June 30, 2004

Problems Of Interpretation

So, the new liberal meme is that "the majority of Iraqis now view U.S. troops as occupiers, not liberators."

Uh, correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't that what they are? They were liberators a year ago when they were crushing Hussein's regime. What is there to liberate them from today? If anything, this just proves that the Iraqis they're talking to aren't stupid. They know the difference between liberation and occupation.

See, the problem is in your interpretation of these words. Since many on the left still think President Bush is an evil, imperialistic warmonger who only invaded Iraq for their oil, they see the word "occupier" and immediately see that as a sign that we're oppressing the Iraqi people. In their minds, "occupier" is equivalent to "conqueror." But is that really how it is?

When I see them referred to as occupiers, I think, "yeah, that's true, but they're also protectors and defenders of freedom." Of course, the "unbiased" media doesn't give them that choice. It's either "occupiers" or "liberators." And again, how can they be liberators when Iraq is already free and sovereign? They're only in the country to help rebuild and make sure the terrorists don't destroy the infrastructure.

Just remember that next time someone uses that survey to "prove" that the Iraqis hate us.

Posted by CD at 03:48 PM | Comments (1)

June 29, 2004


Speaking of moonbats, check out a good example (courtesy of Bad Example) of liberal "tolerance."

Such wonderful people.

Posted by CD at 09:12 PM | Comments (0)

Idiots On Both Sides

Recent events have caused me to realize something: Moonbats on the right bother almost as much as moonbats on the left. I keep thinking someone is going to associate me with them.

No specifics. Just an observation.

Posted by CD at 07:19 PM | Comments (0)

Images of Destruction

As I said yesterday, the gas company is digging up my backyard to install a new gas line. I went out a few minutes ago and got some pictures so you can see just how serious the situation is. They're in the extended entry, and they're all in thumbnail form, so click them for full size.

This monstrosity has been parked on top of the dirt since they started. My dad was hoping they'd leave the keys in overnight. Draw your own conclusions.

Those bushes had been there since before I was born, and they just dug 'em up. It's a cruel world we live in.

Just to give you an idea of how high these dirt piles are: I'm 5'7", and I was holding the camera at eye level when I took this shot.

Here's a wider angle of this disaster.

And here's a slightly higher angle. See that fence? That's the neighbors'. It used to be where the hole is, but they had to move the entire thing back, making their yard smaller (if you look closely at the grass, you can even see where it was before). Isn't progress fun?

This is where they're putting the gas line.

Here's a straighter shot.

So, there you have it. And don't worry, Phil, I didn't see any Alien Trees. Yet.

Posted by CD at 06:43 PM | Comments (0)

Fahrenheit 9/11 Thoughts

I'm trying to stay away from this topic until I get more information (there's no way I'm paying to see a Michael Moore film, so I don't consider myself a credible source on the issue yet), but I've been thinking about one part of the movie that's been getting some attention lately.

Apparently, Moore questions the actions of President Bush after he heard that the second tower had been hit. We're supposed to believe that he had a magical "make terror go away" button that was only active for seven minutes, then could never be used again. I've mentioned this before, but I just want to say that Bush made the right decision staying in that classroom.

Think about it. He was in a room full of children, he had TV cameras recording his every move, and he was in a situation that no U.S. president has ever faced before, so he obviously had no precedent to work with. What else was he supposed to do besides sit there and plan his next move? I think he got the best of both worlds with that decision.

If he had gotten up and left calmly, saying that he had "other business" or something, don't you think people still would've been suspicious? And of course, if he had tried to be a hero and announced that "America is under attack" to a room full of children, that would've been a disaster.

Now, some people are saying that he should've left the school, since he was putting the children in danger by being there. That's just idiotic. Even if the terrorists knew where he was, how would they know whether he had left the building or not? They could've been 15 seconds away when Bush first heard the news, and if they were planning to hit the school, they would've done it whether or not the president was there at the time, because it was part of the plan. It's not like they had spies in the building making sure there was a target of opportunity there.

Anyway, those are my thoughts on the issue, although I still think that the Mooreons would be criticizing Bush's actions no matter what he did. After all, he's Bush. That makes him evil.

And how about this "the hijackers were from Saudi Arabia, not Afghanistan" crap? Hey, should we attack Jordan to deal with Zarqawi?

What a pathetic way to go through life...

Posted by CD at 05:08 PM | Comments (4)

June 28, 2004

Predicting the Future

Here's a thought...if Bush and his administration work with "Digital Brown Shirts," how long will it be before the moonbats start referring to Rummy as "Roehmsfeld?"

They don't do that already, do they?

Posted by CD at 10:28 PM | Comments (7)

Memes Ahoy! (2nd Edition)

Without referencing any specific sources, I want to ask a question:

Has anyone else noticed the increase in liberals claiming that conservatives have accused John Kerry of supporting terrorism? I've seen it twice in the last couple days, if I'm remembering correctly.

Is it just me, or are other people picking this up?

In any case, it's amazing how we went from "the right is questioning Kerry's patriotism" to "the right is calling Kerry a terrorist" without the right actually saying anything of the sort.

Posted by CD at 07:50 PM | Comments (1)

I Think I'm On To Something...

You know, I'm really starting to think that Democratic Underground is just a parody site to make the left look stupid. I know that I have no faith in humanity, so their incredible ignorance shouldn't surprise me, but seriously...how could someone genuinely believe that they moved up the power transfer by 2 days just to overshadow Michael Moore? And look at this line from the thread I linked in the last post:

Glad to have another intelligent voice added to the cacophonous din of the anti-fascist, anti-imperialist chorus emanating from the foremost bastion of free speech this side of France! Together, we're going to spread the word about * and his sordid deeds and equally depraved henchmen, and DARE anyone to vote for this drug-addled frat-boy again!

It's a forkin' joke! These people are not really liberals! It's all just a huge inside joke!

...I really wish I was right about this.

As long as I'm talking about DU, here's an interesting observation: Whenever President Bush has his picture taken, the posters start in with the "photo op" accusations and try to prove that he doesn't really care about America (remember "Turkeygate?"). So, when Bremer hands over complete power to the Iraqis in a quiet ceremony without Bush even aware, what do they say?

I thought they'd try to squeeze some photo ops out of the handover. The way they've done it looks more like the sale of a used car with Bremer handing over the title.

It shows how little any of this had to do with the Iraqi people. They just had the whole mess dumped in their laps...

I know it damn near killed Bush not to have his pictures all of the TV news and newspapers showing him doing the handover. In stead, the errand boy got all the publicity.

See what I mean? If they were real, all that cognitive dissonance would kill them instantly!

Posted by CD at 06:57 PM | Comments (0)

Political Roundup

*cough cough* Wow...*cough* Insecticide *cough cough* can really screw up your breathing. *cough* But it had to be done. *cough* Friggin' spiders were building webs all over my bedroom again. *cough* So it was worth it. *coooooough*

Anyway, I want to do a quick review of some of the events of the last few days. Nothing major, just a a way to get back into the routine. Let's get started.

- Iraq is now a sovereign nation. Beautiful. Elections are coming in January, the "insurgents" will be viewed as anti-Iraqi terrorists, and the U.S. troops can be seen as protectors instead of occupiers.

Of course, don't expect this to derail the LLL crowd. They just think it's a puppet government, and they've decided that since we can't immediately pull all our troops out of the country, we've failed. Hey, tell that to the troops in every other country we've helped out. Someone tell Germany that they're not really a sovereign nation!

In addition, you may have also seen the DU take on this event. Evidently, it was all a trick to get Michael Moore's new crapumentary out of the headlines. I guess that's why the Iraqi prime minister was the one who made the decision. Morons.

- The sovereign nation of Iraq will soon have custody of Saddam Hussein. Hopefully, he'll be begging to be put in a naked pyramid by the time they're through with him. I have no sympathy for monsters.

- Cheney's F-bomb. Okay, I know some people are applauding him for standing up to Leaky Leahy, or whatever he's called, but I have to disagree. Dick Cheney is the vice president of the United States. It's his responsibility to be civil no matter how much douchebaggery he endures from the other side. Especially when we have a press that will descend on any Republican shortcomings like vultures on a dead elephant. I still think Dubya needs a new VP.

- Gorebot's speech. You know, I don't think I'm even going to bother fisking this. I found so many factual errors just skimming through it that it would take way too much time to refute the whole thing. Besides, other people who know more than me have already taken him apart pretty thoroughly.

As for the "Digital Brown Shirts" comment...wow. This is what it's come to. So, we can't question your patriotism, but you can compare us to Nazis? I pity you and your entire philosophy. And besides, if Bush was really Hitler, don't you think he would have had you arrested before you could point out that he was Hitler? I mean...Hitler had people killed if he even thought they were plotting against him. Bush must be the laziest Nazi ever.

Using freedom of speech to claim that you don't have freedom of speech: priceless.

- Speaking of Hitler, let's talk about this new Bush campaign ad. I love how the AP reported it as "Hitler Image Used in Bush Campaign Web Ad." Kinda like how the 9/11 Commission reported "no connections between Iraq and Al Qaeda," right?

First, a criticism of the ad itself: They should've left the Hitler thing out. I know that it's from a MoveOn ad, you know that it's from a MoveOn ad, and they made sure to point it out after they showed the clips, but they should. have. seen. this. coming. Did they think the media was going to report this factually after the 9/11 debacle? OPEN YOUR EYES! You don't. Use. Hitler. Even if it's to point out that your opponent compared you to Hitler. At least show Al Gore or George Soros making the comparison. MoveOn isn't considered "mainstream" enough.

Now, a criticism of the left's reaction: ARE YOU FREAKING RETARDED?! Allow me to sum up the general sentiment:

"They used Hitler and Democrats in the same ad! That must mean they're trying to compare them to Hitler, just like they made everyone think Saddam Hussein attacked us by mentioning him in the same speech as Al Qaeda!"

Of course, none of the "enlightened" liberals make the connection between Democrats and Hitler, but surely, the uneducated sheeple watching the ad will be fooled. That's why they need to suckle at the left-wing nanny state's teat instead of accepting tax cuts and the 2nd Amendment.

- Beheadings and hostages. What is it going to take? How many more people need to die before the rest of the country realizes that we're dealing with the greatest threat to humanity since the fall of the Soviet Union? And by the way, liberals, these are the poor, innocent victims you want to protect under the Geneva Conventions, despite the fact that those same rules specifically forbid taking hostages and killing civilians on purpose, which would make them ILLEGAL COMBATANTS. We need to adopt the old English punishment for treason to deal with these b@stards. And that would still be too good for them.

- Finally, in personal news, the gas company has decided that they need to install a new line or something, so they dug a gigantic hole in my backyard. I'm not kidding, this thing is massive. They had to uproot our shrubberies and everything. I'll get a picture of it when I have the chance.

That's all for now, but there's plenty more on the way.


Posted by CD at 04:55 PM | Comments (1)

End of Hiatus

With all due respect to Eminem...


Guess who's back, back again
CD's back, tell a friend
Guess who's back, guess who's back
Guess who's back, guess who's back
Guess who's back, guess who's back
Guess who's back...

I've created a monster, cuz nobody wants this vacation no more
They want blogging so I'll deliver
Well if you want blogging, this is what I'll give ya
A little bit of Clue™ mixed with a fisk blizzard
Fox News jumpstarts my heart and it's a shock
When hostages in Iraq get broadcast online by Al Qaeda when they're decapitating
Now we're bombing the places where they're operating
You waited this long now start debating
Cuz I'm back and the left's become infuriating
I know that you got a fortune Ms. Kerry, but your husband's campaign is bloviating
So the DNC won't let me be or let me be free so let me see
They tried to shut me down with MoveOn PAC but it feels so empty without me
So come on and click, check out the hyperlinks, read that
Blogs on the left seem bereft of sense they don't relent
They even link to DU from Kerry
Michael Moore is a genius?

Now this looks like a blog for me so everybody bookmark SIT
Cuz we need a little controversy
Cuz it feels so lefty without me
I said this looks like a blog for me so everybody bookmark SIT
Cuz we need a little controversy
Cuz it feels so lefty without me

Little hellions, hippies feeling rebellious
Can't compete with my thoughts, cuz I'm semi-intelligent
I start feeling like the left is irrelevant,
'Til someone comes along at a protest and yells "Fascist!"
A visionary, brainwashing is scary, wants a Communist revolution, quoting from Chomsky
A rebel, so let me just revel and bask, in the fact that Democrats are symbolized by an ass
And it's a disaster such a catastrophe they took down the Trade Center and you attack G Dubya B?
Well I'm back nananananananananana
Fix your tinfoil hat, put it on and then I'm gonna
Enter in and drown out all your spin cuz I'm a drummer
The center of attention back for the summer
I'm interesting, my popularity's cresting
While the moonbats on the left wing are still protesting
Posting, attention please, feel the tension when someone links to SIT
I'm workin' with the VRWC
A nuisance, who sent, you sent for me?

Now this looks like a blog for me so everybody bookmark SIT
Cuz we need a little controversy
Cuz it feels so lefty without me
I said this looks like a blog for me so everybody bookmark SIT
Cuz we need a little controversy
Cuz it feels so lefty without me

A tiskit, a taskit, I'll go tit for tat with people who support the dictator from Tikrit
Moqtada Al-Sadr, I'll see you later
It's better to die than be a freedom hater
And Osama, you can get stomped by a llama, you cave dwelling towel-headed terrorist bomber
You can't beat us, you're too old, let go, its over, all your buddies wound up in Gitmo
Now lets go, just give me the signal I'll be there with a whole list full of new blog posts
I've been dope, suspenseful with my text full
Ever since the Gorebot went out of control
But sometimes it just seems like every liberal attacks the GOP
So this must mean we're disgusting, but its just them they're projecting
Though I'm not the first Republican who wants to make movies
I've infiltrated a liberal university, and maybe once they're rid of me
I can help set the Left Coast free
Hey, there's a concept that works
20 million other right-wing screenwriters emerge
But no matter how many fish in the sea it'd be so lefty without me

Now this looks like a blog for me so everybody bookmark SIT
Cuz we need a little controversy
Cuz it feels so lefty without me
I said this looks like a blog for me so everybody bookmark SIT
Cuz we need a little controversy
Cuz it feels so lefty without me

...You really don't want to know how much time I spent manipulating those lyrics for my own purposes. Anyway...I'M BACK! No more of this "political hiatus" BS. I can't take it anymore. I took a break, got rid of some of the anger, and now I'm trying to think happy thoughts. Mmmm...mass graves full of dead terrorists. Wait...that's not happy enough...wait a minute...mass graves full of live terrorists who are slowly suffocating due to the lack of oxygen 6 feet underground! That's more like it! HAPPY THOUGHTS!!!

