Semi-Intelligent Thoughts

Open Letter to My Roommate

Dear unfortunate victim of social conditioning,

If you make the same sound when you sneeze that most people would make if they were shot in the stomach at point blank range, it means you're exaggerating.

Seriously.

- CD

Semi-Random Thought for Today

If I were to invent my own language, the word for "roommate" would be strangely similar to the word for "someone or something that irritates you and/or gets in your way," to the point where it could be translated as pretty much the same word.

Let's say someone cuts you off in traffic, for example. The resulting exclamation would translate to something like this:

"What the fuck? Are you some kind of fucking roommate or something?"

Go on, ask me what's been getting on my nerves lately, other than my dead computer (or my not-quite-dead laptop, which is still being a bit of a roommate, if you know what I mean).

People Need Higher Standards

On kind of a whim (okay, I was reading a forum thread where people had started arguing over the necessity of touch typing), I decided to give Typingtest.com a spin, just to see what kind of speed I could achieve using the touch typing powers that were pounded into my head between 6th and 9th grade.

Well, on the "Test Instructions" test, I pulled off 85 WPM, and on "Tigers in the Wild," I managed 88. This was despite the fact that I was sitting in a horribly awkward position, and I haven't clipped my fingernails in a couple weeks.

Now, I've always considered myself a pretty average typist, as evidenced by the fact that when I did interview transcription at my internship, I had to slow down the recordings to keep them from getting ahead of me, and even then, it was hard to keep up. According to this thing, however, even my lamest typing effort is up to 144% above average.

Seriously? Are there really that many people who do that retarded "hunt and peck" bullshit instead of learning one of the most useful skills you can have in the Digital Age?

Wow.

UPDATE
I managed 104 WPM on this test, but it's just words and not sentences, and punctuation and capitalization tend to slow me down a lot, so...yeah.

For more accuracy, I clipped my fingernails, sat up straighter, tried "Test Instructions" again, and got 97. I'm going to go ahead and stick with that for now.

Typing! Bragging! Aren't you glad you read SIT?!

Language Pet Peeve of the Day

Another thing that bothers annoys me about writing, mostly online, is when people can't decide choose between two usable verbs, so they just pick include them both.

Is it because they're indecisive and want to express convey their full meaning, or do they just not notice realize that they're doing it?

Verbs aren't really that hard to understand comprehend, you morons. Screw fuck you if you can't spare expend the necessary energy.

(NOTE: No thesauruses were harmed in the writing of this post)

What. The Fuck.

My roommate just accused me of lying to him because I think I accidentally broke a lamp (I was the one who noticed it was broken, and since I was the only one home at the time, I figured it was my fault), and even though I took responsibility, he claims my explanation of how it happened is "impossible."

Why the motherfucking motherfuck would I tell a lie that implicates me in the destruction of property? Does he think I did it on goddamn purpose or some shit?

Fuck, I hate people so much.

Punctuation Pet Peeve of the Day

Too many people, seem to think it's proper to insert a comma between the subject and predicate of certain sentences. This practice, makes reading awkward by creating an unnecessary pause. People who do this, don't even seem to do it consistently, which makes things even weirder when trying to figure out if the comma was supposed to emphasize something.

I, don't get it. You, wouldn't do this for a simple noun-verb construction. I, hope you wouldn't, at least. It, would look pretty bizarre. You, see?

Does anyone, know how this got started? I, can't even begin to guess. Maybe people, are just stupid.

On a final note, forcing myself to write that badly was physically painful.

Language Pet Peeve of the Day

"Kowtow" is the English equivalent of an actual Chinese word for a deep and/or kneeling bow. It can also be used to describe the act of adopting an extremely submissive attitude.

"Cowtow," on the other hand, is a combination of two English words which can, I guess, be used to describe the act of towing a cow. Unless you are referring to this, you want to use the former spelling, not the latter. Otherwise, you're basically declaring to the world that you're a fucking moron.

Don't even get me started on "toe the line" versus "tow the line." So many dumbfucks...

Hey Jagoff, Is Dis Da Stillerz Game N'at?

A while back, someone asked for the definition of a "yinzer."

In case my explanation wasn't good enough, The Pensblog has provided a helpful example:

Notice that this moron is at a Penguins game. In Washington, D.C.

That, minions, is a yinzer.

Open Letter to Illiterate Morons

The word is "definitely."

Not "definately." Not "defiantly." Not "deffinatly."

D-E-F-I-N-I-T-E-L-Y.

Pick up a fucking book sometime, you utter fucking retards.

Ignorance is Strength

In my rather ample (at the moment) free time, I've decided to re-read George Orwell's Nineteen Eighty-Four. This is partially just to refresh my memory. I was 15 the last time I read it, and I skipped over a couple parts, including the excerpts from Goldstein's book, because I had to write a book report and got too close to the deadline. Also, I'm trying to apply it to the current political climate, as I'm sure others have done.

Just so you know, those who have read the book will probably get more out of this post.

I have to say, first of all, that it's a lot more meaningful now than it was eight years ago. I obviously understand more of it, and in contrast to the last time, when the word "politics" was synonymous with the word "boring" in my mind, it's actually interesting.

As much as those of us on the right like to compare leftist policies to those of Ingsoc, and vice versa, it's important to note that the train of thought leading to the worship of Big Brother contains elements of both the collectivist/anti-individualist extreme left and the nationalist/war-obsessed extreme right. Ultimately, however, it is called "English Socialism," so it's pretty clear that despite Orwell's own leftist leanings, he's condemning totalitarian socialism (or "Oligarchical Collectivism," as it's called in the novel).

Ironically, Orwell's socialism can be seen as a type of doublethink: the ability to both believe a lie and realize that one believes a lie. He was apparently a "democratic socialist," but his own work seems to indicate his reluctant acceptance of the fact that this type of government will ultimately end in a dictatorship. Kind of fun to think about.

Right now, as the title would suggest, I'm reading through the "Ignorance is Strength" section of The Theory and Practice of Oligarchical Collectivism. As I mentioned, I skipped over this part when I read the book before. These sections explain the historical events leading up to the establishment of Ingsoc and some of its core philosophies. Part of one passage, which describes the indoctrination and resulting mindset of Party members, strikes me as particularly relevant to our present situation:

The first and simplest stage in the discipline, which can be taught even to young children, is called, in Newspeak, crimestop. Crimestop means the faculty of stopping short, as though by instinct, at the threshold of any dangerous thought. It includes the power of not grasping analogies, of failing to perceive logical errors, of misunderstanding the simplest arguments if they are inimical to Ingsoc, and of being bored or repelled by any train of thought which is capable of leading in a heretical direction. Crimestop, in short, means protective stupidity.

As I said above, it's foolish to think that this applies only to one side of the modern political spectrum. On the other hand, as I read through that, I couldn't help but compare it to the thought process of someone who was educated by a system that emphasizes good feelings over critical thinking and good intentions over results, and who has additionally been hammered with propaganda until their only response to a criticism of their beliefs is to declare that criticism a lie and accuse the critic of being a racist or a homophobe. That type of person would also engage in many interactions such as the one described here:

An e-mail from a reader mentioned trying to tell his sister why he was voting against Obama but, when he tried to argue some facts, she cut him short: "You don't like him and I do!" she said. End of discussion.

Anyway, the book continues:

But stupidity is not enough. On the contrary, orthodoxy in the full sense demands a control over one's own mental processes as complete as that of a contortionist over his body. Oceanic society rests ultimately on the belief that Big Brother is omnipotent and that the Party is infallible. But since in reality Big Brother is not omnipotent and the party is not infallible, there is need for an unwearying, moment-to-moment flexibility in the treatment of facts. The keyword here is blackwhite. Like so many Newspeak words, this word has two mutually contradictory meanings. Applied to an opponent, it means the habit of impudently claiming that black is white, in contradiction of the plain facts. Applied to a Party member, it means a loyal willingness to say that black is white when Party discipline demands this. But it means also the ability to believe that black is white, and more, to know that black is white, and to forget that one has ever believed the contrary. This demands a continuous alteration of the past, made possible by the system of thought which really embraces all the rest, and which is known in Newspeak as doublethink.

Once again, I'm sure a liberal could find plenty of examples to throw back at me, but I still can't help thinking, for example, of Democrats describing the threat of Iraq's WMD program and then later claiming that Bush lied about WMD and Democrats were always against attacking Iraq. Or, if that doesn't work, how about Democrats encouraging financial institutions to approve loans to people who couldn't pay them back, then later claiming that "Republican deregulation" caused the ensuing financial crisis? Or even more recently, Bill Ayers claiming that he was never a terrorist, despite his earlier admission that he planted bombs and wished he had done more? Or how about...well, you get the idea.

More food for thought: Earlier in the book, Winston's lover Julia is described in a way that also seems somewhat relevant:

In the ramifications of party doctrine she had not the faintest interest. Whenever he began to talk of the principles of Ingsoc, doublethink, the mutability of the past, and the denial of objective reality, and to use Newspeak words, she became bored and confused and said that she never paid any attention to that kind of thing. One knew that it was all rubbish, so why let oneself be worried by it? She knew when to cheer and when to boo, and that was all one needed...

...Talking to her, he realized how easy it was to present an appearance of orthodoxy while having no grasp whatever of what orthodoxy meant. In a way, the world-view of the Party imposed itself most successfully on people incapable of understanding it. They could be made to accept the most flagrant violations of reality, because they never fully grasped the enormity of what was demanded of them, and were not sufficiently interested in public events to notice what was happening. By lack of understanding they remained sane. They simply swallowed everything, and what they swallowed did them no harm, because it left no residue behind, just as a grain of corn will pass undigested through the body of a bird.

