So...as long as it's the weekend...
What does everyone think of the random quote generator I stuck in the upper left-hand corner a couple weeks ago? I'm curious.
Okay, I have gotten about a dozen hits in the past 24 hours from people Googling for "Amish in the City." That means people are actually interested in that show.
...There's nothing I could possibly say to make that any more absurd than it already is, so I'm just going to click "SAVE" and step away.
The word is "speech." Not "speach." "Speech." It's really not that difficult to get right.
In other news, I'm pretty much burned out on politics for this week. But I have been wanting to write a 50% personal, 50% political essay for the last month and haven't gotten around to it yet. It's going to deal with movies and moonbats. You will read it when I post it, because this is your favorite blog and you all diligently absorb every single word written here.
(Hey! I hear that stifled laughter!)
All right, I'm about to make a huge sacrifice for you people, so I'd better see some comments when this is posted.
I'm actually going to watch Kerry's acceptance speech.
I've been catching bits and pieces of the convention all night, and it's sickening. It's the same old crap: Vietnam, Bush bashing, and pandering. I also find it amusing that the Dems are trying this "hope and unity" line after 3 years of "hate and vitriol" from their party.
I'm in a really crappy mood tonight. Can you tell? Anyway...
Right now, the swift boat veterans are speaking. Cuz, you know, Kerry was in Vietnam. He wants to make sure you don't forget it.
Now they're bringing out Max Cleland. Let's see if he talks about the Republicans being big meanies and questioning Waffleboy's patriotism. He's already blathering about how heroic Kerry is because he went to Vietnam. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Kerry got medals and you got hurt. We've heard it all before. Boo-f**kity-hoo. Now he's talking about Kerry's postwar lies. You know he confessed to being a war criminal, right, Max? But he was in Vietnam, so I shouldn't question his patriotism.
Yep, he mentioned patriotism. I wonder if he's aware that a patriot can still be a horrible politician. Oh, and Kerry's service to his country began in Vietnam. Because he was there. In Vietnam. Kerry was in Vietnam. He was there. In the Navy. In Vietnam. Vietnam. 'Nam. Viet F**kin' Nam. Viet. Nam. Motherf**kers.
Let's go to the extended entry. This is getting strange.
Now he's talking about the Bible. That bigoted, fundamentalist extremist! How dare he violate the separation of church and state!!! Pander pander pander.
Here comes Kerry. I'm not facing the TV, so I can't catch everything, but let's see what's going on...He's smiling, of course. This is the first time I've ever seen a sincere looking smile on that man's face. Here he comes. Waving. To the Kerry signs in the audience. Crap, touch typing is hard.
He hugged a black guy. Atrios would call that "really disturbing."
Here we go. Let's see what you've got, F**k Up.
Yeah, I'm really not happy with these people now. Expect a lot of asterisks in this post.
It looks like he's wearing a freakin' mask. Looks like they went easy on the botox this week. "Thank you thank you thank you thank you..." Wow, this is exciting. Oooh, "thank you so much." Way to be unpredictable.
Shut up and let him give the frickin' speech!
"I'm John Kerry and I'm reporting for duty." Oh, we forgot that you were a veteran. Sorry. It won't happen again.
"Make America stronger at home and respected in the world." Let's beg the U.N. to do it for us instead. He's still trying to win over the crowd. I think he's thanked them enough.
He stuttered. He did it again. "And world that doesn't have an end." Holy crap, he's nervous. They turned the camera on an insane woman in the audience. I guess she's a fan of "The West Wing."
The world is "full of wonders and mysteries." Mysteries like "how did John Kerry get the presidential nomination?"
He's rambling about his childhood. Making as many military references as humanly possible. I'm guessing at least half of this speech will focus on his Vietnam service. He just insinuated that nobody trusts us anymore.
Here he goes. "John Kennedy called my generation to service." "We believed we could change the world..." And now you want to screw it up. He wants to tell the truth to the American people. Because politicians are so honest. I like how he assumes that trust and credibility have left the White House.
Hey, he skipped the Vietnam part of his life. Interesting. He will "never mislead us into war." Because he'll let other countries do that. He's making veiled criticisms...oh, did you know that Ashcroft hasn't upheld the Constitution? Kerry says he hasn't, so it must be true. The rest of the crowd must be part of the "Ashcroft is Himmler" club.
Here comes the WoT talk. And class warfare. Outsourcing...the economy sucks...he apparently has missed all the talk that America is getting better, since he thinks the other side is claiming that this is a horrible country.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! "We're the optimists." Yeah, right. If "optimism" means "calling your opponents the enemy of America" and "covering up all good news because it might help Bush."
Where did this optimism crap come from? The Democrats have never been optimistic until this week. But he accepts the nomination. It would be funny if he said, "I reject your nomination. Pick Hillary instead!" Heh heh.
Now he's talking about Edwards. Who has helped make the American dream real. Right. He's talking way too much about the middle class. Hey, I'm middle class, and I think you're a douche. What does that tell you?
"What can I say about Te-ray-suh?" How about, "shove it?" "She speaks her mind, and she speaks the truth, and I love her for that, too." The "too" is because he mostly loves her for the money.
"Band of brothers" talk. Now he's talking about being a veteran. "We came back with a deep belief that every day is extra." And that soldiers were war criminals.
He said "unity." They really like that word.
9/11 talk. He's describing the national unity we had until the friggin' tinfoil-hat crowd ruined it. But no, it's Bush's fault that people think he's an imperialist oil tycoon.
"There are those who criticize me for seeing complexities." No, we criticize you for taking both sides of an issue. He's parroting the "no WMD" and "mission accomplished" memes. This is not a president. It is a moonbat.
Now he's talking about how Bush distorted the facts that he and the Democrats voted for war after seeing. He apparently thinks that we didn't have to go to war. Even though he voted for it. Before he voted against it.
Oh, you know what they go through in a war. Were you in a war? Which one was it? I forget.
Holy crap, he's regurgitating the Michael Moore "we sacrificed children" line. Have you heard of free will?
"You will never be asked to fight a war without a plan to win the peace." I guess "killing the terrorists" isn't a plan.
He knows what needs to be done, but he refuses to tell us how he's going to do it. Here comes the "nobody respects us" crap. I guess that we're going it alone. With our multilateral coalition. Oh, and Kerry is a veteran. He mentioned it again.
"Any attack will be met with a swift and certain response." He wants to expand the armed forces now. An action he has historically voted against. He thinks the National Guard and reservists are being drafted. I didn't realize you could volunteer for a draft.
"We will deploy every tool in our arsenal." Does he realize that the crowd he's speaking to opposes that? Now the line is "Bush hasn't done enough?" What a joke.
"We need to be looked up to, not just feared." No, we need to be feared, because then, people won't try to f**king kill us. Moron.
I love how he's trying to say that he'll fight terrorism while simultaneously criticizing the war on terrorism. See why we call you a flip-flopper, Kerry? You don't even know what you're saying, do you?
He'll follow the 9/11 Commission. Until Bush does. Then, he'll say that it's foolish to listen to them without considering other opinions.
Here comes the patriotism questioning thing. "Wrapping themselves in the flag." I've seen that line on DU. This is freakin' sad. "Reclaim our democracy itself." We have a republic, Kerry. He's talking about patriotism again. Because we've questioned his by daring to ask what he's going to do if he wins.
By the way, Kerry fought. In Vietnam. He was there. On a swift boat. In Viet F**kin' Nam. He was there. Vietnam. V.I.E.T.N.A.M.
He's still playing on the "Republicans have a monopoly on patriotism" stereotype. It would be nice if they would actually criticize things people have done. Although I love listening to liberals chanting "USA! USA!" after all these times that they've said the flag is offensive.
"You don't value families by kicking kids out of after school programs and taking cops off the streets so that Enron can get another tax break." Is he actually swallowing this crap?
Oh yeah, and Bush wants to help drug companies. How terrible. Helping the companies that help others. That fascist prick.
He's criticizing the lack of war funding. Even though he voted not to fund the war.
Values, values, values...he's basically just stealing the Republican platform now. He mentioned God. He must be a delusional religious crusader who thinks God speaks to him, just like Bush.
Here comes the socialism. Did you know that government is supposed to solve all your problems? Kerry thinks it is.
"25% of our children in Harlem have asthma because of hair pollution." I don't think he meant to say that.
"Help is on the way." I think that's the new slogan to replace "I was in Vietnam."
It's also fun watching a millionaire talk about the values of the middle class and rural families. I bet he knows all about hard work and sacrifice. He may have had to drive the SUV that he doesn't own instead of getting a limo.
He's really obsessed with this outsourcing stuff. "Our plan calls for a fair playing field." Wouldn't that be mean to other countries who have to compete with us? We can't have that.
"Tax giveaways that are nothing more than corporate welfare." "We won't raise taxes on the middle class." Yeah, sure. That's what you say now.
Let's see what he'll do...
- Cut middle class taxes
- Roll back the tax cuts for the wealthiest individuals, invest in health care, education, and job creation.
Why should people get rich if they get punished for it, you idiot? I guess Nanny Government will take care of all the boo-boos that the poow widdle country suffers.
He apparently sees a connection between prisoners and students.
"Health care that's affordable and accessible for all Americans." *cough*Socialism*cough*
Wait, people will be able to buy less expensive drugs from countries like Canada? What happened to keeping business in this country? Flip. Flop.
"Health care...is a right for all Americans." Yeah. You get back to us as soon as you find that in the Constitution, buddy.
He's criticizing foreign oil. In front of a crowd who probably opposes drilling in Alaska because it might hurt the animals' feelings. He just made a real subtle "war for oil" jab. Clever.
Here comes a message for Bush: "Let's be optimists...build unity...honor this nation's diversity...never misuse the Constitution..." Tell that to your own party. You know, the Bush hating, class warfare, "affirmative action," anti-gun crusaders.
I love how he's criticizing divisive politics in front of a group that's spent the entire week talking about how horrible Bush is.
"I don't wear my religion on my sleeve." Unless it's politically beneficial, of course. Then he'll tell everyone in the room that he's a devout Catholic.
There are some funny looking people in that audience. Wow.
He thinks he can cure diabetes, Alzheimer's, and AIDS. Token stem cell research line...I still can't help but find it hilarious to hear him talk about stopping hatred in front of the Party of Hatred.
Oh, hey, did you know Kerry was in Vietnam? On a boat? I thought I heard that somewhere. That he was in Vietnam. He served. In the Navy. In Vietnam. He was there. He's a veteran. He was in Vietnam. 'Nam. Vi. Et. N. Am.
"Our best days are still to come." Yeah, as soon as you lose the election. F**kin' moron.
They couldn't leave out the Kerry on Edwards man-love. It's like they're connected.
CRAP, there are some funny looking people in the audience.
Group hug! Group hug! AAAAAWWWWWW.....
How freakin' long are they going to be out there?
I think the action is over. So...
That was an odd speech. Too many empty platitudes and appeals to emotion, not enough concrete information. And he acknowledged most of the conspiracy theories without actually saying them. But again, I love how the criticism of Bush has gone from "we shouldn't have gone to war" to "we aren't fighting hard enough." Pick one!
And like I said, it's freakin' hilarious that the party of Bush bashing is suddenly calling for hope and unity. You're a few years too late there, Dems. You've shown your true colors now. You might as well embrace the hate. Watching you self destruct in November will be fun.
Pakistan caught a terrorist? It must be a trick to draw attention away from the DNC convention!
And before you chalk this up to more DU moonbattery, read this.
Ace says it best:
At this point they -- meaning Marshall and his paranoid-fringe brethren at DU (except they're not fringe anymore; the liberals have embraced their inner lunatic) -- are actively on Al Qaeda's side. Any victory Bush scores against Al Qaeda is a victory against Kerry. Ergo, they're praying their little hearts out for Osama bin Ladin and Musab al-Zarqawi.
I think it's justified to question their patriotism at times like these.
Holy crap, I hate people so freaking much.
Look, Democrats, you're scaring me even more than usual, all right? You have a severe psychological problem infecting your entire party. It's called "projection." That's when you attribute your own faults to others. Take Edwards' acceptance speech, for example:
Democratic vice presidential candidate John Edwards called on Americans on Wednesday to reject what he denounced as the Republicans' "hateful, negative politics" and embrace John Kerry and his "politics of hope.""The Republicans are doing all they can to take this campaign for the highest office in the land down the lowest possible road," Edwards said in remarks prepared for delivery to the Democratic National Convention.
This is f**king ridiculous. Do you really think the American people are dumb enough to believe that the Republicans are the ones who have been hateful, negative, and divisive? Oh, right, you do think that, because you're a bunch of elitist douchebags.
But don't let the truth stop you. After all, your constant accusations of Republicans questioning your patriotism and dividing the country and oppressing minorities and practicing bigotry and polluting the environment might actually convince a few people that an (R) next to someone's name makes them a being of pure, malevolent evil and hatred. But it's still. not. f**king. true.
You can tell when I'm mad, because I start using censored f-bombs in every paragraph. And I'm f**king furious right now.
Let's review a few things Democrats have done, and then we'll see which party is embracing "hateful, negative politics." It's time for a list:
- "Digital Brown Shirts." A phrase coined by Democrat Al Gore.
- Another fun Al Gore quote: "He betrayed this country! He played on our fears!
He took America on an ill-conceived foreign adventure dangerous to our troops, an adventure preordained and planned before 9/11 ever took place!"
- John Kerry: “These guys are the most crooked, you know, lying group I have ever seen. It’s scary.”
- Democratic Senator Tim Johnson: "...how sweet it's going to be on June 2 when the Taliban wing of the Republican Party finds out what's happened in South Dakota."
