It may be a little late for this to be truly successful, but since it won't be a reality anyway...
I'm officially starting the write-in campaign for my chosen presidential ticket: Thomas Sowell and An Inanimate Carbon Rod.
Thomas Sowell is, of course, one of the smartest men in America. His economic knowledge will help him deal with the current crisis, and he's sure to actually cut spending and wasteful government programs, among other things. His running mate, An Inanimate Carbon Rod, saved a space shuttle crew in 1994 and has since led a life of honorable public service. I feel that either of them would be a better choice than St. Hopechange or Senator Maverick.
Who's with me?
Let's bring back our old friends, Bob and Joe, for a quick scene that will help me make my point:
FADE IN:
EXT. A SUBURBAN STREET - DAY
JOE is walking along, minding his own business, when BOB runs up to him. He is obviously in a hurry, and can barely breathe.
BOB: Dude, this is amazing!
JOE: What?
BOB: I found buried treasure, dude! It must be worth millions!
JOE: Seriously?
BOB: Yeah! Oh, man, I can't believe this!
JOE: Knowing you, I can't believe it either. Where is it?
BOB: What do you mean?
JOE: I mean, where is the treasure? You said that you found it, right?
BOB: Yes, dude!
JOE: Well, where is it?
BOB: Why do you need to know that? Don't you trust me?
JOE: No, I don't. But even if I did, I'd want to see the treasure for myself. Where is it?
BOB: I'm insulted, dude! Why won't you take my word for it?
JOE: I shouldn't have to! You said that you know where the treasure is!
BOB: It's on the beach, dude! I was just there five minutes ago! There was gold, and silver, and some other metal that's probably worth a lot, and-
JOE: The beach is miles long! Just show me where it is!
BOB: No, dude! Go find it yourself!
JOE: I shouldn't have to find it, because you already did!
BOB: And you don't believe me!
JOE: I have no reason to believe you! Why did you even tell me you found anything?
BOB: I did want to share it with you, but since you're being such a dick, I'll just keep the treasure for myself.
JOE: Great. I'm so happy for you. Asshole.
They walk off in opposite directions.
FADE OUT.
Let's think about the scene for a second. Who won this argument? Obviously, it was Bob. Because he didn't give away the location of the treasure, he gets it all to himself. Joe can try to find it, but only Bob knows where it is. In fact, Joe doesn't even know if it exists!
Of course, there's a lesson here that can be applied to Internet arguments. Bob won by keeping his source a secret, and you can do the same!
The next time you're debating a topic and someone asks you for evidence, claim that you have lots of proof to back up your point. Whether you actually do is irrelevant; The important thing is that your opponent believes you. He'll probably ask you to show him the evidence, but don't give in! Just keep telling him you have irrefutable proof that your position is correct.
As we saw above, your opponent may ask you to tell him where you got the evidence, but don't give in to this trickery, either! Just like Bob, keep your answer as broad as possible. Whether it's the beach, The New York Times, the dictionary, or any other source, he'll soon realize that it would take far too long just to prove you wrong, and then you'll be the winner! As an added bonus, this makes him look like a liar, because he'll say that you haven't told him where you got the information, but you clearly have!
Finally, if he brings up a strange, arcane concept called "the burden of proof," immediately change the subject and/or call him a racist/fascist/etc. Logic is a thing of the past, and it has no place in a world primed for Fundamental Change™.
Until next time, this has been How to Argue On the Internet. Thanks for reading.
As a break from the string of political posts, please enjoy these pictures of my cats staring at birds in the trees outside the house (click for full size):
It's kind of sad, really; They're 13 years old, and they still haven't realized that they can't get out there.
So, predictably, Obama supporters have decided to focus on Joe "The Plumber" Wurzelbacher rather than responding to The Obamessiah's blatantly socialist comments.
I say "predictably" because this is the kind of stupid shit that liberals seem to pull on a regular basis. Because their worldview places so much importance on good intentions and opinions, they feel that they can alter reality itself by destroying someone's character, even if this has nothing to do with the issue. It's kind of like when John Kerry's campaign responded to criticism of the "I actually did vote for the $87 billion before I voted against it" comment by attacking Bush's National Guard record.