Of course, Julia rebels against the Party, but it's more because she doesn't like being controlled than because she disagrees with their ideas, which she admits she doesn't even understand. Once again, if you combine her knowledge of "when to cheer and when to boo" with the later description of the true believers, it's eerily reminiscent of something like this:

512 Obama Voters 11/13/08-11/15/08 MOE +/- 4.4 points

97.1% High School Graduate or higher, 55% College Graduates

Results to 12 simple Multiple Choice Questions

57.4% could NOT correctly say which party controls congress (50/50 shot just by guessing)

71.8% could NOT correctly say Joe Biden quit a previous campaign because of plagiarism (25% chance by guessing)

82.6% could NOT correctly say that Barack Obama won his first election by getting opponents kicked off the ballot (25% chance by guessing)

88.4% could NOT correctly say that Obama said his policies would likely bankrupt the coal industry and make energy rates skyrocket (25% chance by guessing)

56.1% could NOT correctly say Obama started his political career at the home of two former members of the Weather Underground (25% chance by guessing).

And yet.....

Only 13.7% failed to identify Sarah Palin as the person on which their party spent $150,000 in clothes

Only 6.2% failed to identify Palin as the one with a pregnant teenage daughter

And 86.9 % thought that Palin said that she could see Russia from her "house," even though that was Tina Fey who said that!!

Only 2.4% got at least 11 correct.

Only .5% got all of them correct. (And we "gave" one answer that was technically not Palin, but actually Tina Fey)

On a final note, I feel I should mention that many of the Party faithful in this book (especially Mr. Parsons) could be reasonably described as "community organizers." Not that I'm insinuating anything...

I'm going to keep reading now. Down with Big Brother.

Verizon Lies

Who can spot the irony in this picture?

(Click for full size)

More Fun With Bad Punctuation

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGHBLBLBLBLBLBL!!!!!!!!!!

FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU STRAIGHT TO HELL!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(NOTE: If you're looking at that picture and wondering what the problem is, please get the fuck off of my site and never come back. Thanks.)

Open Letter to the Media

SHUT THE FUCK UP ABOUT PARIS FUCKING HILTON, YOU FUCKING RETARDED DIPSHITS! NOBODY FUCKING CARES!

Sincerely,

- CD

Your Daily Recommended Allowance of Crazy

During my most recent procrastination tangent, I stumbled upon a goldmine of insane hilarity. Too much introduction would ruin it, so here's a brief excerpt to get you started:

Now, how many of you ones have asked yourselves, what is the common denominator in 911? Do any amongst you yet see AND understand this part, for indeed this was the crucial part of the plan. The citizens of this world were indeed becoming restless for major change in many countries. Many of the people actually began listening to the ancient voices among you, those that did not foretell of doom and gloom, rather those that foretold of a better life, more equitable societies. They spoke out of a need for better governmental non-control; of the rights of the parents as well as the rights of the children. They spoke of real religious and Spiritual freedoms, of the tyranny of the wealthy, of their unease at the constant violation of other countries "civil rights." Millions were beginning to take baby steps to change the futures of their countries and themselves. This had been foreseen by the dark forces, they were well aware that only a plan so gruesome, so utterly terrible, could quell the voices. They sought not to placate the people but to punish them for their unruliness. So it was that the 911 was conceived so long ago.

More here, if you BLIND, IGNORANT SHEEP CAN HANDLE THE MOTHERFUCKING TRUTH!!!!!

Friday Afternoon Agitation Post

If you ever find yourself pondering whether or not this world we live in is truly just, consider the following facts:

One of the tards on my floor is fond of loudly singing/talking to himself almost nonstop in the bathroom. And yet, if I were to tell him to shut the fuck up, or even ask him politely to keep it down, I would be considered the rude one.

There is no justice, my friends.

What the Fuck is Wrong with People?

Some of you may question my complete lack of faith in humanity and/or my inability to trust/tolerate a substantial portion of it. The reason is that people do fucked up and retarded things on a daily basis for no apparent reason.

Let me explain the situation that is currently pissing me off. I'm in another film production class this semester, and my group is holding auditions for the lead roles in our project this week. One guy made a really cool flyer advertising the auditions, and I printed out a copy and put it on my dorm room door. Seems logical, right? More exposure means more chances of getting qualified actors.

A couple days ago, I was sitting at the computer when I heard what sounded like tape being peeled off the door. The next time I checked, the flyer was gone. I later noticed that it was now on the door to the lounge, although it was pretty ripped up. I was pissed off, but I just printed out another copy and put that on my door, figuring that someone may have slipped while walking by and was too embarrassed to stay near the room. I do live right next to the elevators, so it's a high-traffic area.

Fast forward to this evening. I was sitting here minding my own business, and I again heard a ripping sound. The replacement flyer was also targeted, apparently, because the top right corner is now missing, although it's still readable, so I left it up. I also noticed a dried yellow spot in the top center, as if someone sneezed on it or otherwise transferred nasal mucus to it somehow.

What the fuck?

What the fucking fuck?

What the fucking fucking fucking motherFUCK?!

Who the fuck does stupid shit like this and considers it okay? I know it's a relatively small thing, but...FUCK! My door is my damn property as long as I'm living here, and so is something I used my own printer to make. It's not like I'm somehow offending you by taping a sheet of paper to my motherfucking door because I want to do well in a motherfucking film class.

Incidentally, other people have stuff taped to their doors, and as far as I can tell, this hasn't happened to anyone else, so you can probably understand that I'm a bit paranoid about this. I don't even know anyone on this floor, and I try to keep to myself because a few of them (see my Claptard/Seat Shitter posts from last semester) weird me out. This means that as far as I know, nobody has any kind of grudge against me.

So...what the fuck? I can't think of a logical explanation other than the obvious fact that human beings are fucking stupid as shit. I swear some of the people on this floor should be wearing helmets.

If anything else happens, I'm thinking of putting up a smaller piece of paper with some kind of message. Something like:

Dear shit-eating fucktard,

If you have a problem with these flyers, try talking to me about it instead of being a passive-aggressive asshole. Thanks.

- Chris

That might be too forward, though. Thoughts?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGBBBBLBLBLBL *sniffle* *cough* *wheeze* *cough*

You know, being sick is a lot better when it's extremely cold, dry, and windy outside, and you spend most of your day at a desk right next to a heater that's continuously blowing even more dry air directly into your face, but if you close it, the temperature in the room drops by about 20 degrees. Especially when you also have asthma!

Wait, did I say "a lot better?" I meant "much, much, much worse."

Fuck germs. And also fuck the retarded new laws that make pseudoephedrine really hard to get. Making my nasal congestion more irritating and trying to pass off this phenylephrine bullshit as a legitimate substitute isn't stopping meth production, you fucking dumbshits. Get back to fighting terrorism and let me have some Dayquil and/or Sudafed that actually works.

Fuck.

Roll Call Rant

For the love of crap, professors, my last name is not that difficult to pronounce. First of all, it's only six frickin' letters long. And second, it's completely phonetic! Just because it contains an A where there's usually an O doesn't mean you have to completely mangle the pronunciation. I really don't understand how it's possible for so many people to take a name that's supposed to rhyme with "unwrap" and somehow make it rhyme with "dump truck."

...Those of you who actually know my last name will probably understand this more.

UPDATE
On a more positive note, remember my complaint about the weather? Well...a day makes a lot of difference around here:

21º and snowing. Beautiful.

Open Letter to Weekend Retards

When you get to the point of being so intoxicated that you can make an entire bathroom smell like smoke and booze in the time it takes you to stumble in and tell your buddy that you love him, it might be time to call it a night.

Fucking assholes.

The Frustration Post

EEEERRRRRRRRGGGGGGHBLELELFRGLEBGWLEBLELEASDFKJTHKLTHTIOMMAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!

*shakes fists*

More Language Pet Peeves

Question: What do lieing, dieing, sentance, comming, independant, and existance have in common?

Answer: NONE OF THEM ARE REAL WORDS, YOU MORONS!!!

Thank you.

UPDATE
For even more fun, replace the original words with "alot," "aswell," "atleast," and "infact."

Grammatical Pet Peeve of the Day

Earth to idiots: Using the word "whom" does not make you sound more intelligent unless you know how to use it correctly!

That is all.

Grammatical Pet Peeve of the Day

This isn't addressed to anyone in particular, but...

"WERE" AND "WHERE" ARE NOT INTERCHANGEABLE, YOU ILLITERATE MORONS!!!

An exchange such as the following:

"Hey, were did you go?"

"We where at the store."

...Is TOTALLY WRONG!!! AAAAAAAHHHH!!!!!

Thank you.

Crap (Redux)

Remember how I said that the people on my floor are nowhere near as bad as The Chimps?

Yeah...they're sure making one hell of an effort to prove me wrong.

I Love College

Highlight of my Tuesday morning: Finding out that one of the people in my anthropology class visited Cuba a while ago and has since had a "hatred of capitalism."

I have no idea how logic and that situation go together, so I'm going to go ahead and assume that they don't.

Open Letter to the Idiot In My Dorm Who Apparently Thinks That Repeatedly Throwing a Ball Against the Wall Doesn't Make Any Noise

Dear retard,

Die in a fire.

That is all.

- CD

Crap

After a few days of observation, I've come to the conclusion that a large number of people living on my floor this year are stupid and annoying. They're nowhere near as bad as The Chimps, but still...dang it.

Fortunately, unlike that year, the walls/door of my room are thick enough to block out a lot of noise, and the two fans I have running almost 24/7 eliminate the rest. Also, unlike last year, the person in the room next to me has barely made a sound. All in all, I think I'll survive.