- Julian Bond, chairman of the "non-partisan" (meaning "Kerry supporting") NAACP: "Their idea of equal rights is the American flag and the Confederate swastika flying side by side. They've written a new constitution for Iraq and ignore the Constitution here at home. They draw their most rabid supporters from the Taliban wing of American politics. Now they want to write bigotry back into the Constitution."
- Ted Kennedy: "Shamefully, we now learn that Saddam's torture chambers reopened under new management: U.S. management."
- Teresa Heinz-Kerry, wife of the Democratic presidential nominee: "To have a couple of people who escaped four, five, six times and deferred, deferred and deferred, calling [Kerry] anything or doubting his heroism is in and of itself unpatriotic."
- Michael Moore is considered important enough to sit next to Jimmy Carter at the convention. Here's a quote from Moore's latest book, Dude, Where's My Country?: "I don't know how to put it any gentler than to say that these bastards who run our country are a bunch of conniving, thieving, smug pricks who need to be brought down and removed and replaced with a whole new system that we control."
- Michael Moore again: "The Iraqis who have risen up against the occupation are not "insurgents" or 'terrorists' or 'The Enemy.' They are the REVOLUTION, the Minutemen, and their numbers will grow -- and they will win."
- DNC chairman Terry McAuliffe on Moore's film, Fahrenheit 9/11: "I think anyone who goes to see this movie will come out en masse and vote for John Kerry. Clearly the movie makes it clear that George Bush is not fit to be president of this country." When asked if he believed Moore's theory that the war in Afghanistan was fought for oil, he said, "I believe it after seeing that."
- Ted Kennedy again: "The only thing we have to fear is four more years of George Bush."
- Al Sharpton: "This court has voted five to four on critical issues of women's rights and civil rights. It is frightening to think that the gains of civil and women rights and those movements in the last century could be reversed if this administration is in the White House in these next four years. I suggest to you tonight that if George Bush had selected the court in '54, Clarence Thomas would have never got to law school."
- Democratic Senator Hillary Clinton: Bush is "...making America less free, fair, strong, smart than it deserves to be in a dangerous world...This administration is in danger of being the first in American history to leave our nation worse off than when they found it."
- Al Gore yet again: "They have taken us much farther down the road toward an intrusive, 'big brother'-style government -- toward the dangers prophesied by George Orwell in his book '1984' -- than anyone ever thought would be possible in the United States of America."
- Democrat Jesse Jackson: "In South Africa we'd call it Apartheid. In Nazi Germany we'd call it fascism. Here we call it conservatism."
- George Soros, who is practically dedicating his life to funding the Democrats, says this: "When I hear Bush say, 'You're either with us or against us,' it reminds me of the Germans...America, under Bush, is a danger to the world..."
Oh, but it's the Republicans who are guilty of "hateful, negative politics," right? After all, if Democrats say it, it must be true. They're the Party of the People!!!
F**ktards.
Hilarious. Even a member of the bin Laden family thinks Michael Moore is full of crap.
Have you ever noticed that when you try to find something you haven't seen in a while, you end up finding everything you've lost over the past 5 years, but you never find the thing you were looking for?
Well, it happens to me, at least.
UPDATE
Also, when you're a college student like me, there's always the additional fear that your mother threw away the thing you wanted while you were at school.
(I still haven't found it, by the way)
The Simpsons was such a better show when Springfield was its own separate universe. Now, they're pulling stunts like these and trying to capitalize on current events.
Look, just give it up, all right? You jumped the shark when you started featuring a celebrity guest voice in every single episode.
The old Simpsons episodes are still the best television ever made, though, so it's not a complete loss.
All I had to do to find a false statement was skim through this. Check it out:
MOORE: ...we were told we were under some sort of imminent threat.
Actually, we were told that we were taking action to prevent an imminent threat from developing. But you're making good use of the "big lie" technique.
I like how O'Reilly didn't even call him on it. Way to create a "No Spin Zone," @sshat.
Holy crap. Why is Ted "Swimmer" Kennedy allowed to speak at the DNC convention? Oh, right, for the same reason Michael Moore is allowed to attend: THE DNC IS FULL OF FREAKIN' IDIOTS.
This speech Kennedy just gave is one of the most misguided things I've seen in quite a while. The basic message is "everything that's wrong in the world is George W. Bush's fault," but since I have some free time, allow me to fisk the relevant sections in a bit more detail. This isn't the whole speech, so beware of ellipses:
WARNING: EXTREMELY LONG POST
...Welcome home, for the ideals born in Boston and strengthened by centuries of service and sacrifice; ideals like freedom and equality and opportunity and fairness and common decency for all; ideals that all Americans yearn to reclaim.
"Now, er, uh, has anyone seen my pants?"
Sorry. Had to get the token cheap shot out of the way.
And make no mistake: Come November, reclaim them we shall by making John Kerry president of the United States.
That's a non-sequitur if I ever saw one. Maybe it would make sense if Kerry would let us know what he plans to do if he wins, but all I've heard so far is "I served in Vietnam, and I'm not Bush."
...Here in New England, we love our history, and like all Americans, we learn from it. We breathe it deep, because it sustains us, it guides us, it inspires us.It was no accident that Massachusetts was founded as a commonwealth, a place where authority belongs not to a single ruler, but to the people themselves, joined together for the common good.
"For the common good." You've gotta love these useful idiots.
The old system was based on inequality. Loyalty was demanded, never earned. Leaders ruled by fear, by force, by special favors for the few.Under the old, unequal system, the quality of your connections mattered more than the content of your character. Your voices were not heard. Your concerns did not matter. Your votes did not count.
The colonists knew they could do better, just as we know we can do better today, but only if we all work together... only if we all reach out together, only if we all come together for the common good.
There it is again. You are aware that the U.S. was founded on individualism, right? A notion that directly contradicts the collectivist ideal of "the common good."
Now, it is for us, the patriots of this new century, to do that, to shape our own better future and make it worthy of our past, to choose a leader worthy of our country. And that leader is John Kerry.
I think that statement should've included a drink alert.
Today, more than two centuries after the embattled farmers stood and fired the shot heard round the world, the ideals of our founders still resonate across the globe.
"Unless those ideals are spread by a Republican president! Because everyone knows people would rather be raped and murdered by a fascist dictator than liberated by an eeeeeevil Republican!"
Young people in other lands, inspired by the liberty we cherished, linked arms and sang, "We shall overcome."When the Berlin Wall fell, when apartheid ended in South Africa and when the courageous protest took place in Tiananmen Square, the goals of the American people are every bit as high as they were more than 200 years ago.
"And when the statue of Saddam fell, when state-sanctioned torture ended in Iraq and when the courageous anti-terror protest took place, the goals of the American people were maligned as a sinister plot to steal oil and murder Arabs!"
If America is failing to reach them today, it's not because our ideals need replacing, it's because our president needs replacing.
Or it could be because every time our president tries to make a difference, someone compares him to Hitler.
We bear no ill will. We bear no ill will toward our opponents.
Phhht....heh....heh heh...
BWAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Yeah, tell that to Al "Digital Brown Shirts" Gore, Teresa "Shove It" Kerry, and her husband, John F. "Crooked Liars" Kerry. "No ill will." Yeah, sure. We believe you. As long as you understand that "we believe you" means "we think you're a filthy liar."
In fact, we'd be happy to have them over for a polite little tea party.
"Would you like some more tea, Georgie Flamey Pants?"
It's amazing what my brain can come up with when I think of lefty memes and South Park at the same time.
In all seriousness, any "polite little tea party" would probably result in the Democrats calling the Republicans "mean-spirited" and then throwing scones at them. Or something like that.
I know just the place: right down the road in Boston Harbor.
"Look, teacher, I can make historical references! Give me a gold star and a lolly!"
...I'm in a very strange mood tonight. Especially since I seem to be fisking my own fisking at the moment. Hmmm.
For today, like the brave and visionary men and women before us, we are determined to change our government. I have served for many years in the Senate and have seen many elections, but there have been none -- none more urgent and more important than this one. Never before have I seen a contrast so sharp or consequences so profound as in the choice we will make for president in 2004.
Incredible. I accept the same premises as him, yet come to a completely different conclusion. Hooray for critical thinking.
So much of the progress we once achieved has been turned back.
"He's giving people their own money instead of using it for The Common Good™! How will the Revolution succeed now?!"
So much of the good will America once enjoyed in the world has been lost.
Oh, yeah, we were the most popular country in history before the evil Bushchimperialist came along. When terrorists attacked us during the Clinton administration, it was only because they loved us so much.
But we are a hopeful nation, and our values and our optimism are still burning bright.
"But not if we can help it! Jimmy, come up here and tell the good folks all about malaise!"
Those same values and optimism are what brought our forbearers across a harsh ocean and sustained them through many brutal winters, that inspired patriots from John Adams to John Kennedy to John Kerry... and their strong belief that America's best days are still ahead.
I'd say something about this passage, but I wouldn't want to question Kerry's patriotism. If Ted Kennedy says he's patriotic, who am I to say otherwise?
There's a reason why this land was called "the American experiment." If dedication to the common good...
Stop using that phrase!
...were hardwired into human nature, we would never have had a need for a revolution. If each of us cared about the public interest, we wouldn't have the excesses of Enron; we wouldn't have the abuses of Halliburton.
Couldn't leave out the "corporate corruption" meme, could ya? I could've written this speech for you, it's so predictable.
And Vice President [Dick] Cheney would be retired to an undisclosed location.
Way to go for the easiest possible joke. You could've at least alluded to his F-bomb.
"And Vice President Cheney would be retired to an undisclosed location where he can go f**k himself!"
Soon, thanks to John Kerry and John Edwards, he'll have ample time to do just that.
See? That line would've been a perfect follow up to "go f**k himself." But no, you couldn't even pull that off, could you? You make me sad.
Our country demands a great deal from us, and we rightfully demand a great deal from our leaders. America is a compact, a bargain, a contract. It says that all of us are connected. Our fates are intertwined. Fifty states, one nation; our Constitution binds us together.
If he starts quoting Rousseau, I'm just going to walk away.
Yet in our own time, there are those who seek to divide us: one community against another; urban against rural; city against suburb.
Sounds kinda like the Democrats' method of pitting the poor, oppressed lower class against "the wealthiest 1 percent of Americans," doesn't it?
Whites against blacks;
Or the other way around, in the case of Affirmative Racism.
men against women;
Or women against men, as in "you can't control my body" and "no means no even if I don't actually say no."
straights against gays;
Or gays against straights, as in "you're an evil, bigoted homophobe if you don't approve of everything gay people do."
Americans against Americans.
Did someone say "Michael Moore?"
In these challenging times for our country, in these fateful times for the world, America needs a genuine uniter, not a divider who only claims to be a uniter.
"Or we can have John Kerry, who can claim to be a uniter and a divider without uniting or dividing anyone."
We have seen how they rule. They divide and try to conquer. They know the power of the people is weakened when our house is divided. They believe they can't win unless the rest of us lose. We reject that shameful view.
So do we, which is why we don't know what you're talking about. Sounds like a terminal case of projection to me.
The Democratic Party has a different idea. We believe that all of us can win.
"And if all of us can't win, we'll stop declaring winners so nobody's feelings are hurt!"
We believe we are one nation...
John Edwards begs to differ.
...under God...
"Just as long as you don't say His name in public!"
...indivisible...
"But definitely re-distributable!"
...with liberty and justice for all.
"Unless you're white, male, Christian, Republican, and heterosexual. In that case, shut up and stop oppressing everyone!"
And when we say all, we mean all.
"In the same way that when John Kerry says 'medals," he means 'ribbons.'"
Today in this global age, our goal of the common good...
STOP SAYING THAT!!!
...extends far beyond America's borders. As President [John] Kennedy said in 1963 in his quest for restraint in nuclear arms: "We can help make the world safe for diversity. For in the final analysis, our most basic common link is that we all inhabit this small planet. We all breathe the same air. We all cherish our children's future. And we are all mortal."
See, the problem is that there are these guys called Islamic terrorists who want to kill us. They don't share our ideals, and their idea of "the common good" is "slaughter the infidels and convert the survivors." The existence of people like this keeps us from joining hands and singing happy songs around the campfire of peace and unity.
Interdependence defines our world. For all our might and for all our wealth, we know we are only as strong as the bonds we share with others. The dangers of terrorism and nuclear proliferation -- our greatest challenges -- are shared by all nations.
Yet another instance of identical premises leading to different conclusions. Am I to assume that you want to stop terrorists by giving them a stern lecture about the importance of the common good?
And our greatest opportunities, from achieving lasting peace and security to building a more prosperous society to ending the ravages of disease and the despairs of poverty, can all be seized, but only if the world works together, and only if America helps to lead in the right direction.
SO WHY THE F**K DO YOU LIBERALS IMPEDE EVERY STEP OF THE F**KIN' PROCESS?!
"Yes, we agree that terrorism should be stopped, and we can help solve the world's problems, but if we actually try to accomplish anything, it could make people not like us. We can't have that!"
It is my firm belief that placing popularity above your own well-being is a sign of severe mental immaturity.
And John Kerry has the skill, the judgment and the experience to lead us on that great journey.
Which he has demonstrated by missing Senate votes and not funding the war he voted to fight. But hey, he served in Vietnam, so he must be a better leader than George Dumbya Chimpenhawk.
The eyes of the world were on us and the hearts of the world were with us after September 11th until this administration broke that trust.
Right. It was all the administration's fault that people have short attention spans. Must be those mind-reading space lasers.
We should have honored, not ignored, the pledges that we made.
What friggin' pledges? We pledged to hunt down and kill terrorists, and we did. I don't think any of Bush's speeches included the phrase "we will turn the world into a collectivist utopia where everyone will love you for who you are."