Anyway, you are now reading the new and improved Semi-Intelligent Thoughts. Why is it new and improved? BECAUSE I FARGIN' SAID SO, THAT'S WHY! I've got a ton of stuff to post this week, including my fisking of Algore, which will hopefully be finished sometime in the next 48 hours. In addition, I'll be writing as much as possible to make up for the last week. It's gonna be awesome.

I will leave this post at the top of the page for a few hours though, because I worked way too hard on that song to just drop it out of view right away. Also, I probably won't have anything new posted until later in the day, because I'm conducting preemptive chemical warfare operations against domestic invaders this afternoon (read: spraying this stuff around my windows), and I need to leave the room for a few hours while the fumes dissipate. Sorry, but it's them or me.


Posted by CD at 12:01 AM | Comments (4)

June 27, 2004

Average Pennsylvania Weather

All right, I finally got around to editing those storm videos from a couple weeks ago. As usual, these had to be heavily compressed so I could upload them, so they're not as impressive as the digital video version, but like I've said before, it's the best I can do right now. There are 3 separate segments of this, which I will link below:

The storm gathers (taken from my bedroom window)

Caught in the middle (taken from the back porch)

Lightning in the distance (taken from the front porch)

These clips still don't adequately convey the power of this storm. I actually have another video of all the stuff that was scattered around the backyard after being blown over by the wind (this was garbage night, so it wasn't pretty), but it didn't translate very well to the screen, so I left it out.

It's supposed to be like this again in a few days. One of those days is July 4th. Yay.


Posted by CD at 05:52 PM | Comments (1)

June 26, 2004

Fire Good

My hometown of Plum Borough just had its annual "Community Days Festival," which always ends with a fireworks display. I videotaped said display from my backyard, and I thought I'd share some of the video with my blog readers. This is the last 30 seconds of the display. It's not very high quality, but it's the best I can do for now.

(By the way, listen to how long the sound continues after the explosions end to get an idea of how far away these were)

Click to watch the video (opens in a new window)

I'll have another video after the 4th of July display in Monroeville. Which is actually going to be on the 5th, since the 4th is a Sunday.

(One last note: I'm currently preparing for my triumphant return to political blogging on Monday. Specifically, 12:01 AM on Monday. Be there. That's an order.)

Posted by CD at 10:46 PM | Comments (0)

Why Aren't More People Saying This?

You know what's a great phrase?

"Guns don't kill people. Stupidity kills people."

According to Google, it's on some merchandise, but it's very rare indeed. Everybody needs to start incorporating this phrase into their everyday lives, because it's true.

I did my part by adding it to my Campus Hook profile, but since nobody reads that, I don't think it'll make much difference.

...I don't know why I posted this either. I think I need to go to sleep.

Posted by CD at 04:19 AM | Comments (0)

June 25, 2004

I Love Caption City

This picture pretty much explains itself.

Yes, the caption was made by me. This is how bored I am, people.


Click here if the above link doesn't show the picture.

And coming soon: Actual content! Sorry about the lack of posting. I've been doing real world things the last couple days. However, my "List of Things to Blog About Next Week" is now up to 8 items, so that should be fun.

There's still more weekend content, too. I just have to get around to...uh...writing it. Yeah.

Posted by CD at 06:15 AM | Comments (2)

June 24, 2004

More Coming Attractions

Can you tell that I severely overestimated the amount of time off I was going to need? I actually can't wait to get back to political blogging, but I promised myself I would take a week off to cool down. The ratio of anger to rational thought in my posts was starting to scare me.

Like I said, next week is going to be huge (as a part-time resident of Syracuse, that expression makes me think of Bill Fuccillo. Heh. Nobody is going to get that reference). I've got a text document full of ideas, and I'm sure there will be more stuff on there as the week continues.

For example, Algore gave another speech that looks like prime fisking material. I'll be a bit late on that, but I can't miss the opportunity to Cluebat the moron once more. Plus, it might attract some raving moonbats like the last Gore fisking, giving me an opportunity to use more of my Ralph Wiggum quotes!

In the meantime, I still want to post some non-political things. I have two new drum samples for the music page, but I haven't finished the lyrics that go with them. I might also write another sketch, and I still have those storm videos from a few days ago. I just have to edit the various clips together.

That's all for now. Sorry.

Posted by CD at 10:25 PM | Comments (5)


Just a random preview...when I return to political blogging, I'll be doing some undercover work and sharing the results. I cannot divulge more details at this time, although I will say that Larry the Liberal may be involved.

Some of you may have figured out where I'm going with this, but you'll have to wait and see for yourselves. Heh heh.

Posted by CD at 01:53 AM | Comments (3)

June 23, 2004


I've wanted to try something for a really long time. It might as well be now.

I'm going to do a psychological experiment in this post that will allow me to exercise actual physical control over anyone reading it. Scary, isn't it? All you have to do to participate is read the next paragraph, then click the extended entry and answer the question there. Let's begin:

It's common knowledge that breathing is an involuntary action. You don't have to consciously control your breathing patterns or even really think about them, because your brain does it for you. However, if you actually concentrate on your breathing, pretty soon, you'll be doing it voluntarily, and your brain won't start breathing for you again until you think about something else.

Okay, that's the reading. Click the extended entry for the question:

Q: Are you, at this very moment, consciously controlling your breathing? If you are, it means I affected you physically across the Internet.


...Sorry. I've been dying to try this for months.

Posted by CD at 11:19 PM | Comments (0)

Language Ramblings

Something has been on my mind for the past few hours, and I figured I would blog about it. This may or may not be interesting.

Almost everyone is familiar with the custom of using "Xmas" to mean "Christmas," right? Evidently, the X stands for "Christ." However, I've recently noticed people referring to Christians as "Xtians," and I think quite a few are referring to Christina Aguilera as "Xtina." For some reason, it seems that the T is no longer included in the X equation.

Confused yet?

Anyway, here's what I'm thinking: If the X now stands for "Chris," and not "Christ," does that mean I can start calling myself "Xtopher?" Or maybe just "X" for short?

...You know, I think I'm going to stick with "CD" for now.

Posted by CD at 11:12 PM | Comments (3)

OMG! 54DR PWN3D!!1!!!

I know I said I wasn't going to post about current events this week, but this is just awesome:

Last week, Sheik al-Sadr surrendered. He called on what was left of his men to cease operations and said he may one day seek public office in a democratic Iraq. Gen. Hertling said Mahdi's Army is defeated, according the Army's doctrinal definition of defeat. A few stragglers might be able to fire a rocket-propelled grenade, he said, but noted: "Do they have the capability of launching any kind of offensive operation? Absolutely not."

Where's your quagmire now, librulz? HA!

(Hat tip: Citizen Smash)

Posted by CD at 04:05 PM | Comments (1)

Question for the Makers of Mozilla Firefox

What does "resolving host" mean, and why does the browser always hang up while doing it?

Somebody give me some answers!

I notice several people have come to this post from search engines using terms like "Firefox resolving host" or something. Are you having the same problem with Firefox "resolving host" for about 3 minutes for no apparent reason? I'd really like to know that I'm not the only one who has to deal with this.

Seriously, I know you've probably never been here before, and will probably never be here again, but feel free to leave a comment. Maybe someone can figure out why Firefox does these strange things.

Posted by CD at 03:37 PM | Comments (5)

June 22, 2004

Random Observation

Although I'm on a semi-hiatus, I've still been reading other blogs and keeping up with the news, and I think it's safe to say that I picked a really good week to lay off the political posts. I can hardly keep up anymore.

I will remind you, however, that I'll be back to normal next Monday. If you're a liberal or a terrorist sympathizer, I suggest you stay away that day unless you want to get Cluebatted into oblivion. It's going to be epic.

...All right, I've already said too much. I must now descend back into the shadows.

Posted by CD at 10:35 PM | Comments (1)

Dentist Rant II

Are floss companies paying dental hygienists to pimp their products? It seems like every time I go in there, everyone is extolling the virtues of floss.

"Are you flossing? Your gums are irritated, so you must not be flossing! You have to floss at least once a day, you know. And brush your teeth about five times an hour. Otherwise, you'll get gingivitis. FLOSS!!!"

Yeah, that was a bit of an exaggeration, but I'm half expecting to go in there next time and hear:

"Are you flossing? You need to floss! If you don't floss, you'll get cancer! Floss is the only way to stop it! Floss will be your best friend! Floss can win the War on Terror!!! FLOSS WILL MAKE YOU IMMORTAL!!!! FLOSS! IS! GOD!!!!!"

...Hmmm...I think I got carried away again.

At least they didn't play Van Morrison this time. Friggin' hippies.

Posted by CD at 04:38 PM | Comments (6)


Wow. Someone came here by searching Yahoo! for "guy sodomy sex picture tanzania."

Hey, search person: NEVER. COME. HERE. AGAIN.

I wish I could spend more time making fun of search terms, but I've got a dentist's appointment. Crap.

I just hope this goes better than last time.

Posted by CD at 03:13 PM | Comments (2)

June 21, 2004

Holy Crap, I Wrote a Sketch!

I mentioned that during my political hiatus, I would still be writing. I just finished the first of what will hopefully be several pieces I want to write this week.

Most of you probably know that I want to be a screenwriter, and you also may be aware that I'm a writer for Syracuse Live, a sketch comedy show at school. Up to this point, however, I hadn't actually written any comedy sketches. That's all changed now.

I want to post the script here and possibly get some constructive criticism. Don't worry, it's not as long as the last script I posted; It's only meant to be about 4 minutes long.

I think that's enough introduction. One last note though: Bob and Joe are just the names I give all my characters. They may change in the final version. Anyway, check it out:


A Sketch by CD



Bob, you’ll never believe it!

(Looking up) What?

I just got an e-mail from some guy who says he can make me a millionaire!

Yeah, sure you did. (Looks back down) Have you been drinking again?

What? I’m not drunk. Look, I even printed it out.


Wow, paper. I stand corrected.

Just wait a second. Listen to what it says. (Reading) Dear sir, this is an urgent business proposal. I am (sounding it out) Dr. Ib-ra-him Ka-ban-go, president of the National Bank of Nigeria.

Uh, Joe?

(Looks up) Hey, I’m not done yet! (Reading) One of our bank’s wealthiest customers has unfortunately passed away, and as he has no surviving relatives, we were forced to find someone outside the country who could look after a portion of his money. We believe that you are an upstanding citizen worthy of this honor. (Looks up) See? He thinks I deserve it!

Joe, I really think you should...

Keep reading? Don’t mind if I do. (Reading) In order to complete this transaction, we must transfer a percentage of these funds to your account. Naturally, you will be amply rewarded for your assistance by retaining a certain amount of the funds transferred, approximately 1 million dollars. (Looks up) I told you! I’m gonna be rich!

Joe, just wait a second...

I can’t wait! This is the opportunity of a lifetime! (Reading) However, in order to facilitate the procedure your financial assistance is required up front. To prove that you are interested in helping me, you must deposit five thousand U.S. dollars into my account. I will write with further instructions upon receiving this payment. Remember, this is risk free, and you could earn a big mega fortune!!! (Looks up) A big mega fortune! How can I refuse?

But don’t you think that...hmmm...five thousand dollars...(looks down for a second)

Something wrong?

No, it’s just that...did you say that e-mail was from Dr. Ibrahim Kabango?

That’s what it says.

Well, the thing is...I know him.


Yeah. I went on a trip to Nigeria a few years ago, and he helped me with my bank account.

So, do you think he’ll get back to me?

I’m not too sure. Ibrahim is a very shady character. You just can’t trust that guy. But...

...But what?

What you could do...You could give me the five thousand dollars, and I’ll personally deliver it to him. In fact, I’m scheduled to go to Nigeria next week!

Wow! How convenient! Sure, I’ll let you deliver it. What do I have to lose?

(Under his breath) About five thousand dollars...

What was that?

I said you’d be an idiot not to take this opportunity! Now, I’ve gotta go. Why don’t you transfer the money to my account, and then talk to me again when you have your big mega fortune!

No problem!




Hey, what happened?

What are you talking about?

Did you give my money to that Nigerian doctor so I could earn my big mega fortune?

Ibrahim? Well...about that...


You see...uh...he died.

He died?!

Yeah. He was killed by a...rabid...penguin. It was tragic. I mean, he never even saw it coming.

That’s horrible! Wait a second...there are no penguins in Nigeria!

That’s what he thought! Didn’t I tell you he never saw it coming?

I guess...but if he’s dead, he can’t give me my big mega fortune! Can I at least get my five thousand dollars back?

No. See, right before he died...after being attacked by the poison penguin...

I thought you said it was a rabid penguin.

Poison penguins can have rabies! Anyway, before he died, he said that I should keep the money.

Well it’s still my money, and I say you should give it back!

I can’t. I...already spent it.

WHAT? How did you spend five thousand dollars in a week?

I wanted to buy a bigger fish tank! Can you blame me?

But you don’t even have any fish!

Not yet!

You know what? Never mind the money. I’m leaving. See if I trust you again...

Suit yourself. (Goes back to reading)


(Reading as he types) Dear...sir. I am president...of the National Bank of Zimbabwe...



Posted by CD at 11:47 PM | Comments (1)

One More Open Letter...

OPEN LETTER TO THE Lexington Herald-Leader:

Fark.com is not a blog!

This is why I don't trust the media anymore.

(By the way, can you tell I've been spending way too much time on Fark this week?)

Speaking of Fark, I've entered yet another Photoshop contest here.

I'm not expecting many votes. I just wanted to put a flaming pig's head on a box of bacon.

Mission accomplished.

Posted by CD at 07:53 PM | Comments (1)

June 19, 2004

I'm Pathetic...

I just made the dumbest Photoshop contest entry ever. Go here to see. Remember, a vote for me is a vote for cliches and head swaps.

(Look for Ackbar)

I made a slightly better, non-cliched pic for this contest.

Look for Emperor Ronald.

And another here. This one has Will Ferrell.

Posted by CD at 08:49 PM | Comments (4)

June 18, 2004


All right, I had to post this sometime. It might as well be now.

Over the past couple weeks, you may have noticed my blogging getting a bit more frantic and less analytical. You may have also noticed an increase in censored profanity and other rantlike behavior. And if you haven't noticed these, I have.

