Brainless Bands Against Bush

Did you know that there's a website called Bands Against Bush? Well, now you do. As a rock drummer/songwriter currently looking for a band (did I mention that I added a new song and audio sample to the music page?), I feel that I should look at what some of my fellow musicians are up to, so let's glance at their F.A.Q.:

How can I be a part of Bands Against Bush?

Easy, if you want to be, you are. That's it, there's no application process, there's no requirements, and, as our misguided White House Resident has said you do not "need a permission slip". BAB is open source. Here are the only rules: We ask that those involved not include anything or anybody racist, sexist, homophobic or otherwise unfairly discriminatory in their event or materials, all are welcome and we are all in the same boat. Don't be jerks, we've already got those guys running the place, no need to sink to their level.

Ahhh, I love the smell of moonbattery at 1:30 in the morning. Smells like...blog material. Let's see what else they say:

What should the primary goals of an event be?

...A hand out with Bands Against Bush information, a mission statement what we are all about, etc. Something that is specific to your chapter is preferable but you can get a mission statement here too.

Vote to Impeach petitions.

...If we are to see regime change in the US we need to empower the disenfranchised, so more then anything else a goal should be registering folks to vote that aren't (In the US only of course), and informing them of their options for a non-Bush leadership of the USA. How you choose to apply that is up to you.

Those were just the best parts of that section. Here's another question, and the beginning of my fisktastic response to their BS:

What is Bands Against Bush?

Bands Against Bush is an international movement which uses music and art and the support systems of these activities for protest and political involvement.

Yeah, good luck getting those "international" votes in the U.S. election.

We, along with the majority of the US and the World, oppose the Bush administration and its domestic and foreign policies.

That's a pretty incredible assumption. Too bad even the most biased polls show support for Bush in the U.S., and the rest of the world probably hates Kerry just as much. Except the Communists, I guess.

Our goals include encouraging debate, dialogue, and the open exchange of ideas in a climate that is becoming increasingly hostile to individuals and groups exercising their right to free speech.

I love the irony. "There's no free speech in this country, so we're gonna prove it by organizing a bunch of bands to protest the government in a childish fashion!"

I think the vast majority of the LLL crowd bases their view of the world on how they think it would be under a Republican president. After all, reality doesn't seem to have much of an impact on their other beliefs.

We will use the resources we have cultivated as artists to share information, inspiration, and ideas.

These include: fanzines, bands...

Well, obviously.

...venues, record labels, concerts, radio stations, touring networks, the internet, libraries, college campuses, galleries, movie theaters, and any other means available.

Couldn't they have just said "advertising" or "propaganda?" I think most of the people who would be drawn to a cause like this would get bored halfway through that list.

With these tools we can struggle against a world of perpetual fear and violence bolstered by Bush and his administration, as well as collectively resist the weight of our individual apathy.

There it is again. "There's so much fearmongering in this world! Now help us promote a huge live event where we bash the president and his administration!"

I'm sure it would've been just as easy to have "Sing Against Stalin" or "Musicians Against Mussolini" or something. Paranoid freaks.

Why are you against Bush?

This should be good.

Considering his resume...

Yeah, let's link to a humor site and use it as a testimonial against the president. Good call, BAB.

...that's an interesting question, but for the sake of argument we'll address that briefly here.

All right, these are the standard talking points, but since I'm covering this as if they were actually going to see it, humor me while I assault them with basic facts. It should be fun. For me, anyway. And isn't that what's really important?

* Bush was not elected to office, he was appointed by the supreme court.

That nasty old Constitution, making it impossible for the loser to be president! What kind of world are we living in?

Hmmm...hey, you know something? None of those gay couples were married in Massachusetts! They were just "appointed" spouses by the Supreme Court!

*Bush, his administration, and the rest of the PNAC have made this great country of ours more feared, hated, and mocked by the rest of the world more than any other period in history.

Oh, that must be why we were attacked numerous times during the previous administration, and we give foreign aid to more people than any other nation in the history of the world. And let's not forget that Americans were hated loooooooong before Bush. The only real difference today is that more Americans hate America. But they know that America is one of the few countries that they can hate without being imprisoned, so they stay. Fascinating, isn't it?

I'm not even going to put on my tinfoil hat and try to figure out where the PNAC enters the equation. It's too late for that.

*We have seen our civil liberties stripped away in the name of “homeland security..."