Answer me this, morons: Why does it matter if Joe is really his middle name? Why does it matter if he's not licensed as a plumber? Why does it matter if Obama's tax policy wouldn't actually affect him?
Let's take Joe out of the equation entirely and imagine (which liberals love to do) that Obama was asked the following question:
Let's say, hypothetically, that a plumber is getting ready to buy a company that makes $250,000 to $280,000 a year. Is your tax plan going to raise his taxes?
Now let's make some very small changes to the part of Obama's answer that everyone is concerned with:
It's not that I want to punish his success. I just want to make sure that everybody who is behind him, that they've got a chance at success, too...And I think that when we spread the wealth around, it's good for everybody.
Is it fucking clear now, you ignorant dipshits? Even if Joe doesn't exist, the fact remains that St. Hopechange wants to "spread the wealth around," which, unless he's speaking a different version of English, means he believes in redistribution.
But we wouldn't want to talk about things that matter when it's so much more fun to waste time on character assassination, would we?
I hate people.
I figure that as long as I'm in political mode, I should do my patriotic duty and watch the presidential debate. I haven't talked about the election that much because my personal life has been such a clusterfuck for the past few months, but with only three weeks left, I should probably devote some time to it.
This will be similar to what I did in '04. I watch the debate and type my stream of consciousness as it happens. It can be difficult sometimes to tell where my semi-transcription ends and my own thoughts begin, but that's something you'll just have to live with. Join me in the extended entry if you've got some time on your hands:
I got here late, but right now (about 9:09), McCain is talking about the economic crisis. He thinks that we need to reverse the decline in home ownership. Makes sense. How? Taking money to buy home loan mortgages and negotiating with millions of homes. I don't understand this stuff at all, so don't expect a whole lot of commentary.
Obama: We are experiencing a crisis. Really? He pushed for making sure taxpayers could make money back...rescue package for the middle class. Let me guess: Take money from rich people, right? Provide tax credits for creating jobs, help families, provide a middle class tax cut, allow them to access IRA accounts without penalty. Homeowners will be helped with renegotiating, but McCain's plan could help banks more than people...did a Democrat just say that he doesn't want to waste taxpayer money? I didn't realize I was watching Comedy Central.
McCain: Brings up the "spread the wealth around" comment. This should be fun. McCain looks nervous. I'm just going to type MC and OB for McCain and Obama from now on...
OB says that he wants to cut taxes for someone other than big corporations...a tax cut for 95% of working Americans...where does the money come from? And how does he plan to provide universal healthcare after doing this? He says that the plumber couldn't afford a business years ago, and we must make important choices.
MC says "spread the wealth" directly. He wants Joe to spread the wealth, not the government. OB wants class warfare, MC wants small businesses, which would pay more taxes under OB's plan.
OB: He wants to cut taxes...some people could afford to pay more in taxes, like Warren Buffett...OB is basically saying that rich people should give up some of their profit to help people who are in the situation they used to be in. In other words, "you worked hard to get to where you are, so now we're going to give others a shortcut to get there." Nice.
MC just says nobody likes taxes. Business taxes should be cut so businesses will be encouraged.
Topic 2: The deficit will be really high this year, could go to a trillion dollars. Both candidates' proposals will add to the deficit. Won't some of the programs have to be trimmed or eliminated? What will OB cut back?
OB: The rescue package will give taxpayers their money back. We're going to have to make adjustments, and there should be a net spending cut. OB supports pay as you go, and has proposed cuts with spending. He wants to eliminate programs. Again, is this a comedy show? MC is writing furiously. OB wants to invest in healthcare to save on medicare in the future. Energy investments and college will lead to savings. He's basically falling back on his "vote for me based on what I hope I can do" mantra. Give us some specifics.
MC: Talking about home ownership again. Increasing home values will lead to wealth. Getting to the actual questions...we need energy independence to create jobs. Cut spending...spending freeze aggressively...government spending is out of control...stop complaining and give us some solutions. Being prompted to answer...cut ethanol subsidies, eliminate the tariff on imported ethanol from Brazil. He's saying he saved money by fighting a deal between an aircraft manufacturer and DOD...OB has asked for too much money...OB is smiling at this. MC talks too much.
OB: Wants to make sure that we focus on programs that work. Earmarks account for half of one percent of the budget, so they won't solve the problem. History: Here comes the "link MC with Bush" strategy. He wants to pursue different policies, but MC voted for most of Bush's budgets. CHANGE!!!