Everything that's happened in the past few weeks, from the beheadings, to the Gore speech, to the media manipulation of the 9/11 Commission's claims, to Michael Moore and his unlimited ability to be an anti-American pig, has been stressing me out to the point where I don't trust myself to write intelligently (or semi-intelligently) about it anymore.

In case you haven't figured out where I'm going with this: I NEED A BREAK.

For the next week, at the very least, I will be taking a political hiatus. That means no posts about politics. None. Zero. Nada.

I will still be blogging, albeit less frequently, so stick around if you still want to read my writing for some reason. I'm working on some new songs and audio samples for the music page, and I may write and post a couple sketches I have in mind for Syracuse Live. I also have some cool storm videos I want to post.

But, once more, NO POLITICAL POSTS FOR AT LEAST A WEEK. Unless some once-in-a-lifetime, historical event happens, I will not be blogging current events or anything related to the election.

If you really want to read my usual stuff (for whatever strange reason), you can check out my "Favorite Posts" list on the sidebar. I also suggest sampling some of the fine blogs on the blogroll.

That is all. Enjoy the filler for the next 9 days.

Posted by CD at 08:00 PM | Comments (1)


Why did somebody just come here by searching for how many years ago did black widow spiders come to earth?

Spiders didn't come from space, you freak!

Posted by CD at 06:02 PM | Comments (1)


Why do things like this keep happening without a response from us? We all knew Saudi Arabia was trouble, but now they're harboring terrorists. What are you waiting for, Dubya?

Dang it, this makes me mad in so many ways.

On that note, I have an important announcement to make later. Look for that around 8 PM.

By "Them," I mean "terrorists."

This is what should happen after these incidents.

(Thanks, BD.)

Posted by CD at 05:07 PM | Comments (2)

June 17, 2004

Open Letter to Myself

Hey, try to cut down on the "Open Letter" posts. It's getting a little stale.

Posted by CD at 08:59 PM | Comments (2)

Open Letter to Pennsylvania's Weather



Posted by CD at 08:27 PM | Comments (6)

Could It Possibly Be More Obvious?

Okay...to anyone who still denies that there's a liberal media bias...look at the coverage of the 9/11 Commission's findings. You'll notice that many news organizations are clearly lying about what the administration and the commission said. You'll also notice that their coverage makes it look like Bush and his administration lied, even though their coverage itself is based on lies.

Case in point: The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette's front page headline is Panel finds no Saddam, al-Qaida link. That's a lie (especially by the left's definition of "anything that isn't unequivocally true in every way and agreed upon by everyone"). They found no link between Saddam and 9/11. They even said that there was a Saddam and Al Qaeda link, just not a substantial one as far as we know.

You f**king idiots, how can you not see this?

Oh, and before someone says "Well, it's the 9/11 Commission, so people are going to realize that it's only talking about 9/11 links," take a look at the headlines. They don't say that, do they? In fact, the Post-Gazette article says this:

Sept. 11 panel's conclusion at odds with administration.

And later, they say this:

The September 11 commission reported yesterday that it had found no "collaborative relationship" between Iraq and al-Qaida, challenging one of the Bush administration's main justifications for the war in Iraq.

It then tries to disprove statements the administration made, using evidence that's either inconclusive or was never actually used. Nice. And the headlines, which people look at first, make it seem like the administration has been clearly proven wrong somehow.

This is why I get my news from blogs most of the time now.

And finally: SINCE WHEN WAS THIS ONE OF THEIR MAIN JUSTIFICATIONS? Have we decided not to play the "No WMD" angle anymore, since we found some of those now?

Keep those goalposts moving, guys. You're only hurting yourselves in the end.

Posted by CD at 06:50 PM | Comments (0)

Open Letter to Comment Trolls

Look, if you're going to come here and risk bannination, at least come up with something more creative than "Wow, Semi-Intelligent is right!" That's the same thing they all say.


Posted by CD at 06:50 AM | Comments (4)


Has anyone else noticed that the left totally ignored all evidence of Saddam Hussein's Al Qaeda connections, but now that the 9/11 Witch Hunt has declared that there weren't any, they're acting like it's the unvarnished truth?

Let's have a moment of silence for critical thinking.

And let's not forget that they actually said there were no connections between Saddam and attacks on America. They also got some of their testimony from Al Qaeda members. Because we all know how honest they are.

Check out The Puppy Blender for more.

Posted by CD at 12:13 AM | Comments (4)

News Flash

Maureen Dowd is an idiot.

And in other news, the sky is blue, grass is green, John Kerry was in Vietnam, and Michael Moore has a weight problem.

Posted by CD at 12:10 AM | Comments (2)

Totally Random Political Metaphor

Let's say you're betting on a horse race, and there's a photo finish between the horse you bet on and another one. After reviewing the photo, the judges see that the other horse won by about a centimeter.

Are you going to demand payment anyway because the other horse was "selected" by the judges, or are you going to accept the fact that your horse lost?

Think about that one. And vote for my PS entry.

Posted by CD at 12:02 AM | Comments (0)

June 16, 2004

PS Campaigning

If any of you are Fark members, I strongly encourage you to go here and vote for "CMD7."

Seriously, this is better than my last Photoshop entry. That one just had Elmo. This one has John Kerry and waffles! VOTE!

Posted by CD at 11:35 PM | Comments (0)

Don't You Have Anything New to Say?

The Post-Gazette delivered its usual dose of moonbattery today. First of all, there's an editorial cartoon that compares the prisoner abuse to the Gestapo and the KGB, but that hardly even surprises me anymore. I'm more worried about a letter to the editor that seems to be on both sides of the Iraq issue. Check it out:

Resources for the real war on terror have been misused

Repeat anything often enough and people believe it.

Well, the Nazi comparison didn't take long, did it?

The Bush administration is pushing this concept relentlessly.

It's pretty easy if the thing being repeated was true to begin with.

There has never been a proven Iraq/al-Qaida connection as with Afghanistan...

Nope, none at all.

...but Bush deceptively labels the Iraq war the "front of the war on terror."

I've heard this so many times. "It's a distraction! It's a distraction! It's a distraction!" As we'll see in a second, this person apparently forgot what he believed halfway through the letter.

While the war on terror is the war on al-Qaida and similar world terrorists...

You narrow-minded buffoons, AQ does not represent the only major terrorist organization in the world, nor does it represent how all of them operate. And how are we supposed to take out Al Qaeda if we leave its supporters in power? Oh, yeah, no proven connections...

Bush's Iraq war is for other reasons.

Are you going to enlighten the unwashed masses by telling us what those reasons are, or should we assume that it's about ooooooooiiiiiiiiiilllll?

The beheading of Nick Berg and the 9/11 suicide bombings were the work of al-Qaida, not Iraq.

In case you missed it, genius, the beheading of Nick Berg happened IN IRAQ! So, let's think about this. Al Qaeda is currently operating in Iraq. We have our armed forces in Iraq. Our armed forces are trained to kill our enemies. Al Qaeda is our enemy. Are you getting the picture yet?

Yet many of the pro-war letters to the editor bring up these events as reason to wage war on Iraq or rationalize the prisoner humiliation.

"Prisoner humiliation." At least he's honest about it. As for the rest, I'll say it again: How do you expect to prevent more terrorist attacks if we leave murderous dictators in power? Especially murderous dictators who have chemical weapons.

Their anger is misplaced; they should work to destroy al-Qaida worldwide.

I must have missed the meeting where we all collectively decided that Iraq isn't part of the world.

Bush's Iraq war is misusing terror war resources and surely producing more terrorists.

Killing more terrorists, maybe, but not producing. They were terrorists already. We're just giving them the chance to get to their 72 raisins a little earlier.

We are wrongly occupying another people's land and putting American soldiers in harm's way for the wrong reasons.

Yeah, I'm sure the Iraqi people loved Saddam so much more than us. I wish relativism would die an excruciating death.

I love my country, but with the conduct of this war, the president is subverting important principles America is supposed to embody.

Like what? Begging terrorists not to attack us? That's the only other option at this point.

When Bush casually uses the Iraq war and war on terror synonymously, he must be challenged to prove the connection.

Since it seems like you LLLs won't be happy until Saddam and Osama both give a press conference where they reveal all their secret anti-America plans, I doubt you'll accept any of the proof we have right now.

Although this country may overwhelmingly support the war on terror, I do not believe a majority would support the Iraq war for Bush's reasons.

See, the problem is that you didn't give Bush's reasons. You gave the reasons that would convince you that war was justified. You completely ignored WMD, human rights violations, and numerous other Hussein-related evils, because you think that Al Qaeda is the only terrorist organization that poses a threat to us.

It's amazing that this kind of thing always comes from the side that claims to believe in diversity and open-mindedness.

Posted by CD at 06:16 PM | Comments (0)

June 15, 2004

If We Had A Conservative Media...

Heh. A comment by Army NCO Guy on this post gave me an idea. Click the extended entry to see what would happen if the media was biased to the right...


Another good idea: Finish the Kerry quote at the bottom of the article.

"I'm running for president because I want..."

-"...to give America back to the U.N...I mean AMERICANS! AMERICANS!"
- "...better Secret Service agents that won't knock me over."
- "...to remind everyone that I served in Vietnam. You knew that, right?"

Feel free to add more in the comments.

Posted by CD at 11:33 PM | Comments (2)

"Now That Reagan's In the Ground, We Can Crap On His Grave!"

I swear the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette's opinion page is going to give me an aneurysm one of these days. They've already begun the assault on Ronald Reagan's memory. Allow me to analyze the sentiment of the past few days.

First, we have some cute editorial cartoons by resident Ted Rall wannabe, Rob Rogers:

From June 12: Show that straw man who's in charge, Bobby!!!

From Today: This is so very wrong on so many levels.

Are you feeling the rage yet? If not, then join me in the extended entry, where I'll analyze the brilliant letters to the editor of the past couple days.

Let's start with the letters from Monday. There are too many to do full fiskings, so I'll just be excerpting these, but that's why we have hyperlinks. Anyway, let's get started:

Back to the ranch

The same local and national corporate media offering faux mea culpas over their obsequious and disgraceful role as pre-Iraq war White House press-release conveyor belts now attempt to resurrect and revise the reactionary presidency of Ronald Reagan.

Hmmm...let's do a meme count: We've got "corporate media," "White House mouthpieces," "March to War™," "Extreme right-wing president..." Yep, the gang's all here. Holy crap, these people are idiots.

Reaganomics, Star Wars, AIDS, Salvadorean death squads, PATCO union-busting, welfare queens and ketchup as vegetable, among countless others, still make one wince in recalling them.

I love the implication within this delusional screed that AIDS was Reagan's fault.

In retrospect, it appears that Reaganism marked the first societywide assault on everything decent and progressive from the New Deal/Great Society covenant between government and citizens by extreme right-wing economic and social forces.

There's the "progressive vs. extreme right" meme. You people don't even know what you're saying anymore, do you?

After a couple more paragraphs of attempted Bush comparisons, it ends with this line:

...come November, Americans will let the world know that we're fed up with government on horseback. Power to the people.

"Power to the people." I love the irony of lefties saying that, considering their party wants to take power away from the people.


...Oh, wait, there's nobody else here. Dang it, I knew these things were killing my brain cells. Well, now that it's too late to save 'em...

More fitting tribute

There's been a lot of talk recently about putting Ronald Reagan's picture on the $10 bill or on the dime. I have a better idea: Let's put his picture on the $1,000 bill. After all, during Mr. Reagan's administration, the percentage of the wealth held by the wealthiest 1 percent of Americans grew by 5 percent.

The income in most other brackets, when adjusted for inflation, either was stagnant or dropped. It would therefore be fitting to put his picture on the bill that would most likely be used by those Americans he helped the most.

Hey, it's our old friend, "The Wealthiest 1%!" It's amazing how similar the criticisms of Reagan and Bush are. It's almost like the left just applies them to any Republican president. Interesting.

That was the whole letter, actually. Let's move on to today's, which are a lot more, as liberals would say, "mean-spirited:"

It doesn't work

Now that Ronald Reagan has been laid to rest, can we please lay to rest the lie that is supply-side (a k a "voodoo") economics?

That's the entire letter. Just one sentence. Brilliant. Now, being the economic illiterate that I am, I can't say whether or not this is true, but still...one friggin' sentence? Put some effort into it, you morons! What else do we have here?

Reagan reality

At last, someone like John Nichols had the courage, in the face of all the hype, to tell it like it is about Ronald Reagan ("Reagan's Politics of Passion," June 9): a B-class actor and opportunist who shed his Democratic background to get Republican backing for his run for the governorship of California and beyond.

You say that like it's a bad thing to become a Republican. I guess that's what you wanted. After all, us Republicans are eeeeeeeevil. We will assimilate you all!

His record as president was dismal at best and the bit about his causing the demise of the Soviet Union is baloney. The Soviet Union was ready to collapse of its own weight when Reagan took office.

I've heard that so many times in the past week that all I see now is "blah blah blah I'm a liberal f**ktard blah blah blah Communism is good blah blah blah Ronnie Raygun blah blah."

Running up the deficit to enlarge our armed forces was completely unnecessary and dealt our economy a body blow that the first George Bush did not survive.

Yeah, that's why the economy was doing great until 9/11. Idiot.

Last letter. Finally:

More Reagan pap

How long had you had your "Reagan is dead" editorial set in type, ready to print? Alzheimer's disease took him long ago, and you must have known for years that his body would inevitably go to join his brain -- but still you had nothing more incisive with which to end your text than "history will say incontrovertibly that [the Reagan presidency] changed the country and the world" ("Reagan's Reach: An American President With an Enduring Impact," June 7). What pap.

Allow me to translate: "I'm so blinded by my ideological hatred of all things conservative that I can't even accept the idea that dead people deserve to be respected for at least a week before everyone sh*ts on their memory." There.

Consider the bankrupting of Russian Communism and the wonderful changes in Eastern Europe, yes -- but be fair. Consider the 1983 mission to Iraq, headed by Donald Rumsfeld, in which Reagan offered weapons and support to Saddam Hussein -- already well-known as a torturer -- and became complicit in the crimes of Saddam against the Iraqi people.

Here we go again with the "we created Saddam" BS. It's called "choosing the lesser of two evils." And I'm willing to bet you're still against the war that ultimately took him out of power.

Consider the hundreds of thousands worldwide who have been infected by the AIDS virus because the Reagan administration found forthright approaches to the control of sexually transmitted disease too distasteful to endorse, offering "Just Say No" instead of condoms. Those are part of the Reagan legacy, too.

This is still my favorite smear against Reagan. I mean, how dumb do you have to be?

