Larry's Roundup

Hi, folks. Larry the Liberal here. I've got a lot more to talk about this week, so pay attention!

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Well, I've just been informed that I am, in fact, typing. Therefore, you aren't actually listening, and you can't see this as I'm writing it. Why didn't you tell me that before, CD? Do you realize how much longer it takes to write a blog entry when you add hand gestures and dramatic pauses?

I guess I should still write my roundup. Let's start by talking about this weekend's big athletic event, the Super Bowl. The Carolina Panthers are playing the New England Patriots. Think about that for a second.

Is there ANYONE who doesn't see what's going to happen? A team called the Patriots is in the Super Bowl! There's no way they'll lose! Pretzeldent Shrub probably paid off the Panthers to let New England win. You have to be delusional to believe that the NFL (Neocon Football League) will let a team called the Patriots look bad. That would be...well, unpatriotic!

Here's another story: U.S. Military 'Sure' to Catch Bin Laden. I love how this fraudministration is pretending that we don't have Osama yet. My guess is we'll be "catching" him near the end of October. Then, Bushfoon can say that we won the war on terra. He's so predictable, especially after we just happened to catch Saddam while he was signing Patriot Act II (a.k.a. "All your civil liberties are belong to us"). Of course, considering we armed bin Laden in the first place, I wouldn't be surprised if our Commander and Thief has been working with him this whole time. It would explain 9/11.

Now, let's look at this story: Dean Shakes Up Reeling Campaign After Losses. Like I said before, I'm a Kucinich supporter, but I still feel for Dean right now. After all, I can see what's happening, even if you sheeple can't. The corporate media was setting Dean up for failure all along! They portrayed him as the frontrunner, giving impressionable Americans the idea that he represents the average Democrat.

Then, they focused all their energy on exploiting his speech in Iowa, which made his poll numbers go down and caused him to lose in New Hampshire. Now, most Americans think that Democrats are out of control! This character destruction by the media is disgusting. How can you not realize that Shrub has them all wrapped around his finger? Just wait. Soon, they'll be ignoring John Kerry's heroic protests during the Vietnam War.

Have you heard about this on the news? I didn't think so. How are Democrats supposed to support him if they don't know about all the patriotic things he did? If you're interested, you can see it here. Don't let the corporate media shills fool you into thinking that Kerry is a warmonger!!!

I want to talk about this story next. Now, you may have read Conservative Douchebag's take on the whole thing, but you have to keep in mind that when he says "I'm not a racist," he means "I hate the inferior brown people of Mexico."

Really, I can't believe we're still using archaic terms like "illegal alien." They're trying to dehumanize immigrants by comparing them to beings from other planets! In my opinion, immigrants should automatically become American citizens when they enter the country.

We should at least stop calling them "illegals." The only crime they're commmitting is not being white. Oh, well. I guess that if we can go to war with Iraq and Afghanistan for their horrible crimes of being minorities, we can go after anyone. You racists make me sick.

Next, I'll quickly mention the fact that David Kay admitted that Saddam had no WMD's when we brutally attacked him. I'm still not satisfied though. When Dumbya admits that he knew all along and then begs for impeatchment, I'll be happy.

Finally, there's this story, which says that Shrubya is going to increase funds for the National Endowment for the Arts. Interesting. Know who else was a big fan of the arts?

HITLER!

That's it for me. I hope you feel better about yourselves now that you know the truth about these issues. Remember, if you have any questions, or if you just want to tell me how much smarter and cooler I am than CD, you can e-mail me at impeachthechimp2000@yahoo.com.

See you next time.