We should have strengthened, not scorned, the alliances that won two world wars and the Cold War.
The Cold War was won through threat of superior firepower. And, of course, the failure of states that try to impose "the common good" on society.
Most of all, we should have honored the principle so fundamental that our nation's founders placed it in the very first sentence of the Declaration of Independence, that America must give a decent respect to the opinions of mankind. We failed top do that in Iraq.
In case you forgot, "the opinions of mankind" told us that Saddam Hussein was supporting terrorists, violating U.N. resolutions, and brutalizing his own people, all while refusing to tell us what happened to all the WMD he claimed to have developed. I guess "mankind" now means "Ted Kennedy."
And more than 900 of our service men and women have already paid the ultimate price. Nearly 6,000 have been wounded in this misguided war.
So what? In the Revolutionary War, which you seem to like so much, over 4,000 died, and over 6,000 were wounded. About 40,000 people die each year in automobile accidents. I guess cars are misguided, too. Or maybe throwing statistics around isn't really an effective way to make a point unless you back them up with logic.
The administration has alienated longtime allies.
Sacre bleu!
Instead of making America more secure, they have made us less so.
Oh, is that why we've been attacked so many times since 9/11?
They have made it harder to win the real war on terrorism and the war against al Qaeda.
Let's summarize the preceding statement: The real war on terrorism doesn't include deposing a dictator who financed terror, and Al Qaeda is no longer a terrorist organization, but they're still the enemy. Interesting.
And just in case he meant to say that the war on terrorism IS the war on Al Qaeda...
AL QAEDA IS NOT THE ONLY TERRORIST THREAT. Talk about a one-track mind.
And none of this had to happen.
"We could've begged the terrorists for forgiveness so they would be our special friends again!"
How could any president have possibly squandered the enormous goodwill that flowed to America from across the world after September 11th?
Maybe because none of that "goodwill" came in the form of material support. It's all well and good to say that you support America in its time of need, but we're still the ones sending billions of dollars worth of aid around the world every year and getting little or nothing in return.
Most of the world still knows what we can be, what only we can be, and they want us to be that nation again.
France?
America must be a light to the world. And under John Kerry and John Edwards that's what America will be.
Change "light" to "bullseye," and you may have a point.
We need a president.
Thanks for that much-needed piece of information. What would we do without our brilliant politicians?
We need a president who will bind up the nation's wounds.
"Kerry: He won't stop terrorism, but he'll make sure we have plenty of ambulances and fire trucks to take care of the damage when we're attacked!"
We need a president who will be a symbol of respect in a world yearning to be at peace again.
The Islamofascists are not "yearning to be at peace." That's why we're killing them.
We need John Kerry as our president.
We need John Kerry as our president just as much as you need a bigger head, douche.
(Okay, that really was the last cheap shot)
Time and again in America's history we, as Democrats, have offered new hope of a stronger, fairer, more prosperous future for all our people...
"...And we've delivered exactly the opposite!"
...a society that feeds the hungry, shelters the homeless, cares for the sick, so that none must walk alone.
See, the problem is that you want a government that does those things, whereas Republicans want a society that does them. One model works. The other doesn't. Guess which is which?
And when the elderly faced poverty and sickness that threaten their golden years, we created Social Security and Medicare.
Hooray for dependency!!!111oneonetwelve!!!
And when the voices of many citizens went unheard and their lives were blighted by bigotry, we fought for equality and justice and for civil rights and voting rights and rights for women and for the cause of Americans with disabilities. We fought for those.
Actually, if "we" means "Democrats," you've historically fought against those. But hey, who cares about the past, right?
And when higher education was beyond the reach of veterans returning home from the war, we created the GI Bill of Rights, and we have continued ever since to make college more affordable for millions more Americans.
...Which is why college tuition is rising. Riiiiiight.
And when men and women needed protection in the workplace, we demanded safe conditions for their jobs. We insisted on the right to higher pay for working overtime. And we guaranteed the right to form a union.
"We can't let those meddling individuals run their own lives, after all!"
And we pledge -- and we pledge -- and we pledge...
"...and you give yourself away..."
Wait, that's not right.
...a fair minimum wage, so that no one in America who works for a living should have to live in poverty.
"Minimum wage should pay for everything! What difference does it make if you're working a full-time job or flipping burgers? Government must provide a safety net for all the little peasants!"
Only leaders who know this history and abide by the ideals that shaped it deserve to be trusted with our nation's future. Sometimes, in recent years, they have fooled us with their rhetoric, but we will not let them fool us twice.
*cough*Clinton*cough*
In the White House, inscribed on a plaque above the fireplace in the State Dining Room, is a prayer, a simple but powerful prayer of John Adams, the first president to live in that great house.
"THAT BIGOTED RELIGIOUS FUNDAMENTALIST! HOW DARE HE KNOCK DOWN THE WALL BETWEEN CHURCH AND STATE!!!"
It reads: "I pray heaven to bestow the best of blessings on this house and all that shall hereafter inhabit it. May none but the honest and wise ever rule under this roof."
"JOHN ADAMS WAS A RELIGIOUS EXTREMIST! SOMEONE TELL NICHOLAS KRISTOF!"
In November, we will make those words ring true again.
"Honest and wise." I don't think that describes any politician since Reagan.
All of us who know John Kerry know that he's a fitting heir to these ideals.
And all of us who see John Kerry in the news think he's a flip-flopping wussbag. What's your point?
I've known John Kerry for three decades. I've known him as a soldier, as a peacemaker, as a prosecutor, as a senator and as a friend. And in every role he has shown his strengths.
Mmmm...waffles...
He was the right man for every tough task, and he is the right leader for this time in our history.
From what I've seen, he was the wrong man for every tough task. Except giving aid and comfort to the enemy, I suppose.
(Oh yeah, I went there)
John is a war hero who understands that America's strength comes from many sources, especially the power of our ideas. He knows that a true leader inspires hope and vanquishes fear.
I don't think any of those statements was connected to the one before it. You know, Ted, sentences usually move toward a conclusion. You don't just throw some vague, saccharine endorsements together and expect people to change their minds about anything.
This administration does neither. Instead, it brings fear...
Nobody saw that coming. You're so creative, Tedster.
...fear of rising costs for health care and for college; fear of higher unemployment and lesser pay; fear for the future of Social Security and Medicare...
Correct me if I'm wrong, but hasn't Bush taken distinctly leftist positions on these issues? I guess that since he supports evil, privatized health care and education, he's a right-wing extremist.
...fear of greater bigotry...
That's ironic coming from someone who compared Bush to Saddam Hussein and called his judicial nominees "neanderthals."
...fear of pollution's stain on our magnificent natural heritage...
Because Bush is clearly polluting our environment to fill the pockets of his greedy corporate cronies. I guess they all have special equipment that keeps pollution from affecting them as well.
...fear of four more years of dreams denied and promises unfilled and progress rolled back.
That's why I'm not voting for Kerry.
In the depths of the Depression, Franklin Roosevelt inspired the nation when he said, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself."Today, we say: The only thing we have to fear if four more years of George Bush.
"Don't worry about terrorists. They're just trying to kill you because Bush forced them to. As soon as he leaves, they'll all go back to being the harmless, cuddly buddies of the West that they always were."
John Kerry offers hope not fear: the hope of real victory against terrorism and true security at home...
I fail to see how he's going to accomplish that by doing the exact same things that made us vulnerable to terror in the first place. Maybe the Great and Powerful U.N. will protect us.
....of good health care for all Americans...
"Every last one of 'em!!!!!!!!"
...of Social Security that is always there for the elderly...
Kindly direct me to one instance of Bush threatening to take Social Security away.
...of schools and open golden doors of opportunity for all of our children...
"As long as they don't get better grades than the other children, because that would make them feel inferior!"
...of an economy that works for everyone.
The economy doesn't work for everyone. The economy works for those who work for themselves. I stand by my "useful idiots" statement.
That's the kind of America we will have with John Kerry in the White House.
Oh, good, I always wanted to live in a Marxist paradise.
And the roots of that, America, are planted deep in New England soil....Each new generation has to take up the cause, sometimes with weapons in hand, sometimes armed only with faith and hope, like the marches in Birmingham and Selma four decades ago.
Sometimes the fight is waged in Congress or the courts, sometimes on foreign shores, like the battle that called one of my brothers to war in the Pacific and another to die in Europe.
Now, it is our turn to take up the cause. Our struggle is not with some monarch named George who inherited the crown, although it often seems that way.
"He was elected, not chosen by blood, he's in charge of a republic, not a monarchy, and he doesn't even wear a crown, but...his name is George, so the analogy works! HA!!!"
Our struggle is with the politics of fear and favoritism in our own time, in our own country.
It must be tough fighting yourselves.
Our struggle, like so many others before, is with those who put their own narrow interest ahead of the public interest.
I'm pretty sure the public interest includes not being vaporized by religious fanatics.
We hear echoes of past battles in the quiet whisper of the sweetheart deal, in the hushed promise of a better break for the better connected.
...Says the man who's probably speaking only because he has the same last name as a former president.
We hear them in the cries of the false patriots who bully dissenters into silence and submission.
Oh, so you've also seen videos from ANSWER protests?
These are familiar fights. We've fought and won them before. And with John Kerry and John Edwards leading us, we will win them again and again and again and make America stronger at home and respected once more in the world.
"What? Don't ask how they're going to do it! You're just a commoner, so you're clearly not nuanced enough to understand even if I explain it to you."
For centuries, kings ruled by what they claimed was divine right. They could not be questioned. They could not be challenged. The people's fate was not their own.
A fact which has absolutely nothing to do with the current political climate.
But today, because of the surpassing wisdom of our founders, the constant courage of the patriots of the past and the shared sacrifice of generations of Americans who kept the faith, the power of America still rests securely in citizens' hands, in our hands.
"However, if the Republicans win, they must have stolen the election, because the citizens would never vote for them!"
True to our highest and noblest ideals, we intend to use that power. We will use it wisely and well. We will use it, in the poet's words my brothers loved, "to strive, to seek, to find and not to yield."
"Just as soon as Germany and France give us permission."
We will use it to heal, to build, to hope and to dream again. And in doing so, we will truly make our country once more "America the Beautiful."
I guess a giant crater where an American city used to stand would be considered "beautiful" by some...
Thank you very much.
No, Senator Kennedy, thank you. You've just stolen two hours of my life that I'll never have back. But since I'm not an enlightened liberal like you, I probably wouldn't have known what to do with them anyway.
Now that the same-sex marriage debate seems to be heating up again, I'm seeing a lot more arguments such as this:
Even if being gay was a choice - an argument that I find absurd, who would want to choose to be something that makes you the target of hatred and discrimination...
Yeah, it's the old "being gay isn't a choice because nobody would choose to be gay" argument. Now, I'm actually in the middle on this issue. I think that a person can't choose to be homosexual, but he can choose to be gay. But that's an entirely separate post.
No, what I want to refute here is the asinine notion that nobody would choose a lifestyle that would make them subject to discrimination.
Hey, I chose to be a Republican. I'm planning to work in the entertainment industry. Does anyone seriously think I'm not going to be discriminated against? And yet, it's still my choice.
I'm glad we could clear this up.
Well, free for me, at least. I've recently discovered that all I have to do in order to get a couple minutes of quality entertainment is say the words "No Child Left Behind" to my parents. I've gotten some pretty good rants out of 'em.
(They're both teachers, in case you've missed that before)
UPDATE
I promised free publicity to the first person who identified the source of the "trained seals" quote, and that honor goes to Stephen Macklin of Hold the Mayo. The quote was indeed from The Simpsons. Specifically, Mayor Quimby.
You may now continue to the original post.
How many times does this have to happen before people realize that maybe, just maybe, dissent isn't being stifled in this country? Look at this:
Actor Richard Dreyfus slams Bush
Nice headline, first of all. It's got a spelling error and what could be interpreted as innuendo without the proper context.
BOSTON - The Kerry campaign has been adamant that this Democratic convention not turn into an occasion to bash President Bush.
Well, there goes one of their two tactics. The other one is "Kerry served in Vietnam."
But the message has not gotten to Richard Dreyfuss, the actor who addressed the California delegation at its Tuesday breakfast.
Why are actors being treated like politicians? Is this the best they could do? Don't they have ACTUAL POLITICAL FIGURES who can give a speech? This is just sad.
In a speech that went on so long that California Democratic Party Chairman Art Torres began to hover nervously at his side...
Sounds about average.
Dreyfuss called Bush ``arrogant and incompetent'' and said ``his appeal to patriotism is simplistic and thuggish.''
And here come the myths again! What "appeal to patriotism" are you talking about, moron? I challenge you brainwashed neolibs to provide one example of Bush making patriotism an issue. Just one. No more, no less. One. Example.
Dreyfuss added, ``He is the enemy of thoughtfulness.''
Oooh, clever. Not only is he an enemy of thoughtfulness, he's the enemy of thoughtfulness. You know, while you're at it, why don't you just claim that Bush is a witch and he turned you into a newt? That would be about as truthful as the rest of your bloviations.
``I wasn't raised in George Bush's America, and I wouldn't be comfortable in it,'' Dreyfuss said.
I wasn't aware that George Bush owned part of America.
``In this America, you point toward a sin and you are pointed at.
Here's another staple of leftist debate: Make a generalization that's too vague for specific examples, but is universal enough that people can remember a time when it happened to them. Then, tell those people that it happened because of the eeeeeeevil Republicans.
Although, to be fair, I am "pointing at" Dreyfuss in a way. But I don't get to do it in front of a Democratic delegation. Help, help, I'm being repressed (I think that's enough Monty Python allusions for one post).