Can they balance the budget in four years?
MC: Yes. MC says he isn't Bush, so OB should've run four years ago if he wanted to run against Bush. OB increased taxes on people making $42,000. Mayor Bloomberg proposed a spending freeze. MC will balance the budgets...how will you convince the Democratic majority in Congress to do that, by the way? OB voted for budgets that had more spending than Bush proposed, as well as energy bills full of "goodies" for oil companies. Look at their respective records...OB smiling again...kinda arrogant.
OB: Voted to support tort reform, supports pay for performance and charter schools, clean coal technology..."history of reaching across the aisle." OB claims that he didn't vote for the tax increase MC mentioned...calling Fox News biased...comparing MC to Bush again...going back to "we need chaaaaaaaaaaaange!!!"
MC: Has disagreed with his own party on various issues, OB isn't very convincing.
Next topic: Leadership. Both pledged to take the high road, but it has turned nasty. OB has used "erratic, out of touch, lie, angry," MC has used "disrespectful, dishonest, dangerous, he lied..." Will they say what their campaigns have said?
MC: It's been tough. He knows that if OB had responded to his request to have meetings, they could've had 10. OB said he would, but didn't. The tone could've been different, and he regrets the negative aspects of both campaigns, but it has taken unacceptable turns. John Lewis said that Palin and MC were associated with segregation. This is hurtful, and OB didn't dispute this. MC says he has repudiated Republican remarks. He's putting OB on the spot without really answering for his own campaign. He says he will be truthful, and OB has spent more on negative ads than any campaign in history...OB is shaking his head and smirking. You can almost taste the disdain. OB didn't tell people the truth about....lost my train of thought.
OB: We expect campaigns to be tough. If you look at the record, more people think MC is running a negative campaign, and 100% of MC's ads have been negative. [afterthought by CD: Leave it to a liberal to essentially claim that opinions=reality. Also, could this "100% of McCain's ads are negative" thing have anything to do with the belief among certain members of the left that any statement critical of their beliefs is a lie?] This is a bit drastic. OB says they should address issues. This is the "let's talk about the real issues" strategy. Let's see if he mentions what he wants to talk more about. Healthcare...maybe...linking MC to 527 groups...will he say "swiftboat?" Oh, look, OB is linking MC to Bush yet again and answering a question nobody asked. OB wants to talk about healthcare, energy, and the economy. I notice he hasn't repudiated John Lewis yet. Here he goes with "chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaange" again.
MC: Every other ad is an attack on MC's healthcare plan, and objective observers don't believe it. MC says he supports stem cell research. MC seems to have a bit more substance to his answers, as if that's a surprise. And OB is smiling again. MC mentions that he didn't repudiate Lewis.
OB: Lewis is an American hero...he spoke of his own free will of being troubled with what was being said at Palin rallies. Palin didn't try to stop them...is he going to explain what this has to do with segregation? OB said that he doesn't believe the comparison is appropriate, and Lewis issued a "sorry you heard what I said" apology. CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANGE!!! Let's talk about healthcare...when people suggest that OB pals around with terrorists...they're probably talking about Ayers...oh, wait, that's not what he said.
MC: Says his campaign has good people in it and are being linked to a small minority of disrupters. Won't stand for somebody saying that because something has been yelled...T-shirts...MC has repudiated people when they've been out of line and will continue to do so. They've both said that we need to talk about other issues, so can we do that instead of still harping on this question?
OB: To solve our problems, we have to disagree without being disagreeable, which means we can have vigorous debates, but not characterize each other as bad people...
MC: We need to know about OB's relationships with ACORN...OB thinks this is hilarious...
OB: Ayers has become the centerpiece of MC's campaign.....Bill Ayers is a professor of education who engaged in despicable acts...he has condemned these acts...they both served on a school reform board that was funded by Reagan's former ambassador...Ayers is not involved in the campaign and will not advise him in the White House...ACORN is a community organization paying people to register people to vote, and they filled in fake names, but had nothing to do with OB...represented ACORN in making Illinois implement a law that helped people register. Facts should get out because of MC's accusations of his associations being bad...he associates himself with people in government...Dems and Reps...