I will pay one thousand evil, capitalist U.S. dollars to the person who can point to ONE EXAMPLE of anyone's civil liberties being taken away. Remember, they have to be an American citizen in order to have those liberties in the first place. Again, it's amazing that people use their freedom of speech to claim that they have no freedom of speech. What the f**k do you call "Bands Against Bush," an underground resistance movement? I'm going to alert the Ashcroft Dissent Crushing Squads™!!!!

...against nebulous boogeymen that are trotted out whenever questioning voices are raised.

Oh, yeah, Osama and Saddam were innocent! They were just the victims of the PNAC warmongers who wanted to kill brown people for oil. How horrible.

*We have seen atrocities committed in America's name against innocent people, both here and abroad, in a horrific Keystone Kops style manner.

I will assume that this is referring to Abu Ghraib. I will then look at the word "innocent" in the description of the victims. Now, I will enjoy a hearty laugh:

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

*Bush and his administration have lied, cheated, and stolen from the American people and the rest of the world, to give to Bush's friends and associates.

Let's see here...no examples of lies...no explanation of "cheated"...and the fact that Bush cut taxes shows that he's actually taken less from us than John "F**k Up" Kerry would. Nice try at using ambiguity to avoid reality, though.

*The rampant hedonism by the Bush administration is only matched by it's abject contempt, shown again and again, for the people it is supposed to represent.

I'm guessing they don't even know what the word "hedonism" means, so I won't bother pointing out why they're wrong.

*If for nothing else, we are against Bush and what he stands for because of the dumbing down and vilification of America and everything we hold dear as both Americans and human beings.

There's the money quote. The guy villifies the president, then claims its the president's fault. I love it so much.

So the real question shouldn't be why we are against Bush, but how can you not be?

Let's see...uh...oh, yeah: I HAVE A MIND OF MY OWN!!!

Is it just Bush you are against?

Why does that sound like innuendo?

Absolutely not, we stand against the entire Bush Administration and believe that they should be, again, impeached for their many and varied crimes.

"So many, in fact, that we can't actually name one!"

But the problem doesn't begin and end with him, he just happens to be a polarizing lightning rod.

Don't you mean...an EVIL polarizing lightning rod?

...Wait, now I'm paraphrasing Austin Powers quotes. This is why I shouldn't post after midnight.

We are also against social and political injustice everywhere.

Good luck wiping those off the face of the Earth. *cough*

However it is good to stay focused, and a lot of the issues and problems in the world today can be traced back to the hedonistic leadership practices of the Bush administration. So that is who we are, Bands Against Bush, and his administration.

You guys do know that there's already a website whose tagline is "Because Bush is to blame for everything," right?

If you are against Bush what are you for?

I'm guessing "not Bush." Am I right?

*We are for a multi-party system, instead of a dual-party system, where the will of the people is represented accurately by it's elected representatives.

We already have that, you idiots. It's just that the other parties don't get t3h v0t35.

*We are for true freedom of speech, regardless of race, creed, color, religion, sexual orientation, or belief system, and exercising that freedom loudly and as often as is possible to make the world a better place.

Anyone who doesn't already have that, please move to America immediately. Thank you. Also, I bet these people still support hate crime laws. It's just a feeling I'm getting...

*We are for a media that is regulated and policed, so that the media is more then just a PR mouthpiece for the government.

O....kay....so, you're saying that you want a media that isn't a mouthpiece for the government, and that would be achieved by having the government control it.

What is wrong with you people?

"Fair and balanced" isn't good enough for us.

"The Evil Right Wing shouldn't even have a voice! They're wrong anyway!"

We want the real news, and Americans, for whatever reason are not getting it.

That would be the fault of you leftist buffoons and your "we know what The People™ need to hear" attitude. But go ahead and pretend that the people who own the media corporations somehow control all their content. After all, if Eric Alterman says it, it must be true!

*We are for politicians and pundits that aren't disreputable liars, thieves, and scoundrels, like the people that made this country great in the first place, people like Abraham Lincoln, FDR, Benjamin Franklin, etc.

The problem is that you're looking for politicians who embody those qualities. I don't think you'll find enough of 'em to effectively run the government. Maybe enough to run a lemonade stand on a cold, rainy day, but definitely not a government.

So, that's Bands Against Bush. You know, if I start a band, I could organize "Bands For Bush." Although I guess most bands would identify as such already...just not in the same way...

Sorry. My 19 year-old male mind seems to be wandering. I should stop now.

Posted by CD on June 1, 2004 02:10 AM
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