I guess I shouldn't be in such a crappy mood right now, considering the fact that I have no obligations of any kind until the New York State Fair parade on Monday night. Have I mentioned how much my schedule rocks? Four days of sleeping in. Four.

That is all.

ENGLISH, MUTHAFUCKA! DO YOU SPEAK IT?

Just dropping in to point out that people who use words like "alot," "noone," "aswell," and "everyday" (as in "I exercise everyday") make me want to do violent things to them.

It's called the space bar, you idiots. Learn how it fucking works.

Have I Mentioned That Spiders Are Evil And I Hate Them?

Okay, so...

I have a doctor's appointment at 12:30. Seeing as how I'm nocturnal and 12:30 is the middle of the night for me, I'm not too happy about it, but I still decided to go to bed a couple hours early. What does this have to do with the post title, you ask?

Well, after taking a shower and such, I returned to my room to find a fucking spider crawling along my ceiling like he owned the fucking place. Luckily, it wasn't a sac spider, but it was one of those little blackish ones that looks just large enough to probably be an adult, but small enough that it just might be a spiderling. This worries me a bit because, as I've mentioned before, I once awoke to find not one, not two, not three, but at least five spiderlings cavorting on my damn drapes.

Anyway...

The spider in question was in a spot where it would be awkward to stand on a chair to kill it, so I grabbed an empty Kleenex box (something I keep around for just such an occasion, incidentally) and reached up to destroy it. After one smash, the fucker just kept on crawling, so I attempted to scrape it.

No good. It just fell down and dangled by its web. Who is the idiot who designed this ceiling with the stupid ridges on it? What's wrong with a flat ceiling, asshole?!

I made one more desperate attempt to kill the friggin' thing by smashing it against the wall with the box, but I'm not sure if it died or just fell down behind my dresser. Either way, I haven't seen it for a few minutes, but I have no evidence to suggest that it's actually dead.

So I ask you, SIT readers: How am I supposed to sleep now?

UPDATE
All right, I think I have closure. After mentally running through the events of the attempted spider elimination, I remembered that the end of the box I used actually got forced inward as I tried to smash the spider against the wall, so I checked inside the box, and...

Hmm, what's this? Looks an awful lot like a dead spider. And it smears like one when you try to pick it up with a wad of Kleenex.

To summarize: If I'm looking at the situation correctly, the spider died and ended up inside the box. Weird.

I really don't know why I'm spending so much time on this. Note to future self: Arachnophobia (the actual fear, not the movie) and Nyquil is not a good combination...

I wonder if I'll even remember writing this later...

*passes out*

How Dare We Hurt People While We Kill Them!

Interesting letter to the New York Times today:

To the Editor:

"Doctors See Way to Cut Risks of Suffering in Lethal Injection" (front page, June 23) points to the mounting evidence indicating that at least some prisoners have suffered horribly as they were put to death by lethal injection, awake and racked by pain but unable to move to let anybody know.

Oh no, how fucking horrible. Last time I checked, pretty much the only crime normally punished by death in this country is murder, so...yeah, not seeing a problem.

States have failed to ensure that they execute prisoners in a way that protects them from the risk of excruciating pain, as guaranteed by the Constitution.

WHAT?!

I'm going to read that again to make sure it says what I think it did.

...

...

What the hell are you smoking? Since when does the Constitution guarantee the right not to suffer excruciating pain? Is it in the same section as the right to privacy and the right not to look at religious symbols in public spaces?

These failures are documented in "So Long as They Die: Lethal Injections in the United States," the April 2006 Human Rights Watch report that I co-wrote.

That's a shock.

Public debate on the humane execution of prisoners underscores the death penalty's real Catch-22: that any time a state executes its prisoners, it participates in an act of cruel and unusual punishment.

Let's see here...it's not really unusual, since it happens on a regular basis as the result of legal proceedings, so that leaves us with the implication that executing prisoners by lethal injection is cruel.

Wow.

You know, by that logic, anyone who disagrees with the prison system can say that incarceration is cruel and unusual. In addition, since hanging was practiced during the time period that the Constitution was written, I really doubt that capital punishment is unconstitutional.

In any case, this logic also means that the consequences of an accident can be used as a justification for eliminating a practice. Considering how many precautions are taking during an execution to make sure the convicted murderer doesn't feel a damn thing, I find it hard to believe that the practice itself is cruel. This is similar to people using Abu Ghraib as evidence that U.S. policy consists of regular abuse and torture, despite the fact that people were punished for the incident. The fact that a procedure sometimes goes wrong doesn't make the procedure itself wrong.

I think another letter sums it up rather nicely:

To the Editor:

Re "Doctors See Way to Cut Risks of Suffering in Lethal Injection":

The fact that this headline even exists in the year 2006 makes me sure that this country can no longer lead the world in progress.

I'm inclined to agree, although probably not for the same reason. Because when people are capable of being this concerned about whether or not a murderer feels pain during the process of dying, it kind of indicates that those people aren't ready to deal with the war we're fighting at the moment.

...Although it does kind of explain why some are so dedicated to making sure that we treat terrorists the same way we would treat lawful combatants...

So, CD, How's Pennsylvania These Days?

Well, let's take a look...

Yeah, it still sucks.

Mommy, They're Hurting My Feeeeeeelings Again!!!

Man, this is not a good week for computer-related issues. First of all, I managed to kill my eMac's hard drive yesterday after playing Falcon 4.0 for a few hours (luckily, everything important is on my PowerBook, so it's basically my full-time computer now), then my Internet connection went down for a while, and now MuNu apparently suffered a DOS attack, resulting in me (and probably everyone else) receiving a "403 Forbidden" error when trying to access SIT.

Crap.

However, as horrible as the timing on this is, I finally (finally!) found something interesting to write about, and although the weirdness has resulted in this post being delayed by a few hours, I'm not missing an opportunity to put up some meaningful content.

The fact that I'm basically nocturnal helps out in this situation. You may look at the time on this post and think "early morning on Saturday," but for me, it's still early evening on Friday. Yay, summer.

So, anyway...blogging!

Thanks to this post on Protein Wisdom, I checked out this story dealing with the oh-so-exciting issue of racial sensitivity. Let's take a look:

Racial slur read by professor upsets U of I law students

Professor says racial term fit in a negotiations class

Iowa City, Ia. - A professor's use of readings containing racial slurs has alarmed students and renewed discussions about diversity at the University of Iowa law school.

Hmm. I'm having flashbacks to the HillTV situation already. As you're about to see, there's a very good reason for that.

"This incident was kind of the straw that broke the camel's back," said Steven Nelson, 27, a second-year U of I law student from New Orleans. "We're not going to stand for living in an environment that is hostile to us."

If simply hearing a racial slur, regardless of context, fits your definition of "hostile," I struggle to think how you managed to survive for 27 years without having a complete nervous breakdown and spending the rest of your days cowering in the corner babbling about how everyone is out to get you.

...Or maybe I'm giving you too much credit. Anyway...

The university's Black Law Students Association...

Isn't it great that we've finally managed to eliminate racial segregation from our society?

Oh, wait...

...a group of 27 students, said in a letter to law faculty, U of I administration and the Iowa Board of Regents executive director that a March 29 incident was "indicative of a much larger problem at the College of Law."

Predictable as hell. This is the same reaction that takes place every time we have a "bias-related incident" at Syracuse:

"Somebody did something offensive! Therefore, because one person wasn't thinking straight, it's clear that the entire school is full of intolerant bigots who need to be properly educated in the ways of never doing anything that would make anyone uncomfortable ever! Look! Look around! You're all a bunch of fucking bigots and you don't even know it! LOOK!!!"

Sorry, got a little carried away there. Now, let's take a closer look at the event that led to all this trouble:

The incident that triggered the larger discussion was professor Gerald Wetlaufer reading aloud two passages that contained racial epithets in his negotiations class, according to law school Dean Carolyn Jones.

Wow. How utterly horrible. A professor dared to read something written by someone else, and that writing happened to contain offensive words. I understand everything now. In fact, I feel absolutely sickened that anyone could be so heartless and inconsiderate. I can't imagine what those poor, innocent students (some of whom are apparently pushing 30) must have gone through.

Really. I am shocked and appalled beyond belief. Let's move on:

The readings, one from Robert Caro's Pulitzer Prize-winning biography of former President Lyndon Johnson and another a 1964 speech by a black sharecropper named Fannie Lou Hamer, were in context with the course, Jones said, but students may not have been sufficiently prepared to hear the racial slurs.

I'm going to repeat the last part of that excerpt for emphasis:

...students may not have been sufficiently prepared to hear the racial slurs.

Let's think about this. What the crap does that even mean? How do you prepare someone to hear racial slurs? You'd think that if they're able to recognize the words in question as racial slurs in the first place, it means they're sufficiently prepared to hear them again. Furthermore, considering the fact that we're talking about adult law students here, don't you think it's a bit insulting to their intelligence to even consider this?

"Okay, boys and girls, you've all been a very good class lately, and I promise to give you an extra half hour of naptime this Friday, but in tomorrow's lecture, I may have to say some naughty, naughty words, and I wanted to make sure nobody will go home crying, so I have to ask that you have your parents sign these permission slips. Now, if you'll just hand in your fingerpaintings, I'll dismiss you."

I'm having way too much fun with this. It's been a long time since I wrote a good sarcastic rant. Let's continue:

Wetlaufer apologized to students for not adequately warning them about the readings but said he believes they were relevant to the course, which focuses on the power of language.

Can you say "unintended consequences," children?

I still can't get over the fact that the students believe they should've been "warned" about this. The idea of law students being so thin-skinned that they can't even handle listening to a quoted racial epithet is making me hope I never have to be within 1000 yards of a courthouse.