You are the irritant not the gatekeeper.
Something tells me this guy didn't do too well on the analogy portion of the SATs.
You smell funny -- sinister funny.
"You smell funny." Wow, what an intelligent thing to say. The fact that he thinks others are saying it to him because of his political views is even funnier. This kind of thing is what inspired the lyrics to "Growing Down."
Terrorist-friendly.
You're thinking of Michael Moore.
You mention due process and the silence is not respectful, it is ominous.''
Maybe they're just having a moment of silence to mourn the death of rational discourse.
The delegates gave him a standing ovation...
"They're like trained seals. Toss 'em a fish and watch 'em slap their fins together."
Free publicity for anyone who can tell me where that quote is from.
...which led Dreyfuss to give a few last remarks, urging them to counter the Republicans' every attack and ``be consistent and in their face.''
I like how there are no quotation marks around "counter the Republicans' every attack." Way to go, unbiased media. *spit*
There's more of the article, but I covered the relevant part. Now, let's review: Richard Dreyfuss just gave a speech for the California Democratic delegation in which he accused Bush of being "the enemy" (how's that for Dowdification?) and claimed that when you criticize the right, you're ostracized by society. A point which is effectively refuted by the fact that he said it IN FRONT OF THE CALIFORNIA DEMOCRATIC DELEGATION.
It must be nice to be able to live in a fantasy world every minute of your life.
This is one of the many, many reasons why I rarely watch TV these days. I think it may be too late to save that particular medium.
Movies, on the other hand...well, I'll save that for an essay I'm planning to write later.
(Hat tip: Michelle Malkin)
UPDATE
College television is still fine. Heh heh.
If anyone still doubts that Democratic Underground posters are out of their forkin' minds, read this thread.
I'm not trying to offend people or anything, but...come on! Chelsea Clinton?
UPDATE
Oh, and speaking of presidential daughters: I'm still waiting for more photo-ops with Barbara and Jenna, Dubya. Especially Barbara. We likeses the twinses, we does.
...What? Hey, don't leave! Where's everybody going?
Ah, crap.
Al...seriously...cut the freakin' PDA, all right? Geez, it looks like she's desperately trying to escape your robotic death grip.
That is the scariest picture I've seen today.
Remember my old "friend," Larry the Liberal? Apparently, he's come back to the blogosphere, and he has his own blog.
I hope I don't have to Wiggumize your comments, Larry.
What...is...this?
"I had an abortion." Wow, what a bold statement. So, we've gone from "women's rights" to "bragging rights," have we?
Sometimes, I honestly don't know why I bother...
(Hat tip: Allah)
I'm sure most of you have seen this already. That's the left for ya, so open-minded and tolerant of opposing viewpoints.
Morons.
My brother "MD" turns 18 today. If anyone cares.
Look at this shot from the New York Times opinion page and see how long it takes to notice the mistake.
In other news, the NYT has changed their slogan to "All the News That's Fit Print."
Charles Johnson says this about Andrew Sullivan:
It’s a disappointment to see Sullivan get all sloppy drunk on the Abu Ghraib torture-flavored Koolaid...
Heh. You mean this?
Okay...I've studied Kant (briefly), and I don't remember anything about gay unions. I think that was a little after his time.
UPDATE
Holy crap, I got an even better one:
That's.......great. You freak.
UPDATE THE SECOND
Here's another...interesting one:
For some reason, I think that's hilarious. And to answer your question, allow me to quote Doctor Hibbert from The Simpsons:
"Fire, and lots of it!"
All right, I don't really do a lot of bragging on this blog, but I have to mention what I consider to be one of my greatest accomplishments.
If you've read 105 Things About CD or one of the other posts where I've mentioned this, you know that I have a bit of a "weight problem." In 105 Things, I gave my weight as 210 pounds. That was last December. By the time I came home for summer vacation, I was actually up to about 215.
Now, as July comes to a close, I'm happy to report that, for the first time in several years, I weigh less than 200 pounds (1 pound less, to be exact). And I didn't do it using the Atkins diet or any of these other stupid fads. It's more like the "get off your lazy @ss and stop eating so freakin' much" diet (actually, I did use a specific plan. I don't feel like using more space right now, but let me know if you're interested in the details. It can work for just about anyone).
In any case, it feels great, and I've still got another month before I go back to school, so I can potentially lose even more. My goal weight is 190. I know that's still more than I should weigh at 5'7'', but it's a start.
Anyway, there's the self-centered post for this weekend. It may not have interested many of you, but it's not like other bloggers haven't written about their weight loss efforts. Heh.
Look at this screenshot from Fark:
I think that's a pretty good visual represenation of this election.
There's an interesting moonbattish letter to the NYT today. Check it out:
The 9/11 commission emphasized the importance of intelligence and of military measures in combating terrorism (front page, July 23). But it did not address sufficiently the root causes of terrorism.These include the United States' continued support for repressive, feudalistic and corrupt Middle East regimes that have enriched themselves at the expense of their citizens; American support for Israel's repression of the Palestinians in the occupied territories, which angers millions of Muslims and Arabs; and the American invasion of Iraq, which is perceived by many in the Middle East as brutal and unjustified.
The effectiveness of intelligence and military measures in combating terrorism will be a function of our success in addressing these root causes.
Looks like the talking points are all covered. We've got "Bush loves Saudi Arabia," "Israel is evil," "the war in Iraq creates enemies," and "root causes." Wonderful. Now, look at this note at the end of the letter:
The writer is an adjunct professor of Middle East studies at the Maxwell School, Syracuse University.
Oh, look, this person teaches at my school. That's just great. In Middle East studies, no less. Those must be some interesting classes.
This makes me glad I'm in Newhouse. So far, my experience with Maxwell hasn't been pleasant. If you need proof other than this letter that Maxwell employs weird neolibs, go here, here, here, here, or here. Sociology is another one of their departments.
Lawnmower blades are capable of cutting a small rock in half.
(No, I didn't do it on purpose)
Don't you hate it when you find spider webs all over the inside of a lampshade, but you can't find the spider that made 'em? That bothers me a little.
I was browsing the New York Times letters to the editor, and one from this section caught my eye. Maybe it's just me, but I find this rather appalling:
In "Owning Up to Abortion" (column, July 22), Barbara Ehrenreich shines the spotlight on a fallacy that endangers the fight to protect reproductive rights. Those women who have convinced themselves that terminating defective fetuses "isn't really abortion" are playing into the hands of the anti-choice movement.
Several things about this disgust me. First of all, every time I hear the phrase "reproductive rights" being used to describe abortion, it makes me want to find the person using it and beat talk some frickin' sense into their tiny mind. You have every right in the world to reproduce. You do not have a "right" to murder your unborn child because it would be inconvenient. If you don't want a child, you shouldn't be doing things that would result in pregnancy. How hard is this to understand?
Of course, this letter isn't talking about accidental pregnancies per se. You see, this is all about "terminating defective fetuses." Just say that a few times. "Terminating defective fetuses."
Terminating.
Defective fetuses.
Defective. Fetuses.
Rolls right off the tongue, doesn't it? Hey, idiot: WHAT THE F**K? IT'S A HUMAN CHILD, NOT A DEFECTIVE F**KING FETUS. And they wonder why we pro-lifers draw parallels between abortion and eugenics. "Defective fetuses." That's just evil. I'm sorry, but there's no other word. They're acting like a baby is just a disposable product that you can return to the manufacturer if you're not 100% satisfied. This is yet another reason I have no faith in humanity. People consistently fail to meet even my lowest expectations of decency. Unbelievable.
Oh, but I'm the one who's "anti-choice," right? My side would prefer that children have the choice to BE F**KING BORN, but we're "anti-choice." Check out the next section:
As I felt acutely last year when I underwent one at 17 weeks, those terminations are very much the same abortions that are currently under such dire threat.
Oh, I'm sorry, are the mean anti-choice crusaders threatening your right to commit infanticide, you sick f**k? We wouldn't want you to have to deal with a "defective fetus" all by yourself, after all.
You know, even though she's probably talking about babies who either threaten the life of the mother or have serious disorders before they're born, I can't get over the callous use of the term "defective fetuses." Just because they're not perfect doesn't mean they're not human.
You people really do make me sick.
web pages that sucks and violates the 10 commandmen
O.......kaaaaaaay.
Holy crap, traditional grip is friggin' hard. And I've only got a month to learn it. Yay.
(If you're wondering what brought this on, I suggest checking out the SU Drumline website. You'll notice that I'm listed as a bass drummer, not a snare drummer. I'm trying to change that this year.)
When you link to a post on another blog, you're supposed to use the permalink, not the extended entry. The permalink displays the entire post. The extended entry skips anything that was displayed on the main page. This is not a good thing, because browsing readers may miss part of the linked post.
Thank you for your time.
(I'll probably have real content posted later)
You know, if America was really a fascist dictatorship, and Bush was really Hitler, there's no freakin' way this would ever happen:
The co-founder of Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream is on the road, towing a 12-foot-tall effigy of President Bush with fake flames shooting out of the pants.Ben Cohen says it’s an acceptable way to point out what he calls the president’s lies.
It may be dumb, and it may not change anybody's mind, but you've gotta give the guy credit for originality.
(Hat tip: Flying Space Monkey)
UPDATE
I thought about this a little more, and I realized something: Bush bashers seem to have a problem with facts. I know everybody knew that already, but stay with me. How exactly does Mr. Ice Cream Man here expect to enlighten people by making an effigy of the president? Does he think people are going to see it and go, "Holy crap, you're telling me Bush lied?! I haven't heard that yet! I will now dedicate my life to fighting the evil neocons!!!"
Seriously, what do you fargin' morons hope to accomplish with these little stunts? Simply telling people that Bush lied is just preaching to the choir. Unless you actually justify your position with facts and logic, nobody is going to listen unless they hated Bush to begin with.
But of course, the left is notoriously bad with logic. I think that's the problem. Since their positions are based on emotions, they figure that if they play on other people's emotions, they'll win support. They don't seem to realize that some of us actually...you know...THINK about what we believe.
Sad. Hilarious, but still sad.
Here's something different: I'm putting together a hall of fame to showcase the most hilarious search terms that have brought people to my site. This includes some from the old BlogSpot page as well. I'll keep my comments to myself this time. Remember, these are all actual phrases people have entered into Internet searches that somehow brought them to my site:
- pictures of satan with a santa clause hat on
- vaginas are subtle
- guy sodomy sex picture tanzania
- hobos are frickin awesome
- What does New Age religion say about experimenting in a lesbian relations
- lesbian high school trendy tatu madonna spears
- i want to have sex with howard dean
- George W. Bush gay Nazi
- how to express feelin with iraqis in english
- what a person can eat and drink if the ths person is suffering from gas and fatty liver
- 9th circuit court study shows minorities are too stupid to use voting mac
WAYP?!
I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm rather glad to see this. Since I never thought Iraq had nukes in the first place, I'm kinda hoping that there aren't any. I'd rather have people keep claiming that "Bush lied" than find out that terrorists have potential access to nuclear weapons.
Just my two cents.
Okay...I really hope there's a good reason you searched for that phrase.
(Evidently, SIT is the #10 result)
Okay, the New York Times has really gone downhill lately. It's hard to get much lower when you already employ Maureen "Poodles and Lackeys" Dowd, but they've found a way to explore new depths of suckage. Take, for example, this editorial. Apparently, when you demand that performers actually...you know...perform, you're taking away their right to free speech. Check it out:
Something went awry at the Aladdin Hotel in Las Vegas last Saturday night. Linda Ronstadt did what she has done at several concerts across the country this summer. She dedicated the song "Desperado"- an encore - to Michael Moore and urged members of the audience to go see his new movie, "Fahrenheit 9/11."
"The sheeple must be enlightened! Mîkelmür the Conqueror will defeat the evil Bushchimperialist!"
Elsewhere, audiences have reacted to the mention of Mr. Moore by cheering, booing, walking out and sometimes glaring at one another in parking lots.
"Michael Moore makes people think! He presents a different version of The Truth™ so you don't blindly follow the Corporate Media™! What's wrong with starting a little discussion?!"
At the Aladdin, a few audience members tore down posters, threw drinks and demanded their money back. According to one person who was present - William Timmins, the Aladdin's president - it was "a very ugly scene." Mr. Timmins promptly made it even uglier. He had Ms. Ronstadt ejected from the premises.
So...removing the source of the problem makes the problem worse? That's news to me.
This behavior assumes that Ms. Ronstadt had no right to express a political opinion from the stage.
Once again, we hear the "free speech should be free from criticism" meme coming from people who are probably dumb enough to believe it. Ronstadt had every right to express her opinion, but the audience members also had every right to tell her to shut the f**k up and sing. God bless America.
It implies - for some members of the audience at least - that there is a philosophical contract that says an artist must entertain an audience only in the ways that audience sees fit.
Let's see now...who paid to see the performance? Oh, right: THE AUDIENCE. Therefore, they have a right to decide what their money pays for. If they had paid to see a political statement, then we'd have a problem. But they paid for a frickin' concert. If they don't get their money's worth, it's their duty to let the performer know. I guess that if you go to a restaurant and order steak, and they bring you a dead ferret instead, you have no right to complain.
It argues, in fact, that an artist like Ms. Ronstadt does not have the same rights as everyone else.
No, they had the same rights. You're arguing that the audience has no right to criticize the performance that they paid their own money to see. If Ronstadt was paying them, or if it was a free show, she could say whatever she wanted. But they. paid. for. MUSIC.
Perhaps her praise for Mr. Moore, even at the very end of her show...
Oh, was that the free portion?
...did ruin the performance for some people.