MC: OB and Ayers sent $230,000 to ACORN, and he launched his campaign in Ayers' living room...Ayers said he wished he had bombed more...all these details should be known so the people can make a judgment...he's talking about the economy now for some reason...this is really fucking annoying...tax increase...ask a different question.
[Another afterthought by CD: Why was there no mention by either candidate of Jeremiah Wright?]
Next topic: Running mates. Why would the country be better off with Biden/Palin?
OB: Biden is a fine public servant, he hasn't forgotten where he came from...dealing with economic downturn...fights for the little guy...will help working families...the "Violence Against Womens Act..." Linking MC with Bush yet again...reprioritize, give tax cuts to small businesses and individuals who are struggling...I notice that OB is still talking about what is important to him and not what he's actually planning to do.
MC: Palin is a role model to women and reformers, and is a reformer. She took on her own party, resigned when she saw corruption...cut the size of government...helped relieve energy needs...time we had a "bresh of freth air." Fights against cronyism and reform...understands special needs families...here comes the after school special tearjerker story. "Special special special." I think he tried to make himself cry a little.
Is Palin qualified?
OB: She's a capable politician who has excited the base...that could have a double meaning...autism, etc. require additional funding...paid for by the rich, I assume...
Is Biden qualified??
MC: Biden has been wrong on foreign policy and national security, which is supposed to be his strength. Had the idea that Iraq should be divided, but now it's being united. National security, Biden has been wrong. OB keeps saying we need to spend more. Why can't we reform instead of spending more? Why did he propose new spending and tax increases?
Next topic: Energy and climate change. Dependence on foreign oil. Give a number of how much we can reduce foreign oil imports.
MC: Eliminate dependence on Middle Eastern and Venezuelan oil. OB said he would renegotiate an agreement unilaterally...we can build new nuclear power plants...this won't play well with hippies...we've sailed around the world for 60 years with nuclear power. Wind, tide, solar, natural gas, clean coal, hybrid...clean coal technology is key in the heartland. We can easily eliminate dependence on harmful places. I notice he didn't give us a number as he was asked to do.
OB: In 10 years, we can eliminate dependence on the Middle East and Venezuela. This is the most important issue. We need to expand domestic production and look at offshore drilling. We use more oil than we have, so we can't drill our way out, so resources should go to other energy sources. It is critical to develop a fuel-efficient car built in America. NAFTA...OB believes in free trade, BUT...for far too long...linking MC with Bush again...any trade agreement has been seen as good, but NAFTA should've had more rules to control prices...South Korea is sending cars into the U.S., but we can't get enough of ours there, so that isn't free trade, so the president needs to advocate on behalf of Americans.
MC: Admires OB's eloquence...we will "look at" offshore drilling, but we need to actually do it to show the world that we can do it. Free trade: MC is a free trader, and we need to train displaced workers. "Displaced?" OB opposed the Colombia Free Trade Agreement, but it would help us create jobs...He's talking too fast to handle all his thoughts.
OB: Labor leaders in Colombia were targeted for assassination...the trade agreement has protections, but we have to stand for human rights. Supported the Peruvian Free Trade Agreement because it was well structured. The president should understand the benefits of free trade, but can stand up to other countries. By "stand up to," I'm assuming he means "talk talk talk talk talk talk." People can't get car loans, but auto makers should be held responsible for producing efficient cars. Detroit has dragged its feet...maybe the defense was clutching and grabbing it...we can create 5 million new jobs. Once again, I notice that he's saying what he wants to do, but not how he will do it.
MC: OB wants to restrict trade and raise taxes. Hoover tried it, and we entered a depression.
Next topic: Healthcare. Does either favor controlling costs over expanding coverage?
OB: We should do both. This is the issue that breaks his heart. More sob stories coming right up. People don't have insurance and need coverage. OB's plan lets people keep their insurance, but costs need to be lowered. If you don't have insurance, the option for federal coverage will be there. And the money will come from...where? Insurance companies won't discriminate based on pre-existing conditions...which, of course, means that they won't get to decide what risk they take...manage chronic illnesses and prevent them. "This will cost some money." No shit? But it will save the federal budget.
