisments?" He could've at least come up with something that sounds similar. Like "adverLIESments." It took me less than a minute to come up with that. Where's that famed nuance, John?

"It's all scare tactics ... because (Bush) has no record to run on."

Oh, yeah, except for liberating 2 countries, deposing a dictator, persuading another dictator to give up his WMD program, lowering taxes, and updating our national security policies, he has no record at all.

The Democrats have complained bitterly about a new advertisement that shows Osama bin Laden, September 11 hijack leader Mohamed Atta, Saddam Hussein and the ruins of the World Trade Center, and questioned whether Kerry was up to dealing with them.

Well, is he? Don't complain about the ads; Explain why they're not true. Some people haven't chugged gallons of Kool-Aid, and they're actually interested in how you plan to fight the War on Terror, if you plan to fight at all.

A statement called the spot, run by the Republican group Progress for America Voter Fund, the latest in a series of "desperate and despicable attack ads" aimed at diverting attention from Bush's record.

...So what you're saying is that the Bush campaign didn't actually create this ad. Hear that flushing sound? That's your credibility. Moron.

The Democrats have rolled out a new advert of their own, titled "Despicable," in which they accused the Bush administration of "playing politics with terror" and dividing the country to win a second term at the White House.

Did I already call you a hypocrite? Because if I didn't...YOU ARE A F**KING HYPOCRITE. How can you say, with a straight face, that it's wrong to question the abilities of a candidate to fight terrorism, but it's perfectly okay to accuse the president of being "despicable" and "playing politics" with the war? Grow up.

A group called Swift Boat Veterans for Truth has also been at the center of the television advertising battle with controversial spots aimed at discrediting Kerry's Vietnam War record. The adverts accused the decorated Vietnam War veteran of exaggerating or lying about his exploits.

If the so-called "war hero" would just release his fargin' records, maybe they would go away. They've stated as much several times.

In Wisconsin, Kerry also made a personality attack against the president, saying that he and his rival are both children of privilege, but Bush considers his comfortable position an entitlement.

Kerry said "he and I, we went to the same university, we're both very privileged." Both men attended Yale University.

The Democrat added that from his education "came a sense of fairness and responsibility" while Bush "thinks it's entitlement."

Okay, I'm trying to make sense of that statement, but it's just not happening. I'm going to move on.

Kerry said America's middle classes had suffered from the huge tax cuts that Bush had presided over and which Democrats say mainly benefit the most wealthy.

"He doesn't care, he's out of touch," said Kerry.

Do I even need to explain why it's hilarious for Kerry to call anybody "out of touch?" I didn't think so.

The Democratic contender has been in Wisconsin since Sunday preparing for the first of the presidential debates against Bush on Thursday.

He sought to highlight his own campaign commitments ahead of the November 2 election against Bush's "broken promise after broken promise".

...Such as? If you do win, it'll be fun watching you try to keep your own promises, considering you've pretty much promised everything to everyone.

Kerry also launched a new attack Bush's campaign in Iraq, a topic where Republicans have accused him of continually changing position.

You know, there is a reason for that...

"I've been right on Iraq all along," said Kerry.

*stifling laughter*

"I said yes, we ought to hold him (Saddam Hussein) accountable, but let's do it the right way, and I showed what it was, step by step. And step-by-step the president chose the wrong way."

...Right. Which is why you voted to give President Bush authority to go to war, then voted for the $87 billion...before you voted against it. And now you're claiming you can make us "respected in the world" while insulting not only our allies, but the prime minister of Iraq.

As I said earlier, I am now convinced beyond a shadow of a doubt that Kerry is less intelligent than Bush. It took a while, but I just can't believe that anyone with a properly functioning mind could say these things.

(Hat tip: Ace of Spades HQ)

Posted by CD on September 27, 2004 09:42 PM
Category: Fiskings