"These were not words I used to oppress anyone in the class or promote anyone else's agenda," he said. "This word appears 49 times in 'To Kill a Mockingbird.' I don't think I have crossed some line here."

The fact that he even had to explain this in an "academic" environment demonstrates the infantilization of the modern American educational system. I'm starting to think that shit like this is why people in certain countries view Americans as dumb.

...Tori Bobryk, a third-year law student who is white, walked out of the class because she was offended by Wetlaufer reading the slur without warning, she said.

I'm not sure which would be more painful at this point: Continuing to think about how anyone could be so sheltered that they would resort to this, or banging my head on my desk until I pass out. I guess I should at least finish the post...

"I wish there had been a preface or a disclaimer or a discussion afterward," she said.

*HEADDESK*
*HEADDESK*
*HEADDESK*
*HEADDESK*
*HEADDESK*
*HEADDESK*

...Oh, I'm still conscious. All right, I'll think about it, damn you.

I really don't understand how people can actually believe this crap about needing disclaimers and discussions, etc. before dealing with any sensitive topic. It almost seems more likely that they're just doing this to get attention...but when I recall some of the ridiculous things I've seen people do and say, I realize that it is, in fact, possible for human beings to be this mind-bendingly brainwashed and idiotic. Moving on...

Nelson, the Black Law Students Association president, said there have been other instances in which students or professors have made insensitive comments.

In another case, a student brought up the idea of reinstating slavery, and the professor, whom Nelson would not name, did not contradict the notion, he said.

I highly, highly, highly, highly, highly, highly doubt that this event happened in the way it's described here. My guess is that someone brought up a hypothetical situation in which slavery was never abolished, and certain students were made uncomfortable by the act of thinking about it. However, since the article gives no more information, I'll go ahead and strike that opinion from the record, as you law school types would say.

(Insert oversensitive asshole here: "'You law school types?' Is that some kind of racial slur? How dare you!")

Jones said the law school has 16 percent minority enrollment — more than other U of I colleges — and is working to recruit more students and faculty of color.

Fight the War on Homogeneity!!!

"I want you...as long as you're a minority!"

"It's really important for our students to learn about diversity and work with people of all different backgrounds. That's where their future is," Jones said.

And what better way to prepare them for the real world than shielding them from unpleasant thoughts? Brilliant!

A new law school diversity committee will work this summer to develop racially sensitive programming, she said.

Why do I get a chill when I see the word "programming" in there?

"You will be assimilated...by accepting diversity!"

Seriously, I shouldn't be having this much fun with an issue that pisses me off this much. I should do this blogging thingawhatsit more often...

[More boring statistics about minority enrollment left out; See the original article if you're interested for some reason]

"Throughout this academic year, we've been thinking about ways to make the law school more welcoming," Jones said.

Nelson would like the law school to draft a policy requiring faculty to put racially related topics in context.

It seems to me that the professor in question did just that and STILL GOT CRAPPED ON, YOU IDIOTS.

"It's not that we don't want these issues talked about...

Could've fooled me.

...it's just we want them to be brought up in a sensitive manner," he said.

Well, thanks for being so specific about what "sensitive" means, moron. Apparently, making it clear that you're reading someone else's words and not endorsing the offensive usage of the words in question isn't good enough for you.

That's the end of the article, but I want to get into these issues just a bit more to illustrate how ridiculous this whole thing really is.

First and foremost, I still can't quite understand how fucking law students aren't prepared for this kind of thing. Imagine tuning in to CourtTV and seeing this:

LAWYER: Could you describe what you saw the defendant doing?

WITNESS: Well, he shot the guy twice, then he just...started stabbing him in the chest while he was on the ground begging for his life. I...I can't really talk about it anymore.

LAWYER: Did the defendant say anything to the victim?

WITNESS: I...I think he called him a..."dumb nigger," and-

LAWYER: How dare you use that word, you monster! You're a disgrace to society, and you deserve to be locked up forever!

DEFENDANT: You can't prove that I-

LAWYER: I wasn't talking to you!

...I think I got carried away again. Anyway, this kind of thing irritates the crap out of me, if you couldn't tell. People are afraid of words.

Words.

Not the context in which they're used, or the people who are using them, but the words themselves. As a result, they consider it an assault on their well-being to even hear these words.

I consider myself something of a writer, so I understand the power of language (which was apparently the subject of the lecture(s) in question), but when it gets to the point where the words themselves become the enemy, we've gone too far.

Allow me to share a few personal anecdotes to illustrate the hypersensitivity of these perpetual victims.

First of all, during my freshman year of college, I had an ethics professor (with whom I was involved in an extended debate about abortion) who used racial slurs quite often to illustrate points in class. This professor happened to be black, but if the words themselves are the problem, that shouldn't make a difference. What matters is that nobody got up and walked out of the room when he used said slurs. In fact, at one point in a lecture, he actually asked a student to "call [him] a nigger" in order to demonstrate the uselessness of epithets in an argument. The resulting dialogue went something like this:

STUDENT: Nigger!
PROFESSOR: Cracker!
STUDENT: Nigger!
PROFESSOR: Cracker!
STUDENT: Nigger!
PROFESSOR: Cracker!
STUDENT: Nigger!
PROFESSOR: Cracker!

A bit more "offensive" than the stuff in the article, even in context, right? But nobody seemed to get bent out of shape about it, and we all understood why the words in question were being used. Nobody complained that there should've been warnings or discussion. We used our brains and figured out why these words were said, and then we moved on.

Keep in mind that this was an undergraduate philosophy class, not fucking law school, so if we were all mature enough to handle this, surely a 27 year-old should be able to handle a quote that contains offensive language.

In addition, this is yet another example of the emotionalism that so dominates our society.

"It's all about how I feel! The mean professor's words made me uncomfortable! He's creating a hostile environment! Me, me, me, me, me, me, me, me!!!"

Grow. The. Fuck. Up.

You want to talk about a "hostile environment?" Try being a conservative studying communications at a liberal school and see how things go. You'll have a great time watching people in a poli-sci class come to a consensus that the broadcast media is overwhelmingly conservative, listening to your history professor imply that he would like to see the president assassinated, hearing your sociology professor suggest that only white people can be racist, having pro-Bush signs ripped off your dorm door and vandalized repeatedly, taking part in a political discussion in which it's you against 19 liberal students and a liberal professor, and overhearing a discussion in which one participant asks "have you ever met a conservative movie-maker?" (implying that they don't exist) while trying to resist the urge to say "you have now." And that's just scratching the surface!

But you know what? I don't go to the administration and complain that my feelings are being hurt and that I should be warned before I have to listen to anything I don't like. Instead, I realize that people don't agree with me, I consider their views, I speak when necessary and remain silent when necessary, and I occasionally vent on my blog, but I generally try to act like an adult, because that's what I am, and that's what you are, so for the love of crap, STOP WHINING.

Finally, let's all celebrate our great nation with a quote from the Declaration of Independence:

We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, the pursuit of Happiness, and Never Hearing Offensive Words.

You know...something about that doesn't look right...

Holy Crap...

...This blog really sucks now.

Wow.

Evil Arachnids '06

Ah, the month of May. When college ends for the summer, the weather gets warmer, and DOZENS OF EVIL FUCKING SPIDERS INVADE MY FUCKING HOUSE.

Yep. The sac spiders have returned.

Today's fun/unnerving story: I was getting ready to eat dinner, and after washing my hands, I went to grab a paper towel. As I spun the roll (I'm very impatient), I watched a small, dark shape quickly move in about the same direction and land on the wall directly behind my right hand. It happened so fast that I barely noticed, but then I took a closer look, and...

Oh, good. A sac spider on the wall. The little bastard came within inches of my friggin' hand. I'm lucky it didn't bite me (they're moderately poisonous and will defend themselves aggressively, from what I've read). This isn't the first time I've encountered one on or near the paper towels in the kitchen, either.

Unfortunately for the spider, after I finished drying my hands, I just used the same paper towel to kill it. The moron decided to stick around for a few seconds instead of running for its miserable life, and its broken body now resides in the trash can.

I freakin' swear these things are out to get me. I dislike spiders in general, but sac spiders are the only species that seems to know exactly when to appear in order to cause maximum arachnophobic panic. And that's just the adults. I still have "fond" memories of walking into the bathroom four years ago and finding literally a dozen baby sac spiders on the ceiling, and having my room invaded by half a dozen of the same three years ago. They've been pulling this crap for almost as long as I can remember.

But I won this round...although I'll be drying my hands on my shirt for the next few days.

Another Post In Which I Express My Feelings About Pennsylvania With A Picture

Well, at least there aren't as many storms as usual...although I'm hearing thunder outside as I type this...

Michael Newdow: Still An Ass

This moron has officially become a pathetic parody of himself.

Have I Mentioned Lately That I Hate People?

I think my dorm is hosting some sort of annoying douchebag convention today.

Open Letter to Gmail

Update your frickin' spam filters, dang it. I'm tired of these weird messages telling me how I can improve my marketing techniques or something.

In other news...still working on the history paper, which is now 10 hours late.

On a related note, I managed to get an A- on a poli-sci paper that I turned in the day after it was due, so maybe there's still a chance to salvage this thing...

Hooray for Apathy

All right, I need to be brutally honest here. You know all that work I said I had to do this week?

I barely even started.

Yep. I've just been kinda sitting around for the past few days, and now I have a paper due in about 36 hours that I only did about half an hour of research for. And I'm sitting here with...let's see...two economics assignments due in 7 hours that I barely even looked at, which is especially bad because I've only made it to a couple lectures lately thanks to my oversleeping abilities. I'll probably miss this one too and have to turn this stuff in later...if it even gets done at all. And then I'll still have a paper to write...which probably won't be done until Wednesday or something now...which is a day late...and that's if I'm lucky...yeah.