Yeah, perhaps it did. Because some people don't like to pay for a concert and instead hear the performer pile praises upon a ponderous populist propagandist. Period. (Alliteration is fun)
They have a right to voice their disapproval - to express their opinion as Ms. Ronstadt expressed hers and to ask for a refund.
So your problem is...what, exactly?
But if their intemperate behavior began to worry the management, then they were the ones who should have been thrown out and told never to return, not Ms. Ronstadt, who threatened, after all, only to sing.
Once again...the audience paid for the show. Since the audience clearly wasn't satisfied with the show, the management had every right to cancel the show. They do have to make a profit, you know. They're providing entertainment, not soapboxes for airheaded celebrities to whine from. I will concede that the ripping of posters could've been considered vandalism, but that wouldn't change the fact that Ronstadt was hurting business, so she got the boot.
Welcome to the wonderful world of capitalism, Linda.
"Noone" is not a freaking word. It's two words: "no one." As in "not one." When you write "noone," people are going to assume that it's pronounced like "noon." IT'S. NOT. ONE. WORD.
...This is actually related to another rant about the English language...or any language, really...that I may write later. I'm feeling non-political this week.
Blah blah blah Sandy Berger blah blah blah classified documents blah blah blah looks like another problem with pants from the Clinton administration blah blah blah who steals classified information accidentally? blah blah blah...
Be original, you blog drones! Almost every site is talking about this story! There has to be something else going on today!
I don't usually link to Fark.com comment threads, but I think this is one of the funniest things I've ever seen in my life. Just keep reading. I was laughing out loud by the time I got about 1/5 of the way through, and I didn't even see all of them yet!
It's done! I added a random quote generator to the blog. You can find it (you probably already did) in the upper left-hand corner, right above the endorsements. I went through every single post and chose 95 of my favorite quotes to put in the list. You should be able to refresh the page and get a new one almost every time. Also, the asterisk at the end of the quote is a link to the post it came from so you can get some context.
Remember, there are 95 quotes in all. It should take quite a while to see every one. I'll also be updating the list about once a month. This should break the monotony a bit.
This is the most disgusting thing I've seen since the news of the Nick Berg beheading came out. What the f**k is wrong with you selfish, child-murdering f**ks?
When we saw the specialist, we found out that I was carrying identical twins and a stand alone. My doctors thought the stand alone was three days older. There was something psychologically comforting about that, since I wanted to have just one.
"Oh, good, we'll only have to exterminate 2 of the little f**kers!"
Amy Richards, you are a festering boil on the @ss of humanity, and you don't deserve any of the good things that happen to you for the rest of your life. And this is coming from someone who lost his faith in humanity years ago.
Unbef**kinglievable.
Are people who insult soldiers by calling them "baby killers" still pro-choice?
I want to try something today. Remember back when we thought that they found French anti-aircraft missiles in Iraq that had been manufactured in the past year? It turns out that was a mistake, but the event still inspired a post I originally published on October 3, 2003. I ended up deleting the post after the error in judgment was corrected, but I still have a draft in my BlogSpot account, and I'm reviving part of it for an exclusive SIT flashback.
A few notes: First of all, this isn't the entire post. It's only the section that's still relevant. The part about the missiles has been removed, but that news inspired a rant, and that's what I'm including. Also, this was written a week after I started blogging, and at that time, nobody was reading anything I wrote (literally), so I was a bit less restrained in my style. In addition, this was before anyone knew that Kerry would be the Democratic presidential candidate. This may be hilarious and/or offensive (keep in mind that it's not supposed to be serious), but I think it deserves to be posted again, since I originally had to get rid of it. Click the extended entry to read...THE LOST POST.
...we need to bomb France before it's too late. We'll probably find out that Saddam sold all his WMD's to France the week before the war, and that's why we haven't found any. I bet Chirac is already planning to sell them to Fidel Castro and Kim Jong-Il and Jean Chretien...that's right, Canada is against us too. Why else would they have so many liberals? And don't even get me started on Antarctica...snow eatin' freaks.
Anyway, France sucks and needs to be destroyed. Believe me, it's for their own good. We can't wait for blackouts and heat waves to kill them off. If Frenchness is allowed to continue, it could spread to other parts of Europe (it already got Belgium) and eventually be carried to the U.S. by...I don't know, some French guy. We need to wipe out this threat for the good of humanity. And don't worry about them. Although they appear human, they have the same mental ability as your average bullfrog and absolutely no normal emotions. Also, I'm pretty sure some of them can't speak English. That's a sure sign of trouble.
Therefore, if you see someone who looks French, hit him with a baseball bat. If he says, "ow," you can let him live. If he says, "sacre bleu," immediately shoot him in the head. If he says, "hey, I'm a Vietnam veteran," it's probably John Kerry. Shoot him as well. I hope this helps you deal with the French menace, and I hope Frank J. doesn't sue me for ripping off his writing style. I'm sure he'd be okay with it. Any French bashing is good French bashing.
I'm thinking of installing one of those random quotes thingies like Frnak has. There's just one problem: I did a test run this morning, and it displaced most of the sidebar. If the site looks weird at random times throughout the day, it's probably because I'm doing more tests. I'll try to figure it out as quickly as possible.
UPDATE
I figured it out! I had a superfluous [div id="links"] tag in the template, and it was pushing the entire sidebar to the right. This is what happens when you teach yourself HTML, I guess.
Anyway, the random quotes will be ready in a few hours. Until then, I'll leave the test version on the site just to make sure it still works.
UPDATE THE SECOND
You know what? Change "hours" to "days." I'm trying to get about 100 quotes so they hardly ever repeat, and I'm obviously not going to be able to do that all today. I'll post an update when I'm done.
I've mentioned that I hate Pennsylvania's weather, right? Look at this.
Worst. Summer. EVER.
Not to take attention away from the "Saddam/CD Beard Battle" post, but I thought I'd share some good news: I just found out that my roommate for the coming year is a member of the Vast Right Wing Conspiracy (he actually used that term in his e-mail)! Soon, we will take over all of Syracuse with our crushing of liberal dissent! BWAHAHAHAHA!!!
Okay, completely off any topic I've covered lately...I was bored around the beginning of June, so I decided to grow a beard just for the heck of it. It has now been about 5 weeks, and this is all I've been able to do so far:
How long do these things usually take?
Oh, well. In any case, you've gotta admit that I look better with a beard than Saddam. If you don't believe me, click the extended entry, and I'll prove it to you!
"Your beard is not better than mine! I have the Mother of All Beards!"
"Your beard sucks! You're just mad because the US dragged your murderous @ss out of a hole in the ground!"
"That is not true! Bush is the real criminal and my people are in bondage!"
"Sorry, Saddamster, but I'm afraid that you're the criminal here. And my beard is still better than yours."
"Liar! Come over here and say that!"
"Ooooh, I'm shakin' in my trousers, dude. Just wait until the Iraqis get you. Not only will they cut off your inferior beard, they'll separate it from your body entirely! See ya!"
...I want to do more, but it takes too long to make these pictures. In conclusion: My beard is better than Saddam Hussein's. Thank you.
(Hat tip to Rock, Paper, Saddam for the inspiration and the photos)
The Rogness Clan is taking over Phil's website! Somebody call Zaxon, dang it! This is serious!
Are you okay, Phil? I'll help you if you want. I could take out the Rogness minions who are still digging up my backyard. They would never see it coming. Just give the word, and they're gone.
Blogging will be very light this weekend. I have real world things to do.
I'm totally stealing this topic from Rachel Lucas (which is okay, since she gets about 500 times more traffic than me), but I couldn't let it go.
John "F**k Up" Kerry needs to stop mentioning Vietnam. I mean it. He needs to stop right now, and never, ever bring it up again as long as he draws breath. I can't take this crap anymore. Case in point (also stolen borrowed from Rachel Lucas):
Bush also took issue with Kerry's pronouncement this week that he and running mate John Edwards were proud of the fact that they opposed in the Senate the $87 billion aid package for Afghanistan and Iraq. Kerry said they had done so because "we knew the policy had to be changed."
First of all, this is classic neoliberalism. They "knew the policy had to be changed," but that's as far as they go. You have to keep in mind that "not Bush" is the same as "correct" these days.
"He's entitled to his view," Bush said. "But members of Congress should not vote to send troops into battle and then vote against funding them, and then brag about it."
THANK YOU! I would like President Bush so much more if he would be aggressive like this more often. He's such a wussy on most fronts, but this time, he said exactly what I've been thinking. If you're going to vote for military action, you should probably vote to give actual material support to said military. Otherwise, you're basically sending them off to die, something they're accusing Bush of doing.
Now, back to Viet F**kin' Nam:
Kerry's campaign responded that Kerry had served in the Vietnam War and questions linger about Bush's wartime service in the Texas Air National Guard.
Whoopty-f**kin'-doo, @ssclowns! Who cares what happened 30 years ago? Last time I checked, there wasn't some magical quality of fighting a war that automatically made people qualified to hold public office.
Oh, but that's not enough. Max "The Mean Republicans Questioned My Patriotism" Cleland had to get in on the hot Bush-bashing action:
"Considering that George Bush actively avoided combat duty and has pursued policies that have made the nation less secure...
1- Bush volunteered for a job that was known to have killed several others, and he knew that he could've been sent into combat at any time. If that's "actively avoiding combat duty," I guess that only "heroes" like Kerry should be honored for their service.
2- HOW DARE YOU QUESTION PRESIDENT BUSH'S PATRIOTISM! Oh, wait, you didn't. But didn't the Chambliss campaign once accuse you of supporting policies that make us less safe? An action which resulted in the myth that they questioned your patriotism? It looks like I finally get a chance to say this again:
HOORAY FOR CONSISTENCY!!! Now, let's move on:
...he is on very shaky ground when it comes to questioning the commitment that Vietnam vet John Kerry...
You know, Kerry should just change his first name to "Vietnam Vet." At least people couldn't make that "Two Johns full of sh*t" joke anymore.
...has to our national security," said former Sen. Max Cleland, D-Ga., a Vietnam War veteran and frequent Kerry surrogate.
This is beyond ridiculous. I don't think there's even a word to describe how ridiculous it is. I should follow the example of the SNL parody of James Lipton and invent one. Hmmm...let me get back to that later.
Anyway, I can't believe this barely concealed use of the "chickenhawk" meme is the best Kerry and his minions can come up with. It's just more proof that they don't actually have ideas other than "Bush has to go." Think about it. These are adults who consider themselves mature enough to run the most powerful country in history, and they're defending their flip-flopping with "neener neener neener, I was in Vietnam and you weren't." Grow the f**k up, you douchebags.
I'm not even done ranting yet, because I've never understood the logic of "veterans aren't allowed to be wrong on national security." Serving in the military does not qualify you to run a war. It qualifies you to call yourself a veteran and say that you defended the country. It has no bearing whatsoever on your political abilities unless everyone suddenly decides to take a page from All Quiet On the Western Front and settle disputes by having heads of state fight to the death. Stop regurgitating this steaming pile of crap. It makes me want to do violent things to you.
Here's a nice little parting shot from Cleland:
"This is just more attack-dog politicking by an increasingly desperate, partisan White House."
Yeah, you just go right on believing that. If anyone dares to question the horribly skewed policies of a Vietnam veteran (did I mention that Kerry was in Vietnam? I hope you didn't miss that), it's "attack-dog politicking." Bush couldn't possibly have a good reason to criticize someone who voted not to fund a war he voted to fight.
These guys remind me of the villain in "Lethal Weapon 2." Remember that? Every time they tried to arrest him, he declared "diplomatic immunity" and got away with it. This is more like "Vietnam veteran immunity."
Well, JFK, if you think you have immunity, let me offer up another line from LW2:
"It's just been revoked."
Piece of crap.
(Yes, I'm aware that Danny Glover is a flaming liberal, but it was still a good line)
You know, I often hear the neolibs saying that the entire War On Terror is part of some vast PNAC conspiracy to turn the entire world into an American empire. Some even think this organization had a hand in the 9/11 attacks. So, here's my question:
If there's a secret plot being carried out by these people, why do they have a website that details just about all of their positions? I can just see the answers...
"It's because Dumbya is such an incompetent chimpenhawk that he can't even get his imperialistic cronies to cover up their plans! No blood for Hitler! Bush is oil!"
Seriously, this is the least secretive conspiracy I've ever seen.
UPDATE
By the way, the word "chimpenhawk" now officially belongs to me. I Googled it and got no results, so now it's mine. HA!
On another note, one of these words I invent has to catch on eventually. Rachel Lucas got all kinds of attention for "asshat," and she didn't even make that up herself! Throw me a frickin' bone here, blogosphere!
UPDATE THE SECOND
Read this. It's relevant to the post.
I can't get interested in this whole Joe Wilson thing. I honestly don't even know exactly what it's about. Does that make me an irresponsible blogger?
The morons just keep coming out of the woodwork today. Check out this letter to the editor from the Post-Gazette:
Library cops
In response to "Patriot Act's Library Power Survives Vote" (July 9), I simply wonder how much longer before uniformed, brown-shirted guards will be posted at libraries across this country to arrest people who would dare to check out books written by authors like, say, Michael Moore?
Yeah, when will that happen? I'm guessing about a week from next NEVER.
Do these people really believe the crap they're spewing?
I've noticed that left-wing blog commenters are much more likely than right-wing commenters to copy and paste entire articles instead of writing something original.
I wonder why that could be...
Speaking of stupid f**ktards...
I just read the most asinine thing I've seen in weeks. I'm not even going to link directly to this idiotic post, but Vinny will tell you what you need to know.
I can't believe people can be this dumb.
Bush never said that "Saddam Hussein has recently purchased yellowcake from Niger." He said "The British government has learned that Saddam Hussein recently sought significant quantities of uranium from Africa."
