March 05, 2004

DU Shows Their Compassion

Okay, you may have heard by now that John Ashcroft has been hospitalized for gallstone pancreatitis. When I saw this headline, I thought, "I wonder how DU is reacting." Let's take a look:

(DU DISCLAIMER: Democratic Underground threads are meant for entertainment purposes only and do not represent the American left as a whole; also, each quoted block of text represents a different person, in case you didn't know. Thank you.)

Pray for him. Silent prayer, please. 'Nuff said.

WHA?! The first post on a Democratic Underground thread is asking people to pray for JOHN ASHCROFT?!!! (insert "cats and dogs living together" joke here)

...I'm shocked. This has to be a fluke! What else are they saying?

Yes, Pray for Pain. We need to let the AG know what pain I and others have everyday and the pain killers we need that he makes hard for our docs to write. So let us pray his doc will not give him the pain killers he needs until he begs for them. Then let us pray the doc tells him what he put doctors through.

Ah, that's more like it! I can't believe they didn't ban that first poster. Continuing the discussion...

I'll pray that he dies!

Short and sweet.

Would I be completely evil if I stated what we're all thinking at the moment. Let the bastard die. Ok, 'nough said.

Okay, I guess they are still as crazy as always. I'm putting the rest in the extended entry for the sake of The Children™. Feel free to join me if, like me, you've already lost all faith in humanity. Otherwise, I suggest you leave now so DU doesn't burst your bubble.

I do not disagree with the sentiment. He's been a meanspirited guy for too long. Maybe he'll have a change of heart after all of this.....Naaaaaaaah!

I love how "mean" is the ultimate bad quality with people like this.

Go ahead! It feels good.

Just deserts, I say.

I will never wish this SOB well.

I will wish him 10 times what he's done to others happens to him.

What exactly do they think he's done, anyway? Is this about Gitmo? Incidentally, I'm amazed that someone dumb enough to post on DU knew how to spell "just deserts." Weird.

Nope - I'm thinking it too. I think the majority of us here are, too. Sorry, I can't be as noble and forgiving as you with all the pain and suffering he has directly caused by his butting his nose in "States Rights" to disallow medical marijuana use.

It's like the IMAO version. "John Ashcroft stole my bong!"

...Let's cleanse the palate with another semi-rational response:

You know I get absolutely savaged by people here for supporting the Democratic nominee and criticizing Ralph Nader and the Greens, yet some people here feel free to to cheer for the deaths of our political enemies, or even cheer for the deaths of American soldiers. Amazing. I seek Mr. Ashcroft's political defeat, perhaps even his impeachment, but not his death. Jeez.

It's good to know that they're not all praying for the attorney general to die, but I don't think that's the common sentiment...

schadenfreude is what i feel- suffer you nazi bastard!

They even spelled "schadenfreude" right (I think)! (speaking of which, did you hear that Ted Rall was dropped from the New York Times? Bwahaha.)

Let's see another one:

Suffer......@sshole. Lets all hope for the worst

That poster^ also has a picture of President Bush saluting a swastika as their signature line, if you were wondering.

Yep,,, getting eaten away by his own all those ****heads suffer from their outrageous behavior and unbridled greed.

Only Georgie is blissfully unaware of the suffering he is causing. The rest of them think happiness is the fleeting moment of righteous indignation they feel when bad things happen to others.

I'm not positive, but I THINK he/she/it just managed to blame all human suffering on President Bush. Wow.

Here's another of the better ones:

...he is getting what he deserves. Personally, I could give a damn about how much pain he's in or whether he pulls through. Do you think he, or any of his kind, give a damn about any of the lives lost in this ridiculous war?? Does he care about how average americans are getting by without jobs and decreased benefits?? Do you think he loses a moment's sleep over people who die every day because they can't afford proper medical care. I have no pity for him. The world will be a much better place with him gone.

The preceding rant was presented without comment for your nausea inducement. Let's move on to a couple more...

man some of you are pretty cold hearted. I mean he is a fricking human being ya know. Have at least some compassion, I'm not saying that you have to cry and pray for the guy, but I don't think we should all be saying that this is a great thing to happen. Half of you are the same ones that bitch and whine when we put a comvicted murderer to death.

Another sane one! Why are these people on DU when they could be doing useful things with their IQ that managed to climb into the double digit range? Any more like this?

Nope - he's the scum of the earth.

Would you pray for Goebles, or Hitler?

Same thing.

He is not a human being. Don't put him in the same category as me.

Reap what you sow, asscrap.

Sorry, no pity here. He's caused so much suffering to others.


...Wow. I guess there aren't many more like that. Although I give them some credit for using the word "asscrap." I haven't heard that one yet.


The major causes are long-standing alcohol consumption and biliary stone disease. In developed countries, the most common cause of acute pancreatitis is alcohol abuse.

Could it be ??

This must have been written by a freeper doctor. Only a freeper would come up with something called 'Billary stone disease'.

Oh, man, I don't believe it! Even the doctors are part of the VRWC in DU World! (UPDATE: I just realized that they misread "biliary" as "billary." That's even funnier.) I can't take many more of these, but let's look at...I don't know, two more.

I would be a hypocrite If I expressed any sympathy or good wishes for that fascist anti-American bastard. So I won't. I hope he is forced to resign because of bad health. No I take that back, we need him to stay on as yet another reason for people to vote ABB in November.

I really didn't even need to go to DU to get these. I could've made them up myself and they would've been pretty close to the real thing.

He's earned every pain over a long career built on the suffering of those different from jonny crisco, I hope he recovers, slowly and painfully. While he recovers I hope that investigations reveal the evilness of this shithead and land him in prison for the rest of his existance.

Okay, that's enough. I can't take any more.

I don't even want to think about how they'd react if it was Dubya instead of Ashcroft.


Posted by CD on March 5, 2004 02:54 PM
Semi-Intelligent Comments

DU: the site that fisks itself! No assembly required!

Posted by: dowingba at March 9, 2004 02:41 AM
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