You'd think I'd be in panic mode right now, but that hasn't happened. It's weird, but I feel a strange sense of contentment, like this is the way things are meant to be. And I think I know why: It's because they are meant to be this way.

You see, I've been coasting for a while now. Ever since enduring academic and social hell last spring, I haven't been able to work as hard as I used to. I honestly think that semester broke my brain (and if you don't believe me, read the archives from January to May of 2005). And yet, despite the fact that I did practically no work last semester, I still managed to get straight As. Was it because I worked hard? Fuck no. I just had a nice combination of easy classes and the 150+ IQ that has gotten me out of so much trouble in the past.

The same strategy has resulted in grades in the B and C range this semester, and at this point, I think I should just keep it up. As long as I pass everything, I'll be okay, and it'll probably help in the long run since I seem to only learn from failure (for example, the only reason I was able to make the snare line in marching band sophomore year is because I was pissed about not making it freshman year, so I spent three weeks of the next summer practicing for several hours a day). I feel like the last 9 months of my life have been a lie, and it's time to face the consequences of my stupidity. I'm too honest for this fake success bullshit.

And now, I'm going to go completely against my better judgment and publish this post. Because, like I said, I'm sick of living a fucking lie.

Thatisall.

Grammatical Pet Peeve of the Day

Attention, writers of the English language: Please stop using declarative sentences that end with question marks. Hypothetical example:

"Hey, I thought you went on vacation?"

Unless you're actually unsure of what you thought, the proper punctuation mark is either a period or an exclamation point, depending on your level of surprise. A question mark makes no sense because that isn't a frickin' question!

That is all.

YEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHBLBLBLBLBE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

As if my mind wasn't occupied with enough stupid bullshit, now my overhead light is flickering on and off and driving me fucking insane. I can literally feel myself developing another nervous ADD tic. And when I did the logical thing and unscrewed the cover to see what the problem was, I found out that it's a fluorescent tube, so I can't replace it on my own.

I'd like to go home now, please.

UPDATE
Well, the light seems to have burned itself out. Luckily, there are two tubes, and one of them is still on, but I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to call the maintenance people or whether I should just leave it to the next poor bastard who gets this room (have I mentioned that the school eliminated squatter's privilege because it was "unfair?" Next year, I'm living in a single on the fourth floor right across from the elevators. Fun!!!).

Open Letter to Frat Monkeys

Despite what your unnecessarily loud music may tell you, you are not a "muthafuckin' P-I-M-P."

Just thought I would let you know.

Open Letter to Users of Public Restrooms

Dear filthy bastards,

WASH! YOUR! FUCKING! HANDS!!!

That is all.

Enough Is Enough

You know what? I've decided that I'm tired of school. Seriously. I've been doing this education thing for most of my life, and I just want it to be over now.

Yeah, I know it was my choice to go to college, and I know that a degree from Newhouse will probably give me some major advantages in the film industry, but still...fuck this other liberal arts bullshit. I'm already more intelligent than about 99.9% of the human race (using IQ as a standard, at least), and since people seem to be getting dumber every day, I'm really finding it hard to care about learning more. It couldn't hurt, but my brain keeps trying to reject new information that it sees as useless.

I don't know...maybe I'm just rambling. But I would be perfectly happy to spend the rest of my life doing nothing but writing and editing movies while playing drums and guitar in my spare time.

Yeah. And while I'm dreaming, I'd like 10 million dollars, a private mansion in a quiet area, and a girlfriend.

Stupid reality.

Fun With Typos

Verbatim quote from my economics textbook:

To get a feeling for the value of this graph is as an analysical tool, let's preview how the Macro Picture can help us.

Um...yeah...sounds fun. Anything that's valuable is as an analysical tool is fine with me.

*headdesk*

Question of the Day

WhAt ThE eVeRlOvInG fUcK wOuLd PoSsEsS a SaNe HuMaN bEiNg To TyPe LiKe ThIs On A rEgUlAr BaSiS? AnD wHy, DeSpItE tHe FaCt ThAt It TaKeS fOrFuCkInGeVeR tO wRiTe A sEnTeNcE, dO tHeSe PeOpLe StIlL sEeM tO lAcK tHe AbIlItY tO cHeCk ThEiR dAmN sPeLlInG aNd GrAmMaR?

CrAp, NoW mY bRaIn HuRtS. i'M nEvEr DoInG tHiS aGaIn.

MoRoNs.

Woo! Spring Break! Woo!

Yep. I'm back in good ol' Plum Borough, PA for the next few days.

Fun fact for today: In the restroom at Angola Travel Plaza, I noticed that someone had written the following on a stall wall:

NIGGERS ARE DESTROYING THE COUNTRY

Aren't people great?

I wanted to cross out "niggers" and write "racists," but I didn't have a pen.

Dang it.

In Colege, Us Am Smrt

Holy crap, did someone set off a tard bomb in the Central New York area? I swear I've encountered more inexplicably stupid behavior here in the past two weeks than the rest of the semester combined.

Maybe it's just because spring break is coming up. Only two midterms to go...

*headdesk*

Just Because You're Paranoid...

In case anyone didn't believe my "most surreal week ever" post, let me tell you how my day went.

I woke up this morning around 10:45. Seems pretty normal, right? Except that I was supposed to get up at 8:50 and go to my 9:30 economics class. Also, the thing that woke me up was not an alarm clock, but the fire alarm.

I was so confused and disoriented by the combined thoughts of "why the hell did I not get up earlier?" and "why is the fire alarm going off?" that I really had no choice but to wait the frickin' thing out, and after a few more minutes, the alarm stopped and everyone who had been awake to go outside came back in.

Still confused, I got up and went to wake up my computer, but strangely, it was off. After messing around with it until the start button actually made it turn on, I glanced over at the clock on my microwave, and suddenly, everything made sense. Why?

Because the clock said that it was 1:40 AM.

If you haven't figured it out by now, there was a power failure at some point this morning (caused by extremely high winds), which apparently screwed up my alarm clocks and caused some fan in the dining hall to set off the fire alarm (I just found out about the fan part a few minutes ago).

Anyway, since I still had other things to do, I got dressed and went to get some lunch. As I glanced at the elevator buttons, I saw a sign essentially telling us that we have to take the stairs because the elevators might trap us inside if the power goes out again.

I live on the sixth floor. Do the math.

After I walked down to the dining hall, I noticed a sign on the card swiping counter that said "DINING HALL CLOSED."

Oh, good.

Luckily, the vending machines here take ID cards, so I made a couple purchases, and after walking back up six flights of stairs, I had a bag of Cheetos, a bag of Doritos, and two granola bars for lunch. Delicious.

After this bountiful feast, I had to head out to help with auditions for my TRF project. One member of my group is an RA, so he was able to reserve a room for us to use. The problem with this is that he's an RA in Day Hall.

Now, obviously, that doesn't mean much to you guys. But Day Hall (where I lived freshman year, incidentally) is on Mount Olympus. The highest hill on campus. Which can only be reached by climbing an assload of stairs. And it's about 15-20 minutes from the dorm I'm in now.

Other than getting there, the auditions weren't that bad. Although I find it strange that the other two members of my group are taking acting classes (and in true stereotypical fashion, one of them is a flaming homersexual) and claim to know a bunch of good actors, but most of the people we auditioned had no acting experience whatsoever. I think it went okay, though. Other than the whole "sitting around for half an hour waiting for people to show up" part.

Now I'm back in my room, and I just realized that I'm really hungry. I wonder why...

SWEET MERCIFUL FUCK ON A POGO STICK! LEARN HOW TO USE THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE!!!

Okay, so I was just in the dining hall, and since most of the food in there is impossible to identify by sight alone, I was checking out the sneeze guard to see what had been written there. Above the baked potatoes, I saw this:

BAKED POTATO'S

Now, unless these things actually belong to someone named Baked Potato, that makes no fucking sense whatsoever.

ADDING. AN. APOSTROPHE. TO. A. WORD. DOES. NOT. MAKE. IT. PLURAL. YOU. RETARDS.

Okay, time to eat. I hope Baked Potato doesn't care that I took one of his vegetables.

Weirdness

I think there's something in the air. I have no idea what it is, but still...

I'm having one of the most surreal weeks of my life. Seriously. I won't go into too many details, but here's a few out-of-context points to give you an idea:

- Killer staples
- Dancing professor
- Second-hand déjà vu
- People grooming each other while singing
- Potential electric shock
- Psychic webcomic

...And there's more that I can't think of at the moment.

I really can't come up with anything else to write.

I Think the Post Speaks for Itself

(Taken from here.)

Dear CD

It's come to my attention that most people are too dumb to get through life without having someone tell them what to do at all times. Therefore, I've decided to start an advice column. And wouldn't you know it, I've already got a letter to answer! Let's take a look:

DEAR CD:

I'm a moron, but since anyone can get into college these days, that hasn't stopped me from pursuing an education. My problem is that nobody seems to understand that I'm the most important person on the planet.

When I try to have a nice conversation with my equally stupid friends during lectures (and isn't that what lectures are for, after all?), we have to whisper to each other the whole time because these crazy professors (more like "oppressors") don't like people talking in class. Isn't that crazy?

How do I convince my professors that it's physically impossible for me to be quiet for a whole hour?

- LOQUACIOUS IN LECTURE

DEAR LOQUACIOUS:

You're right, you are a moron. It's clear that you're never going to amount to anything, so I suggest blowing your brains out now so your mind-numbing stupidity won't infect people around you who actually try to pay attention in class.