SCIENTIST: We've discovered that a new virus called AIDS is spreading throughout the world.

IDIOT: What causes it?

SCIENTIST: Well, we think it's sexually transmitted. Gays seem to be affected a lot more for some reason.

IDIOT: Wait a minute...I'm gay! How do I avoid this horrible disease?

SCIENTIST: For one thing, you could cut down on the @ssf**king.

IDIOT: What? You homophobe! How dare you! I'm going to continue putting myself in danger because it feels good, and then when I'm dying, I'll blame you and Reagan for not curing AIDS in time!

Yeah, that was crude. I don't care. People who don't take responsiblity for their actions make me want to do violent things to them.

Make a list and draw a balance, please. "De mortuis nil nisi bonum" has no place in honest journalism.

Dang it, when Clinton dies, how many people will be upset about references to his blowjobs? I bet it will be these people. In any case, uh...YOU'RE ALLOWED TO RESPECT THE F**KING DEAD, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU'RE DEALING WITH A FORMER U.S. PRESIDENT.

It's times like these I'm actually glad I don't know where the key to the gun cabinet is.

Posted by CD at 06:03 PM | Comments (3)

How Do You Justify This?

All right, this makes me f**king mad. No, not the story. The picture accompanying it. In case you don't see it, I've added a little visual aid:

View image

Notice that the actual story has absolutely nothing to do with Lynndie England or Abu Ghraib. But you just had to put that picture there to remind us how horrible we are, didn't you? Way to put it right under Saddam, too. Very subliminal.

F**king @sshats.

Posted by CD at 12:38 AM | Comments (5)

June 14, 2004


Did Michael Moore just call Joe Scarborough a murderer? Because I've gotten about 10 Google hits in the last 5 minutes from people searching for "Michael Moore + Joe Scarborough + murderer."

Anybody know what could've caused this?

Posted by CD at 10:33 PM | Comments (0)

"Don't Question Our Patriotism!"

In case any of you were wondering why I was inspired to do that AudioRant, here's a screen capture from one of the ProtestWarrior videos:

Click for full size.

Yes, that is an American flag on the ground. And yes, that is a protester trampling on it. Actually, she was jumping and dancing on it. Repeatedly. While people in the background yelled "Free Palestine!"

By the way, has anyone else noticed that the protesters seem to be having way too much fun at these things? You'd think if they were serious about their cause, they wouldn't be treating it like a form of amusement.

Oh, well. I'm guessing that they're just too dumb to realize that protests are supposed to be a serious thing. Or maybe they're just proving that ignorance really is bliss.

In any case, I may have to take a cue from The Sicilian and start beating up hippies on a regular basis.

Posted by CD at 07:33 PM | Comments (3)


Every time I write something that's actually good, someone else writes an even better post and gets more attention for it!

The blogosphere is a cruel place indeed.

Posted by CD at 06:09 PM | Comments (1)

Protest This!

I'm trying something new today. This is what I'm calling an AudioRant. Instead of just writing my latest rant, I recorded it, and I'm going to post it here. It's divided into 4 parts, each about 2 minutes long. Here they are (these are mp3 files, and will open in a new window when you click them):

Part 1
Part 2
Part 3
Part 4

Now, I realize that not everyone has the time or the desire to listen to me rant for 8 minutes, so I've also put a transcript in the extended entry. It's not the exact same thing as the audio, but I did use it as kind of a "script," so it's pretty close.

Man, this took way too much work. I don't think I'll be doing it again.

All right, I have to rant. A lot of the stuff I'm going to say has probably been said already, but it hasn't been said by me, and that's all I really care about right now.

Over the last couple days, I've been checking out some videos and things from ProtestWarrior.com. These are the guys who infiltrate A.N.S.W.E.R. rallies with satirical signs and try to engage the participants in battles of logic. After watching these videos, I have to say...

Holy crap. I mean...Holy. Crap. Anti-war protesters have got to be some of the dumbest people on the face of the earth. Seriously. These friggin' people are so dumb, I don't know how they actually find their way out the door in order to go to a protest. They are so astronomically stupid, and it's unbelievable that they can even exist. I'd like to address them directly while I explain why.

Okay, protesters, are you listening? Good. Now...


What is wrong with you people? Do you honestly think that by carrying a sign and marching down the street, you're going to bring about world peace? That is what you want, right? "Act Now to Stop War and End Racism." So you want to stop all wars, right? You friggin' idiotarian wastes of space.

If war itself hasn't stopped war, how can you possibly believe that marching down the street chanting your little slogans is going to accomplish anything? Are you just a bunch of neo-hippies trying to relive the protests against Vietnam? Because you seem to forget that those protests were against a SPECIFIC WAR! You people have so many causes, it's amazing you're able to organize. You'd think there would eventually be a disagreement between a couple of you. But that's how brainwashing works, isn't it? You all believe the same thing as your friends because it "feels" right.

Again, how can you possibly think that your moonbat play-dates are going to put an end to all wars? Do you think people will see you and just go, "Oh, man, why didn't I think of this before? We'll just stop fighting, and then everything will be okay!" Keep those marshmallows in the bag, because nobody's singing songs around the campfire of world peace anytime soon.

Oh, sure, if you try really hard, you may destroy morale enough that American wars stop, but do you think you can stop ALL wars? You can't possibly think that. Do you know why we're not the most popular country in the world? It's because we're willing to fight for our freedom! A lot of people hate us because we're so hard to kill! They don't want to be our friends; They want us dead! Can you not see that?

Some would call you traitors. I'm not going to do that, because to be a traitor, you have to be aware that you're giving aid and comfort to the enemy. You people don't even realize what you're doing. There's a term for you: Useful idiots. You morons are so self-centered, self-righteous, and fanatical that you can't even comprehend the idea that your actions may have negative effects on this country.

There's plenty of proof of this, too. When the ProtestWarrior people ask you why you're against the war, you spout your usual nonsense about oil, racism, imperialism, and the like. You usually don't get any deeper than a couple quotes from Chomsky or the Communist Manifesto.

Of course, you usually resort to the old standard of calling anyone who disagrees with you a Nazi. I can't get over the hilarity of people like you using that as an insult. Think about it. What does Nazi mean? It means "National Socialist." What else do Nazis stand for? Well, for one thing, they wanted to exterminate the Jews. So, in a very loose sense, a Nazi is a socialist who wants to kill Jews.

Interesting. You seem to have a disproportionate number of socialists within your own ranks, and most of you support the Palestinians, a fair number of whom want to kill all the Jews. Hey, sounds familiar, doesn't it? You should take Nazi as a compliment, since you seem to share the same ideals!

But I'm not calling you Nazis. I'm calling you ignorant. You're ignorant of history, which is why you think that "Nazi" is just a synonym for "evil."

There's another thing that bothers me. You people seem to be totally clueless as to what real evil is. You think capitalism is evil, Bush is evil, conservatives are evil, America is evil, everything you don't like is evil. That's why you call everyone a Nazi, because to you, it's the same thing as calling them evil. But you really don't understand true evil if that's what you believe.

Evil is decapitating a living human being while screaming "God is great." Evil is using chemical weapons on your own people. Evil is shoving people feet-first through plastic shredders. Evil is stoning women to death because they were raped. Evil is hijacking an airliner and flying it into a building full of innocent people. Evil is blowing up a bus because the passengers don't believe in Allah. Get it through your incredibly dense heads. Evil is what we're fighting, not what we are.

And the whole time, while you're marching and carrying your signs with caricatures of Bush as Hitler, or blood-stained Israeli flags, you say that you're doing it for peace. WHAT? You believe that we're more evil than totalitarian dictators, and you want to bring Communism and socialism to America, and you think that will result in PEACE?

Well, maybe you're right. After all, the protesters in Communist countries are some of the most peaceful people in the world. There's only one problem: THEY'RE PEACEFUL BECAUSE THEY'RE DEAD! It's hard not to be peaceful when you're not even breathing, isn't it? That's what happens in the countries you support. If you go against the government, you're rounded up in the middle of the night and shot. That's what it means to crush dissent.

Think about that. America is one of the only countries in the history of civilization that gives its citizens the unalienable right to destroy it from the inside if they so desire. And you're protesting against that? You're using your freedom of speech to claim that you want to live in a country without freedom of speech.

But again, you don't realize that. You think socialism is just great, but people haven't done it right in the past. I pity you. I really do. But I will still support your right to say these idiotic things, because we're all Americans, and we have the right to argue.

That doesn't stop me from calling you idiots though. Because you are undoubtedly the dumbest people I have ever seen in my life.

This rant is over. Frickin' idiotarians.

Posted by CD at 04:20 PM | Comments (1)

June 13, 2004

In Case You Were Wondering...

The comments to this post are one of the many reasons I have no faith whatsoever in humanity.


Posted by CD at 07:51 PM | Comments (0)

June 12, 2004

Random Update

I'm about halfway through a rant about brainwashed A.N.S.W.E.R. minions. I may make an audio post out of it sometime in the next couple days.

...Oh, yeah, I forgot that nobody cares.

Posted by CD at 11:48 PM | Comments (0)

June 11, 2004


I said I wasn't going to be posting much this week, right?

Anyway, I've been experimenting with some of my AV software, and I found a way to compress video files down to less than 1 MB, which means I can upload them to the blog. I'm not sure exactly what purpose this could serve at the moment, but I'll think of something.

To demonstrate the (extremely poor) quality of the videos I can use, I've uploaded the video counterpart to the sound file from the music page of me playing the drums for "Ransom:"

Watch Video (Quicktime, opens in new window)

Not very impressive, is it? I may find a way to make it better than that.

Also, I was thinking of doing an audio post sometime over the weekend. I have some strong words to say about anti-war protestors, and I think I could only get my feelings across by saying them out loud. I'll have to see if I get a chance to do that. Otherwise, I'll probably just write a rant.

Posted by CD at 09:18 PM | Comments (0)

June 10, 2004

Hey, It's That Bandwagon Again!

As long as everyone else is doing this Dante's Inferno Test thingy again, I figured I'd try it out. My results are in the extended entry.

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Third Level of Hell!
Here is how you matched up against all the levels:

Purgatory (Repenting Believers)Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo (Virtuous Non-Believers)Moderate
Level 2 (Lustful)Low
Level 3 (Gluttonous)Very High
Level 4 (Prodigal and Avaricious)High
Level 5 (Wrathful and Gloomy)High
Level 6 - The City of Dis (Heretics)Low
Level 7 (Violent)Low
Level 8- the Malebolge (Fraudulent, Malicious, Panderers)Low
Level 9 - Cocytus (Treacherous)Low

Take the Dante's Inferno Hell Test

Somehow, I'm not surprised. I did just eat a big piece of my brother's graduation cake.

Posted by CD at 10:46 PM | Comments (1)


Giuliani to replace Cheney on ticket?

There are whispers among high-level political advisers to President Bush suggesting the possibility of replacing Dick Cheney with former New York Mayor Rudolph Giuliani as the vice presidential running mate prior to the Republican National Convention in New York beginning Aug. 30.

Cheney, who has no aspirations to run for president in 2008 and has had well-publicized heart problems, has been involved in the discussions and is open to the idea if it strengthens the ticket and helps position a viable Republican candidate to succeed Bush, sources tell WND.

I trust WND about as much as I trust Newsmax (in other words, not very much), but if this is true, I'd support it. Cheney never really struck me as much of a VP in the first place. He doesn't seem to do anything. And, frankly, he scares me sometimes. I'm not sure why. In addition, let's not forget about all the Halliburton conspiracies the moonbats link to him. Giuliani wouldn't have to deal with that.

Sounds good to me. Send Cheney back to the Undisclosed Location™ if that's what it takes.

Posted by CD at 01:13 AM | Comments (4)

Question of the Day

Was there as much hatred of George H.W. Bush as there is for Reagan and Dubya? I was too young to notice at the time.

Posted by CD at 01:01 AM | Comments (3)

June 09, 2004

Event Review: My Brother's Graduation

I don't feel like posting about politics today (plus I haven't had time to read the news), so I'm going to review the events of my brother MD's graduation. I'll put it in the extended entry for the .000000001% of people who might actually be interested (there were some memorable moments). Anyway...

So, like I said, tonight was the commencement ceremony for the Class of 2004 at Plum Senior High School, a.k.a. PHS. Of course, all 4 of my living grandparents came over, and as I said in my last post, my grandfather said that Reagan "ruined [his] life." My grandfather was an insurance salesman, so I don't know exactly how. Something about Beaver County losing thousands of jobs and moving them to Ohio. Don't ask.

Back to the ceremony. It was about 90 degrees outside (this was held in the football stadium), and I was probably the only person under 30 wearing a suit and tie. Hooray for standards.

It was a pretty normal graduation ceremony. The valedictorian, salutatorian, senior class president, student council president, senior class vice president, and senior class secretary all gave speeches. I'll tell you, there are few experiences like watching 18 year-olds try to be eloquent in front of 1000 people. All their speeches were basically the same message: "We learned lots of things at Plum High School, but the people we met and the experiences we had were more important than the classes we sat through." Seriously, they all said something along those lines. That may or may not explain a lot.

The presentation of diplomas was interesting for about 3 minutes. Unfortunately, this was a class of 350 students, so it went on for a good half hour. Now, I want to rant for a second here to the people who were in that crowd:

I get it. Your child/grandchild/brother/sister/friend/cousin/etc. is graduating from high school. It's an exciting moment. But just because you're in a football stadium, you don't have to yell their name as loud as you can, scream in a high pitched voice, or go "WHOOOO!" when their name is called. And to the 2 people who had the nerve to bring air horns: If I ever find you, I will beat you so severely that by the end of it, you won't even remember what planet you live on. All right?

After that, the school board president said a few words. This part was interesting. First, she had us all observe a moment of silence for Ronald Reagan. Then, she gave his "You and I have a rendezvous with destiny..." quote, and some other Reagan quotes about education. At the end, she said "God bless you, and God bless the U.S." Draw your own conclusions. And they should be positive ones. Heh.

After that, it was basically "stand around waiting for MD" time, and I talked to my mother a bit while we were waiting. She mentioned that my grandfather (also her father, and the same one who didn't like Reagan) thinks we should nuke Israel. I'm afraid. When we got home, he saw the flag on our house and said "Take that flag down! It's dark; You're supposed to take it down!" He is a veteran, so he might know something about that (I think I mentioned in "105 Things About CD" that in WWII, he was stationed with the Navy in American Samoa. His job was to send fake radio messages to the Japanese.)

