Allow me to join Jeff Goldstein and Ace in making fun of this magnificent dumbfuck:
Alright, let's pretend, just for the sake of argument, that the Repubs are right, as are most Democrats and the media, when they insist that the election was legitimate. Fine.
Because, as we all know, Democrats and liberals are incapable of being wrong, so the only way Republicans could possibly win an election is by stealing it. Right.
We're going to give them one more chance to hold elections that are credible. We're going to throw ourselves into this next election, getting out as many voters as we can.
Because that worked so well in 2004...oh, right, Kerry actually won the election, but Bush stole it from him.
The turn-out will be huge, especially by the standard of off-year elections.
He has the gift! He can see the future!
</Master Shake>
Americans will come out to vote, in part, as a way to take a stand on behalf of free and fair elections.
"And as soon as we lose, we'll piss our pants and whine about how evil Republicans are!"
No early voting, and as little absentee voting as possible. The point here is to have a massive turn-out on Election Day.
"That way, it will be easier to complain that long lines somehow violated people's civil rights!"
We'll not only work to boost the turn-out, but we also plan to monitor this thing with an unprecedented thoroughness. We're going to watch the polls, and watch them count the votes.
Yeah, so how about those 2004 exit polls? How did that work out?
We're going to keep track of every wrong or merely screwy incident, every startling trend, every weird anomaly.
"Hey, you, did you just vote for Republicans?"
"Yes."
"He's part of the conspiracy! Get him!"
We're also going to pay close heed to all the relevant statistics: newspaper polls, independent exit polls (we cannot trust the NEP) and so on.
Democrats: When the voting doesn't go our way, we'll pretend that polls determine the winners of elections.
And so, when the Repubs win yet again...
That's the spirit!
...surprisingly maintaining their control of Congress...
Surprising to anyone who believes that the vast majority of voters are insane liberals who keep losing because their votes aren't counted, yes.
...notwithstanding their subterranean approval ratings...
Uh...aren't the Democrats' approval ratings even lower? And isn't Congress as a whole taking a beating in opinion polls at the moment? I'm glad to see that, once again, it comes down to the weird view that whatever liberals believe is the truth, and everything else is just a lie or a conspiracy.
...we will be prepared to note all the anomalies and improprieties -- and, at long last, to SAY NO.
Yeah, and so will we. When we vote to keep your loony asses out of office.
As this will have been the fourth election cycle ravaged by Bush/Cheney since 2000...
I wasn't aware that Bush and Cheney were running for Congress.
Americans must finally go Ukrainian, and just refuse to acknowledge BushCo's latest "win."
Hey, here's an idea: Why don't you refer to him as "*" and claim that he's "not my president?" I can't believe nobody has thought of this!
Where that may take us I can't say.
*cough*insaneasylum*cough*
But it is something that, it seems to me, we have to do, or else we don't deserve to call ourselves the citizens of a republic.
I thought you were "citizens of the world" or some shit. I'm glad you've decided to acknowledge that you are, in fact, subject to the rules and regulations of a representative republic. Now, about that electoral college thing...
UPDATE
Check out this pearl of wisdom from the comments. I'm not sure if it's satire or if it really was, as it appears, written by a retarded baboon, but either way, it's frickin' hilarious:
WHAT IS SO INCOMPREHENSIBLE ABOUT ALL OF THIS POWERGRAB BS IS THAT THE COUNTRY WILL BE SO F..KED UP AFTERWARD THAT IT WON'T BE WORTH SHIT HAVING ALL OF THE POWER IN IT. IT WILL HAVE BEEN LIKE THEY SPENT ALL OF THIER TIME AND ENERGY TO END UP STEALING A GARBAGE CAN FULL OF SHIT. THERE WON'T BE NO NFL NO PROFESSIONAL BASEBALL NO NBA ONLY NASCAR. NOW WON'T THAT BE A LOT OF FUN?:) EVEN OPRAH WILL PROBALLY MOVE TO EUROPE OR CANADA. No Rock & Roll, no R&B, no blues just Country music and Broadway Shows. ALL OF THE FUN AND SOUL WILL BE GONE OUT OF AMERICA, So that a few clowns can have unlimited power over a bunch of crap. If that is not a flawed plan , I don't know what is. It is just like Martin Luther King said. "I think we are intergating into a burning house" MLKPosted by CD on June 29, 2006 06:55 PM | TrackBack