Notice that the words "purchased," "yellowcake," and "Niger" never appear in that statement, you stupid f**ktards.
Anybody know a good way to lure carpenter ants out of hiding? The stupid thing caught me off guard, and now I can't find it. This is not a pleasant situation.
UPDATE
Never mind. I got the little b@stard. Stupid thing walked right out in front of me.
Man, that was the biggest ant I've ever seen. I should've taken a picture.
What the F is this?!
Get. Me. Out. Of. This. State.
I can't believe I still have to wait another month to go back to New York. I don't know how much longer I can put up with this.
Don't you hate it when your tap water turns brown? I don't care whether or not it's a health hazard. It's still frickin' disturbing.
intelligent people speak about why men are suck
...You know, I don't think there's anything I can say to make this more hilarious than it already is.
Although for some reason, I want to change it into "all your men are belong to suck" or something.
I've never done this before, but I really think this photo is worthy of a caption contest. I'll put it in the extended entry in case the link dies.
Remember when I referred to this blog as "the new and improved Semi-Intelligent Thoughts?" In case you haven't noticed, "new and improved" means that I'm no longer trying to post about every single thing that happens. I got tired of pretending to be an experienced political analyst when I am, in fact, a TV/Film student. Therefore, I'm only posting about stories that truly interest me from now on.
Also, I've decided to go back to the way I blogged when I started in September. This means I'll probably have more posts like the concert review. In other words, I also got tired of writing about nothing but politics, so this blog is now a place for me to write about anything and everything that I feel like writing about. I just thought I'd clear that up in case anyone wasn't sure if there was a difference.
Finally, congratulations to Army NCO Guy for leaving comment #1000 to the MT site.
More photo-ops like this would greatly increase my respect for you. Thanks.
(What? I can't be shallow?)
UPDATE
By the way, Dubya: Barbara>Jenna. In case you were wondering.
(Okay, I'll stop now)
A reader e-mailed this story to me, and I thought I'd share it. Here's an excerpt:
"The message of this film is very weak and propagandistic," Klaus said. "We were used to such messages in the communist days. Everybody has open eyes and can understand that this is propaganda. It was a weak film that tells us nothing new."
Let me guess, neolibs: Karl Rove paid him to say that, right?
When I was writing my concert review, I left out one of the moments I meant to include. After Puddle of Mudd finished "Control," Wes was trying to get everyone to stand and make noise, and right before they started the next song, he yelled "I'm Rick James, bitch!"
I just thought you might like to know that even neo-grunge singers are now imitating Dave Chappelle.
I'm going to try something a little different today. I'm using the techniques of Jeff G. to create a piece that fans of Michael Moore can use to defend his work. This should cover just about everything:
[Moonbat] Why are you right wing neocons questioning Michael Moore? He's a true patriot and you're just a bunch of oil loving warmongering chickenhawks who hate this country because you don't question your AWOL leader who stole the White House and murdered brown people! Michael Moore is a genius because he makes people think and he provides a contrast to the Republican mouthpieces in the corporate media who covered up Bushchimpler's lies and forced Disney to cancel F911's release. Why are you acting like Moore is a liar when he makes movies? Movies don't have to be true. Are you going to complain about everything on Moviemistakes.com because they're not perfect? Every director manipulates the truth. It's part of filmmaking. You can't show the truth because everybody interprets it in their own way and there is no real truth. The right wing media does the same thing but you don't complain about them because you've been brainwashed by Big Brother and Karl Rove with their mean-spirited crushing of dissent, haven't you? You don't really think he's a liar. You're just afraid because someone finally had the courage to speak out against the abuses of power by the fictitious president, even in this repressive environment where you're not allowed to question your leaders for fear of being called unpatriotic. Why are you questioning Michael Moore's patriotism? He loves this country more than anyone I know, but sometimes, you have to use tough love and point out everything that's wrong and tell us how much better Canada is because they have no gun violence and no racism and they leave their doors unlocked at night and they'll give you money just for saying hello because they're not racist American cowboys who hate everything but money and oil. And stop calling him a socialist! He's from Flint, Michigan, and he knows how hurtful capitalism is to people who weren't lucky enough to be born wealthy like the Thief In Chief, so he's just telling people how they can improve their lives. You call him an elitist when it's clear that he's just another working class American who saw the truth and worked his way to fame but he doesn't want other people to have to do all that work he did so he's trying to make life fair for everyone. Okay, so maybe "Fahrenheit 9/11" isn't 100% true, but what movie is?! If he's such a horrible director, why did he win the Palme d'Or? And don't tell me the French gave it to him because only one judge was French and nobody likes Bush that's why Moore won because he tells the truth by making you interpret the facts in the right way instead of being manipulated into supporting a coked up flight suit plastic turkey liar who sat there reading about goats for 7 minutes while the country was under attack. You know what? I don't even believe you! You're only against Moore because you disagree with him! Just because Moore's films go against your opinion doesn't mean they're full of lies. If he's such a liar, why hasn't he been sued for slander or libel? You can't prove that he lies just by referring me to hate sites like Moorewatch and Bowling for Truth because they're doing the same thing as you, calling him a liar because they've been tricked into supporting the right wing fascist regime. Moore is important to this country because he tries to make a point so who cares whether his films are true? Movies are supposed to be entertainment, so as long as you come out of the theater hating Bush, it doesn't matter how many false facts were in it, and since he's a humorist anyway, you shouldn't expect him to tell the truth all the time. You poopy-head. [/Moonbat]
Let me know if I missed anything, and I'll add it in.
I just got back from the concert a little while ago, and since this is my blog and there's nothing else to post at the moment, I'm going to review it. I am a writer, after all. I have to keep practicing. Anyway...
If you've been reading SIT for...well, more than 5 minutes, you know that one of the reasons I blog is to rant about things that bother me, so let's get all the negative stuff out of the way right now so the review will be a little less tedious. I'll just make a list:
1. Everybody there was smoking. I'm serious. I think I was the only person at this concert who didn't light up at some point. I'm asthmatic, so that...bothers me just a tiny bit. And it wasn't all tobacco, either. I definitely caught a couple whiffs of the wacky weed, if you know what I mean. Particularly from...
2. ...The guy in front of me, who had to be at least 50 years old, but had long hair, no shirt (he didn't even bring one), and a lot of cigarettes and alcohol. I'd be willing to bet a large sum of money this guy was at the original Woodstock. He was friendly, but still...that's just a bit scary. And like I said, I'm pretty sure he whipped out a joint at one point. Of course, Chad Kroeger kinda told him to. I'll get to that later.
3. There were a lot of rednecks. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but MAN, there were a lot of fuggin' rednecks at this concert! If you've never been to Pittsburgh, you'd be surprised how many rednecks we have (we sometimes just call them "trailer trash" around here, since not all of them are from the South). One of the people next to me was a good example. Before the show started, he called someone on his cell phone and had the following conversation:
"Hey! You there? F**K TONY STEWART! TONY STEWART SUCKS F**KIN' @SS!"
Also, a couple guys behind me were yelling "YEAH!" after every song, except they split it into two distinct syllables, so it sounded like "YEE-AW!" Not yee-haw, but "YEEAW!" I wanted to punch them so very much. But there would've been too many witnesses.
4. Here's a message for women over 40: Putting your hands in the air and swaying back and forth during a rock concert does not make you look cool. It makes you look like you're on drugs. I know some of you probably were on drugs, but that's still no excuse. Some of us are rather short and enjoy being able to see the freakin' stage.
5. Children should not go to rock concerts. I can't stress this enough. I saw way too many kids under the age of 12 at this thing. That's just bad parenting. Especially when bands like Nickelback are playing. They are not a kids' band, okay, people? Dang it.
I think that's all the ranting. I'll put the actual review in the extended entry.
Hi there! Glad you could join me here in the extended entry. Let's talk rock (have I typed the word "rock" enough times to annoy you yet? Rock rock rock rock rock rock rock. Heh heh).
The show started at 6:26 PM (I checked) with a band called Thornley. They were okay. They're very similar to Nickelback, but they really need to put a little more energy into their show. And clean up their guitar playing, which wasn't spectacular. My favorite part of their show was when the lead singer said this:
"Here's a song that I wrote about something...(5 second pause)...then I listened back to it, and I realized it was about somethin' else."
Doesn't that sound like something John Kerry would say if he was in a band? "It was about this thing before it was about something else." Actually, the same thing happened with one of my songs ("Turning Point," specifically), so I really shouldn't criticize.
After a quick break, Puddle of Mudd came on. These guys are pretty good (okay, their new CD is 60% crap, but most of their other songs are fine). Wes Scantlin looks eerily like Kurt Cobain onstage, especially since he also sounds like him. They opened with "Control," which is an awesome song, and for some reason, they decided to stick a passage of Black Sabbath's "War Pigs" near the end (Money quote/lyric: "Satan, laughing, spreads his MOTHERF**KIN' WINGS!!!). After that, they played the following songs (not in this order):
"Drift and Die"
"Blurry"
"Bring Me Down"
"Away From Me"
"Bleed"
They closed with "She Hates Me" (nothing like thousands of people screaming "SHE F**KIN' HATES ME!" at the top of their lungs. See what I mean about this not being for kids?) and "Spin You Around," and then before we knew it, they were done. They put on a decent show overall. They seem to know what the crowd likes, at least. After this, it was time to play the waiting game (or, for most of the people there, the "Smoking and Drinking Game").
Nickelback came on next. These guys are awesome live. They opened with "Flat On the Floor," one of their best songs, to a ton of applause. And fire. Did I mention the fire? There were a lot of pyro effects at this show. I don't think I've ever seen as much fire and explosions as I did tonight. And I've seen Creed. Their show consisted of the following songs (again, not in this order):
"Leader of Men" (this is when Chad told people with weed to smoke it, and the old guy in front of me complied)
"Never Again"
"How You Remind Me" (they would be booed off the stage if they didn't play this one)
"Woke Up This Morning"
"Too Bad" (I love this song. Good snare drumming.)
"Someday"
"Hero" (The Spider-Man song)
"Sad But True" (Metallica cover)
"Feelin' Way Too Damn Good"
"Because of You"
"Figured You Out" (This was their closer)
HIGHLIGHTS: Chad Kroeger knows how to work the crowd. He does a lot of yelling, and he likes to check and make sure everyone's having a good time. At one point, he said something like, "Hey, if you guys want us to light something on fire or blow something up, just let us know. We have the power and the capability to entertain you." He also beat an audience member in a drinking contest. Plus, near the end of the show, Ryan Peake and Mike Kroeger threw beer onto the people below the stage. Another good Chad line: "Know what time it is? It's BEER O'CLOCK!" Basically, he's a stereotypical rock star. The rest of the band really played well, and the pyrotechnics were a nice touch. When they left, we were all wondering how 3DD was going to follow them. It seemed like an impossible task.
...It was about 9:15 at this point, and it was just getting dark when the lights went out and the ones on the stage started flashing. 3 Doors Down was getting ready to start. Now, I saw them in January of 2003 with Theory of a Deadman (if you haven't heard TOAD...hehe..."toad"...you should check 'em out as soon as possible), and I was interested to see how they'd changed their show since then. I was about to find out.
They opened, predictably, with "Duck and Run," but they were a lot louder and more energetic than last time. There's a huge difference between indoor and outdoor shows. Outdoor is definitely better. The rest of 3DD's set consisted of the following:
"Kryptonite" (this is one of my 2 favorite songs, the other one being "Downfall" by Trust Company)
"Be Like That"
"Better Life"
"Away From the Sun"
"The Road I'm On"
"Running Out of Days"
"Sarah Yellin'"
"When I'm Gone"
"Father's Son" (a new song)
"It's Not Me" (another new song)
"Changes"
After "Changes," they left the stage, but we knew they would be back. For an encore, they played "Here Without You," followed by an extended version of "Loser" that rocked the f**kin' house. After several seconds of explosions, Roman candles, and flames, they finished up and left.
HIGHLIGHTS: Brad Arnold had a bit more stage presence than the last time I saw 3DD. His moves still basically consist of "standing there like a statue" and "writhing around like a heroin addict," but he seemed a lot less nervous. He even came up into the audience during "Be Like That" and stood about 5 rows away from my seat for most of the song. That was cool. He needs to interact with the crowd more, though. Between songs, the only dialogue consisted of "All right" and "Thank you, ma' friends!"
"When I'm Gone" was memorable, since they shot the video on an aircraft carrier, which somehow made them rock music's official patriotic band. During the song, they showed more footage from the military on the screens behind them, and at the end, the center screen displayed an American flag while Brad got everyone chanting "USA! USA!" for about 15 seconds. Very unusual for a rock show, but a good thing nonetheless.
I would be a disgrace to drummers everywhere if I left this out: Daniel Adair played a killer drum solo during the second part of the show. If you follow that link and go to the "Video Galleries" section, you can see it for yourself. He plays the same one every show. This guy is one of the best drummers I've ever seen. He could even compete with Josh Freese, who did the drums for 3DD's last record and is also my favorite living drummer (my favorite dead drummer is Buddy Rich, who was quite possibly the best drummer ever to walk the Earth). This solo reminded me just how desperately I need a double bass pedal. But they cost about 200 dollars, and I'm in college, so do the math.
One last observation: I think the sound technicians were gradually raising the volume during 3DD's set. They started off at about the same level as Nickelback, but by the time they went into the hard rock portion of "Loser," I was almost getting knocked over by the sound waves. They really had the bass cranked up. Basically, 3 Doors Down is a lot heavier and more exciting when you see them live. They've gotten more comfortable on stage since I last saw them, too. Their playing was better, and Matt Roberts didn't look at the floor the whole time. They also had lasers, which NB didn't use because it was still too light.
