"I Was In Vietnam" Is Not A Campaign Slogan

I'm totally stealing this topic from Rachel Lucas (which is okay, since she gets about 500 times more traffic than me), but I couldn't let it go.

John "F**k Up" Kerry needs to stop mentioning Vietnam. I mean it. He needs to stop right now, and never, ever bring it up again as long as he draws breath. I can't take this crap anymore. Case in point (also stolen borrowed from Rachel Lucas):

Bush also took issue with Kerry's pronouncement this week that he and running mate John Edwards were proud of the fact that they opposed in the Senate the $87 billion aid package for Afghanistan and Iraq. Kerry said they had done so because "we knew the policy had to be changed."

First of all, this is classic neoliberalism. They "knew the policy had to be changed," but that's as far as they go. You have to keep in mind that "not Bush" is the same as "correct" these days.

"He's entitled to his view," Bush said. "But members of Congress should not vote to send troops into battle and then vote against funding them, and then brag about it."

THANK YOU! I would like President Bush so much more if he would be aggressive like this more often. He's such a wussy on most fronts, but this time, he said exactly what I've been thinking. If you're going to vote for military action, you should probably vote to give actual material support to said military. Otherwise, you're basically sending them off to die, something they're accusing Bush of doing.

Now, back to Viet F**kin' Nam:

Kerry's campaign responded that Kerry had served in the Vietnam War and questions linger about Bush's wartime service in the Texas Air National Guard.

Whoopty-f**kin'-doo, @ssclowns! Who cares what happened 30 years ago? Last time I checked, there wasn't some magical quality of fighting a war that automatically made people qualified to hold public office.

Oh, but that's not enough. Max "The Mean Republicans Questioned My Patriotism" Cleland had to get in on the hot Bush-bashing action:

"Considering that George Bush actively avoided combat duty and has pursued policies that have made the nation less secure...

1- Bush volunteered for a job that was known to have killed several others, and he knew that he could've been sent into combat at any time. If that's "actively avoiding combat duty," I guess that only "heroes" like Kerry should be honored for their service.

2- HOW DARE YOU QUESTION PRESIDENT BUSH'S PATRIOTISM! Oh, wait, you didn't. But didn't the Chambliss campaign once accuse you of supporting policies that make us less safe? An action which resulted in the myth that they questioned your patriotism? It looks like I finally get a chance to say this again:

HOORAY FOR CONSISTENCY!!! Now, let's move on:

...he is on very shaky ground when it comes to questioning the commitment that Vietnam vet John Kerry...

You know, Kerry should just change his first name to "Vietnam Vet." At least people couldn't make that "Two Johns full of sh*t" joke anymore.

...has to our national security," said former Sen. Max Cleland, D-Ga., a Vietnam War veteran and frequent Kerry surrogate.

This is beyond ridiculous. I don't think there's even a word to describe how ridiculous it is. I should follow the example of the SNL parody of James Lipton and invent one. Hmmm...let me get back to that later.

Anyway, I can't believe this barely concealed use of the "chickenhawk" meme is the best Kerry and his minions can come up with. It's just more proof that they don't actually have ideas other than "Bush has to go." Think about it. These are adults who consider themselves mature enough to run the most powerful country in history, and they're defending their flip-flopping with "neener neener neener, I was in Vietnam and you weren't." Grow the f**k up, you douchebags.

I'm not even done ranting yet, because I've never understood the logic of "veterans aren't allowed to be wrong on national security." Serving in the military does not qualify you to run a war. It qualifies you to call yourself a veteran and say that you defended the country. It has no bearing whatsoever on your political abilities unless everyone suddenly decides to take a page from All Quiet On the Western Front and settle disputes by having heads of state fight to the death. Stop regurgitating this steaming pile of crap. It makes me want to do violent things to you.

Here's a nice little parting shot from Cleland:

"This is just more attack-dog politicking by an increasingly desperate, partisan White House."

Yeah, you just go right on believing that. If anyone dares to question the horribly skewed policies of a Vietnam veteran (did I mention that Kerry was in Vietnam? I hope you didn't miss that), it's "attack-dog politicking." Bush couldn't possibly have a good reason to criticize someone who voted not to fund a war he voted to fight.

These guys remind me of the villain in "Lethal Weapon 2." Remember that? Every time they tried to arrest him, he declared "diplomatic immunity" and got away with it. This is more like "Vietnam veteran immunity."

Well, JFK, if you think you have immunity, let me offer up another line from LW2:

"It's just been revoked."

Piece of crap.

(Yes, I'm aware that Danny Glover is a flaming liberal, but it was still a good line)

Posted by CD on July 16, 2004 06:36 PM
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