Hope that helps!

Internet Communication Musings

You know, a lot of people like to claim that spelling doesn't matter as long as people understand what you're trying to say, and I suppose that in casual written interactions, that's somewhat acceptable. But if you're trying to have a serious discussion on the Internet, you should at least make an effort to look like you have some knowledge of the English language.

Think about this: If you don't even take the time to check your spelling, how can I believe that you took the time to check your facts?

On a related note, I'm frickin' tired of seeing words followed by this:

(sp?)

If you don't know how to spell a word, either look it up or DON'T USE IT!!!

Lazy bastards.

Clearly, My Work Isn't Done

All right, I know there's probably no one reading this, but just in case...

I'll be honest. I wasn't taking a hiatus for the last month. I was seriously ready to call it quits. I felt like I had nothing more to say, and my workload this semester is so ridiculous that I didn't think I would have time anyway. But something happened this morning that made me realize that I still need to blog:

My history professor implied that assassinating President Bush would be a good idea.

This is just one of many, many things you'll be able to read about on SIT in the next few days. I'd write more, but I have to leave for class in four minutes, so keep checking back.

Later, minions.

Post #2 In the SIT "Things Everyone With A Brain Should Know" Series

In the spirit of the previous post, here's another random thought that I've been carrying around for a while, but never bothered to mention on the blog. I have quite a few of these...

Anyway, I'm sure most of you have noticed that human beings, no matter what they believe, have a tendency to exaggerate. This often leads to people making up reasons to believe one idea or oppose another (something that I touch on in my upcoming script, incidentally).

But think about it...if you have to lie about why you believe something, does it make sense to believe it in the first place? It seems to me that any valid position should have enough factual evidence to support it that you would never need to make up a cover story...although cognitive dissonance probably has a lot to do with it (read the Grand Theory of Leftism for more on that).

I don't know...maybe I'm just rambling.

Advice for Idiots

I'm not going to say what inspired this, because it's really several things, but I have a very simple bit of knowledge that too many people seem to have missed when learning how to make a point. I'm going to put it in all caps to make sure nobody is confused. Ready?

THE FACT THAT SOMEBODY SAID SOMETHING DOESN'T AUTOMATICALLY MAKE THE STATEMENT TRUE.

This pisses me off to no end. I'm tired of people quoting a political/historical/celebrity/etc. figure without any context and expecting everyone to say "oh, okay, you win."

News flash, dumbasses: The purpose of quotations is to provide a basis for your argument, not to actually make the damn argument. If you don't explain why "overused historical quotation #3,942" or "witty slogan misattributed to Benjamin Franklin/Voltaire" or whatever is an accurate statement, you've proven nothing.

That is all.

Fun Fact for Today

Michael Newdow is an ass.

That is all.

Hooray for Discredited Ideologies

Fun fact: I'm taking four classes this semester (not counting marching band), and I'm currently studying Marxist thought in two of them.

Good times...

Here's my problem with Marxism: Marx correctly observed that history is driven by conflict. However, he incorrectly believed that this is somehow a bad thing.

Consider this hypothetical situation: A public school decides to do away with its grading system and give everyone an "A" just for showing up. However, the school still assigns homework and gives tests. How many people are going to do the work if everybody gets the same grade?

Yeah, that's the problem with Marxism/communism. Marx believed that there is no fixed human nature, so people could be conditioned to share both the means and results of production. However, if history is driven by conflict and oppression, doesn't this indicate that there is, in fact, a fixed human nature? I think it does.

Human beings are selfish, and there is no way to change that, so the proper way to deal with it is to come up with a society that takes advantage of human nature rather than trying to change it. Thus, capitalism. The ideal Marxist society may look good in theory, but the second one person does better than another, the whole system breaks down. In contrast, capitalism relies on the innate competitive nature of human beings to create a society where people are forced to work harder than those around them to succeed, which in turn makes everyone more successful except those who are too lazy to work. It's not perfect, and it doesn't always work that way, but since perfection is impossible, it's the best we can do.

The same goes for Marx's idea of government. He apparently believed that the state-centered government is simply a transitional phase between eeeeeeevil capitalism and a society where everyone controls the means of production. The problem here, once again, is human nature.

Government is composed of human beings. Human beings are selfish. When you give all the power to government, they're not going to give it back unless a revolution forces them to. The only problem is that truly successful revolutions, like the one that happened here a couple hundred years ago, lead to capitalist societies held together by a representative democracy, which forces government to share its power with the people.

This is why I laugh when people claim that the Soviet Union and other Communist states don't represent true communism because true communism gives everybody equal rights. If the state-centered government is a necessary step between capitalism and "real" communism, then real communism is impossible. Once you give government all the power, you're fucked.

In conclusion: Marxism is bullshit. Thank you.

Bloody Weather...

So...uh...it is November, right? Because I'm watching/hearing a thunderstorm approach my dorm as I type this.

That...that's not right.

More Random Google Fun

If you search Google for I'm in collage, you get 10,700 results.

...

I really think that if you can't spell "college," you shouldn't be in college.

Grammar...Grammar...Grammar...?

As most of you know, I'm majoring in Television, Radio, and Film at Syracuse University. One of the classes I'm taking this semester deals with film criticism. Basically, we sit there for 3 hours and watch movies while the professor points out various instances of symbolism and explains the hidden messages. For the past couple weeks, we've been viewing and discussing so-called "teensploitation" movies (yeah, that's right, you wish you had my life. Did you ever get academic credit for watching Animal House and Fast Times at Ridgemont High? I didn't think so).

Anyway, today's featured film was Ferris Bueller's Day Off (now that you know that, imagine Ben Stein reading the title of this post...). The professor started off the class by discussing the influence of that film's director, John Hughes.

This brings me to the main point of the post. This class is held in an auditorium with stadium seating, which means the people in front of you are slightly below you. Because of this, I happened to glance down at the notebook of a girl in front of me, and I saw something that made me want to do violent things to her. Ready?

The heading of her notes for today: John Hugh's

Think about that for a second. This is Syracuse University, one of the most prestigious schools in the country, and the TRF major is one of SU's most competitive and exclusive academic programs. And yet, there is a junior in this class who apparently thinks that a last name can be possessive.

I don't think I need to say anything else.

CD's Guide to Firework Ruiners

I hope all you loyal minions out there had a good 4th of July weekend. I'm sure that most of you went to a fireworks display tonight, and I thought I'd write a quick post about some of the more annoying people you may have encountered there. This should help you identify the offender more easily in the future. Here we go (note for PC fanatics: I will be using "he" to describe all these people, but they can be male or female. Thank you):

The Tard Family: This is actually a group. They usually arrive in a van and unload about 12 people, 8 of whom are children. The children are allowed to roam free without any regard for safety, and at least one child appears to be either mentally disabled or just completely out of control, running around in front of cars and making strange noises. The one I encountered tonight, for example, periodically slapped himself in the face and made a loud growling noise. And he appeared to be about 10 years old. Meanwhile, the rest of the family ignores the small tard until one of them threatens him with physical violence. During the display, the tardlings react to each individual firework by screaming "WHOA" and imitating the sounds of the explosions. Their natural habitat is on the roof and/or hood of the vehicle they arrived in.

Captain Obvious: This delightful character decides that it's his duty to let everyone in the general area know that he's paying attention. He likes to point out what color each firework is, and will often shout "grand finale!" as the finale begins. He may be an adult or a child, or there may be several. A related species is the person who just repeats the words "grand finale" every few seconds throughout the display.

Mr. Uninterested: This guy drives all the way from home to watch a fireworks display, but before it starts, he decides that he doesn't want to be there, so he proceeds to talk to his companions throughout the entire show at a volume that lets everyone know the topic of conversation. It's usually something completely useless like sock darning (yes, that is an example from real life). He often has a cell phone so he can communicate with fellow ruiners at other displays.

The Music Man: This brilliant specimen thinks that the fireworks and screaming tards aren't providing enough audible entertainment, so he opens all his car doors and cranks up his stereo so everyone can listen to his crappy hip-hop music while they watch the display. If you encounter this firework ruiner, slash his tires.

The Tardy Tard: This ruiner thinks that nobody will care if he shows up five minutes into the display and takes several minutes to park his car while his headlights blind everyone around him. No matter where you are, he will find you, and he will park in front of you. It is his only reason for existing.

The Early Bird: A relative of the Tardy Tard, this ruiner decides to leave five minutes early to beat the traffic, and much like TT, he blinds everyone around him when he pulls out. Apparently, it's more important to get home early than to watch the whole freakin' display.

There are many more firework ruiners out there, but these are the most egregious offenders. I hope this guide will help you identify and deal with the ruiners at future displays.

Thank you.

We Don't Need A Flag Burning Amendment

You may have seen this news already:

House Approves Move to Outlaw Flag Burning

A constitutional amendment to outlaw flag burning cleared the House Wednesday but faced an uphill battle in the Senate. An informal survey by The Associated Press suggested the measure doesn't have enough Senate votes to pass.

As ridiculous and pointless as flag burning is, there should not be a Constitutional amendment against it. The irony is too thick, first of all. But in addition, keeping flag burning legal makes it easier to identify idiots. There should be no law against flag burning for the same reason that there should be no "hate speech" laws.

Think about it. If you see a guy out in the middle of the street yelling "I hate niggers" at the top of his lungs, you know that you should avoid that guy like the plague. Same deal with flag burning. If you see some asshole burning a flag, you probably don't want to associate with said asshole. Laws restricting freedom of expression just make it harder for stupid people to be identified and properly ridiculed.