Overall, this was 4 hours of awesome rock music. All the bands put on a good show, although Nickelback undoubtedly owns the stage. I'm really glad I got to see this. And as you can probably tell, I'm out of things to say about it, so that's the end of the review.
(I'm still looking for a band, by the way. I've already got the lyrics and the drums covered. All I need is a singer and a couple guitar players. If you fit this description, and you're ever in Pittsburgh and/or Syracuse, let me know if you want to get together for a jam session sometime. Seriously.)
I probably won't be posting tonight, because I'll be here:
3 Doors Down , Nickelback with Puddle of Mudd
July 11, 2004 - 6:30 PM EST
And from the tour diary on Nickelback's website:
...it is the biggest rock tour of the summer. The show is complete with tons of pyro, video screens, lasers, and full stage sets from both bands. The tour also includes Puddle of Mudd who are fitting right in. Thornley is the opening band for the first half. They start the show with a 30 minute set, followed by Puddle who plays for 45 min. After that Nickelback and 3 Doors get on, playing full 65 minute sets each.
This is going to be so frickin' awesome.
This is great. Someone came to the blog by Googling the phrase "Dave Grohl looks like a horse."
I'm glad I'm not the only one who noticed. I mean, look at the similarities.
(I spent way too much time making that picture, by the way)
Yeah, I finally took this personality test that's been drifting around the 'sphere for the last week. Check out my results:
Wackiness: 38/100
Rationality: 50/100
Constructiveness: 24/100
Leadership: 56/100
You are an SEDL--Sober Emotional Destructive Leader. This makes you a dictator. You prefer to control situations, and lack of control makes you physically sick. You feel have responsibility for everyone's welfare, and that you will be blamed when things go wrong. Things do go wrong, and you take it harder than you should.
You rely on the validation and support of others, but you have a secret distrust for people and distaste for their habits and weaknesses that make you keep your distance from them. This makes you very difficult to be with romantically. Still, a level-headed peacemaker can keep you balanced.
Despite your fierce temper and general hot-bloodedness, you have a soft spot for animals and a surprising passion for the arts. Sometimes you would almost rather live by your wits in the wilderness somewhere, if you could bring your books and your sketchbook.
You also have a strange, undeniable sexiness to you. You may go insane.
The middle 2 paragraphs sound about right, if you replace "your books and your sketchbook" with "your computer and Final Draft software."
I'm not sure about paragraphs 1 and 4. I guess the "dictator" thing is pretty close to "director," which I do want to be, but do I really have a strange, undeniable sexiness to me?
Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid people. After reading this story, I'm trying to decide whether Richard Riordan or Mervyn Dymally is the bigger douche. I'm leaning toward Riordan, but it's still a toss-up...
(Hat tip: Allah)
UPDATE
Either way, I think we can all agree that they both have really strange names.
Go. Read IMAO. Not reading Frnak's blog is unpatriotic.
It seems that Rachel Lucas and The Sicilian have mysteriously disappeared. WTF?!
I've had this one sitting around in my "Documents" folder for a really long time, but for some reason, I never posted it. No time like the present.
If you look at the "letters to the editor" section of any newspaper, you'll notice that most of the incredibly asinine and ignorant letters are from liberals. On the rare occasion that there is a letter from a conservative, it often seems pretty intelligent, but is surrounded by leftist drivel that drowns it out. This got me thinking...
Why does it seem like there are so many liberal idiots on the opinion pages, and so few conservative ones? I've got several theories that could explain it, and I'm wondering what everyone else thinks. First, my theories (I haven't yet decided which of these makes the most sense):
- There are about equal numbers of liberal and conservative letters, but the media selects mostly liberal ones to create the illusion that Bush is the most unpopular president ever.
- There actually are more liberal letters, and most of them really are as dumb as the ones that get printed, so the papers can either publish the idiotic liberal letters or the intelligent conservative ones.
- There are many intelligent liberal letters along with the dumb ones, but media elitism forces the papers to select only the dumbest and least rational. This way, it looks like the Unwashed Masses™ are rebelling against the Bush Regime™, while the editors and columnists maintain their monopoly on what they consider to be rational and intelligent criticism.
- The editors are so blinded by ideology that they consider something like "This administration is bigoted, murderous, criminal, and profoundly un-American" to be intelligent and rational criticism, so in their minds, the letters they print are the best of the bunch.
- There are lots of idiotic conservative letters, but the editors are so afraid of views other than their own that they don't even feel comfortable publishing the most pathetic criticism of their philosophy.
- There are both idiotic and intelligent conservative letters, but when the editors see that a letter doesn't agree with their biases, they dismiss the writer as a dittohead regardless of the letter's contents.
I'd like to hear other theories and thoughts.
Here's something I forgot to cover last time I wrote about Michael Moore's new crapumentary:
When people say that Moore's films aren't documentaries, the reaction from the neolibs is usually something along these lines:
"What? You're just saying that because he's presenting opinions that go against your hero, Chimpy McFascist! It's still a documentary if it tries to make a point, you know!"
I've got news for you: Since I'm majoring in Television, Radio, and Film at Syracuse University, I know what a friggin' documentary is. I realize that it's allowed to present only one side of the story or try to persuade people to think a certain way. That's not the issue.
The problem is that Moore fabricates many parts of his films, which makes them...wait for it...NOT FACTUAL. A documentary, by definition, is based on reality. You're allowed to present any opinion you want, as long as that opinion is supported by facts. If you include falsehoods and pretend that they're facts, you're no longer making a documentary; You're just making propaganda.
I'm glad I could clear this up.
Since it seems like most of the current news items are outside my area of interest, I think I may end up doing that "undercover work" I mentioned sometime in the next couple days.
Once again, you can probably figure out where I'm going with this, but I'm not saying anything else until after the "infiltration" is complete. We'll see what happens...
Breaking Benjamin is freakin' awesome. Thatisall.
Everybody! Pay attention! Bushchimperialist and Cheneyburton planted nuclear materials in Iraq to distract the sheeple from Vietnam veteran John Forbes Kerry's VP pick! NAZIS! NAZIS! NAZIS!
/This has been your LLL moment for today.
//What other blogger gives you breaking news at 5:45 AM? I bet none of them do.
///Yeah, I know it's not really "breaking" after this long, but I haven't been online for most of the night.
////Hat tip: Sarah.
Today is President Bush's 58th birthday. I really don't have any commentary other than that.
So...is anything actually happening today? I need some friggin' news, or else I'm going to have to start one of the essays I've been planning.
Kerry Picks Edwards as Running Mate
Is anyone surprised by this? I didn't think so.
I didn't realize he was going to be in Pittsburgh for this. Had I known ahead of time, I could've made it out there wearing flip-flops and throwing fake medals or something. Oh, well.
You know what this country needs? A president who writes his own speeches. Wouldn't that be awesome?
So...this is a new one:
Google is starting to scare me.
All right, I'm back. This post will cover 2 topics. Neither of them is political, but they're still important.
First of all, Monroeville put on one of the best fireworks displays they've ever had. It was 30 minutes long, with a bunch of effects that I hadn't seen before. I think they were trying to make up for the 15 minute long crapfest they pulled last year. Anyway, iMovie is making my files way too big for some reason, so I had to compress these videos a lot, but I do have them. Each of the Quicktime movies linked below is one half of the grand finale. The quality of the video is low, but you can tell what's going on. Check 'em out:
Now, on to topic number 2:
I just made a major update to the Music Page. I added a short video clip of a drum solo I recorded, along with lyrics for 3 (count 'em) new songs. 2 of those songs, "Growing Down" and "Chainsaw," also include audio samples.
I don't like to brag, and I don't know how many of you have actually checked out the music page, but I really think the audio for "Growing Down" is one of the coolest drum tracks I've recorded so far. It's in 3/4 time, with a lot of hi-hat action and bottom-heavy fills. I highly recommend listening to it. It's only a minute long, in any case.
Okay, that's enough shameless self-promotion. I just wanted to point out what I've been up to.
Well, it stormed this afternoon, just like it does every single Independence Day, but it seems to have cleared up, and I'm off to the fireworks in Monroeville. I will have video posted when I come back, provided iMovie isn't jerking me around like it's been doing lately.
I could write a long-winded essay about what freedom means to me, but I already did that here. So instead, I'm using my freedom of speech to protest one of the more oppressive laws thrust upon us in many states, including Pennsylvania:
Pyros are people too!!!
You know, I'm really tired of this "neocon" thing that keeps getting thrown around. It doesn't even make sense! It seems like "neocon" just means "anyone the left disagrees with."
However, look at the Democrats of today. They're not the same Democrats that existed before, and they seem to be slowly but surely heading toward socialism. They call themselves "liberals" while trying to make Americans less free, and they call themselves "progressives" while trying to implement numerous policies that clearly don't work.
So, from now on, instead of using words like "moonbats" or "LLL" or any of the common terms, I will be referring to the crazies on the left as "neolibs." The so-called liberals of today are an insult to true liberals, who now reside on the right side of the political spectrum, and they no longer deserve the title they've given themselves.
(The above post was partially inspired by this piece.)
Remember that giant hole the gas company is digging in my backyard? Apparently, there's more to it than they're telling us.
You see, Phil thinks the so-called "workers" may actually be bad aliens trying to plant alien seeds on my property!
This might be a problem, Phil. Do you think you could get Zaxon to look into it before it's too late? At the very least, he could lend me a Hiober so I can, you know, "put the aliens to sleep" before they get a chance to plant their evil seeds of extraterrestrial chaos.
(Click the links if you have no idea what I'm talking about)
This story makes me want to do violent things to journalists. I guess that since I'm a communications major, that could cause problems in the near future. But in any case...
The person who wrote this article apparently decided that he should focus on all the people who saw Saddam Hussein in a positive light after his television appearance. I will now analyze said article, pointing out examples of both positive and negative reactions they presented. First, the positive ones:
"This is a theater," said Mr. Hassan, a 47-year-old ex-member of the Baath Party, mimicking the words of his former boss on the day that he appeared in court. "When I turned on the television I did not believe it was Saddam Hussein at first. I thought it was one of his doubles.
"You cannot put Saddam Hussein on trial — he is the people's representative, the symbol of the Arab nation," said Mr. Nassar, a 56-year-old Sunni Arab, his eyes welling up. "When I saw him on the television, it hurt me so much. Right now, I want to cry."
(The above quote is followed by no less than 8 paragraphs detailing the guy's reasons for supporting Saddam)
Even those who hated Mr. Hussein found his appearance full of mysteries. Farid Shakuri, a 62-year-old retired engineer, said the generous treatment afforded Mr. Hussein at his arraignment — the smart clothes, the opportunity to speak — had strengthened his conviction that Mr. Hussein and the Americans were secret allies.
For all the hardship Mr. Hussein caused here, some Iraqis said they were unable to summon any bitter feelings. In that way, they said, Mr. Hussein looms like a father over an abused son. He may be a brutal man, the Iraqis said, but he is a father still.
Haidar Abdul Azim, a 34-year-old pharmacist, spent seven years in Mr. Hussein's jails, for reasons he did not want to discuss.But when Mr. Hussein's visage appeared on the television of his shop, Mr. Azim shook his head and came to the defense of his former master.
"I feel disappointed," Mr. Azim said, who then referred to the Americans. "He may have put me in jail for seven years, but still it's not right for the enemy to sit as his judge."
Now, the negative reactions:
"The happiest day of my life was when they found him in that dirty hole, but this was very exciting," said Mr. Muhammad, a Shiite. "I watched the whole thing. Saddam was trying to act proud, but in his eyes he was very weak."
"I thought the Americans gave him a status today that he didn't deserve," Mr. Shakuri said. "Over 30 years, he never gave anyone the chance at a fair trial.""I think it is connected to the poison gas," he said.
Still, Mr. Shakuri said he took great joy in watching Mr. Hussein's court appearance.
For a man who surrendered to the Americans without a fight last December, he said, Mr. Hussein seemed almost comical in trying to frighten the Iraqis now.
When Rafa al-Dulaimi saw Mr. Hussein's face on television, he quickly switched off the set, not because he found Mr. Hussein's arraignment objectionable, he said, but because he felt like the past needed to be forgotten."The Iraqi people have a new government now, and we are trying to turn the page," Mr. Dulaimi said. "The past is going to cause too much trouble."
"Saddam?" Mr. Dulaimi said. "Send him someplace very far."
So, let's review: They interviewed a former Ba'ath Party member and tried to pass him off as an average Iraqi citizen, they spent about half the article outlining the reasons for supporting Saddam, and most of the quotes from people who are against Saddam still include criticisms of America or disclaimers about Saddam's former authority.
I especially like the Ba'ath guy. Isn't that kind of like interviewing a former Nazi after WWII and then using him to prove that the average "man in the street" still has warm feelings for Hitler?
Oh, that liberal media. What is it with you guys and dictators, anyway? I mean..."Mr. Hussein?" I know you're trying to be fair and all, but come on! Don't give that piece of sh!t any respect. He doesn't even deserve to be alive right now.
(And don't try to tell me that "they're only repeating what people said." I refuse to believe that most of the Iraqis they talked to shared their biases unless they were very selective about who they interviewed. Besides, do you really think the majority of Iraqis would say these things?)
It might as well be me:
"Fight back against those digital Brown Shirts, Saddamster!"
(This may not be the best time to mention that I've been growing a beard for the past 3 weeks)
Okay. Here's an interesting fact. Last night (actually, the way I sleep, it was probably this afternoon, but who's keeping track?), I had a weird dream that I somehow connected with the movie "The Godfather." Now, I find out that Marlon Brando just died.