So, that's that. Like I said, MD is going to IUP. He's studying history education. Yeah. He'll be another one of them publik skool teechers. I guess that's what he wants.

Finally, if any of you actually read through this...

Why? Why did you just read that? DO SOMETHING USEFUL WITH YOUR PRECIOUS TIME!!!!

Posted by CD at 09:40 PM | Comments (0)

Real Life? What's That?

My brother "MD" is graduating from high school tonight (he's heading for IUP this fall), so I'll be away from the blog. As if anyone really cared.

Occasions where relatives come over always provide some entertaining moments. Quote of the day #1: My grandfather talking about Ronald Reagan:

"I tell ya, that guy ruined my life!"

This should be a fun night...

Posted by CD at 04:13 PM | Comments (3)

June 08, 2004

A Crisis In the War On Homogeneity

Just when I thought the diversity/multiculturalism fetish couldn't get any weirder, I found this story via Tongue Tied:

Education school aims to address mulitcultural crisis

First of all, I love the typo in the title. "Mulitcultural?" Is that the culture of people with short hair on top and long hair in back?

Allegations of cultural insensitivity and incompetence within the University College of Education have led the school's student and faculty diversity committee to recently declare a "multicultural crisis."

See, this is the kind of thing that should be treated as an exaggeration to play on people's fears, not terror threats.

Graduate student Jim Lyda, coordinator of the college's Ethnic Diversity Affairs Committee...

Is there any other kind of diversity? I mean, other than intellectual diversity, but we all know how eeeeeevil unpopular thoughts are.

...said students of color in the college have experienced cultural insensitivity from some faculty members.

Wait until you see what passes for "cultural insensitivity." You'll laugh. Then you'll cry. Then you'll bash your head against a brick wall until the pain stops.

He said local schools also have raised concerns that the college produces teachers who lack multicultural skills.

Yeah, because those are more important than TEACHING SKILLS. How dare they try to pass knowledge to others! That would be insensitive!

"That's kind of what we term a crisis," Lyda said.

Since "not white" is what they term "diversity," I wouldn't really pay too much attention to that definition.

The committee, which advocates for students of color in the college, proposed a list of recommendations to the deans in March, including: The creation of a 5-year plan to address the issues; standardized and enforced procedures for handling complaints; and diversity training for staff and faculty.

Are you headbutting bricks yet?

Education Associate Dean for Academic Programs Linda Forrest said EDAC's recommendations have created "powerful dialogue" throughout the college.

"Unless that dialogue doesn't support diversity! That would be a hate crime!"

The College of Education -- which is ranked eighth out of the nation's education graduate schools, according to a 2005 U.S. News and World Report survey -- has many diversity initiatives in place, she said.

"Diversity initiatives?" How many names do they have for this crap?

The school was recently awarded an Interdisciplinary Reading Group Award from the University Center on Diversity and Community, which will allow a group of the college's faculty members to study methods for developing culturally responsive practices.

Hmm...I see that you chose not to focus on the READING aspect of that award. Fascinating.

Shadiin Garcia, student support-services coordinator for the Sapsik'walá (Teacher) Education Program...

I guess English is culturally insensitive.

...said problems have existed in the college for years. But an incident during the February Career Beginnings conference, during which students learn tips for future interviews, "brought it to the forefront," she said.

Let the blowing out of proportion commence.

At the conference, students in the college learned the importance of firm handshakes and direct eye contact when meeting with potential employers. When a student of color...

Notice how they don't say what color. Maybe "person/student of color" is the only correct term now. We wouldn't want them to feel singled out from other races, after all.

...raised concerns that her culture does not encourage such interactions, a comment by Springfield school district's Director of Human Resources Roger Jordan was perceived to be culturally insensitive.

I think it's more culturally insensitive to suggest that one of the most common social practices in the Western world is wrong just because your own culture doesn't use it as often, but that conclusion requires a certain amount of logic.

Jordan said he had explained what he calls "the blemish effect," which is something that might distract a potential employer during the interviewing process, such as cultural differences. He said the meaning was misconstrued and that he did not intend to propose that the student's culture was a "blemish."

I think I know what he meant. You see, people form the majority of their opinions about others within the first few seconds/minutes of meeting them. That means that if you have a weak handshake or don't maintain eye contact, the other person could harbor an unconscious bias against you due to their first impressions.

Once again, sociology and psychology classes pay off BIG TIME! I love it.

"My comments there caused quite a flap at the University," he said. "And that bothers me tremendously."

"You're a racist! Nobody cares what bothers you!"

Since then, Jordan said he has tried to improve his understanding of what it means to be culturally sensitive.

Because it's so wrong to suggest that American business is a culture.

But Garcia said Jordan's comment was offensive. She said that more importantly, faculty members did not have the skills to address the incident at the time or effectively talk to students about it later.

You know what skills it would take? The ability to say "Stop overreacting, you morons. I'm just trying to teach you how to impress people." Problem solved. I guess he should probably skip the "morons" part, though.

"The professors were ill-equipped to deal with it," she said.

Yes, it's the professors who are ill-equipped. Never mind the fact that this "student of color" couldn't fathom the idea that other cultures exist. I'm sure potential employers would love the lecture about how handshakes and eye contact aren't proper behavior. That would break the ice nicely.

Garcia and Lyda said they did not feel comfortable listing other instances of cultural insensitivity for fear of retaliation against the students involved.

That probably means there aren't any more incidents.

"Because of the numbers (of students of color) and the nature of some of the incidents, it's difficult," Lyda said. "You always have to worry about grades or being ostracized."

Must be that got-dang racism infectin' all our impressionable younguns 'n' schoolmarms, dagnabbit.

...No, I don't know why I chose the "19th Century grizzled old man" dialect. Just keep reading.

Forrest said she's aware that fear might exist, but she added that students have many outlets to raise complaints including the Bias Response Team and with herself.

That's a shock.

"What we're trying to communicate to them is it's OK to complain," she said.

"ESPECIALLY if someone dares to tell you that America has a culture of its own!"

In April, representatives from local organizations and schools attended a meeting on campus to address the problems within the college, Lyda said.

"The community kind of joined in to put some pressure on the College of Education to make some changes," he said.

"No more textbooks written by the Evil White Patriarchy™!"

Committee members have also raised concerns that the College of Education is producing future teachers who lack multicultural skills needed for working in increasingly diverse local school districts.

Dang it, they're called "people skills." Just let them learn to deal with PEOPLE. If culture is a problem, the students can adjust to academia, not the other way around.

Forrest said Jefferson Middle School has been reluctant to allow graduates or students of the University's College of Education to practice teaching at the school.

"I would say it has to do with wanting greater confidence in the cultural competency," she said. "I think we're working to change that."

And I'm sure that prohibiting them from practicing will make them much better teachers, too. You idiots.

Eugene 4-J School District's Human Resources Director Wally Bryant said the school's reluctance to bring in student teachers from the college was a protest against the college's multicultural shortcomings. He added that he feels the quality of job applicants is improving, however, which is important because Eugene's demographics are changing.

Now I'm just confused. I think I've been the victim of doublespeak.

"Cultural competency is one of the things we're looking for in candidates," he said. While he is satisfied with the students coming from the college, Bryant said anything the University can do to improve those skills is appreciated.

I think it's interesting how the increased focus on "cultural competency" is coinciding with the massive decrease in school quality. It's almost as if they're not actually teaching knowledge...

Forrest said it is important for faculty members within the college to learn to be more supportive and respectful of cultural differences.

"We need to model that for students in our classrooms who are going to be teaching in public schools," she said.

I've really had about enough of this. How come we're expected to accomodate every single cultural difference under the sun, but nobody is ever expected to give an inch or two and adjust to American culture? At least make the effort, people.

I can't wait until students are required to learn 100 foreign languages before they can get a high school diploma.

Posted by CD at 07:45 PM | Comments (1)

Screw the Post-Gazette

You know, I've noticed that every time I say I won't be posting much, I find something to post about. I wonder why that happens.

Anyway, I haven't ranted about the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette for a couple weeks, but they gave me a good reason today.

First of all, there's a dumb cartoon that isn't online yet, so I can't show it to you (unless I take a picture, which I don't feel like doing). Basically, it's George W. Bush saying "I've already made a memorial to Ronald Reagan," and Uncle Sam is standing behind him, imprisoned between 4 walls with a sign that says "Reagan-era Deficits," saying "Mr. Bush, tear down this wall." That's just wrong.

The main attraction today, however, is quite possibly the most paranoid letter to the editor I've ever seen. Let's take a look...

Terror spin?

Just some quick questions: Who else thinks the news of the summer terrorist attacks is just administrative spin on more of the same?

Democratic Underground and Noam Chomsky?

Who else finds it peculiar that the stories come out on the heels of others reporting President Bush's "slipping" approval rate...

Holy crap, you are from Democratic Underground, aren't you? It's the exact same thing they say: "Isn't it strange how [insert any event here] happened just when Chimpy's approval ratings were starting to drop? I smell a conspiracy!"

...and still others that have prompted wide criticism of his re-packaged, "same ol', same ol' " plan for veiled, reverse colonialism in Iraq?

What the f**k is "reverse colonialism," you delusional nutbag? And furthermore, if it's veiled, how do you know about it? These people should not be allowed to vote.

Who else finds it particularly telling that Secretary of Homeland Security Tom Ridge hasn't jumped the gun, as was the habit in the past, and raised this ludicrous threat-level scale a color toward red...

Maybe because it would prompt even more insane shrieking from moonbats like you?

...regardless of this seeming certainty that terrorists will strike while we swim languidly in blue pools?

"Look at me! I can juxtapose two colors! Give me a gold star, teacher! Oooh! Gold! That's three colors! I want a lollypop!!!!"

Who else is growing weary of the obvious tactic used by the Bush administration of spreading fear to drum up support for "the cause"?

I'd guess it's the same people who are still convinced that the Bush administration let 9/11 happen. There are real terrorists in the world, you know. Being a useful idiot for 'em won't save you.

The administration knows that a great many voters, believing violence is imminent, don't wish to change horses in midstream and risk drowning in hypothetical waters.

Whoopty-f**kin'-doo!!! You just proved absolutetly nothing. Hey, I know that my cats are afraid of the vacuum cleaner. It doesn't mean I'm going to threaten them with it.

Who else is "ready" not to fall for this again? Remember the run on duct tape?

You know, I think it's absolutely hilarious that these people are able to summon up enough cognitive dissonance to sustain life for more than a millisecond. I'm guessing this guy is one of the same people who think Bush didn't do enough to prevent 9/11. Just imagine what it would've been like if he'd done more...

(August 11, 2001)

BUSH: My fellow Americans, I've just learned that Osama bin Laden is planning to attack New York City sometime this fall. I've already added more security measures to airports, and I urge all of you to be on your highest...

MOONBAT: You liar! You're just trying to divert attention from the fact that you lost the election! I don't have to listen to your fearmongering! You're just trying to control us like the fascist you are!!!

(September 12, 2001)

MOONBAT: Why didn't you warn us about this? You must have LET IT HAPPEN! If you really cared about us, you would've done more to prevent terrorism!

(June 8, 2004)

BUSH: We've learned that Al Qaeda is planning to attack America this summer. I've taken every measure to prevent this from...

MOONBAT: You liar! You're just trying to distract us from your pitiful approval rating! I don't have to listen to your fearmongering!

Damned if you do, damned if you don't. It's a sad world we're living in.

Posted by CD at 06:30 PM | Comments (1)


Sorry about the total lack of blogging lately. I've been getting reacquainted with my favorite computer game, Warcraft II. Plus, I needed a break. I'm not sure how much more I'll be posting this week.

Posted by CD at 04:36 PM | Comments (0)

June 07, 2004

Recycled Question of the Day

If President Bush was assassinated, how do you think the left would react?

I don't like to think about these things, but we all know it's a possibility.

Posted by CD at 05:49 PM | Comments (6)

June 06, 2004

Stay Alert

Hey, VRWC minions, I thought I'd let you know that there have been some trolls lurking around here lately. In particular, keep your eyes on this post, this post, and this post. I banned two of 'em, but there could be more. I give you permission to say whatever you want to them.

As if you needed it.

Posted by CD at 05:03 PM | Comments (5)

June 05, 2004

Rest In Peace

I'm sure you're not hearing this first from me, but Ronald Reagan has just died.

I was 3 years old when Reagan left office, so I really can't say much about him, but from what I've seen of his speeches and policies, he was undoubtedly one of the greatest presidents in the history of our country.

Now, go read Right Wing News. John Hawkins has a tribute going.

Posted by CD at 06:58 PM | Comments (2)

Cat Blogging

I think I need to take it down a notch right about now. My blogging has been way too serious lately. In order to remedy the situation, and help everyone calm down, I have placed a couple pictures of my cats in the extended entry. Their names are Pumpkin and Snowball. I won't insult your intelligence by explaining which is which.

These are thumbnails, so click 'em for full size.

There. Everyone feel better now?

Posted by CD at 06:10 PM | Comments (2)


I've just added a new definition to the Donktionary®, if you're interested. Specifically:

Patriotism: Defense record.

If you're not familiar with the Donktionary®, I suggest you check it out.

Posted by CD at 05:12 PM | Comments (0)

New Rules

This whole back and forth fisking I just did got me thinking, and I've decided to introduce some basic rules of argumentation to Semi-Intelligent Thoughts.

We've all heard of Godwin's Law, right? The first person to compare someone to Hitler loses the argument, or something like that. Well, in order to counter liberal ignorance, I'm introducing 3 rules for arguing on or with this blog that should make debate a bit smoother:

1. If you claim that President Bush called Saddam Hussein an "imminent threat," you lose approximately 50% of your total credibility. That means you can do it twice before you lose the argument.

2. If you claim that President Bush blamed Saddam Hussein for the September 11 terrorist attacks, you lose the argument.

3. If you make a reference to President Bush's many lies, and then when asked to give an example, you say something like "There are too many, so I don't even know where to start," I will assume that you can't come up with one.

Hopefully, these rules will make the experience better for everybody.

Posted by CD at 05:05 PM | Comments (2)

June 04, 2004

This Can't Possibly Be Serious

Please tell me this is a hoax:

Schools warned over sunny trips

Children are used to being told a trip is being postponed because of the vagaries of Britain's rainy summers.

But now schools in Derby are being told to consider cancelling trips in good weather because of the risk of sunburn.

Tell me, when should they take trips, then? Maybe they should abolish them altogether. After all, someone could fall down and get hurt.

Derby City Council issued the guidelines because of the link between sunburn when young and increased risk of skin cancer in later life.