Flag burning is idiotic, but it should be legal anyway. Stupidity should be exposed and eliminated, not hidden by legislative action.

Political Roundup

Just for the heck of it, here's some quick commentary on a few of the issues I should have been blogging about lately, but haven't mentioned because I've been taking a political semi-hiatus. I know that your lives aren't complete until you know exactly what I think about things, after all.

- The "nuclear option" and resulting compromise: Just more proof that there is no Republican party in this country, only Democrats and Socialists. But the media sure loves those "maverick" Republicans, doesn't it? They're so much better than all the "extremist" judges who dare to take a position that Howard Dean wouldn't support. Speaking of which...

- Howard Dean's recent comments: I love this guy. He's the gift that keeps on giving. They might as well make Michael Moore the DNC chairman, and he'll have just as much credibility as Mad How. However, I kind of feel bad about it. If Democrats keep retreating from the mainstream like this, it'll give Republicans an excuse to move even further to the left than they already have. As much as I enjoy schadenfreude, I think that someone is going to have to step in and bring both parties back down to earth sooner or later. But until then...keep up the lunacy, Howie. Now, on to a more serious note...

- Amnesty International's "gulag" comments: You've gotta be fucking kidding me. On one hand, you have the imprisonment of millions of innocent people who were subsequently used as slave labor and often starved to death in the middle of Siberia. On the other hand, you have a few hundred suspected terrorists who are treated better in Gitmo than they would be in their own country, and who may or may not have witnessed the "mishandling" of a book that they wouldn't have had if their captors hadn't given them out for free. If you can even begin to see more than the most basic similarities between the two, especially considering what those prisoners in Gitmo would do to even the useful idiots in AI if they had the chance, then you have no moral compass, and you are a disgusting excuse for a human being. And considering how I feel about human beings, that's saying a lot. Oh, by the way...ILLEGAL COMBATANTS AREN'T PROTECTED BY THE GENEVA CONVENTIONS, YOU FUCKING IDIOTS!!!

- John Kerry's grades: Bwahaha! All this time, Senator Fuckup was portrayed as the brilliant foil to the smirking chimp in the White House, and now we find out that he actually did worse in college than Dubya. Bwahahahaha!!! In any case, looking at the grades of both these guys and knowing that they still made it so far makes me feel a lot better about my 3.5 GPA.

- "Deep Throat" revealed: Who fuckin' cares?! If I gave secret information to journalists, and they ended up naming me after a porn movie, I'd want to remain anonymous too. There's something about using that phrase to describe a 91 year-old guy that makes me feel just a little ill.

And in non-political news...

- Michael Jackson and Paris Hilton should fight to the death, and the winner should be rewarded with a one-way rocket ride to the center of the Sun.

Thank you.

Open Letter to People Who Can't Recognize Sarcasm and Satire

Get. The fuck. Off. The Internet.

You idiots.

(This isn't related to anything on this blog; It's just a general pet peeve of mine)

Why Does It Not End?

So, 24-hour quiet hours were supposed to start at 9 PM. It's now 9:30. Know what The Chimps are doing?

They're making MORE NOISE THAN BEFORE.

...
...

Six.

More.

Fucking.

Days.

Son a bitch.

Feudblogging

I'm not going to link to anything specific, because if you haven't heard about this, you can find out easily enough. Anyway...

Last week, Jeff Goldstein and Bill Ardolino interviewed Michele Catalano on The Citizen Journalist Report. Jeff and Bill asked some sarcastic and insulting questions about Michele's atheism, and she flipped out on them. Afterwards, there was a big debate about whether or not it was real. They've since revealed that it was, in fact, planned as a joke, but the right side of the blogosphere is now divided over how to handle it. I just have a couple points to make:

1. I listened to that interview, and...I'm sorry if I'm insulting anyone, but...if you couldn't figure out that it was staged within two minutes of hearing it, then you. are. an. IDIOT.

2. I understand that the whole thing was a joke, but I really don't get what was funny about it. I mean...really. Was it the bleeps? The "Jew" line? The fact that two people who identify themselves as non-religious were making fun of someone for being an atheist? What? It had nothing to do with anything, and it was just completely fucking useless.

In conclusion, I still hate humanity. Thank you very much.

Insert Rant Here

You know, I've done nothing but complain about my life for the past few days, so I'll spare you another long post, but I just have to say something: The entire human race is pissing me off right now. Every time anybody does anything, it makes me hate people more. I have not been this fucking angry since high school. These fucking...things that I live with won't let me have a peaceful moment, my professors aren't even making sense anymore, everyone apparently feels the need to whisper to each other when they sit behind me in class, and I lost two hours of sleep this morning because the fucking trucks in the loading dock kept waking me up every half hour, it's too hot to close the window, and my roommate is sick, so he blows his nose every five seconds. Combine that with the fact that the frat monkeys a couple buildings over were setting off fireworks at 2:30 AM, thus keeping me up even longer...fucking bullshit.

Just fuck off, humanity. Get out of my face and give me some fucking breathing room.

Know What I Have? No Faith In Humanity

I swear people are making a conscious effort to piss me off.

See, I just wasted 50 minutes of my life. I was supposed to meet a couple people in the library at 9:15 to discuss a TRF project, but...I waited until 9:45, and neither one of them showed up.

They. Both. Forgot.

Now, here's the fun part: I was waiting by the back entrance, and during the time I stood there, I watched two...not one, but two people needlessly use the automatic door opener. You know those big blue buttons that say "Push to operate door" and have a picture of a wheelchair on them? Two people with perfectly functional legs still felt the need to use it.

But that's still not the best part.

A couple minutes before I left, a guy in a wheelchair came in. And he opened the door...with his hand.

Let's review...two non-handicapped people used the handicapped door opener, and one guy in a wheelchair opened the door the regular way.

...I keep thinking someone's going to let me in on the inside joke I've been watching for 20 years...but then I remember that humanity really is fucked up to the point of being surreal.

Fuck.

UPDATE
All right, now I think I'm in a parallel universe. I was just down in the laundry room, and after I had waited about 20 minutes for a machine to open up, a girl and a guy came down to get their stuff out of the washers. The girl, upon opening the machine, proceeded to exclaim the following (not verbatim, but close):

"Aaaah! No! I don't believe it! MotherFUCKER! They're soaking wet! That's the second time this has happened to me this semester!"

...uh...

WHAT?!

Since when is it a shock that washing machines make clothing wet?!

...If I go outside tomorrow and see people wearing hats on their feet and shoes on their heads, I probably won't even be surprised.

I Still Hate People

<Rant>

So, let me tell you about my day. It's Tuesday, which means that other than a history lecture in the morning, I don't have any classes. I do, however, have an anthropology test tomorrow, so I figured I would use the time to study. Since The Chimps are fond of making the dorm unnecessarily loud, I decided to go down to the library. Sounds like a plan, right? What part of a college campus is quieter than the library?

Anyway, I went to the fourth floor like I did last week. Most people who come to the library to talk stay in the nice open area on the first floor. That's what it's for, after all. But since I have ADD, I pretty much get distracted by anything louder than breathing, and I wanted some peace and quiet so I could read. Everything was going fine for a while, but then some people sat down near me and started talking loudly.

On the fourth floor. Of the library.

Well, it is a pretty big building, so I moved to another table. After a few more minutes, a couple of completely different people sat down behind me and started talking.

Are you seeing a pattern here?

So, I once again moved. After no more than five minutes, I heard more people talking. At that point, I decided to leave. So now I'm back in my room, and I didn't finish all my reading yet.

I fucking hate people so much.

Let's review the situation: I went to the library so I could have a quiet place to study. I went to the fourth floor, which is specifically designated as a quiet area (there's a sign telling people to "respect the need for quiet in the library" or something). However, there were people talking in just about every spot I went to. Never mind the fact that the first fucking floor is where people go to talk. Never mind the fact that there were still plenty of open tables down there. No, these ignorant fucks decided they would go to the fourth floor of the library to have their little group discussions.

Did I miss the legislation that outlawed silence? Fucking inconsiderate bastards.

</Rant>

Open Letter to Fellow Conservatives

Stop blaming Bill Clinton for this. You can't blame one crappy president for something that's been going on for decades.

Dang it, I hate when people on my side make fools of themselves.

I Hate People

Just in case you somehow forgot.

That About Sums It Up

Quote from Rachel Lucas:

Humanity is seriously fucked up. That's all there is to it. Seriously, hopelessly, unforgivably fucked up.

Yes, yes it is.

Open Letter to Michael Schiavo

Burn in hell, you bastard.

UPDATE
To everyone out there in Blogland claiming that you "wouldn't want to live like that:"

That's not the friggin' point. The point is whether Terri wants to live like that. And since there's no proof she doesn't, other than from her husband (who changed his story as soon as he got the money he wanted), we should probably give her the benefit of the friggin' doubt.

Got it?

In-Depth Political Commentary for the Day

This is bullsh*t.

Thank you very much.

Maybe If I Toss A Banana At Them, They'll Go Away

You may think I'm exaggerating when I talk about how annoying the people on my floor can be. You'd be wrong.

Right now, a couple of The Chimps are skateboarding in the hallway.

Skateboarding. In. The hallway.

SKATE.F**KING.BOARDING.IN.A.DORM.HALLWAY.

I think the school accidentally put me in a zoo exhibit instead of a residence hall.

UPDATE
Actual quote from a couple seconds ago:

"This carpet's slowing me down."

THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULDN'T BE SKATEBOARDING IN A MOTHERF**KING DORM, @SSNOZZLE!!!!!!!!

Happy Extortion Day

No, not April 15. Valentine's Day. I wrote a Valentine's rant last year, but the more I think about it, the more I realize just how stupid the entire concept is.