Coincidence? Of course. But still...that's effin' strange, dude.
HA! My "The war won't be a success until Iraq has a space program" meme is gradually spreading across the blogosphere!
How long do you think it'll be until the left starts using it in serious debate?
I know I said I was going to try and tone down the anger when I returned to political blogging, but I really want to f**k up these f**king pricks at Democratic Underground right now. Just look at this:
Saddam is good-looking, masculine, and intelligent He presents a very commanding image. I suspect that he elicits sympathy every else in the world but the US. Of course, we in the US look past the image and see the crimes--except in the case of our own leaders who have probably killed more innocent Iraqis than Saddam. Saddam also has the advantage of being an actual combat veteran. He was also elected. Fixed election? Wow, we in America would never accept a leader in a fixed election. Saddam presided over executions, even using his own gun. Hmmm. Our leader mocks them from a distance and lets other people kill them. All of his torture and murder occurred over 10 years ago, according to the charges. Let's see--I think we're still killing and torturing Iraqis--but not as much, so that makes it OK. I think we were part of the coalition of the willing in Saddam's war against Iran. I suspect that those in foriegn countries who do not have to support America at all costs are questioning who is better--Saddam or Bush.
They. Think. Saddam. Is. Better. Than. Bush.
Urge to kill rising. Rising. Riiiiiiiisiiiiing...
Anyway, feel free to discuss this in the comments. I have a feeling everyone who stops by can add something to this topic.
Also, I'll put some other excerpts from that thread in the extended entry to fuel the fire a little. The discussion topic over there seems to be "Who's better? Bush or Saddam?" Click if you want to get mad. If not, well, I don't blame you. Although this does make my "DU is a satire site meant to make the left look bad" theory a bit more credible.
even after all these months of imprisonment he's certainly more "presidential" than what we're currently stuck with, the * who's taken more vacation days than any president in history.
Bush ordered detainees to be tortured. Sounds just like Saddam to me.
Bu$h is an even BIGGER war criminal.
That's a tough one. Hussein at least at the virtue of providing quality healthcare and education systems.
Here's a fun fact: This next comment directly follows a brief discussion about how there are no "Saddam apologists" at DU, just people who believe in "the rule of law."
What did he do that he did not have authority as President to do? If the Congress gave President Bush power to put us in camps, then he could put us in camps without breaking any law, no matter how awful that might seem to the rest of the world. I don't see how Saddam broke the laws of his own country. I think the points about his atrocities would be made better in an international court--where he could share a seat with Bush and Blair.
Bu$h is an idiot and always has that glazed "deer in the headlights" look on his face. Anyone,including Saddam looks a hell of a lot better than bu$h.....and they can speak better English to boot. What a pathetic pile of shit bu$h is.
Discuss.
...No, I said discuss, not disgust. Although that's certainly understandable.
If Bush had backed down and stayed out of Iraq due to "international opinion" or something, would the left be criticizing him for ignoring the threat of WMD and making the country less secure? Would Kerry promise to take Saddam Hussein out of power in the first 6 months of his presidency? Would the tinfoil-hatters at DU accuse the "neocon cabal" of coddling a dictator so we can have oil, rather than doing what's right for our safety?
I really believe it would be like this. You see, I'm finally starting to understand this idea of "nuance:"
Bush=Evil. It's that simple! If Bush does it, it's bad! So all you have to do in order to be right is disagree with Bush!
I just had a brief but interesting conversation with my dad (who we'll call "BD" here). Here's my recollection:
BD: Do you want to see "Fahrenheit 9/11?"
CD: Phht. There's already a website that's found about 20 false claims in that movie.
BD: Yeah, you'd probably come out of there mad anyway.
CD: Actually, I'd probably beat up the people cheering at the end.
BD: Oh. You should wait until it comes out on video.
I'm also a right-wing nut in everyday life. Heh.
FOOTNOTES
- This wasn't exactly verbatim
- My dad is a Republican, but he pretty much thinks Bush and Kerry are both incompetent. I think he's voting for Nader.
NOTE: If you came here looking for MoDo nudity, please seek psychological help NOW.
Holy crap, the new Maureen Dowd column is one of the dumbest things she's ever written. EVER. I haven't fisked anyone for a long time, and I think this would be a good way to get back to that. Let's get started right now:
Escape From the Green ZoneBy MAUREEN DOWD
You'd think that President Bush would have learned by now to keep those snappy aphorisms to himself.
Pot, kettle, etc., etc...
Gonna get Osama dead or alive. Or neither.
Yeah, because Bush is over in Afghanistan personally looking for him. Besides, judging by the fact that we haven't heard from him in a couple years, I still think he's already dead. In any case, what exactly is he going to do? We kinda killed a lot of his friends.
Gonna smoke Osama out of his cave. When exactly?
Okay, now she's just repeating things to fill up space.
Bring 'em on. Please don't.
MoDo, MoDo, MoDo...you're thinking of France. Come on, you can do better than this. Wait, no you can't. Sorry.
Mission Accomplished. Not.
Which mission? The mission to overthrow Saddam? Or to kill his sons? Or to give Iraqis control of the government? Or rebuild schools and hospitals? Or arrange for elections? Those goalposts have been moved so many times, I don't even think they're on this planet anymore. Literally. Next we'll be hearing:
"The war won't be a success until Iraq has a SPACE PROGRAM!"
Then, when they get a space program, the left will accuse Bush of trying to take over the Moon and steal its oil.
Let freedom reign. Couldn't Karl Rove and his minions at least get that "ad-lib" right about freedom ringing?
I love the double implication here. First of all: You are a conspiracy believing idiot, Dowd. Can you consider, just for one tenth of a second, that maybe Bush actually does things on his own without the eeeeeeevil Rove puppeteer controlling him from the shadows? This is DU stuff, appearing in a major newspaper. And you wonder why we don't take your side seriously.
Second: How do you know it was supposed to be freedom ringing? I know that's the common expression, but for all we know, Bush could've been alluding to the previous reign of a murderous dictator. Mind-reading is bad, Mauron. It makes a Democrat out of the University of Maine.
Not gonna cut and run. We can't cut, but we certainly ran.
Because "we" obviously means "Bremer!"
Paul Bremer scuttled out of Baghdad so fast, he didn't even wait for the new ambassador, John Negroponte, to arrive so he could pass along some safety tips.
The administration can't win, can they? If we hand over government control, the criticism is focused on the behavior of the guy who handed it over. You know, Bremer did give a speech before he left. But your friends in the "unbiased" media didn't feel that it was important enough to report. In fact, some outlets just plain lied about it.
Mr. Negroponte, assuming the most perilous diplomatic post in the world, is going to need all the security advice he can get if Iraq keeps slouching toward Islamic fundamentalism and rampant terrorism.
See, that's why we're giving them self-rule. They have the power to stop terrorism themselves now, or vote out Islamic fundamentalism. It's true that they still need U.S. troops there for now, but since it looks like we won't be stealing their ooooooiiiiiiil, they'll be out as soon as possible. And then you'll accuse them of being scared.
The administration went from Shock and Awe to Sneak and Shirk. Gotta run, guys — keep chins up and heads down.
Apparently, you missed the part where we kept our military in the country.
The Bush crowd pretended the country was free and able to stand on its own, even as the odd manner in which Mr. Bremer scooted away showed that it wasn't.
Let's examine this logic: The Iraqi government no longer needs Bremer to be there, and this is a sign that they can't stand on their own.
...Have you been messing with 'shrooms again?
The president acted as if Iraq was in control, but our forces can't come home because Iraq's still out of control.
AHA! There's that contradiction everyone was waiting for. Once again, it's time for a review:
Point #1: Paul Bremer left Iraq as quickly as possible, and it seems like we're cutting and running. Therefore, the war is a failure.
Point #2: We can't bring the troops home yet. Therefore, the war is a failure.
Kerrytastic.
As Paul Bremer was sneaking out, Ahmad Chalabi, the swindler who has bilked America out of millions, was sneaking in. He was smiling from ear to ear at the swearing-in ceremony for the new prime minister, Iyad Allawi (a ceremony so secretive that coalition officials confiscated reporters' cellphones to enforce an embargo on the news for security reasons).
Yeah, that's why there were p1ctures and accounts all over the news about an hour after it happened. And as for the cell phone thing, do you remember the story about reporters who knew that an attack was coming, and didn't tell U.S. forces about it? That's probably why they don't trust them. A story about the swearing-in ceremony being attacked by "insurgents" would be much more exciting, after all.
If Americans needed any more confirmation that they're viewed as loathed occupiers, not beloved liberators...
I covered this yesterday, so I won't go into the whole "of course they're occupiers, you idiot, what else can we liberate them from?" screed, but I do want to point to the wonderful projection going on here. See, nobody ever said that they loathe us just because we're occupying them. Dowd is assuming that they feel the way she does about the war. At least that's the only logical explanation I can come up with. I hope there is a logical explanation.
...it came with the sad little spectacle of a hasty, heavily guarded hand-over that no Iraqi John Trumbell will memorialize in an oil painting of the Declaration of Iraqi Independence.
You do realize that we were at war when the U.S. Declaration of Independence was signed, right? In fact, the fighting went on for a couple more years afterwards.
OH NO! AMERICA IS A FAILURE!
Dick Cheney and the neocons...
I still can't get over how hilarious it is that "mainstream" media types are using this word. This is why I no longer believe that the fringe left is in the minority.
...had once hoped for a grand Independence Day celebration, no doubt, where Saddam's toppled statue once loomed, dreaming of a parade of Iraqi high school pep squads and the Iraqi Olympic bobsled team...
You have a really warped perception of progress. That's all I'll say.
...sky boxes for Halliburton executives...
Couldn't leave that out, could ya? I swear these morons have a meme quota they have to fulfill before they can get published.
...grateful Iraqis, cheering and crying...
Read the Iraqi blog I linked for that one. Some of them actually are happy about this.
President Bush making a surprise drop-in from the NATO summit meeting in nearby Turkey, with "Mission Accomplished" pen sets for the new government; Katie, Matt and Diane beaming it back to proud Americans.
See? There's another meme. They might as well just use this thing.
Instead, there was no real transfer of power because there was no power to transfer.
And with that sweeping and inaccurate generalization, the MoDoPoodle lost all remaining credibility. Fortunately, nobody noticed the change.
It was a virtual transfer, just the way the rationale for war was virtual and the shift of Saddam's custody to Iraq is virtual.
And the way your writing ability is virtual! Right? RIGHT?!
The Bush team is not going to trust Iraqi security to hang onto Saddam because it doesn't even know yet whether Iraqi security can hang onto the country.
For someone who is so averse to symbolism, you sure seem upset about the fact that Saddam is in the most secure location possible instead of in custody of the Iraqis, who probably don't even want to deal with him until they get the country up and running. Maybe you're afraid they'll make a naked pyramid out of him and his buddies.
With rumblings in Iraq that a strongman may be needed to tamp down the anarchy, what if the old Baathist crowd rushed to crown Saddam, instead of his foes storming the prison to "hack him to pieces," as Mr. Bremer speculated on the "Today" show?
Well, that's why we're killing the Saddam loyalists. But of course, you're against that as well, because it was Bush's idea.
Mr. Bremer's escape from the Green Zone was uncomfortably reminiscent of the last days of Saigon.
ANOTHER MEME! This is making my head hurt.
No one was hanging onto the skids of helicopters, but the mood was furtive, not festive. American troops are still trapped in Iraq and being killed there, and 5,600 ex-soldiers are being involuntarily recalled in America's undeclared draft.
Holy crap, I'm not even in the military, and I know that there's no draft. In case you haven't figured it out, the word "reserve" actually means something. They signed up for a certain amount of time, and they're being called in because they're still in the service. The same thing happened during Desert Storm, but there's still no draft, is there?
The White House pretended that the sovereignty was real.
Can you say "elitism," children? Believing that it's fake doesn't make it fake.
The administration that is loath to share information and presidential papers — even to help the 9/11 investigation find ways to make the country more secure...
ANOTHER FRIGGIN' MEME! This time, it's the "secretive administration" one. You did use the Lefterator, didn't you?
...quickly turned over a ph0to of Mr. Bush's handwritten "Let freedom reign!" comment on Condi Rice's note to him announcing the transfer.
More double standards. Wonderful.
But it rings — or reigns...
Ah ha ha. Ha.
(/Paul Shaffer)
...hollow in a week when Sandra Day O'Connor and the Supremes — except the Bush family fixer Clarence Thomas...
Did she just call him an Uncle Tom? Because that's sure what it sounded like.
...slapped the commander in chief for torturing without a license.
I don't recall seeing Dubya in those p1ctures that the media shoved in our faces for a month.
"A state of war is not a blank check for the president," the court ruled.
Since Bush agrees with that, I don't see the problem here.
Still, Mr. Bremer put the best foot forward. Noting that the ex-proconsul was standing on the White House lawn still in the boots he wore with suits in Iraq, Charlie Gibson of ABC asked the escapee how he felt."Well, it's like having a rather large weight lifted off my shoulders," he said. "I'm delighted to be back."
If only our soldiers could say the same.
But as soon as they leave, you'll use that as proof that we can't handle the occupation, right? Because in your mind, nothing done by a Republican president can possibly be a good thing.
Just wait. It'll happen.
HA! Saddamy is on trial! It looks like he's still trying to convince people that he's the legitimate president of Iraq, too. I found this bit particularly interesting:
"This is all a theater" designed by President Bush, whom he called a criminal, to win re-election, said Saddam...
Now, where have we heard that before...? I'm not saying liberals are terrorists. I'm just saying that it sounds awfully similar...
(Hat tip: Frnak)