MC: This is a painful situation, and costs are the problem. MC thinks we need to put records online to reduce costs, more community centers and clinics...obesity is alarming, so we should have physical fitness programs...we need employers to reward employees who practice wellness...what? Proposes a tax credit for people to get help. Joe the plumber will be forced to adopt a particular plan for not using OB's plan to cover his employees. OB will set up a bureaucracy with a single-payer system.
OB: "I just described what my plan is." No you fucking didn't. Small businesses are exempt from the coverage requirements and payments, but large businesses will be punished for being successful and will be forced to pay for the coverage of people they don't employ. Awesome. Families pay too much because of the uninsured. Joe will get a credit to afford to cover his employees if he can. MC's plan will eliminate employer-based insurance because less healthy people will be out of the price range. MC will tax employer-provided benefits. Insurers are restricted by state law, and companies would exclude more people from coverage under MC's plan.
MC: Joe is rich according to OB's plan. Joe should be able to spend his own money. OB's plan eliminates choice. He's not explaining this very well. 95% of Americans will receive more money under MC's plan because they will receive present benefits, plus a little extra. Cosmetic surgery and transplants not included. People will be able to go anywhere in America with their $5,000, which gives them a choice and a chance, rather than having government decide it for them. "Senator Government"...People should do the job, not the government. He's being prompted to stop.
OB: Under MC's plan , there is a risk of losing benefits. The Chamber of Commerce said that this plan could unravel the employer-based system. OB just wants to lower costs. Unless you're rich. In that case, fuck you.
Next topic: Roe v. Wade. Can you nominate someone who disagrees with you on this?
MC: No litmus test. RvW was a bad decision, and abortion should rest in the hands of the states. We should nominate people based on qualifications. He's bringing up the majority vote issue. OB voted against people who didn't meet ideological standards. MC will find the best judges, even if they're in favor of abortion rights.
OB: Shouldn't be a litmus test. Judges should "provide fairness and justice to the American people." Congratulations, you don't understand the Supreme Court. Believes RvW was right. Abortion is a moral issue..."the Constitution has a right to privacy in it." Congratulations, you don't understand the Constitution. OB will look for judges with "a sense of what real world folks are going through." I'm going to vomit. He's talking about a particular case where a woman was "being treated unfairly..." Translation of this whole answer: "I will nominate activist judges, because fairness is more important to me than the Constitution."
MC: We should be compassionate. OB voted against a law that would provide medical attention to a child born as a failed abortion, and he voted "present" later. He voted against a ban on partial-birth abortion, which is "one of the bad procedures." Powerful. How can OB be aligned with pro-choice extremists? He clearly voted in direct contradiction of America. What the hell does this have to do with judges?
OB: MC's accusation is untrue. There was already a law that required lifesaving treatment, so the other law was unnecessary. OB opposed late-term abortions that have an exception for the mother's health and life. This would somehow be Constitutional. Abortion is divisive. There must be common ground when both sides can come together and try to prevent unintended pregnancies. He's saying we should tell our youth that "sexuality is sacred." Or maybe we should just give them the facts and let them decide. Maybe.
[Yet another afterthought by CD: I get the feeling that a Republican would be more heavily scrutinized for calling anything "sacred," especially when it relates to sex education.]
MC: Health of the mother is an extremist position. I take offense to that. We have to come together. We must have the courage to bring children into the world.
Last question: Education. Why is our children not learning, and is it a threat to the nation?
OB: This has effects on security and economics. We have to get our education system right. The debate has been between money and reform, but we need both. "I think we need both" seems to be his answer to every either/or question. Recruit a generation (an "army") of new teachers, pay them more in exchange for higher standards, make college affordable. People are too far in debt when they go to college. There will be a tuition credit for community service. And this money will come from the rich, right? Parents are needed. Be responsible, instill a thirst for knowledge.
MC: It's a civil rights issue. We have equal access to schools, but failed schools shouldn't be the only choice. Competition is a key element that is proven to work. Charter schools reward good teachers. Give parents the same choice that OB and MC had to send children to the school of their choice. Competition. Throwing money at the problem won't work. Can't argue with that. Reward good teachers, provide training, improve education. Student loans should be available and payable, and eligibility should be adjusted to inflation.
Should government play a larger role?