Like I said last time, it's ridiculous to manipulate people's emotions and make them feel guilty for not buying useless crap. I find it hilarious that people take this "holiday" so seriously in the first place. Why set aside one day to celebrate love? Are you faking it the rest of the year?

The whole gift-giving thing is what really gets me, though. I've never had a girlfriend (yes, ladies, I am available), so maybe I'm missing something, but...think about it. The whole reason you get involved in a relationship is because you enjoy being around the other person, right? So why should you need to prove yourself by buying them stuff? That seems suspiciously like bribery to me, among other things. If you willingly spend time together, doesn't that prove that you have some sort of affection for each other? Why bring money and little pink trinkets into the equation?

Seriously. Think about it. Do you form friendships by buying crap for your friends? No. You form friendships because you enjoy their company. So why should romantic relationships be any different? Just enjoy being together and stop acting like you have to pay for your significant other's approval.

Even the concept of cards strikes me as a little unnecessary:

"To prove how much I love you, here's a piece of paper with someone else's words on it!"

If you're going to go that route, at least take the time to express your own feelings, not those of someone who gets paid to put words in other people's mouths.

Now, I understand the idea of emotional significance, and I suppose I can see why people would want to get their boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/whatever (for you Massachusetts residents) gifts occasionally, but the basis of your relationship should be the quality of your moments together, not the quantity of money you spend. It just seems more honest that way.

Thank you.

UPDATE
Heh.

Way to Go, Frnak

This and this are two of the many reasons I don't drink.

Reality Strikes Again

Some of you may be aware of the gun control discussion that took place at Mountaineer Musings recently. One of the only anti-gun commenters gave the following rationale for not owning a weapon (note the ellipses, and read the whole thing if you must):

The gun stuff still makes me nervous. Just WHAT do you need a gun for? I would like to know that...WHO do you want to shoot? And are they a threat to your every day life…to the extent that you must be prepared for their “attack�? Yikes! I would not like to live in such fear.... I choose peace. And no bullets.

Notice anything? The entire argument revolves around the commenter's world view. She doesn't believe in owning a gun because she would never want to use one.

Where am I going with this, you ask? Well, I found an interesting story in the Post-Gazette today:

Fax/copier repairman paralyzed by attack in Downtown parking garage

His wheelchair pulled almost to the rail of the jury box, Michael Lahoff told jurors how he tossed his wallet toward the pair accosting him in a Downtown parking garage, and then felt the sting of one bullet, then a second, which severed his spine.

Oh no! He's paralyzed because of guns! That should support the anti-gun view, right? Let's look at the specifics of the incident:

Lahoff, a fax/copier repairman, had returned to his car at the Smithfield-Liberty garage to check on some needed spare parts and was sitting on the back bumper of his car looking at a manual when he noticed what he believed were a man and woman passing by. The two shortly headed back toward him.

"I thought, 'Maybe they want to ask me a question, maybe they're lost,' " he said. "Then I noticed immediately a gun pointed at my head."

He raised his hands over his head, and backed between his car and another. The gunman, he said, told him, "I want it all."

Lahoff said he was purposely looking at the ground to try to convey to the pair that he wasn't trying to identify them. That's why he could not give police a good description or identify the two defendants on trial -- Lamont Fulton, 19, of Crafton Heights and Marty Armstrong, 20, of Springdale. He also incorrectly thought one was a woman at the time of the shooting.

Lahoff said he told the gunman, "No problem, my wallet's right here." He testified he tossed it to the shorter of the pair, who caught it.

"Then I looked up at the gunman and I could see in his eyes that he was aiming. I said, 'No, don't do that, you don't have to do that.' "

Then he heard a bang and felt a sting in his left shoulder.

"I shouted again, 'No, don't do that, you don't have to do that.' "

Then he felt a second gunshot and he collapsed onto the pavement.

Lahoff is now a quadriplegic and is in a nursing home in Baldwin Township.

Sorry about the long excerpt, but I think it was necessary to get the whole story. Anyway, let's review:

The guy cooperated with his assailants, even to the point of trying to look like he wasn't committing their appearance to memory. He gave them his wallet, then tried to reason with the shooter. He chose peace. And no bullets. And now he's in a wheelchair.

Now, I'm not trying to blame Mr. Lahoff for his condition. That falls squarely on the shoulders of the @sshole who shot him. On the other hand, do you think he would still be like that if he had pointed a gun right back at the guy? Or at least had one on him? Maybe, maybe not. But in any case, I think we can all learn one thing from this incident: Choosing peace only works if everyone else does the same.

People are stupid and violent. It's better to have a gun and never need it than to be unarmed when you need to defend yourself. Unless human nature itself changes, that's the way it's always going to be.

Hooray for Semantics

Good thing:

Woman Charged in Stolen Fetus Case

An infant believed to be the fetus cut from a murdered woman's womb was reunited with her father late Friday after a frantic search, and authorities arrested the woman they say strangled the mother and stole the child.

Well, at least one victim survived. Of course, she has to grow up without a mother now thanks to the murderous freak who took her, but...it's better than being dead, I guess.

Now, I have one question: WHY ARE THEY STILL CALLING THE BABY A FETUS? Would they say this if it had been born the normal way?

"Congratulations, it's a fetus!"

It's out of its mother's body, it breathes on its own, it's been alive for quite a while now...why call it a fetus?

Even the "conservative" Fox News site doesn't seem to get it. Look here:

fe·tus ( P ) Pronunciation Key (fts) n. pl. fe·tus·es

2. In humans, the unborn young from the end of the eighth week after conception to the moment of birth, as distinguished from the earlier embryo.

I don't think I have to say anything else.

(NOTE: If it seems like I'm angrier about the terminology being used by the media than I am about the act in question, please see yesterday's post. Thank you.)

I Don't Even Know What to Say About This

Amber Alert issued after fetus removed from mother's body

Missouri authorities issued an Amber Alert for an infant who may have survived after a woman was slain and a fetus removed from her body.

Bobbi Jo Stinnett, who was eight months' pregnant, was killed Thursday afternoon in her home in Skidmore in northwestern Missouri, the Nodaway County Sheriff's Department said.

...
...
...
...

I'm trying to decide whether I should violate my self-censorship rule, because I'm basically thinking this:

*** *********** ************! * **** *** **** ** *********** **** ** ******* ********! ****** *** *** ** *** ** **** ******* ****** ******* *** ********* *********! **** ***!!!

...Discuss.

Internet Grammar Pet Peeve of the Day

When you extend a word for dramatic effect, make sure it's phonetically similar to the original word. For example, if you wanted to say "nice" with enthusiasm, you would type:

"Niiiiiiiiiiiice."

You would not type:

"Niiiiiiicccccceeeeeeeee."

In the first instance, it would still be pronounced "nice." In the second instance, it would be pronounced "nicy" (rhymes with "icy"), thereby creating a new word that would make no sense if you said it out loud.

I hope you all appreciate this advice and apply it to your everyday lives.

I Stick to My Word

Remember a couple days ago when I said I would criticize Bush if he did something stupid?

WHAT THE F**K IS THIS?

President Bush yesterday moved aggressively to resurrect his plan to relax rules against illegal immigration, a move bound to anger conservatives just days after they helped re-elect him. The president met privately in the Oval Office with Sen. John McCain to discuss jump-starting a stalled White House initiative that would grant legal status to millions of immigrants who broke the law to enter the United States.

Dubya, you just...don't get it, do you? How can you expect to stay strong on national security by letting people enter the country illegally?

If Congress passes this crap, it will confirm my belief that there is no Republican Party, only Democrats and Socialists.

More Randomness

I just heard the following in the hallway:

"I'm so glad that I did good on my test!"

I guess it wasn't a grammar test.

(That's right, I went there. You didn't think I'd go there, but I did.)

You're Gramer Is Well

Fun quote from DU:

its a sad day today...people will reep what they sew

This brings me to a point I've wanted to make for a while:

DON'T USE EXPRESSIONS IF YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THEY MEAN.

I won't shed any tears if morons like this start leaving the country.

UPDATE
Continuing the theme, here's a Google search that just brought someone here:

is noone two words or one

I don't know what's scarier; The fact that they don't know, or the fact that they entered it in the form of a question.

My Faith In Humanity Continues to Plunge Into Negative Numbers

Here's a fun activity to brighten up your morning:

Step 1: Click this link.
Step 2: Read the post.
Step 3: Read the comments on that post.
Step 4: Join me in a moment of silence as we remember a time when people could recognize satire that wasn't explicity identified as such.

I can't believe some of these people are on my side. I can only hope that the comments themselves are satire, and it's all just a huge inside joke.

/wishful thinking

UPDATE
More reasons to doubt humanity here.

It's times like these that almost make me want to start drinking...

Hooray for Democracy

In case anyone was wondering, Pennsylvania has a really, really awkward absentee ballot. It's like...the size of a freakin' poster. It also seems like the instructions were written by John Kerry. Check out two excerpts from the same sheet of paper:

PLEASE ENCLOSE A PHOTOCOPY OF ONE OF THE ABOVE LISTED FORMS OF IDENTIFICATION WITH YOUR ABSENTEE BALLOT

Please DO NOT enclose your identification in the secrecy envelope or the outer envelope. Please provide your identification separate from the Absentee Ballot materials you send to the County Board of Elections.

So...should I enclose it or not?

Open Letter to Yankees and Red Sox Fans

We're at war, and there's an election coming up in less than a month. You're really taking this meaningless rivalry BS too seriously. Now stop yelling and clapping like idiots and polluting my personal space with your lack of perspective.

I've mentioned that I think sports rivalries are ridiculous, right?