It said teachers should consider "postponing or cancelling events... in periods of excessive sun".

"We have to protect The Children™! We can't let them have fun, because they might get cancer from actually being outside!"

Seriously, tell me this is a joke. Have you people heard of sunscreen? Or shade? Or moderation? What kind of crap is this?

The guidelines also advised to teachers to "try to plan external activities, for example, short duration trips, external lessons and sports days, for times when the sun is likely to be at its lowest strength - and the temperature at its lowest".

Okay, that makes a bit more sense, but I think they're overreacting just a little.

Teachers should also consider keeping a supply of maximum factor suncream to spray onto pupils, although they are told not to rub it in for fear of being accused of inappropriate contact.

"Bad touch! Bad touch!"

The National Union of Teachers recently told teachers to take a "common sense" approach to protecting their charges from the sun in the face of increasing risk of legal action.

Legal action? For what? Next, they'll try to sue the Sun.

One parent told BBC Radio Derby: "People are going absolutely crackers - teachers should be able to take children out any time of the day or night, whenever they feel like it."

"Absolutely crackers?" I haven't heard that one. I may have to use it sometime.

Another parent said: "I always put sunscreen on my little girl anyway, so I am not worried.

Oh, but you don't understand. See, the schools can't trust you with your own child, because you're not employed by the government. Don't you know that the government always knows what's best? How dare you suggest that you know more about parenting than the City Council!

"They are making something out of nothing really."

Ladies and gentlemen, I present the smartest person in Britain^.

A spokesman for the council told BBC News Online: "This was issued in response to requests from schools using government advice that is several years old already.

"We hope the result will be that children are protected from skin cancer not that children's activities are curtailed."

Judging by past situations like this, I'm guessing the next bit of news will be "Fun Causes Cancer."

This is yet another reason why I'll probably never leave North America.

Posted by CD at 08:10 PM | Comments (2)


Latest search to bring someone to SIT:

vaginas are subtle

Get help. Please, for the sake of the entire human race, get help.

Posted by CD at 05:28 PM | Comments (1)

De-Fisking Fisking

So, like I said, my fisking of Algorangutan's MoveOn speech has been challenged by a lefty blogger who takes issue with my claim that there was actually some substance to the fisking itself.

This is going to be a bit confusing, since it's a fisking within a fisking, but here's how it's going to work: Segments from my fisking will be in italics, segments from Gore's speech will be within italics and quotation marks, and segments from the other blogger's fisking will just be within blockquotes. And, of course, my responses will just be in regular format. You'll figure it out. Click the extended entry for Extreme Fisking!

The other day I did a brief round-up of the reactions to Gore's speech, and one blogger on the right seems to have taken exception to my suggestion that their side had nothing new to say:

It links to part 3 of my fisking with the word "crazy." Heh heh. Nothing to say, huh? I guess that's why I spent several hours researching and dissecting the entire thing.

Nice dodge.

So, let's see if there was indeed anything new:

"George W. Bush promised us a foreign policy with humility. Instead, he has brought us humiliation in the eyes of the world."

If you liberal idiots really cared about our international reputation, you wouldn't be bending over backwards to make it look like the Abu Ghraib abuses represent our entire military.

Of course, no one said any such thing.

*cough* TED KENNEDY *cough*

Gore said that it was the result of a policy - one that quite a few members of our military have been expressing disgust with, by the way.

Hmm...Let's look at Gore's actual words:

What happened at the prison, it is now clear, was not the result of random acts by "a few bad apples," it was the natural consequence of the Bush Administration policy that has dismantled those wise constraints and has made war on America's checks and balances.

Last time I checked, that implies that our entire military is acting that way. I also find it interesting that this so-called "policy" somehow forced people to abuse prisoners, despite the fact that they've been disciplined for it. I have to say, that's the first time I've seen anyone punished for following the rules.

Leaving that aside, we liberals don't have to say a single word to wreck America's international reputation, since George Bush has already accomplished that all by himself.

It seems to me like you have to say every single word you can get in. Again, see "Ted Kennedy." And I could give other examples, too. Just turn on your local news. I bet you'll see naked pyramids within 5 minutes.

What we liberals are trying to do is remind the world that many Americans are disgusted by what happened at Abu Ghraib and want that policy stopped immediately.

Which is why they investigated back at the beginning of the year, and we're currenty working to prosecute those responsible. See, in this country, we actually punish people who do that kind of thing. There's no "Naked Pyramid Policy." There were a few morons who wanted to abuse their position, and they're paying the price.

Again, this "point" is nothing new: It's a standard RNC talking point...

Come on, just call me a dittohead. You know you want to.

...that it's not the administration's disastrous policies that make us look bad, but people who observe that those policies are disastrous that make us look bad. Right-wingers are apparently unaware that the rest of the world was disgusted without any help from us liberals.

What exactly is it about the policies that makes us look bad, anyway? Has it occurred to you that maybe, just maybe, certain people didn't like us already? It's not like the entire world loved us before the horrible Racistimperialisthalliburtonbrownpeoplemurderingwarforoil took place. In fact, some of the European countries who are upset right now feel that way because they had deals with Saddam that made them money. And what about the U.N.? They have a few skeletons in their closet. In addition, remember the footage of Arabs celebrating on 9/11? Those are the kind of people we're going after now.

In any case, instead of looking bad, would you prefer that we looked like a smoking crater? Because that's what'll happen if we let terrorists roam free.

And for the record, it does make us look bad when you lefties won't shut up about the "atrocities" committed in "Bush's gulag." John Kerry will tell you about the effect that anti-Americanism can have on a war effort. And yes, comparing us to Saddam Hussein is anti-American.

"He promised to "restore honor and integrity to the White House." Instead, he has brought deep dishonor to our country and built a durable reputation as the most dishonest President since Richard Nixon."

"Bush lied! Bush lied!" Even the former vice president is parroting this pathetic smear now. I love how they can NEVER PROVIDE SPECIFIC EXAMPLES. We just have to trust them, since everyone knows that Republicans are liars. After all, if they were honest, they wouldn't agree with the eeeeeeevil right wing agenda.

It is hard to know what to say to someone who claims we "never provide specific examples." The examples are so abundant at this point that I hardly know where to start.

Sorry if this seems harsh, but...THAT'S EXACTLY THE MOTHERF**KING PROBLEM!!!! You always say that, but you can never provide one clear, undeniable example of Bush lying. It's always something ambiguous about WMD. As we'll see in a few paragraphs, you also like to put words in Dubya's mouth.

There are entire websites dedicated just to detailing the rather wide distinction between what Bush says and what he does, what Bush says and what is true.

Yeah, and I should trust them more than the president of the U.S., despite the fact that reading them seems to kill my brain cells. Sorry, but until I'm capable of achieving a state of complete cognitive dissonance, I'll pass on that offer.

Any regular reader of Eschaton can probably think of a half dozen off the top of their head.

Oh, you mean the regular readers who think Bush is a racist because he appears in photos with minorities and dares to call it "compassion?" I assume you also throw Markos "Screw Them!" Zuniga in there. After all, he exposed the dastardly plot to cover up the cause of Bush's bicycling accident. Bush lied, the topsoil dried! (That wasn't mine)

Seeing the Forest regularly reminds us not to count on what they say, but to watch what they do.

Don't confuse "seeing the forest" with "banging your head against a tree trunk." There is a subtle difference.

You have to laugh at this particular criticism, even though, of course, we have heard this one before, as well. People whose memories go back as far as 2000 remember that one criticism of Gore was that he provided too many details, seemed to have too good a grasp of them and did not hesitate to discuss them. But then the same critics turned around and complained that a single speech is not presented as if it were a research paper. Nothing new.

Short response to that: So what? Who friggin' cares what people said then? I was 15 during the 2000 elections, and I wasn't into politics yet. I'd love to have a president who provided specific examples to back up his claims. I'm sorry if you prefer talking points and slogans, but I like to know facts.

"Honor? He decided not to honor the Geneva Convention."

Yeah, because he ordered those poor, innocent guards to stack prisoners naked and take photos. And by the way, THE GENEVA CONVENTION ONLY APPLIES TO SOLDIERS IN UNIFORM! Terrorists disguised as civilians have no rights.

This is another RNC talking point, and of course it is false. First of all, the Geneva Conventions say that if an individual's status is in doubt, a tribunal must be held to determine that status before such an exception can be made; until that time, they must be treated as if they were covered by the protections of the Geneva Conventions.

Who said their status was in doubt in the first place? As we'll see, this is based on the assumption that the prisoners are innocent of any particular crime.

No such tribunals have ever been held with regard to the Iraqis in Guantanamo, let alone Iraq. Moreover, it is now well known that many - indeed, most - of those detained are entirely innocent; they weren't wearing uniforms because they were not, in fact, combatants, spies, or anything else - they were just residents and had no reason to be wearing uniforms.

Again, I'll cover this in a little while when it comes up. Seriously, do you think that they wouldn't disguise themselves as civilians to take us out? Plus, there are documented cases of people pretending to surrender and then opening fire when approached. And don't even get me started on using civilians as human shields, taking foreign hostages, attacking mosques to make us look bad, etc., etc.

(The exception our hero is referring to applies only if we are talking about an army that has uniforms, in any event. We haven't even established whether uniforms are required by combatant Iraqis or Afghanistan's soldiers.)

All right, let's look a little more in-depth at this issue. I will concede that, on this point, and this point alone, there's a chance I'm missing something, but I've been looking at the actual Geneva Convention related to prisoners, and I found some interesting details. Take a look:

2. Members of other militias and members of other volunteer corps, including those of organized resistance movements, belonging to a Party to the conflict and operating in or outside their own territory, even if this territory is occupied, provided that such militias or volunteer corps, including such organized resistance movements, fulfil the following conditions:

(a) That of being commanded by a person responsible for his subordinates;

Okay, well, I guess Al-Sadr could count...

(b) That of having a fixed distinctive sign recognizable at a distance;

Oh, there's strike one. Like I said, there are documented cases of insurgents posing as civilians or pretending to surrender. Oh, and don't forget the ones who pose as police officers.

(c) That of carrying arms openly;

Strike two, in a lot of cases.

(d) That of conducting their operations in accordance with the laws and customs of war.

Aha! There's the problem. Let's see if the terrorists are following the Geneva Convention itself:

Article 3

In the case of armed conflict not of an international character occurring in the territory of one of the High Contracting Parties, each party to the conflict shall be bound to apply, as a minimum, the following provisions:

1. Persons taking no active part in the hostilities, including members of armed forces who have laid down their arms and those placed hors de combat by sickness, wounds, detention, or any other cause, shall in all circumstances be treated humanely, without any adverse distinction founded on race, colour, religion or faith, sex, birth or wealth, or any other similar criteria.

We've already got a problem, since they seem not to care about killing civilians.

To this end the following acts are and shall remain prohibited at any time and in any place whatsoever with respect to the above-mentioned persons:

(a) Violence to life and person, in particular murder of all kinds, mutilation, cruel treatment and torture;

Can you say "Nick Berg," children?

(b) Taking of hostages;

Oh, you mean like hostages from Japan or Italy?

See, if you really believe that they're all innocent, you can make a decent case that Lynndie England and Company violated the Convention, but if they were actually terrorists, they violated the rules of warfare themselves, thereby sacrificing some of their rights. I'm sure you've seen this and dismissed it as an RNC talking point, but just for the sake of argument, it is possible to make the case that we need more coercive interrogation methods in some situations:

"We obey the Geneva Conventions because our opponent does the same with American PoWs. That is impossible with al-Qaeda."

I know you think that we just go around randomly arresting people for not being American, but you really should give our military a bit more credit. This still doesn't excuse what they did, but they didn't necessarily commit war crimes.

And finally, I will once more point out that President Bush did not order the Abu Ghraib @sshats to do what they did. That's why they're in trouble now, and it's also why one of their peers had to report it. See, it was a violation of their policy, and we generally don't tell people specifically to disregard policy, even if the Geneva Convention doesn't specifically apply.

But I'm no legal expert. What do I know?

More importantly, the Geneva Conventions make no exceptions for torture at all. There are no circumstances where they allow for the torture of anyone, ever, no matter what. That's some research you did, sugar.

Well, thanks, babycakes, but you may want to look into the so-called "torture" and realize that we're taking care of the people who actually did go too far (as I've said numerous times), and many of the other things they did are more abuse or mistreatment than actual torture. I won't use the whole "frat hazing" analogy, but that's not to say it isn't somewhat near the mark.

As for the worse cases, again, President Bush did not order it. That's why he apologized for their actions instead of trying to justify it.

Note also that our hero is unable to distinguished between Iraqis and Al Qaeda.

No need to. A terrorist is a terrorist. I don't give two sh!ts where he's from. I just want him to die.

You will recall, even if CD does not, that there is no known connection between Iraq and 9/11...

Sure, you may recall that, but the human brain is capable of manufacturing false memories. There may not be a direct connection between Iraq and 9/11 (after all, few on the right ever made that claim), but there are plenty of ties between Iraq and terrorism. For example...

- Payments to Palestinian suicide bombers
- Terrorist training camps
- Harboring known terrorists
- Possible meetings with Al Qaeda officials

...Oh, screw it, just go read the evidence. And don't think I couldn't find more. You can't just dismiss all of it as "lies." A lot of this info was gathered during the Golden Years™ of the Clinton administration.

And if you think Al Qaeda is the only terrorist organization that poses a threat to us, you really need to open your eyes.

...but the illustrious CD...

I think I'll tell people to start calling me that from now on.

...presumes that every single person who happened to be around where US military personnel were picking up apparently random personnel in Afghanistan and Iraq were terrorists.

No, I presume, in all my illustriousness, that if the U.S. military detains someone, they just might have a reason to do so. Just because they made some mistakes doesn't mean that everyone was innocent. And didn't they just release a few hundred prisoners? How horrible, exposing them to the heat of the desert and making them fend for themselves like that.

Incidentally, are you presuming that there are no terrorists in Iraq? It's called separating the wheat from the chaff.

Ah, here's a good one:

"He did not honor the advice, experience and judgment of our military leaders in designing his invasion of Iraq."

Could've fooled me.

Clearly, someone did. I mean, it's only been all over the news.

What's been all over the news? QUAGMIRE QUAGMIRE QUAGMIRE QUAGMIRE QUAGMIRE? The news lost any credibility they may have had a long time ago, when they predicted that we would be massacred trying to take Baghdad. And I don't trust them anyway. That's why blogs exist. And the blogs (including some written by soldiers who were in Iraq) tell me that we're making progress, and that the real situation is nothing like what you see on the news. I tend to trust people who have seen it up close, rather than through the anti-Bush lens of the media.

