Hooray for Apathy

All right, I need to be brutally honest here. You know all that work I said I had to do this week?

I barely even started.

Yep. I've just been kinda sitting around for the past few days, and now I have a paper due in about 36 hours that I only did about half an hour of research for. And I'm sitting here with...let's see...two economics assignments due in 7 hours that I barely even looked at, which is especially bad because I've only made it to a couple lectures lately thanks to my oversleeping abilities. I'll probably miss this one too and have to turn this stuff in later...if it even gets done at all. And then I'll still have a paper to write...which probably won't be done until Wednesday or something now...which is a day late...and that's if I'm lucky...yeah.

You'd think I'd be in panic mode right now, but that hasn't happened. It's weird, but I feel a strange sense of contentment, like this is the way things are meant to be. And I think I know why: It's because they are meant to be this way.

You see, I've been coasting for a while now. Ever since enduring academic and social hell last spring, I haven't been able to work as hard as I used to. I honestly think that semester broke my brain (and if you don't believe me, read the archives from January to May of 2005). And yet, despite the fact that I did practically no work last semester, I still managed to get straight As. Was it because I worked hard? Fuck no. I just had a nice combination of easy classes and the 150+ IQ that has gotten me out of so much trouble in the past.

The same strategy has resulted in grades in the B and C range this semester, and at this point, I think I should just keep it up. As long as I pass everything, I'll be okay, and it'll probably help in the long run since I seem to only learn from failure (for example, the only reason I was able to make the snare line in marching band sophomore year is because I was pissed about not making it freshman year, so I spent three weeks of the next summer practicing for several hours a day). I feel like the last 9 months of my life have been a lie, and it's time to face the consequences of my stupidity. I'm too honest for this fake success bullshit.

And now, I'm going to go completely against my better judgment and publish this post. Because, like I said, I'm sick of living a fucking lie.

Thatisall.