I think I figured out how I'm going to get to work.
I think.
Anyway, if I had to think of one word to describe today, it would be "ironic."
You see, I seem to keep ending up in situations that don't allow me to interact with others, despite the fact that I'm actually looking for social situations now rather than actively avoiding and/or running away from them like I did in the past.
Let's go through the day.
I started off by taking the NYU bus to campus, and it was eerily quiet most of the way. There were only about half a dozen people there, so that's kind of understandable. Still, I had already started noticing something: Everyone here seems to be preoccupied at all times with their own business. Whether they're talking on their cell phones, reading various materials, or whatever else it is people do, they don't seem really interested in anyone else.
Moving on...
The first order of business was to get my official ID card so I can get in and out of buildings. Kind of important. After walking around in circles for about 15 minutes, I finally found my way there, and there was a line from the card production area all the way to the door.
Those two are not in the same room, just to give you an idea of the congestion.
This is where things got interesting. I actually started looking around for someone to talk to, since it was obvious that I was going to be there for a while. After a couple minutes, another guy in line went all the way to the front to see how long it really was, and when he basically announced to everyone else that he could barely see where it ended, I made a casual comment in an attempt to start a conversation. We both kind of laughed about the ridiculousness of the line...and then he decided that he didn't want to wait and proceeded to leave.
Shit.
So, there I was once again, standing by myself with nobody to talk to. In front of me was a dude who had barely even moved since I had been there and didn't look like he wanted to even make eye contact with anyone else, and behind me was a dumpy high school girl who was watching/listening to something on an iPod and loudly snort-laughing every 30 seconds.
Again, I go into the situation actually looking to socialize, and one attempt doesn't go anywhere, leaving me in a situation with no other clear opportunities. Why couldn't I have been standing next to, say, a couple of cute girls who needed help finding their way back to the bus stop?
Just once, let me catch a break, universe.
After a very long time, I did manage to get to the front of the line, and the situation left me slightly pissed off, as you may be able to tell from the card photo:
(Fun fact: My hair looks weird because I forgot to use conditioner last night)
The next step of my day was to attend a class meeting for the internship course I'm technically enrolled in. I actually did manage to talk to the two other people who showed up early while we were waiting to get started, and I was thinking of possibly asking them if they were going somewhere to eat afterwards, but...oh, wait! I had to stay after the meeting to talk to the internship coordinator about getting my credits changed.
Shit. Again.
So, I ventured over to the student center food court and proceeded to sit by myself near the balcony eating a sandwich. Fun times. At one point, there was a girl (are you seeing a pattern in what's on my mind lately?) sitting a couple seats down eating by herself, and I guess I could've tried to start a conversation, but I have no idea what I would've said.
After that, I headed back to campus, again on a bus full of people either talking on cell phones or reading.
Let me reiterate once more: I used to actually try and create situations where I wouldn't have to talk to anyone, and I would try and find tables far away from other people when I ate so I wouldn't be bothered. Now, I actually want to socialize, and every time I try/plan to try something, it doesn't seem to work, and unlike the first weekend at Syracuse, for example, when orientation activities basically forced everyone to try to make friends, I've been thrust into a situation where everyone around me already has their own business and isn't particularly interested in anything else.
Wow, that was a long sentence.
An observation: One of the things that caused me some trouble in the past was that I tended to avoid eye contact and speak in a fast, kind of subdued tone so people couldn't understand me and/or thought I was trying to end the conversation. Also, the way I look in the above photo was the way I used to look all the time (except I was about 45 pounds fatter). I seem to still be slipping back into that persona occasionally, although I'm trying to exude more confidence. Interestingly, it's happening more around authority figures than my peers, while it used to be just the opposite.
I'm not sure what to think about that.
Oh, well. I start my internship in the morning. Maybe that will go more smoothly if I don't get lost in the subway system.
In closing: Somebody please be my fucking friend. Attractive, intelligent females, go to the front of the line.
Thank you.
Posted by CD on July 1, 2008 12:51 AM | TrackBack