"How did we get from September 12th , 2001, when a leading French newspaper ran a giant headline with the words "We Are All Americans Now" and when we had the good will and empathy of all the world -- to the horror that we all felt in witnessing the pictures of torture in Abu Ghraib."

The horror! The horror!!! How about the horror that we felt in witnessing the 9/11 attacks? Do you really believe that those poor, mistreated prisoners wouldn't have flown those planes themselves if given the chance? We treated them better than they deserve.

Again, it has also been all over the news that most of the people detained in Iraq are innocent.

Oh, so if it's "all over the news," it's automatically the pure, unvarnished truth, right? That explains why the left thinks the Abu Ghraib abuses represent the entire war, since the media has been enlightening us with lovely images of naked prisoners for the past month. We can't forget how barbaric we are!

Now, back to the actual claim that "most of the people detained in Iraq are innocent." I'll refer you to this source, which shines some light on the issue:

That is not, of course, what the Red Cross reported. Their February report, which is freely accessible on the internet, said only this: "Certain CF military intelligence officials told the ICRC that in their estimate between 70% and 90% of the persons deprived of liberty in Iraq had been arrested by mistake." Note three basic points: One, the Red Cross did no investigation whatsoever to arrive at this "statistic," which now shows up routinely in left-wing denunciations of the war. Two, the allegation is unsourced; the "military intelligence officials" are anonymous. Such anonymous, second-hand sourcing is, for obvious reasons, notoriously unreliable. God only knows what some unknown "intelligence official" said to some unknown Red Cross staffer. Third, the Red Cross' second-hand slur didn't refer to Abu Ghraib or any other prison. It referred to persons who were "deprived of liberty." A great many people in Iraq are detained briefly by military personnel; it seems reasonable to assume that most of those who are "arrested by mistake" are freed, not imprisoned at Abu Ghraib or other prisons in "Bush's gulag." It is therefore ridiculous to transfer the Red Cross' anonymous estimate to the inmates of Abu Ghraib. But this is what Al Gore and other leftist politicians and newspapers do, constantly.

And then there's this little dilemma:

The Red Cross in fact made no such statement. It launched no investigation into the matter whatsoever. Secondly, the statement that it did make, we should remind ourselves is a statement by a component of the Red Cross -- the Red Crescent, which is the Middle Eastern version of the Red Cross -- that has allowed its ambulances to be used by Palestinian terrorists.

Allow me to summarize those "RNC talking points" I just quoted:

-"Most of the people detained in Iraq" are not innocent. The innocent ones are not held after their innocence is proven. On the other hand, those who have not been proven innocent are detained, because they just might be terrorists.

- The Red Cross relied on anonymous sources, leaving us with very little idea of just who they talked to.

- The report made no mention of Abu Ghraib in the section about innocent prisoners.

- The source itself has, in the past, aided terrorists.

Moving on...

And if you think merely by virtue of being Iraqis that they were pleased to see 9/11, let alone that they would have been willing participants, you really need to see a proctologist about the position of your head.

Give me a second to squeeze out of this pigeonhole you just pushed me into.......ah, that's better.

I do not, by any stretch of the imagination, think that they would be happy about 9/11 "by virtue of being Iraqis." I think they would be happy about it by virtue of being anti-American terrorists. And my head is just fine, although the stench rising from your attempted fisking is similar to what I would experience in the event of a rectal-cranial inversion. Thanks for your concern.

But of course, this has been the real Number One Talking Point of Bush with regard to Iraq: that it was not Osama, not Saudi Arabians, not insane religious fanatics, who were responsible for 9/11, but the secular government of Iraq. (This is one of those lies we were talking about earlier, CD.)

More specifically, this is one of those lies I was talking about, i.e. "putting words in the president's mouth." Bush has consistently stated that Osama bin Laden, Al Qaeda, and their supporters in the Taliban were responsible for 9/11. We went to Iraq to take out a murderous dictator who could potentially give terrorists the resources to carry out another attack. In this case, the best defense is a good offense. There's really no chance to retaliate after your country is nuked.

"To begin with, from its earliest days in power, this administration sought to radically destroy the foreign policy consensus that had guided America since the end of World War II."

From its earliest days in power? What the f**k were they doing before 9/11 that was so horrible for us?

Yep, that was terrific research you did. Do the words "South Korea" ring a bell? Bush was wrecking our foreign policy very early in his term. 9/11 just stepped it up a few notches.

Actually, no. No, they don't. Saying the name of a country does not a rebuttal make, I'm afraid. But I'd be willing to research it if you'd actually say what you're referring to.

Part 1 goes on pretty much in that vein. Part 2 begins:

This next section is a bit beyond my area of expertise, so it's not going to be brilliant, but I have to get through it so I can return to the good stuff. Let's begin...

At which point I thought to myself, "Let's not." Having seen his "expertise" in Part 1, I'd had plenty.

When you assume, you make a Democrat out of the University of Maine. Just remember that.

Part 3 is a projection of the terrible threat Kerry presents to us. Nothing new, nothing new, nothing new. But pig-ignorant, f'sure.

You didn't read it, did you? Come on, you can tell me. I won't laugh. Much.

The astonishing thing is that this so-called "fisking" is presented as some sort of refutation of Gore's speech.

That's generally what a "fisking" is designed to be, yes.

Not a single word of it has been refuted, of course; this isn't even a half-decent example of a rebuttal, let alone a refutation.

I appreciate the self-deprecation, but does it really help your argument when you insult your own work?

But, amazingly, this guy just throws out a bunch of tired old RNC talking points and a load of snide statements and thinks he has presented something new.

I'll let this new fisking be the Cluebat that takes out the last point.

Commenters, I suggest you fill in anything I may have missed. I want this to be an example to others who think they can dismiss SIT.

Okay, ego off. That's better.

Posted by CD at 04:48 PM | Comments (2)

June 03, 2004

Aha! A Challenge!

Someone's trying to fisk my fisking! We can't have that!

I'll have my response posted tomorrow in the afternoon or evening.

Bring. It. On.

I've already started working on the response. Prepare for a Cluebatting of legendary proportions sometime in the evening.

Posted by CD at 11:06 PM | Comments (1)

Who's Ready for Satire?

Well, I called the grocery store, and wouldn't you know it? THE MANAGER WASN'T THERE. Figures. I'll have to try again tomorrow between 7 and 4, according to the guy I talked to. Dang it, I hate telephones.

Anyway, I want to shift gears a little from the kind of posting I've been doing. Thanks to recent news items, such as this and this, I've been inspired to write a satire piece I've actually wanted to do for quite a while. I'll spare you the introductions and just get right to it in the extended entry. Enjoy.

ACLU Threatens Suit Against NASA

WASHINGTON, DC.- The American Civil Liberties Union is threatening to sue the National Aeronautics and Space Administration over their use of terms from Roman mythology to describe objects in the Solar System.

Members say that the use of names like "Jupiter" and "Mars" violates the First Amendment, as these were originally part of ancient Roman religion.

"NASA is a government organization, and we cannot allow them to continue this unconstitutional endorsement of one particular belief system," said ACLU spokesperson Lee Beral.

"The planets and their satellites were named for Roman gods. For example, Venus is the goddess of love, Mars is the god of war, and Neptune is the god of the sea," Beral explained. "By identifying objects with religious terms first used by the Romans, NASA is clearly ignoring the Constitution, which mandates separation of church and state."

Another ACLU spokesperson, Ana S. Shat, suggested a few alternatives.

"We think that the names should be a celebration of diversity, not an endorsement of the imperial, warmongering culture practiced by the ancient Romans," said Shat. "For example, we can celebrate Arab culture by calling Mars "Mecca" or Jupiter "Jihad." This will help repair the damage done by the war in the Middle East and let them know that we still respect their heritage."

Shat later said that Earth should also have a different name, as the word "Earth" has European origins and may offend non-whites.

Posted by CD at 06:45 PM | Comments (3)

June 02, 2004

Silver Lining

I thought I'd post something positive for once.

If any of you have the impression that many of the public school teachers in this country are raving, socialist moonbats who don't really care about teaching kids...well, you may be right. But luckily, they're not all like that.

The "sixth-grade English teacher" interviewed in this story happens to be my mother. She really does care about The Children™. And she's a Republican!

Just thought I'd let you know that there are some good ones left.

Here's another story. This may explain why the students are writing so well.

Posted by CD at 07:08 PM | Comments (1)

June 01, 2004

Random Advice Request

All right, this isn't a political post; It's just personal stuff. I know that real people read this blog, and not "commenters" or statistics on a screen, so I was hoping I could get some advice with a situation I'm dealing with.

You see, I'm looking for a summer job. I've been home for a month, and I still haven't really done much to find one. I sent an application to a nearby grocery store, but they never called back, so I'm assuming they don't want me. That leaves me with a dilemma.

Other possible places of employment include Burger King, McDonald's, Wendy's, a car wash, a thrift store, and a home supply/hardware store. I want to work in the evening (6 PM to 12 AM), and I don't want to deal directly with customers (in other words, no counter or register jobs).

So, I was wondering if anyone could give me some advice on how to best handle this situation. For example, who should I ask for when I call the places, are there any specific kinds of jobs that I could ask about, etc. I know I'm being vague, but I've never searched for a job before, and I was hoping I could get a little help. Thanks.

Posted by CD at 07:07 PM | Comments (5)

John Fascist Kerry

Remember that Bands Against Bush site? They've got a post linking to a list of 14 characteristics of fascism. I've seen this list before, and it's often used to "prove" that George W. Bush and his administration are fascist. This is no exception for the BAB visitors, as they leave comments like:

Is it just me, or does Bush have every single characteristic of a Fascist?

However, much like a personality test with responses like "I sometimes feel left out" or "I don't think I'm as successful as I should be," these characteristics are so vague that virtually any political figure is a fascist if you really want them to be. Since the LLLs go into it already believing that Dubya is a fascist, their biases make them more likely to interpret his actions in that context (I knew those sociology and psychology classes would pay off eventually).

Therefore, I will now use the list to "prove" that Democratic presidential candidate John F. Kerry is a fascist. Join me, won't you?

The 14 characteristics [of fascism] are:

Powerful and Continuing Nationalism

Fascist regimes tend to make constant use of patriotic mottoes, slogans, symbols, songs, and other paraphernalia. Flags are seen everywhere, as are flag symbols on clothing and in public displays.

Well, let's look at some pictures from Kerry's website and see if he meets these criteria...

Oh, here's a good one

And another

Look, another one

And look what he's wearing in this picture

Looks like signs of a nationalist regime to me. I'm worried already. What other characteristics are there?

Disdain for the Recognition of Human Rights

Because of fear of enemies and the need for security, the people in fascist regimes are persuaded that human rights can be ignored in certain cases because of "need." The people tend to look the other way or even approve of torture, summary executions, assassinations, long incarcerations of prisoners, etc.

Hmmm...Let's take a look at some of Kerry's earlier statements:

They told the stories at times they had personally raped, cut off ears, cut off heads, tape wires from portable telephones to human genitals and turned up the power, cut off limbs, blown up bodies, randomly shot at civilians, razed villages in fashion reminiscent of Genghis Khan, shot cattle and dogs for fun, poisoned food stocks, and generally ravaged the country side of South Vietnam in addition to the normal ravage of war...We watched the U.S. falsification of body counts, in fact the glorification of body counts. We listened while month after month we were told the back of the enemy was about to break. We fought using weapons against "oriental human beings," with quotation marks around that. We fought using weapons against those people which I do not believe this country would dream of using were we fighting in the European theater or let us say a non-third-world people theater...

Sounds like fascism, doesn't it? What else should we look for?

Identification of Enemies/Scapegoats as a Unifying Cause

The people are rallied into a unifying patriotic frenzy over the need to eliminate a perceived common threat or foe: racial , ethnic or religious minorities; liberals; communists; socialists, terrorists, etc.

Oh, man, that sounds just like Kerry. He's been using Bush and his administration as scapegoats for the entire campaign. He even called them "the most crooked, you know, lying group of people I've ever seen." Looks like we're 3 for 3 so far.

Supremacy of the Military

Even when there are widespread domestic problems, the military is given a disproportionate amount of government funding, and the domestic agenda is neglected. Soldiers and military service are glamorized.

Holy crap, that's 100% Kerry! Have you heard all the crap his campaign has been spewing about him being in Vietnam, and how he's a better choice because the current president wasn't in Vietnam? It sounds like Kerry meets the "military service is glamorized" requirement for fascism.

Rampant Sexism

The governments of fascist nations tend to be almost exclusively male-dominated. Under fascist regimes, traditional gender roles are made more rigid. Opposition to abortion is high, as is homophobia and anti-gay legislation and national policy.

This one may be a little tougher. You see, Kerry claims to be a women's advocate. But did you see how his daughter was dressed at that film festival? She was playing right into evil traditional gender roles! I bet Kerry encouraged her. And talk about homophobia and anti-gay legislation! Kerry is opposed to gay marriage! Yep, he's definitely looking like a fascist at this point.

Controlled Mass Media

Sometimes to media is directly controlled by the government, but in other cases, the media is indirectly controlled by government regulation, or sympathetic media spokespeople and executives. Censorship, especially in war time, is very common.

Well, when he made his little "did the training wheels fall off" statement, the press decided to make it "off the record." That sounds suspicious to me. And the New York Times clearly supports him. In any case, this article will tell you all you need to know about Kerry and media control. It'll get worse under his administration. I guarantee it. You'll only be able to get news from KNN.

Obsession with National Security

Fear is used as a motivational tool by the government over the masses.

Are you kidding me? His website has an entire section dedicated to "homeland security!" He even says that we're not safe enough now. That fearmonger! This is getting really scary. I didn't know Kerry was such a fascist. What else have we got here?

Religion and Government are Intertwined

Governments in fascist nations tend to use the most common religion in the nation as a tool to manipulate public opinion. Religious rhetoric and terminology is common from government leaders, even when the major tenets of the religion are diametrically opposed to the government's policies or actions.

Holy crap, there's another one! Kerry has no problem saying he's Catholic, even though he supports abortion and voted for the war (before he voted against it)! He's manipulating the public!

Corporate Power is Potected

The industrial and business aristocracy of a fascist nation often are the ones who put the government leaders into power, creating a mutually beneficial business/government relationship and power elite.

Two words: Heinz Corporation.