OB: We have a tradition of local control, BUT it is important for the government to help. NCLB was underfunded, as was special education. In other words, throw money at the problem. Pay teachers more, increase charter schools, get rid of bad teachers. Vouchers won't be enough. Details? No details. College should be made more affordable, somebody has to pay for improvements.
MC: DC provides vouchers, and more parents asked for the choice. Vouchers, vouchers. NCLB was a great first beginning, but was flawed. We need to reauthorize it. Let's reform and fund programs...transparency and accountability along with funding. Parents...more autism posturing...I like how his whole demeanor changes when he talks about this. My substance meter is barely registering here. Vouchersvouchersvouchers.
OB: Vouchers in DC...interruption by MC...vouchers aren't the way to go. MC's policy would increase the voucher program in DC, which leaves others without a reform policy. What?
Closing statements:
MC: These are difficult times. America needs a new direction. MC has a record of reform and taking on special interests. Define "special interests," please. Tax dollars will be spent carefully. Education should be available for all, spending should be stopped. Votes should be based on trust. Examine the record and proposals. MC will serve the country and wants the chance to prove this.
OB: Bush references again. Is there a "worst economic crisis since the Great Depression" drinking game? Even more linking MC with Bush. "Fundamental change" is needed. We should invest in the American people, and OB has fought for the policies that will do this. It will not be easy or quick, and will require people to come together and renew a spirit of sacrifice, service, and responsibility. OB will work on the behalf of the future of our children.
MC is trying to look goofy while the audience applauds for some bizarre reason.
My final thoughts:
Watching this debate made me feel strangely empty, since I don't particularly support either candidate. I will say that Obama is very, very good at speaking to both sides of an issue. How many times did he say "but" after stating a position most would consider mainstream?
McCain seemed to have kind of a mocking attitude a few times, and his focus was basically on reform and letting people keep their money. Obama just kept going back to "change change this is going to work just trust me change change hope change," but I didn't detect a whole lot of concrete proposals from either, other than the various tax credits they mentioned. I'll agree with McCain on one thing: He's not Bush, so for the love of fuck, stop mentioning "eight years of failed policies."
A rather important point: Despite the aforementioned tax credits, I noticed very little talk of spending cuts from either side, especially Obama, who seems to think that if he takes money from the rich, everyone else will be able to make more, which will then enable them to pay the astronomically high tax rates that will result from a government overwhelmingly controlled by Democrats.
That's about it, I guess. Forgive any weird typos you may have noticed. I read over the whole thing, but I wasn't facing the computer most of the time I was typing, so I may have missed something.
Oh, and:
CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANGE!!!!!!!
Murtha: Western Pa. 'racist' but Obama should winPITTSBURGH (AP) - U.S. Rep. John Murtha says his home base of western Pennsylvania is racist and that could reduce Barack Obama's victory margin in the state by 4 percentage points.
The 17-term Democratic congressman tells the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette in a story posted Wednesday on its Web site that, as he put it: "There is no question that western Pennsylvania is a racist area."
He says it's taken time for many Pennsylvania voters to come around to liking Obama, but he should still win the state, though not in a runaway.
In a separate interview posted Wednesday on the Pittsburgh Tribune-Review's Web site, Murtha says Obama has a problem with the race issue in western Pennsylvania that could shave 4 points off his lead in the state.
If Obama loses votes, here or anywhere else in the country, it will be because he's a self-fellating, speech-suppressing, terrorist-befriending socialist, not because he's black, you presumptuous prick.
Suck my Western Pennsylvania ass.
I was going to do a short photo essay based on my trip to the Penguins' home opener on Saturday, but I decided against it for two reasons:
1. I was too absorbed in the experience to get as many pictures as I wanted (for example, there were two fights, and I didn't get shots of either).
2. The Pens lost 2-1 in overtime while only getting 15 shots on goal through 64 minutes, and I don't want to depress myself by thinking about that fact any longer than necessary.
On a side note, despite the abysmal shot total, I still want to do violent things to people who yell "shoot!" whenever the Pens gain the offensive zone. My brother and I made fun of them a couple times by yelling "shoot it!" when Marc-Andre Fleury (the Penguins' goaltender, for those unaware) had the puck behind the net. My brother also yelled "hit someone!" right before a faceoff.
Of course, our mockery backfired when a few retarded yinzers thought we were doing it out of frustration with the lack of shots from the rest of the team.
