Musings On My Current Mental State

I think it's interesting that when you're lonely and depressed, a possible solution would be to go out and try to have some fun, but the fact that you're lonely and depressed just makes it harder to even find the motivation to look for opportunities, let alone actually do something.

I also think it's interesting how my brain seems to want to reinforce the depression rather than doing something to fix it. For example, I somehow decided that it would be a good idea to spend part of the evening reading through a thread called "Tell me about your first kiss" on a discussion forum I frequent. In a truly shocking development, seeing that most people give the age at which this happened as 13-16 has not made my 21 year-old never-been-kissed self feel any better.

Seriously, someone needs to come to Syracuse and cheer me up. This shit is getting really irritating. I realize that it's been about a month since I started this stupid pity party, but I'm still having trouble dealing with the realization that the last ten years of my life could've been better with just a little more effort on my part, and that I'll never have a chance to fix that fact.

I know it's incredibly cliché, but I would be willing to deal with all the bad stuff (even living with The Chimps for a year) if I had the chance to go back and live those years over again with the knowledge/social skills I have now. It's the 21st century, damn it. I want a time machine now.

Incidentally, I know that the best way to deal with this would be to move on and try to make the future better (Army NCO Guy, the comment you wrote on the "Blarg" post really did give me some hope), but emotions really aren't rational, are they?

Fuck.