Labor Power is Suppressed

Because the organizing power of labor is the only real threat to a fascist government, labor unions are either eliminated entirely, or are severely suppressed.

Looks like he's trying to eliminate them entirely. At least in this country.

Disdain for Intellectuals and the Arts

Fascist nations tend to promote and tolerate open hostility to higher education, and academia. It is not uncommon for professors and other academics to be censored or even arrested. Free expression in the arts is openly attacked, and governments often refuse to fund the arts.

Hostility to academia, huh? Well, Kerry is opposed to school vouchers. That means that he only wants people going to approved schools. And have you noticed that his website has no special section dedicated to the arts? Furthermore, when was the last time you heard him say anything about intellectuals or artists? I don't think he has much respect for them at all. That's close enough for me. After all, he is only a candidate. Once he's president, we'll see all kinds of censorship.

Obsession with Crime and Punishment

Under fascist regimes, the police are given almost limitless power to enforce laws. The people are often willing to overlook police abuses and even forego civil liberties in the name of patriotism. There is often a national police force with virtually unlimited power in fascist nations.

Once again, Kerry's looking very fascistastic. Look at his crime page. Among other things, he wants to make it harder to obtain firearms (can't let the populace get too powerful), he wants to add thousands more police officers to the force, he wants to make homeland security a police operation, and he voted for the PATRIOT Act. Also, he used to be a prosecutor! He dedicated his life to "crime and punishment." Wow, this is eerie.

Rampant Cronyism and Corruption

Fascist regimes almost always are governed by groups of friends and associates who appoint each other to government positions and use governmental power and authority to protect their friends from accountability. It is not uncommon in fascist regimes for national resources and even treasures to be appropriated or even outright stolen by government leaders.


In the past 15 years, lobbyists have given Kerry nearly $640,000, the most of any senator. Many represent telecommunications and financial companies with business before his Senate committees. His top campaign donors include corporate lawyers and the financial industry.

Here's more:

Sen. John F. Kerry, D-Mass., whose largest campaign contributor lobbies on behalf of telecommunication interests, pushed the legislative priorities of its clients in the wireless industry on several occasions...Kerry, who is seeking the Democratic presidential nomination, has sponsored or co-sponsored a number of bills favorable to the industry and has written letters to government agencies on behalf of the clientele of his largest donor.

Nope, no cronyism here. Only one more characteristic to go. Let's see it:

Fraudulent Elections

Sometimes elections in fascist nations are a complete sham. Other times elections are manipulated by smear campaigns against or even assassination of opposition candidates, use of legislation to control voting numbers or political district boundaries, and manipulation of the media. Fascist nations also typically use their judiciaries to manipulate or control elections.

Let's see here...Kerry was planning on manipulating the nomination process so he could get more campaign money. He backed down, of course, but who's to say what he would do once he had executive power? I'm pretty sure he fits this requirement too.

So, now you know the truth: John F. Kerry is a fascist. At least according to a woefully simplified and generalized list.

Vote Bush.

Posted by CD at 05:15 PM | Comments (1)

Brainless Bands Against Bush

Did you know that there's a website called Bands Against Bush? Well, now you do. As a rock drummer/songwriter currently looking for a band (did I mention that I added a new song and audio sample to the music page?), I feel that I should look at what some of my fellow musicians are up to, so let's glance at their F.A.Q.:

How can I be a part of Bands Against Bush?

Easy, if you want to be, you are. That's it, there's no application process, there's no requirements, and, as our misguided White House Resident has said you do not "need a permission slip". BAB is open source. Here are the only rules: We ask that those involved not include anything or anybody racist, sexist, homophobic or otherwise unfairly discriminatory in their event or materials, all are welcome and we are all in the same boat. Don't be jerks, we've already got those guys running the place, no need to sink to their level.

Ahhh, I love the smell of moonbattery at 1:30 in the morning. Smells like...blog material. Let's see what else they say:

What should the primary goals of an event be?

...A hand out with Bands Against Bush information, a mission statement what we are all about, etc. Something that is specific to your chapter is preferable but you can get a mission statement here too.

Vote to Impeach petitions.

...If we are to see regime change in the US we need to empower the disenfranchised, so more then anything else a goal should be registering folks to vote that aren't (In the US only of course), and informing them of their options for a non-Bush leadership of the USA. How you choose to apply that is up to you.

Those were just the best parts of that section. Here's another question, and the beginning of my fisktastic response to their BS:

What is Bands Against Bush?

Bands Against Bush is an international movement which uses music and art and the support systems of these activities for protest and political involvement.

Yeah, good luck getting those "international" votes in the U.S. election.

We, along with the majority of the US and the World, oppose the Bush administration and its domestic and foreign policies.

That's a pretty incredible assumption. Too bad even the most biased polls show support for Bush in the U.S., and the rest of the world probably hates Kerry just as much. Except the Communists, I guess.

Our goals include encouraging debate, dialogue, and the open exchange of ideas in a climate that is becoming increasingly hostile to individuals and groups exercising their right to free speech.

I love the irony. "There's no free speech in this country, so we're gonna prove it by organizing a bunch of bands to protest the government in a childish fashion!"

I think the vast majority of the LLL crowd bases their view of the world on how they think it would be under a Republican president. After all, reality doesn't seem to have much of an impact on their other beliefs.

We will use the resources we have cultivated as artists to share information, inspiration, and ideas.

These include: fanzines, bands...

Well, obviously.

...venues, record labels, concerts, radio stations, touring networks, the internet, libraries, college campuses, galleries, movie theaters, and any other means available.

Couldn't they have just said "advertising" or "propaganda?" I think most of the people who would be drawn to a cause like this would get bored halfway through that list.

With these tools we can struggle against a world of perpetual fear and violence bolstered by Bush and his administration, as well as collectively resist the weight of our individual apathy.

There it is again. "There's so much fearmongering in this world! Now help us promote a huge live event where we bash the president and his administration!"

I'm sure it would've been just as easy to have "Sing Against Stalin" or "Musicians Against Mussolini" or something. Paranoid freaks.

Why are you against Bush?

This should be good.

Considering his resume...

Yeah, let's link to a humor site and use it as a testimonial against the president. Good call, BAB.

...that's an interesting question, but for the sake of argument we'll address that briefly here.

All right, these are the standard talking points, but since I'm covering this as if they were actually going to see it, humor me while I assault them with basic facts. It should be fun. For me, anyway. And isn't that what's really important?

* Bush was not elected to office, he was appointed by the supreme court.

That nasty old Constitution, making it impossible for the loser to be president! What kind of world are we living in?

Hmmm...hey, you know something? None of those gay couples were married in Massachusetts! They were just "appointed" spouses by the Supreme Court!

*Bush, his administration, and the rest of the PNAC have made this great country of ours more feared, hated, and mocked by the rest of the world more than any other period in history.

Oh, that must be why we were attacked numerous times during the previous administration, and we give foreign aid to more people than any other nation in the history of the world. And let's not forget that Americans were hated loooooooong before Bush. The only real difference today is that more Americans hate America. But they know that America is one of the few countries that they can hate without being imprisoned, so they stay. Fascinating, isn't it?

I'm not even going to put on my tinfoil hat and try to figure out where the PNAC enters the equation. It's too late for that.

*We have seen our civil liberties stripped away in the name of “homeland security..."

I will pay one thousand evil, capitalist U.S. dollars to the person who can point to ONE EXAMPLE of anyone's civil liberties being taken away. Remember, they have to be an American citizen in order to have those liberties in the first place. Again, it's amazing that people use their freedom of speech to claim that they have no freedom of speech. What the f**k do you call "Bands Against Bush," an underground resistance movement? I'm going to alert the Ashcroft Dissent Crushing Squads™!!!!

...against nebulous boogeymen that are trotted out whenever questioning voices are raised.

Oh, yeah, Osama and Saddam were innocent! They were just the victims of the PNAC warmongers who wanted to kill brown people for oil. How horrible.

*We have seen atrocities committed in America's name against innocent people, both here and abroad, in a horrific Keystone Kops style manner.

I will assume that this is referring to Abu Ghraib. I will then look at the word "innocent" in the description of the victims. Now, I will enjoy a hearty laugh:


*Bush and his administration have lied, cheated, and stolen from the American people and the rest of the world, to give to Bush's friends and associates.

Let's see here...no examples of lies...no explanation of "cheated"...and the fact that Bush cut taxes shows that he's actually taken less from us than John "F**k Up" Kerry would. Nice try at using ambiguity to avoid reality, though.

*The rampant hedonism by the Bush administration is only matched by it's abject contempt, shown again and again, for the people it is supposed to represent.

I'm guessing they don't even know what the word "hedonism" means, so I won't bother pointing out why they're wrong.

*If for nothing else, we are against Bush and what he stands for because of the dumbing down and vilification of America and everything we hold dear as both Americans and human beings.

There's the money quote. The guy villifies the president, then claims its the president's fault. I love it so much.

So the real question shouldn't be why we are against Bush, but how can you not be?

Let's see...uh...oh, yeah: I HAVE A MIND OF MY OWN!!!

Is it just Bush you are against?

Why does that sound like innuendo?

Absolutely not, we stand against the entire Bush Administration and believe that they should be, again, impeached for their many and varied crimes.

"So many, in fact, that we can't actually name one!"

But the problem doesn't begin and end with him, he just happens to be a polarizing lightning rod.

Don't you mean...an EVIL polarizing lightning rod?

...Wait, now I'm paraphrasing Austin Powers quotes. This is why I shouldn't post after midnight.

We are also against social and political injustice everywhere.

Good luck wiping those off the face of the Earth. *cough*

However it is good to stay focused, and a lot of the issues and problems in the world today can be traced back to the hedonistic leadership practices of the Bush administration. So that is who we are, Bands Against Bush, and his administration.

You guys do know that there's already a website whose tagline is "Because Bush is to blame for everything," right?

If you are against Bush what are you for?

I'm guessing "not Bush." Am I right?

*We are for a multi-party system, instead of a dual-party system, where the will of the people is represented accurately by it's elected representatives.

We already have that, you idiots. It's just that the other parties don't get t3h v0t35.

*We are for true freedom of speech, regardless of race, creed, color, religion, sexual orientation, or belief system, and exercising that freedom loudly and as often as is possible to make the world a better place.

Anyone who doesn't already have that, please move to America immediately. Thank you. Also, I bet these people still support hate crime laws. It's just a feeling I'm getting...

*We are for a media that is regulated and policed, so that the media is more then just a PR mouthpiece for the government.

O....kay....so, you're saying that you want a media that isn't a mouthpiece for the government, and that would be achieved by having the government control it.

What is wrong with you people?

"Fair and balanced" isn't good enough for us.

"The Evil Right Wing shouldn't even have a voice! They're wrong anyway!"

We want the real news, and Americans, for whatever reason are not getting it.

That would be the fault of you leftist buffoons and your "we know what The People™ need to hear" attitude. But go ahead and pretend that the people who own the media corporations somehow control all their content. After all, if Eric Alterman says it, it must be true!

*We are for politicians and pundits that aren't disreputable liars, thieves, and scoundrels, like the people that made this country great in the first place, people like Abraham Lincoln, FDR, Benjamin Franklin, etc.

The problem is that you're looking for politicians who embody those qualities. I don't think you'll find enough of 'em to effectively run the government. Maybe enough to run a lemonade stand on a cold, rainy day, but definitely not a government.

So, that's Bands Against Bush. You know, if I start a band, I could organize "Bands For Bush." Although I guess most bands would identify as such already...just not in the same way...

Sorry. My 19 year-old male mind seems to be wandering. I should stop now.

Posted by CD at 02:10 AM | Comments (2)

Memorial Day

NOTE: This post will remain at the top of the page until 12:01 AM on Tuesday. Scroll past it for new posts until then.

So, Monday is (observed as) Memorial Day. There's a lot of stuff I could write here, but I want to keep it simple, so I'm putting up a brief message for the weekend.

Anyway, to everyone who has fought and/or died for this country, to everyone who has sacrificed and risked everything so I could sit here enjoying freedom of speech, and to everyone who has helped fight terrorism around the world...


All right, I've been sitting here thinking and reading a few milblogs, and I have to say a few more things that have been on my mind. Bear with me; this is going to be another stream of consciousness post.

If you've read this blog for any length of time, you probably know that I do not have a pleasant view of humanity. I think that the human race, in general, has been f**ked from the beginning, and will never become un-f**ked at the present rate. It's just a fact of life that people suck. That's why I have said numerous times that "I have no faith in humanity." I really can't trust people, and I respect very few. It's naïve to think that you can put your faith in anyone without at least being prepared for the worst.

However, I've been thinking about the military, and all the people who serve in the armed forces in any capacity to defend our nation from any and all threats. And I've realized, for the first time, just how phenomenal it is that people will do such a thing.

Think about it. There are people who will willingly and voluntarily risk losing everything they have, everything they've ever worked for, and everything they could ever achieve, so that others can be free from tyranny and oppression. They put themselves in danger and perform one of the most difficult jobs in the history of civilization so that same civilization won't fall victim to the evil that lurks deep in the hearts of all human beings. Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.* Or, in this case, his country.

It's amazing. It really is. I can't come up with many more words to describe just how I feel. And I'll say something else: I couldn't do it. I am not in the military, and unless there's a draft, I probably never will be. I know myself well enough to realize that I would never be able to handle the demands of service. I couldn't put my life on the line for others. I couldn't travel halfway around the world and fight the Islamofascist minions who want to enslave us. Heck, I probably wouldn't even survive basic training.

Of course, we have a volunteer force so people like me won't become a liability and f**k with the mission, and the knowledge that everyone who is currently serving did so of their own accord, with no coercion from any government entity, makes me respect them that much more. They choose to put themselves at risk with no expectation of reward. They do it all for their fellow man, and they know full well that they may not live to reap the benefits of their sacrifice. It's truly incredible that people like this exist.

I'll end with this: Throughout the history of our nation, the men and, more recently, women of our armed forces have helped represent the .00001% of humanity that hasn't failed at the game of life. There have been a few exceptions, but the vast, vast, vast, vast majority make me think that maybe, just maybe, there's a chance for the human race. After all, if any human is capable of the unbelievable selflessness and bravery embodied by the military, then perhaps all humans are. I doubt it, but it's possible.

Now, if you want to read what a good blogger has to say on the subject, go check out Emperor Misha. His post will make mine look like the random scribblings of a 3 year-old with a broken crayon and a piece of sandpaper.

Finally, I say again to everyone who has ever served to protect this great nation:


Posted by CD at 12:01 AM | Comments (4)