Speaking of retarded yinzers, here's an actual conversation that took place between two guys sitting behind me:
Douchebag #1: What happened to Kris Beech?
Douchebag #2: He went down to the minors, dude.
Douchebag #1: He got down with some minors? Awesome.
These two also spent a large part of the third period talking about how hard it is to get season tickets for football games.
Anyway...
Instead of the essay, I'll just post the pictures I did get, along with brief descriptions. As usual, these were taken with my cell phone, so they're extremely low quality, but they're better than nothing:
Approaching Mellon Arena
The arena entrance, which included red carpets for some reason
The brand new conference, division, and scoring championship banners
The view from my seat before warmups
The Pens and Devils warming up
Closer shot of warmups
One more warmup shot (I'm pretty sure the dude kneeling in the faceoff circle is Evgeni Malkin)
The opening faceoff
Martin "Uncle Daddy" Brodeur during a commercial break
And that's it. Again, I wanted more, but I kept forgetting that I had my phone. I'm also going to the game on Thursday against the Washington Ovechcaps, so maybe I can get some more there.
As long as I'm posting Pens-related photos, here's some more fun stuff that I, for some reason, haven't shared yet.
Quick backstory: As I've mentioned, my brother had a brain tumor last year. I don't remember exactly how this happened, but through a family friend or something, someone in the Penguins organization heard about this, and as a show of support, they gave him a Sidney Crosby T-shirt signed by #87 himself. Check it out:
Just to clear up any confusion, that autograph isn't part of the shirt; It was physically signed by the best hockey player in the world. Kind of cool, if you ignore what had to take place in order for us to get it.
On a final note, I may be moving back to New York within the next two weeks. More details once I figure out what the hell is actually going on.
Yeah, so I kind of disappeared for a couple weeks there. Basically, I had a bit of a frustration-induced mental breakdown shortly after the Craigslist rage post and had to take some time to cool off. Spending a couple hours a day wading through dozens of postings by spammers and illiterate retards just to find one good apartment listing tends to get to you after a while, especially when the person who posted the good one doesn't even bother to respond to your email.
But I'm better now. I think.
In other news:
Remember how I said that I have more energy than ever before thanks to all the exercise I've been getting, which has actually made it difficult to maintain a sleep schedule? Just in case you thought I was exaggerating, here is a list of times of day that I've gotten out of bed in the past week or so:
- 2:30 AM
- 3:15 AM
- 4:45 AM
- 7:30 AM
- 10:45 AM
Messing with your circadian rhythms is fun!
Speaking of exercise, my weight is now down to 175. That means I've lost 60 pounds in the past 17 months. Unreal. On the other hand, because I'm so damn short, I still have to lose another 15 or 20 before I can consider myself a healthy weight. So close, yet so far...
Also on the topic of exercise, here's a fun fact: I almost stepped on a dead skunk while I was taking my walk tonight. Awesome. Other than that slight unpleasantness, I was reminded that there's no better time to take a walk than an October evening. Cool air, the smell of fallen leaves, Halloween decorations all over the place, a huge deer standing in the front yard and staring at me when I get back to the house...
Actually, that last part wasn't quite as much fun. But you get the idea.
Coming attractions:
I'm going to the Penguins' home opener against the New Jersey Sedatives Devils tomorrow night, so I may have some photos and/or stories to share. My prediction: The Pens will win by a score of 3-2, with Evgeni Malkin scoring two goals (he loves to make Martin Brodeur's life miserable) and Kris Letang scoring the third. I feel that this has at least a bit of credibility, since I predicted that Malkin and Tyler Kennedy would score goals in the first game against Ottawa, and both of them did. I did not, however, predict that Rob Scuderi would score, because...dude, Rob Scuderi?
I apologize to all non-hockey/non-Penguins fans who read the previous paragraph and had no idea who/what I was talking about.
Also, there may be a new NTi soon, but I don't know when. It's not like anyone will recognize the songs anyway, since I'm apparently the only person who listens to any of the bands in my collection, despite the fact that most of them are not only popular, but utterly overexposed.
By the way, if this post seems poorly written (which it is, at least by the impossibly high standards I've set for myself), it's because I have about a million things on my mind right now, and I'm trying to pound out a quick post before I forget most of them.
Later.